Yeh_kya_ho_raha_hai

[dhayal]

Baithe baithe kamre main kar raha tha press
Teri yaad aayi to jal gayi dress..............!


subhash dhayal

[dhayal]

Jee karta hai ki teri nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Jee karta hai ki teree nili nili aankhon main dub jaoon
Splash!
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,
Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar
Dharti, taarey, pahaad, pathar......
Ekhattar, bahattar, chauhattar !
(trihattar is on leave )
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain
Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain......
Bilkul jaise kal chamak rahe the...(wah wah)
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai ....
Ke kyon kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai??
Gum woh cheez hai...
Gum woh cheez hai...
Jisse kagaz chipkaye jaate hai,
For example Fevicol (wah wah)


SUBHASH DHAYAL

[dhayal]

Sapno ki tarha aakar chali gayi
Apno ko bhula kar chali gayi
kis bhool ki saja di
Usne pahele hasaya pir rula kar chali gayi

[dhayal]

Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
(earth to sky, earth to sky)
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
[Audience: Are bhai, aage bhi to bolo.]
Hawa hi hawa hai. (air only air)

Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Gam woh cheez hai
Jisse kagaz chipkaye jaate hain

Jee chahata hei kee tere nazuk honthon ko choom lu
Jee chahata hei kee tere nazuk honthon ko choom lu
Magar teri bahti hui naak ne iraada badal diya....

jise dil diya woh delhi chali gayi..
jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi...
dil ne kaha khud kushi(suicide) kar le zalim...
bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi...

Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main,badi joshh ke sath !
Humne bhi pyar kiya tha jindgi main,badi shhor ke sath !
Aab hum pyar karenge badi soch ke sath !
Kyon ki usey kal shamko dekha kisi aur ke sath !

(Aur, end me Ghalib ke liye ek dam fit sher.)
Itni raat gaye Kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
Itni raat gaye kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
La, phawda muzhe de de !!




SUBHASH DHAYAL

[dhayal]

Laajawaab Shayri
tere hothon se lag kar yeh hawa sharab ban gayi
aankhon se lag kar yeh hijaab ban gayi
aur gaalon se lag kar yeh gulab ban gayi.
sach hi kahti hai yeh duniya jaaneman
ki mujh se mil kar tu laajawaab ho gayi




SUBHASH DHAYAL

[dhayal]

Tumse kitna pyar hai dil mein utar kar dekh lo
Tumse kitna pyar hai dil mein utar kar dekh lo
Phir bhi na dikhe agar toh chashma badal kar dekh lo !!!

Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho
Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho
Janab, saason ki badbu faila rahe ho !!!

Kaliyon ka chaman tab banta hai
Kaliyon ka chaman tab banta hai
Jab kisi shaayar se sher aage nahi banta hai !!!

Chhup gaya badli mein jaake,
chaand bhi sharma gaya
Chhup gaya badli mein jaake,
chaand bhi sharma gaya
Bhoot ne jab tumko dekha,
bhoot bhi ghabra gaya !!!

Jab deep jale aana, Jab shaam dhale aana
Jab deep jale aana, Jab shaam dhale aana
Address na mile to vaapis chale jaana !!!





SUBHASH DHAYAL

[dhayal]

Teri LOVELY EYES ne
mujpe ek EFFECT kiya hai
ki meene sabko REJECT karke
tujko SELECT kiya hai

SELECT kiye maine pyar se
Dil nahi thodna mera inkar se



subhash

[sanjay22dahiya]

keep it up subhash

nice collection....:)

[dhayal]

dard main woh bhi hain

dard mein hum bhi.
woh aasu pe rahen hain,
hum aasu jokh rahen hain.
farq sirf itna hain ki,
woh zamane ko dikha rahen hain,
aur hum khuda se bhi chhupa rahein hain



yaaro dekhoooo kya kya hota hai



Draupadi ka vastraharan
dushasan ko pada bhari
Draupadi ka vastraharan
dushasan ko pada bhari
saari mein saari
parag saari !!!

Joron ki baarish
makes u wonder...
zoron ki baarish
makes u wonder...
is this what they call..
taste the thunder!!!

Manoj named Kapil,
Paaji was very brave
Manoj named Kapil,
Paaji was very brave
palmolive da jawab nahi
boy he had a close shave!!!

Har taraf tera jalwa
har taraf tera jalwa
from VT to churchgate
from Dadar to Kalva!!!

Jab tota hua dirty
tote se boli myna
Jab tota hua dirty
tote se boli myna
don't u worry
surf excel hai na!!!

Prabhakar ki kahani
wonder ki baat hai,
Prabhakar ki kahani
wonder ki baat hai,
sach kya hai
yeh to andar ki baat hai!!!

Chachundar ke sar pe chemeli ka phool
Chachundar ke sar pe chemeli ka phool
Utterly butterly delicious Amul
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

subhash

[dhayal]

Before Marrige
--------------------
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin Mumtaz nahi milti !

An Ode to All Devdas
-----------------------------
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Tajmahal banana chahata hoon,
aji, Mumtaz mil gayi hai magar
woh Shaadi nahi karti !

After Marriage
-------------------
takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin Mumtaz nahi marti !!
:D :D :D :D


subhash dhayal

[itsnavin]

Khushkushi ka ek ilaaz hai...circuit brakers(MCBs) laganey band kar do ghar mein...

jise dil diya woh delhi chali gayi..
jise pyar kiya woh italy chali gayi...
dil ne kaha khud kushi(suicide) kar le zalim...
bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi...

[dhayal]

:D Enjoy Tech-Shayaries..
Arz Kiya Hai,
jo sadiyaon se hota aaya hai woh repeat kar doonga
tu naa mili to tujhe Shift delete kar doonga

company kee ladkiyaan sunder hain aur lonely hain
problem hai ki bus voh read only hain

shayad mere pyar ko taste karna bhool gaye
dil ko aisa cut kiya ke paste karna bhool gaye

woh samajhte hain dil tod diya to hum dead hain
woh nahin jaante ki is dil main aur kitne thread hain

tumhare samne hain itne sample kabhi hamein bhi pick karo
hamare pyar ke icon pe kabhi to click karo

roz subha hum karte hai itne pyar se unhe good morning
woh humhe ghoor kar dekhte hain jaise 0 error but 5 warning :D



HELLO BHAYON HASHNA MANA HAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SUBHASH DHAYAL

[dhayal]

bhai kya kare hum shayar badnam


Khushkushi ka ek ilaaz hai...circuit brakers(MCBs) laganey band kar do ghar mein...

[dhayal]

Aur bhi bahut si cheeze lut chu-ki hai dil ke saath
Ye bataya dosto ne ishq farmane ke baad
Is liye kamray ki ek ek cheez "ckeck" karta hoon main
"Ek tere aane se pehle, ek tere jaa-ne ke baad"




subhash dhayal

[dhayal]

Duniya Se Jo Dare, Usse Kayar Kehte Hain,
Duniya Jisse Dare, Usse Shayar Kehte Hain,
Biwi Se Jo Dare, Usse Shohar Kehte Hain




subhash dhayal

[dhayal]

----------------Starting : "Aisi Apni Wife Ho"------------------
Wife ....Wife.......Wife.........
5' 6" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 27 ho,
Aisi apni Wife ho.
------------
Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhir main sab kahe side ho, side ho,
Bambai, Delhi ya Gujarat ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.
------------
Parosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner kay time candle light ho,
Hum me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milane ke baad dil delight ho,
Yeh kavita parhne ke baad log kahe "chikne, tum right ho",
Aisi apni Wife ho.
------------
kaash yeh concept .0001 percent bhi right ho
agar aisi apni wife ho
to kya hasin life ho
------------
har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aazmaaish ho
khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho
ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
aisi apni wife ho!
----------------end of "Aisi Apni Wife Ho"------------------

[dhayal]

"My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said,
"How about Tuesday?"
-- Buddy Hackett

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it
doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
-- Mickey Rooney

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for
marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the
other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
-- Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.
-- Mike Myers

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-- Hemant Joshi

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring,
and suffering.
-- Anonymous

"My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How
about Tuesday?"
-- Buddy Hackett


"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his
wife." - Groucho Marx.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get
my wife to go swimming.
-- Jimmy Carter

[dhayal]

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to
own one.
-- W.C. Fields

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at
a cat one time...they're gone.
-- Lenny Bruce

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to
'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were
exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
-- Groucho Marx

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I
wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'
-- Mark Klein

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup
truck, and end up with a station wagon.
-- Tim Allen

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many
women very happy?
-- Benny Hill

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said,
'Thyroid problem?'
-- Emo Philips

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
-- Les Dawson

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's
nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always (Always Right).

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

[dhayal]

hahahahahahahahaha laaaaaa guye

[anilsangwan]

Bhai Howe K tha????....aap e aap laag rahe so likhan ke....

Laage Raho ...aar Raazi Raho !!!

[nd-chora]

Bhai Howe K tha????....aap e aap laag rahe so likhan ke....

Laage Raho ...aar Raazi Raho !!!

anil yu Nd chora lakda, kisse ki parwah na karta aapni dhunn mein rah sai, bas likhe ja sai ar gaanne sunne ja sai.
lagya rah bhai kheench de ruk ye na

[dhayal]

mera haryanvi mein hath jara tang hai





anil yu Nd chora lakda, kisse ki parwah na karta aapni dhunn mein rah sai, bas likhe ja sai ar gaanne sunne ja sai.
lagya rah bhai kheench de ruk ye na

[dhayal]

mein ek kam karun hoon sirf apni hi masti mein jeeta hun
kya karun yaar hydrabad mein bada akela hun


Bhai Howe K tha????....aap e aap laag rahe so likhan ke....

Laage Raho ...aar Raazi Raho !!!

[dhayal]

Hasino Ne Hasin bankar Gunah kya,
Auro ko to kya humko bhi barbad kiya,
Pesh kiya jab Gazlon Mein Hummne Unki Bewafai ko,
Aur Nai to kya Unhone Nai bhi WAH WAH kiya

[dhayal]

Pichle saal ki baat hai..

There was a movie released called "GAVASKAR" in
Australia. Apna Sunil Gavaskar felt very proud about it. He went personally to watch the movie and check out how his image was portrayed in the movie. Movie chaalu ho gayi ... interval tak Gavaskar ka koi naamonishaan nahi.. then Gavaskar thought movie me asli actor interval ke baad hi aata hai .


But the bad part is movie got over and no Gavaskar
found. Gavaskar got wild and he decided to sue the movie producers & directors.

He asked "Gavaskar naam ki movie banayi aur mere baare
me kuch bhi nahi aisa kyon kiya ??"


Then he got a reply and after hearing that he got
silent and came back home in India.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
guess wht was the reply he got ???
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....

guess..

.....

.....

.....
.....


.....
.....
"Tumne bhi to BORDER movie banayi lekin Allan Border
ke baare me kuch bataya kya ??"

[dhayal]

Kal jab rasthe pe ja raha ta to tumko deka
Kal jab rasthe pe ja raha ta to tumko deka
aur socha tum garse mat niklo, tum ghar se mat niklo,
Agar Nikal gayi to ye bedard zamana kahegi
Who let the dogs out...who who who

[sunnysangwan]

re koi hyderabad main koni ke jo is gel pyaar mohabbat ki batla le.

[anilsangwan]

Bera na bhai..Yoh te mandya padya sei...Kise ki na sune...bus gaane gaane sune sei...

Aar apne thread ne nyu taaza kara raakhe sei...Janoo Bade-Budhhey log Hokkey ne taaza karya kare 1-2 ghante mein...

Laagya reh bhai dhayal...Tha de shood sa....


Anil :)

re koi hyderabad main koni ke jo is gel pyaar mohabbat ki batla le.

[viveksiwatch]

I think Subhash is a great guy and so is his thread.....keep it going dude......dont worry about any comments ...i am strong with u!! :)

~vivek

[dhayal]

um toh be dard jamane ko aaga kar rahe the bhai


re koi hyderabad main koni ke jo is gel pyaar mohabbat ki batla le.

[dhayal]

Baat hai hydrabad ke parsad movie hall ki

A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena,
the person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari
says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

[jitendershooda]

Aar apne thread ne nyu taaza kara raakhe sei...Janoo Bade-Budhhey log Hokkey ne taaza karya kare 1-2 ghante mein...

Anil :)

Ha ha Anil bhai Hukka taja rakhan ka bhi chale paad rahya hai Dayal bhai te ....yo te chain smoker hai ...

Bhai dayal aapne kae jaat chore sein hydrabad mein ...Ashwani kalkal ...arun ...sandeep rathi ..tun mere yaar itna dukhi kun rahe hai ...phet le koe se te.

[anilsangwan]

Aar bhai fer bhi jee na laage to...mein aawoon soon HYD 1 week ke official trip pe...7th Dec to 13 Dec Tak..

Bhai dekhi jaagi..par Dhayal...teri te saari SUNN ke jaanga....Pher bhi tu dukhi rehwega...to kime aur ilaaz dekhengey....

Cheers



Ha ha Anil bhai Hukka taja rakhan ka bhi chale paad rahya hai Dayal bhai te ....yo te chain smoker hai ...

Bhai dayal aapne kae jaat chore sein hydrabad mein ...Ashwani kalkal ...arun ...sandeep rathi ..tun mere yaar itna dukhi kun rahe hai ...phet le koe se te.

[dhayal]

bhai jaldi aa aur aa jaye toh call me on 9347555074 or 9866669211




Aar bhai fer bhi jee na laage to...mein aawoon soon HYD 1 week ke official trip pe...7th Dec to 13 Dec Tak..

Bhai dekhi jaagi..par Dhayal...teri te saari SUNN ke jaanga....Pher bhi tu dukhi rehwega...to kime aur ilaaz dekhengey....

Cheers

[anilsangwan]

.....Bhai tu te fone bhi kayee le raha sei...ha ha ha ..kiddin..

I have noted your number and give you a call once I am in Hyd.

Cheers!

bhai jaldi aa aur aa jaye toh call me on 9347555074 or 9866669211

[dhayal]

Terna hai tobeach me aao,
kinaro pe kya rakha hai,
Pyar karna hai to bahon me aao,
Isharo me kya rakha hai...

[jitendershooda]

Bhai sangwan is hidyal ke saare te gane sun ke saapda ke aaiye tun.

Er saari ye shayri ...... kasoota bichal rahya hai manas :) ;)

Gale jaroor milna hai iste hude jaake ne.

[dhayal]

bhai jitendershooda ji haryanvi thodi kam aati hai



Bhai sangwan is hidyal ke saare te gane sun ke saapda ke aaiye tun.

Er saari ye shayri ...... kasoota bichal rahya hai manas :) ;)

Gale jaroor milna hai iste hude jaake ne.

[nd-chora]

jeetu teri ar dhayal ki moochan ki takker se, jodi te thaari sahi banegi, thoda sa tame sa kaad ke ek b bhai te fetta tu

[dhayal]

hamari tumahari dosti duniya ke liye ek mishl hai tumhe dekha to esa laga kya mal hai is mal ko pane ke liye bichaya jal hai pa kambhakat collage ka akhiri sal hai
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[jitendershooda]

Ha ha Davendar Bhai theek kahe hai is manas te phetna padega ... Anil bhai tun hude jake bhi nahi milya ib tahin is akele jaat te.

[dhayal]

bhai woh anil toh phone bhi nai kiya aur aap baat kar rahe the milne ki bhai jitendershooda ji hum tanhai mein bhi bahut kush hai

[dhayal]

HARD-DISK Girls: She remembers everything, FOREVER. RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. WINDOWS Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her. SCREENSAVER Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun! INTERNET Girls: Difficult to access. SERVER Girls: Always busy when you need her. MULTIMEDIA Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful. CD-ROM Girls: She is always faster and faster. E-MAIL Girls: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. VIRUS Girls: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.

[sumitchahar]

Badhiya Tha Bhai Sahab

[dhayal]

There was a good old barber in Mumbai. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank
You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds
there......
.
.
.
A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free haircut... with Printouts of

forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut



Poor Barber....

[dhayal]

Once a Minister went to the Agra Mental Asylumto see the condition of the mad people kept there. He saw that some mad people had gone from bad to worse and some mad people were improving. After inspecting some mad people he came to a corner and saw one person who was sitting rather quietly. He went to him and asked him how are you and that person calmly replied I am fine
and asked "What about you Sir". The Minister was quite surprised at the reply. The Minister asked him many questions about General knowledge and to his surprise the mad man answered them all right. The surprised Minister told him,"you dont seem to be mad then why are you kept here. The person replied,"kya kare sahab majburi hai". The minister took out a cigarette packet and took one cigarette and gave the packet to the lunatic. He took out all the cigarettes and peeled the paper cover off and took out all the tobacco and put it on his head and asked the minister for a lighter. The minister gave him a lighter. He burnt the tobacco on his head, opened his pajamas and asked the Minister,"Sahab Hukkah Peeyenge".

[dhayal]

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

[dhayal]

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper.

'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked miser Santa Singh.

'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely.

'Fine,' said Santa Singh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.'

'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly.

'That's it.'

'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'

'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Santa. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'

[dhayal]

Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!

Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.

Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.

Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.

Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.

Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.

Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!

Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.

Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.

Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.

Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A. Football.

Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.

Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.

Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.

Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.

Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.

Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no ****ing eye deer.

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A. Cum in five different flavours.

Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy

Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!

Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.

[dhayal]

Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras /Anna University.

Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."

She shudders if you use four letter words.

She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconutoil from her hair.)

She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

When she mixes milk and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.

For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortablewhile you are melting in your singlet.

She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.

Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.

She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

She is more educated than you.

Her father thinks she is much smarter than you...