^^ JATland community mail box ^^

[brahmtewatia]

everyone out here is receiving a lot of personal mails in their mail boxes...viz gmail, yahoomail, hotmail etc etc. ;)

thought abt the idea, to b prudent enuff to open a general JATland community mailbox where u can pour in all yr. junk/crap/gud thoughts or watever u feel like sharing with fellow JATlanders. i've seen tht folks out here, bringing sucha mail frm their mailbox nd start a new thread. well m not criticizing the idea, sum gud mails do deserve to b started as a new thread.

...at the same time, i guess this'll also help in avoiding excess load to JATland server :p:D

[brahmtewatia]

i give a kick-start with sum symptoms/causes/cure...all in all, sum safety tip for boozers :D

1. Symptom: Cold & humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (and you are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor facing upwards.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favourite beverage.

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass against your ear.
Cure: Slowly lift the glass and place it on the table.

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7. Symptom: Your family is giving you seriously funny looks.
Cause: You're in the wrong house with the wrong family.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

:p:D:rock;):rolleyes::tamatar:thappad

[brahmtewatia]

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_funny.gif:rock:rock

hehehehe http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_bigsmile.gif:D

[Samarkadian]

Braham ji time for you to start new thread(s) out of JL e-mail box. :D :cool:

On author's request, this thread is being opened again.

[PrashantHooda]

It's morning now and all girls are soon going to reply this post (to hunt you). :p :D
Please use all safety precautions, bcz nobody will be able to save you this time, even moderators are be not in position to escape you. :tamatar :boxing :D :D
Mind Hunters are on the way and this time you are the target not the moderators (:D) ;) :rolleyes: :cool:



How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

[skarmveer]

Brahm Bhai,

Aapney tey kati photo ter dee hai cash withdrawal kee, Maan gai bhai you are really a great ovserver.


How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_funny.gif:rock:rock

hehehehe http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_bigsmile.gif:D

[rakeshsehrawat]

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team
**********
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...
**********
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
**********
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
**********
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
**********
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
**********
Mumbaiya
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars= film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
**********
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
**********
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

[vivekdh]

bhram ji ne kaha tha Crap likho tu to senti e ho gaya rakesh :D




Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team
**********
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...
**********
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
**********
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
**********
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
**********
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara
**********
Mumbaiya
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars= film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
**********
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
**********
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

[shweta123]

दो व्यक्ति एक बार में बैठे थे ......एक ने कहा
...." यार.... बहुत फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है "..

दूसरा व्यक्ति : तु पहले मेरी सुन........

मैंने एक विधवा महिला से शादी की जिसके एक लड़की थी ...
कुछ दिनों बाद पता चला कि मेरे पिताजी को उस विधवा महिला कि पुत्री से प्यार है ....और उन्होने इस तरह मेरी ही लड़की से शादी कर ली ...

अब मेरे पिताजी मेरे दामाद बन गए और मेरी बेटी मेरी माँ बन गयी....और मेरी ही पत्नी मेरी नानी हो गयी !!

ज्यादा प्रॉब्लम तब हुई जब जब मेरे लड़का हुआ ..अब मेरा लड़का मेरी माँ का भाई हो गया तो इस तरह मेरा मामा हो गया .......

परिस्थिति तो तब ख़राब हुई जब मेरे पिताजी को लड़का हुआ ....मेरे पिताजी का लड़का यानी मेरा भाई मेरा ही नवासा( दोहिता ) हो गया और इस तरह मैं स्वयम का ही दादा हो गया और स्वयम का ही पोता बन गया .....

......." और तू कहता है कि तुज्हे फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है ??????????? :rock

[bislas]

.................................................. .

दो व्यक्ति एक बार में बैठे थे ......एक ने कहा
...." यार.... बहुत फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है "..

दूसरा व्यक्ति : तु पहले मेरी सुन........

मैंने एक विधवा महिला से शादी की जिसके एक लड़की थी ...
कुछ दिनों बाद पता चला कि मेरे पिताजी को उस विधवा महिला कि पुत्री से प्यार है ....और उन्होने इस तरह मेरी ही लड़की से शादी कर ली ...

अब मेरे पिताजी मेरे दामाद बन गए और मेरी बेटी मेरी माँ बन गयी....और मेरी ही पत्नी मेरी नानी हो गयी !!

ज्यादा प्रॉब्लम तब हुई जब जब मेरे लड़का हुआ ..अब मेरा लड़का मेरी माँ का भाई हो गया तो इस तरह मेरा मामा हो गया .......

परिस्थिति तो तब ख़राब हुई जब मेरे पिताजी को लड़का हुआ ....मेरे पिताजी का लड़का यानी मेरा भाई मेरा ही नवासा( दोहिता ) हो गया और इस तरह मैं स्वयम का ही दादा हो गया और स्वयम का ही पोता बन गया .....

......." और तू कहता है कि तुज्हे फेमिली प्रॉब्लम है ??????????? :rock

[shweta123]

everyone out here is receiving a lot of personal mails in their mail boxes...viz gmail, yahoomail, hotmail etc etc. ;)

thought abt the idea, to b prudent enuff to open a general JATland community mailbox where u can pour in all yr. junk/crap/gud thoughts or watever u feel like sharing with fellow JATlanders. i've seen tht folks out here, bringing sucha mail frm their mailbox nd start a new thread. well m not criticizing the idea, sum gud mails do deserve to b started as a new thread.

...at the same time, i guess this'll also help in avoiding excess load to JATland server :p:D



hahahahha .Orkut per ek saal pahle circulate ho gayi hai ye problem.!!!!
Mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and I am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. else ......... let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !

[bislas]

mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and i am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. Else ......... Let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !

11111111111111111111111111111111

[dkumars]

Mr. Sanjeev, first read what the thread is talking about and then comment and I am telling you straight you dont ever comment on any of my posts please. else ......... let this else stay undefined in case you dont wish to be in some serious problem !


ohhh Main to der gya!!


Cool down guys. You both are well educated and good families but still fighting like cats and dogs.

One is a doctor and another a CA but still such kind of threats and in reply mein toh darr gaya. Behave yourself guys.

[sumitsehrawat]

Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai " A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"


hahahahha .Orkut per ek saal pahle circulate ho gayi hai ye problem.!!!!

[sumitsehrawat]

Oops!! Dr. Sanjeev!

Mr. Sanjeev

[vivekdh]

sarre ND hai kitte o lath tha ke khade ho jaa hain :D

[bislas]

.................................................
Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai "A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"

[rahultokas]

Rasgulley bhai.. manney JL join karyaa jibb... tai sabhtey pehlaam yohey " A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men, who according to hospital and police reports, gang......................" thread gerrii thee...:) aagley dinn login karyaa tai yaa thread paayee e konyaa.. hahahahahha... jibb tai samajh mai naa aayee mere akk k hoyaa??:D


waise DAAKTARR SAAHAB tai aapney theek samjhaa diyee.. kimmey aa jaa tai unnkey DImaakk mai..:)



Doctor sahab... maana ki aapko bhot fikar hai ladkiyo ki aur aap accha kaam kar rahe hai aisi posts likh ke... http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25810

aapki jaan kaari ke liye bata du ki sann 2003 me meri pehli naukri ke dusre din ki mere inbox me ye email forward aa yai thi...

isme first line me hi likha hai "A woman at a GAS nightclub (Mumbai) before couple of weeks was taken by 5 men".... ye pichle kam se kam 5 saal se "couple of weeks" pehle hi 5 men tuha le jaate hai woman ko nightclub se.

but theek hai fir bhi maan liya ki acchi email hai ... ladkiyo ko saavdhaan kar rahi hai unke bachaav ke liye... but aajkal zamaana badal gaya hai aur ab ladko ko bhi khatra hai... aap Nightclub regularly jaate hai????... kam se kam aapka to bhachaav karva du main.... pls apni drink khud lena... drink unattended mat leave karna... aur josh josh me aake kissi ladki ki jhoothi drink mat pee lena... and for Jatland's sake kissi ladke ki jhoothi bhi mat pee lena... pink color me likhi aapne post... ouch!!

pata nahi par lag raha hai bhagwan shayad zyaada khush nahi hai aajkal aapse... "What you do for others is your gift to God"

[rahultokas]

.........................

[brahmtewatia]

It's morning now and all girls are soon going to reply this post (to hunt you). :p :D
Please use all safety precautions, bcz nobody will be able to save you this time, even moderators are be not in position to escape you. :tamatar :boxing :D
Mind Hunters are on the way and this time you are the target not the moderators (:D) ;) :rolleyes:

not to worry... thank god it's Friday !!! :D



http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p315/ovivip/sec/friday/002.gif

[sumitsehrawat]

main to post ka jawab de raha tha... ab aapki post ka jawab dunga to aapko address to karunga hi na... Kyun? Kyun ka jawab to meko bhi nahi maalum...Sunny Deol bhi bechaara bolta reh gaya the ek picture me...Kyun Kyun Kyun?

btw ye "personal intention" ka matlab kya hota hai? Can you please shed some light on this phrasal idiom? I am not so really good in drawing etymological distinctions.

P.S.: Don't really mean to hurt you.


Sumit mere bhai...Tume aisa kyon lagta hai ki humesha galti meri hi hoti hai Agar wakai huemsha main galat karta hun to mujhe ban ho jana chaiye....mujhe kisise koi persional intension nahi hai..

[bislas]

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

main to post ka jawab de raha tha... ab aapki post ka jawab dunga to aapko address to karunga hi na... Kyun? Kyun ka jawab to meko bhi nahi maalum...Sunny Deol bhi bechaara bolta reh gaya the ek picture me...Kyun Kyun Kyun?

btw ye "personal intention" ka matlab kya hota hai? Can you please shed some light on this phrasal idiom? I am not so really good in drawing etymological distinctions.

P.S.: Don't really mean to hurt you.

[vivekdh]

Yeh degree bhi lelo ye naukari bhi lelo,

Bhale Chheen lo mujhse overseas ka Visa........ ...

magar mujhko lauta do college ka canteen,

vo chaay ka paani vo teeKha samosaa..... .....

kadi dhoop mein apne ghar se nikalnaa,

vo project ki Khatir shahar bhar bhataknaa,

vo lecture mein doston ki proxy lagaanaa,

vo sir ko chidhanaa ,vo aeroplane udaanaa,

vo submission ki raton ko jagnaa jagaanaa,

vo orals ki kahani vo practical ka Kissaa.....

bimaari ka reason de ke time badhanaa,

vo doosron ke assignments ko apnaa banaanaa,

vo seminar ke din paironka chhatpatanaa,

vo workshop mein din raat pasinaa bahanaa,

vo exam ke din ka bechain maahaul,

par vo maa ka vishvas - Teachar ka Bharosaa.... .

vo pedon ke neeche gappe ladanaa,

vo raaton mein drawing sheets banaanaa,

vo exams ke akhari din theatre mein jaanaa,

vo bhole se freshers ko hamesha sataanaa,

without any reason common off pe jaanaa,

test ke waqt table mein kitabon ko rakhnaa,

isi tarah teachers ko dena Jhansaa..... ...

college ki sabse purani nishaanee,

vo chaaywala jise saare kehte the... jaani,

vo jaani ke hathon ki 'cutting' chaay meethee,

vo chupkese journal mein bheji hui chitthi,

vo padh tehi chiththi uska bhadakna,

vo chehre ki laali vo aankhon ka Gussaa.....

college ki wo saari lambisi raatein,

vo doston se canteen mein pyaari si baatein,

vo gathering ke din ka ladnaa Jhagadnaa,

vo ladkiyon ka yuhin hamesha akadnaa,

bhulaaye nahin bhool sakta hai koi,

vo college, vo batein, vo shararatein vo javani...

kaash hum phir dohra sakte kahani......

vo kagaz ki kashti vo barish ka pani...

[avesh]

rai vivek yo bi copy paste hai ...........

[dkumars]

main to post ka jawab de raha tha... ab aapki post ka jawab dunga to aapko address to karunga hi na... Kyun? Kyun ka jawab to meko bhi nahi maalum...Sunny Deol bhi bechaara bolta reh gaya the ek picture me...Kyun Kyun Kyun?

btw ye "personal intention" ka matlab kya hota hai? Can you please shed some light on this phrasal idiom? I am not so really good in drawing etymological distinctions.

P.S.: Don't really mean to hurt you.


Come on Sumit ... i m not favoring anyone but do u really mean what is written in blue or does that make any sense after the explanation above?
I feel u shud avoid P.S. in such cases, just a suggestion.

[shweta123]

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!


Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de $perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$of your worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue $$what I mean and re$pond$oon.


$incerely Your$,
Marian$hih
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----




The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :

Dear Marian


I kNOwwhat you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed..

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are

NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession.

After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw.

You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,

Manager



Bhavna
:rock

[sumitsehrawat]

1. Yes, I do really mean it. And yes, that very much makes sense.
2. I would definitely consult some "effective written communications skills" book for the same. Thanks!


1. do u really mean what is written in blue or does that make any sense after the explanation above?
2. I feel u shud avoid P.S. in such cases, just a suggestion.

[sumitsehrawat]

haanji.... issiliye to aapke Social Responsibility waali post ka Time-Pass waala jawab Social responsibility forum me nahi diya.... Time Pass me hi to likha maine... :)

Main bhi wo hi kah raha hun ..jo JL per section bane hain Social Responsibility (http://www.jatland.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=29) Aur Time pass ye kisi reason se hi alag alag section honge...

[dkumars]

1. Yes, I do really mean it. And yes, that very much makes sense.
2. I would definitely consult some "effective written communications skills" book for the same. Thanks!


I also suggest that. That is very much required.

Regards,
A Jat Boy

[bislas]

...............................................

haanji.... issiliye to aapke Social Responsibility waali post ka Time-Pass waala jawab Social responsibility forum me nahi diya.... Time Pass me hi to likha maine... :)

[sumitsehrawat]

...was implicit!!

I also suggest that.

[dkumars]

...was implicit!!


Wanted to expresss my caring feelings towards you so needed to mention explicitly:)

[brahmtewatia]

doc sanjeev, DK nd sumit... pls cool down nd drink sum coffee or cappuccino nd let me know how u feel after tht ;););)
here is the vending machine
v
v
v
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.s

p.s. : others can also hav a taste of coffee or cappuccino nd can tell as to how they feel :p

[bislas]

.........................

doc sanjeev, DK nd sumit... pls cool down nd drink sum coffee or cappuccino nd let me know how u feel after tht ;););)
here is the vending machine
v
v
v
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.s

p.s. : others can also hav a taste of coffee or cappuccino nd can tell explicitly as to how they feel :p

[brahmtewatia]

Such a nice idea!!!

ok now tell, how r u feeling NOW ??? :p:D:p

[Nishantrathi82]

Wanted to expresss my caring feelings towards you so needed to mention explicitly:)

DK bhai mujhe lagta hai apne 1 kahawat to suune hoge

Neeke kaar juute kha:D

Bhai yaaaha koi samjhne waala nahe hai so enjoy tension lene ka nahe deneka :rock

[sannand]

Looks like this thread is going to be the first ever on JL true to its meaning. It will surely achieve its target i.e. venting out all the crap !!

Dr. BPT hits bulls-eye yet again.;)
Sir, party !! :p

Hahahaha !

[bislas]

................................

ok now tell, how r u feeling NOW ??? :p:D:p

[dkumars]

Really gud..cappuccino


Dude try to type the spelling by own, dont copy - paste always, it really improves otherwise change the font atleast(cappuccino) ,... ;)

Please delete this post of mine saying .. crap/irrelevant orrrrrrrrrr Bakwasssssssss .. i dont mind ... i have adapted it;):D

[bislas]

..........................................
Dude try to type the spelling by own, dont copy - paste always, it really improves otherwise change the font atleast(cappuccino) ,... ;)

Please delete this post of mine saying .. crap/irrelevant orrrrrrrrrr Bakwasssssssss .. i dont mind ... i have adapted it;):D

[brahmtewatia]

Looks like this thread is going to be the first ever on JL true to its meaning. It will surely achieve its target i.e. venting out all the crap !!

Dr. BPT hits bulls-eye yet again.;)
Sir, party !! :p

Hahahaha !

sanjeev, if u notice u'll realize tht this thread has been revived (opened again). on a vry emotional note let me confess :( tht when i started the thread, no one was accepting me on JL... i posted initial 3 posts, but no response frm fellow members.

"actions speak louder than words"... see the difference now. ;) party pakki, on yr encouraging remarks (underlined above) :)

p.s. : affectionately yrs... brahmit prakashit tewatia :D:D:D

[brahmtewatia]

Dude try to type the spelling by own, dont copy - paste always, it really improves otherwise change the font atleast(cappuccino) ,... ;)

Please delete this post of mine saying .. crap/irrelevant orrrrrrrrrr Bakwasssssssss .. i dont mind ... i have adapted it;):D

dude, u r in time pass section, pls feel comfortable. ;) try coffee espresso this time :D

[dkumars]

I got this mail today .. although repetitive but still gud if this is true


Hello friends........
Kindly forward it to as many as people, its veryimportant. This is a real incident that happened in a localhospital in Bangalore ,India . A 4 year old girl was admitted due to legfracture. As it was anopen fracture, she had to undergo an operation tostitch the protrudingbone back in place. Though it was quite a minoroperation, she washooked on to life support system, as a part of theprocess. The doctors hadto input some data prior to the operation to suitdifferentconditions. Thereafter, the operation proceeded. Halfway through the process, thelife support system suddenly went dead. The culprit: - Some one was using his/her hand-phoneoutside the operation theatre. And the frequency hadaffected the system. They tried to track the fellowbut to no avail. The little girl, young and innocentas she was dead soon after. "Be compassionate! Do not use your hand phone /mobilesespecially atany hospitals or within the Aircraft or any placeswhere you are toldnot to use it... You might not be caught in the act,but you mighthave killed someone without knowing". Sometimes it's amatter of Life &Death....!!!! Please pass this to as many, since most of us are justnot aware of theseriousness of this issue. Please Don't Delete. Please Send this to all yourcontacts and helpsave a life. A tiny mail can save a life. Last Word: So friends pls...avoidusing your mobile phones in hospitals...sometime its a matter of life & death.

[Anjalis]

main to post ka jawab de raha tha... Ab aapki post ka jawab dunga to aapko address to karunga hi na... Kyun? Kyun ka jawab to meko bhi nahi maalum...sunny deol bhi bechaara bolta reh gaya the ek picture me...kyun kyun kyun?

btw ye "personal intention" ka matlab kya hota hai? Can you please shed some light on this phrasal idiom? I am not so really good in drawing etymological distinctions.


p.s.: Don't really mean to hurt you.

सुमित जी
आप सोते हुए कैसे लिख लेते हैं?

[dkumars]

सुमित जी
आप सोते हुए कैसे लिख लेते हैं?


Kyaa aap hamesha khaddi ho kar likhti hai ?;)

[Anjalis]

kyaa aap hamesha khaddi ho kar likhti hai ?;)

मेरा तात्पर्य था की नींद में कैसे लिख लेते हें ?

[anilsinghd]

"actions speak louder than words"... see the difference now.



dheere dheere re mana dheere sab kuch hoye
maali seenchein sau ghada , ritu aye fal hoye :)

[anilsinghd]

मेरा तात्पर्य था की नींद में कैसे लिख लेते हें ?



hamara bhaavarth yeh hai ki aap khade hokar kaise likh leti hain ? :)

[Anjalis]

hamara bhaavarth yeh hai ki aap khade hokar kaise likh leti hain ? :)

आप लोगो को शायद आज मेरी खिचाई करने के सूझी है ?

[anilsinghd]

आप लोगो को शायद आज मेरी खिचाई करने के सूझी है ?


aap to kaafi lambi lag rahi hai aur fir khadi bhi rehti hain ... khinchaai to mujhe jaison ki honi chahiye jo mushkil se 5'8 hain :D

[brahmtewatia]

aap to kaafi lambi lag rahi hai aur fir khadi bhi rehti hain ... khinchaai to mujhe jaison ki honi chahiye jo mushkil se 5'8 hain :D

pls. b specific !!! how much of it is under the ground nd how much is above the ground? :confused::D:confused: and how much of it is occupied by yr charan padukaein... pls explain it in terms of law of averages. :D:D:D

[anilsinghd]

pls. b specific !!! how much of it is under the ground nd how much is above the ground? and how much of it is occupied by yr charan padukaein... pls explain it in terms of law of averages.


jameen ke neeche kimai na sai .....

charan paadukaayein ki ausat ( averaged ) height hogi 1/2 inch :D

aur law of averages mein main samjha nahi sakta ... :p


kyunki ....


assume that in time dt , where t = 0 is my birth ( or may be earlier ) :eek: , my height goes up by dh , and you choose your function of whether my height increases linearly in that time dt :confused: or by some other complex function , it is a boundary value problem with h =0 at t= 0 and h = 5'71/2 (or khichma 5'8 :D ) at t = now :D

time is running out :D

do it ....


chalo chodo aapko samajh mein nahi aayega :p :D



PS : na aur le lo mathematician se panga :o

[sumitsehrawat]

Neend me likhne ki bimaari ko kya kehte hai ye to humaare Dr. Fisla sahab batayenge... wahi bimaari hai meko :D:D!!

सुमित जी
आप सोते हुए कैसे लिख लेते हैं?

[anilsinghd]

Neend me likhne ki bimaari ko kya kehte hai ye to humaare Dr. Fisla sahab batayenge... wahi bimaari hai meko :D:D!!


ha ha ha ha ha

ar meri ghani mathematical hone ki bimaari ka bhi naam bata do koi saaa :eek::D:p

[annch]

Anil,
bimari toh pata nahin par aap JL ke "Numberdar"toh zaroor hai :)

ha ha ha ha ha

ar meri ghani mathematical hone ki bimaari ka bhi naam bata do koi saaa :eek::D:p

[anilsinghd]

Anil,
bimari toh pata nahin par aap JL ke "Numberdar"toh zaroor hai :)


numberdaar :eek:


key ho sai yo ?


jara matbal batao iska :D kimai aacha ho tai hi bataaiyo :D sun lo re saare :D :p

[annch]

matbal mein agar kuch her pher hogi toh.....ibbe itini himmat na se...

numberdaar :eek:


key ho sai yo ?


jara matbal batao iska :D kimai aacha ho tai hi bataaiyo :D sun lo re saare :D :p

[rakeshsehrawat]

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
- Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
- Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator. ..
- Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
- New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
- Italy
One hand on horn,
one hand greeting,
one ear on cell phone,
one ear listening to loud music,
foot on accelerator,
eyes on female pedestrians,
conversation with someone in the car
- Welcome to India!!

[brahmtewatia]

Lalloo Ka Desktop




https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=bcaff1babe&view=att&th=11dbf842758868bf&attid=0.0.4&disp=emb&realattid=0.1.0.0.1.1&zw (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/funonthenet)

[dkumars]

God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much. Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.
.................................................. ..................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.size=6>
.................................................. ......................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey
answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.
.................................................. ..................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally God created man...
and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30years that the donkey refused, the 15years that the dog did not want and the 10years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
.................................................. ..............
And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,
marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.

[Nishantrathi82]

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.
A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one.
Behind the second coffin was a Solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.
The man couldn't stand his curiosity.
He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb you,
But I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.
Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied, "That first coffin is for my wife."
What happened to her?"
"My dog attacked and killed her."
"Well, who is in the second coffin?"
"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked
And killed her also."
A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the First one asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?
The man replied, "Join the queue...........

[brahmtewatia]

neighbour with an attitude !

[dkumars]

Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.

'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours,
he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,
and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ...
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,'I don't have an email.'
The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!' The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

Moral of the story


Moral 1
Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2
If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3
If you received this message by email,
you are closer to being a office boy/girl,than a millionaire..........

P.S - Do not forward this email back to me,
I am closing my email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!

[Nishantrathi82]

Arz kiya hai .......... jara gaur farmaeaga ...........

kutta mar gaya rajaai mein
kutta mar gaya rajaai me
main pagal ho gaya teri judai mein.

ek aur mulahija farmaeye ....................

Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta
Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta
aur main tere bina ab reh nahi sakta

ek aur ..............

Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai

saheban pesh-e-khidamat hai ..............

Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ...
Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ...
Aur raste pe jake dekha to khidki pe koi nahi tha ....

Door se dekha toh sher tha
gaur kijiega ......
Door se dekha toh sher tha
Pass ja kar dekha
Toh vakaai sher tha
bhaago

ek nur-e-sher pesh kar raha hoon

Darkat ke paimane pe chilman e husn ka
Furkat se yun sharmana....
Darkat ke paimane pe chilman e husn ka
Furkat se yun sharmana....
uparwali line ka matlab tumhare samaz mai aaye..
to hume jaroor batana.

agla wala load shedding pe ......... jara gaur farmayega

Jise Dil diya woh Dilli chali gayi..
Jise Pyar kiya woh Italy chali gayi...
Dil ne kaha Khud Kushi(Ssuicide) kar le zalim...
Bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi...:(


Door se dekha to santra tha, pass jake dekha to santra tha,
chil ke dekha to bhi santra tha, Khake dekha to bhi santra tha

ye wala jara padhae likhae pe jor dalta hai .......

Maine tujhse pyaar kiya , tere baap ne mujhe peeta
Sin by cos is equal to tan theta ......


Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Aur chillake bole.....
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Paper Raddi wala !!!!!

Yahan bhi khuda hai ,
Wahan bhi Khuda hai,
Yahan bhi khuda hai ,
Wahan bhi Khuda hai,
|
|
|
|
Jahan nahi khuda hai wahan

Kal khudega!!!


Galib ne likha diwar par chune se....
Galib ne likha diwar par chune se...

Yaha likhna mana hai...

Dekhiye mashuka ki tarif kaise karte hain ............

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?


woh sadak ke uss par the ...
hum sadak ke iss par the.....
do kadam woh chale...
do kadam hum chale...
ab hum saak ke uss par hai..
aur woh sadak ke iss par hai....


Door kahise aawaz aayi.........................
Door kahise aawaz aayi.....................
.
.
.
.
Dahi Gheta ka ho bai???????????


Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak (earth to sky, earth to sky)
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
.
.
.
Hawa hi hawa hai. (air only air)


AUR PESH-E-KHIDMAT HAI.................

NUR-E-SHER ...................

GAUR FARMAEAGA ................ DAAD CHAHOONGA ........................

|
|
|
|
|
|

taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....

taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....

gaur farmaeye shahajahan ka pota bol raha hai ...............

taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....
:
:
:
:
:
:
apna bhi bank balance hota...

apna bhi bank balance hota...

apna bhi bank balance hota...
:
:
:
:
:
:

agar dada deewana na hota!!!!!!!!!!


Shukriya ........... Shukriya ............ Shukriya ........... :)

[brahmtewatia]

Itni raat gaye Kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
Itni raat gaye kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
La, phawda muzhe de de !!

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter

Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Ki kal raat ko maine itna kyon khaaya

ek tussi etrande vi baut ho....
dil te karda hai tuhanu dinner te ley javaain ...
"Lekin Kambakht"
ek tussi khande vi baut ho.


Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...


Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii....
Fitteh Mooh...Tussi Ethe vii aa gaye !!!


Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!

[Nishantrathi82]

Itni raat gaye Kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
Itni raat gaye kyon apni qabar khod raha hai Galib
La, phawda muzhe de de !!

Aasmaan mein ud raha hai kabootar
Flutter Flutter, Flutter Flutter

Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Ki kal raat ko maine itna kyon khaaya

ek tussi etrande vi baut ho....
dil te karda hai tuhanu dinner te ley javaain ...
"Lekin Kambakht"
ek tussi khande vi baut ho.


Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...


Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii....
Fitteh Mooh...Tussi Ethe vii aa gaye !!!


Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!


Wah wah Brahm Galib g:D
Indian Shyer in South Africa bahut accha sir g hehehe:D

[Nishantrathi82]

This theory will win the Mathematics Nobel Prize in 2008!

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 1
----------
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 2
----------
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 3
----------
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

[skarmveer]

As per your equation one has to earn and other has to spent then only both will live happiley.

You are really Great.



This theory will win the Mathematics Nobel Prize in 2008!

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 1
----------
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 2
----------
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Equation 3
----------
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

[sunitahooda]

If u do this result will get u in 2 days belive me



Hello here is Original Photograph of Shirdi ke Sai Baba. If u forward this E-mail whthout making change in this E-mail to ur 15 friends a goodLuck will follow u.






--

[SANDEEP5]

Wah wah Brahm Galib g:D
Indian Shyer in South Africa bahut accha sir g hehehe:D



Is lakkadhare ki bhi sun lo ek baar:---------



How men get into trouble !!!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
******
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord.. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez , You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.
Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez." :boxing:tamatar:D

[brahmtewatia]

A VERY INTERESTING ARTICLE...ONE MUST READ

Who owns the media in India ?

Recent Gujarat election have witnessed unaccountable money paid to media persons of both, print and electronic by Saudi Arabia to discredit Modi and the Hindutva forces, which Media did very faithfully without success.

There are several major publishing groups in India, the most prominent among them being the Times of India Group, the Indian Express Group, the Hindustan Times Group, The Hindu group, the Anandabazar Patrika Group, the Eenadu Group, the Malayalam Manorama Group, the Mathrubhumi group, the Sahara group, the Bhaskar group, and the Dainik Jagran group.
Let us see the ownership of different media agencies.

NDTV: A very popular TV news media is funded by Gospels of Charity in Spain Supports Communism. Recently it has developed a soft corner towards Pakistan because Pakistan President has allowed only this channel to be aired in Pakistan. Indian CEO Prannoy Roy is co-brother of Prakash Karat, General Secretary of the Communist party of India. His wife and Brinda Karat are sisters.
India Today which used to be the only national weekly which supported BJP is now bought by NDTV!! Since then the tone has changed drastically and turned into Hindu bashing.

CNN-IBN: This is 100 percent funded by Southern Baptist Church with its branches in all over the world with HQ in US. The Church annually allocates $800 million for promotion of its channel. Its Indian head is Rajdeep Sardesai and his wife Sagarika Ghosh.

Times group list:Times Of India, Mid-Day, Nav-Bharth Times, Stardust, Femina, Vijay Times, Vijaya Karnataka, Times now (24-hour news channel) and many more...
Times Group is owned by Bennet & Coleman. 'World Christian Council¢ does 80 percent of the Funding, and an Englishman and an Italian equally share balance 20 percent. The Italian Robertio Mindo is a close relative of Sonia Gandhi.

Star TV: It is run by an Australian, who is supported by St. Peters Pontifical Church Melbourne.

Hindustan Times: Owned by Birla Group, but hands have changed since Shobana Bhartiya took over. Presently it is working in Collaboration with Times Group.

The Hindu: English daily, started over 125 years has been recently taken over by Joshua Society, Berne, Switzerland. N. Ram's wife is a Swiss national.

Indian Express: Divided into two groups. The Indian Express and new Indian Express (southern edition) ACTS Christian Ministries have major stake in the Indian Express and latter is still with the Indian counterpart.

Eeenadu: Still to date controlled by an Indian named Ramoji Rao.Ramoji Rao is connected with film industry and owns a huge studio in Andhra Pradesh.

Andhra Jyothi: The Muslim party of Hyderabad known as MIM along with a Congress Minister has purchased this Telugu daily very recently.

The Statesman: It is controlled by Communist Party of India.

Kairali TV: It is controlled by Communist party of India (Marxist)

Mathrubhoomi: Leaders of Muslim League and Communist leaders have major investment.

Asian Age and Deccan Chronicle: Is owned by a Saudi Arabian Company with its chief Editor M.J. Akbar.

Gujarat riots which took place in 2002 where Hindus were burnt alive, Rajdeep Sardesai and Bharkha Dutt working for NDTV at that time got around 5 Million Dollars from Saudi Arabia to cover only Muslim victims, which they did very faithfully. Not a single Hindu family was interviewed or shown on TV whose near and dear ones had been burnt alive, it is reported.
Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka.comregularly gets blank cheques from Arab countries to target BJP and Hindus only, it is said.

The ownership explains the control of media in India by foreigners. The result is obvious.
PONDER OVER THIS. NOW YOU KNOW WHY EVERY ONE IS AGAINST TRUTH, HOW VERY SAD.

[brahmtewatia]

SLAM -Dr. Peter Hammond.
Islam is not a religion, nor is it a cult. In its fullest form, it is a complete, total, 100% system of life. Islam has religious, legal, political, economic, social, and military components. The religious component is a beard for all of the other components.

Islamization begins when there are sufficient Muslims in a country to agitate for their religious privileges.

When politically correct, tolerant, and culturally diverse societies agree to Muslim demands for their religious privileges, some of the other components tend to creep in as well.

Here's how it works.
As long as the Muslim population remains around or under 2% in any given country, they will be for the most part be regarded as a peace-loving minority, and not as a threat to other citizens. This is the case in:

United States - Muslim 0.6%
Australia - Muslim 1.5%
Canada - Muslim 1.9%
China - Muslim 1.8%
Italy - Muslim 1.5%
Norway - Muslim 1.8%

At 2% to 5%, they begin to proselytize from other ethnic minorities and disaffected groups, often with major recruiting from the jails and among street gangs. This is happening in:

> Denmark - Muslim 2%
> Germany - Muslim 3.7%
> United Kingdom - Muslim 2.7%
> Spain - Muslim 4%
> Thailand - Muslim 4.6%

From 5% on, they exercise an inordinate influence in proportion to their percentage of the population. For example, they will push for the introduction of halal (clean by Islamic standards) food, thereby securing food preparation jobs for Muslims. They will increase pressure on supermarket chains to feature halal on their shelves -- along with threats for failure to comply. This is occurring in:

France - Muslim 8%
Philippines - Muslim 5%
Sweden -- Muslim 5%
Switzerland -- Muslim 4.3%
The Netherlands -- Muslim 5.5%
Trinidad & Tobago -- Muslim 5.8%

At this point, they will work to get the ruling government to allow them to rule themselves (within their ghettos) under Sharia, the Islamic Law. The ultimate goal of Islamists is to establish Sharia law over the entire world.

When Muslims approach 10% of the population, they tend to increase lawlessness as a means of complaint about their conditions. In Paris, we are already seeing car-burnings. Any non-Muslim action offends Islam, and results in uprisings and threats, such as in Amsterdam , with opposition to Mohammed cartoons and films about Islam. Such tensions are seen daily, particularly in Muslim sections, in:

Guyana - Muslim 10%
India - Muslim 13.4%
Israel - Muslim 16%
Kenya - Muslim 10%
Russia - Muslim 15%

After reaching 20%, nations can expect hair-trigger rioting, jihad militia formations, sporadic killings, and the burnings of Christian churches and Jewish synagogues, such as in:

Ethiopia - Muslim 32.8%

At 40%, nations experience widespread massacres, chronic terror attacks, and ongoing militia warfare, such as in:

Bosnia - Muslim 40%
Chad - Muslim 53.1%
Lebanon - Muslim 59.7%

From 60%, nations experience unfettered persecution of non-believers of all other religions (including non-conforming Muslims), sporadic ethnic cleansing (genocide), use of Sharia Law as a weapon, and Jizya, the tax placed on infidels, such as in:

Albania - Muslim 70%
Malaysia - Muslim 60.4%
Qatar - Muslim 77.5%
Sudan - Muslim 70%

After 80%, expect daily intimidation and violent jihad, some State-run ethnic cleansing, and even some genocide, as these nations drive out the infidels, and move toward 100% Muslim, such as has been experienced and in some ways is on-going in:

Bangladesh - Muslim 83%
Egypt - Muslim 90%
Gaza - Muslim 98.7%
Indonesia - Muslim 86.1%
Iran - Muslim 98%
Iraq - Muslim 97%
Jordan - Muslim 92%
Morocco - Muslim 98.7%
Pakistan - Muslim 97%
Palestine - Muslim 99%
Syria - Muslim 90%
Tajikistan - Muslim 90%
Turkey - Muslim 99.8%
United Arab Emirates - Muslim 96%

100% will usher in the peace of 'Dar-es-Salaam' -- the Islamic House of Peace. Here there's supposed to be peace, because everybody is a Muslim, the Madrasses are the only schools, and the Koran is the only word, such as in:

Afghanistan - Muslim 100%
Saudi Arabia - Muslim 100%
Somalia - Muslim 100%
Yemen - Muslim 100%

Unfortunately, peace is never achieved, as in these 100% states the most radical Muslims intimidate and spew hatred, and satisfy their blood lust by killing less radical Muslims, for a variety of reasons.

'Before I was nine I had learned the basic canon of Arab life. It was me against my brother; me and my brother against our father; my family against my cousins and the clan; the clan against the tribe; the tribe against the world, and all of us against the infidel. -- Leon Uris, 'The Haj'

It is important to understand that in some countries, with well under 100% Muslim populations, such as France, the minority Muslim populations live in ghettos, within which they are 100% Muslim, and within which they live by Sharia Law. The national police do not even enter these ghettos. There are no national courts, nor schools, nor non-Muslim religious facilities. In such situations, Muslims do not integrate into the community at large.

The children attend madrasses. They learn only the Koran. To even associate with an infidel is a crime punishable with death. Therefore, in some areas of certain nations, Muslim Imams and extremists exercise more power than the national average would indicate.

Today's 1.5 billion Muslims make up 22% of the world's population. But their birth rates dwarf the birth rates of Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, and all other believers. Some say Muslims will exceed 50% of the world's population by the end of this century.

~Adapted from Dr. Peter Hammond's book - "Slavery, Terrorism and Islam: The Historical Rootsand Contemporary Threat

[dahiyask]

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_funny.gif:rock:rock

hehehehe http://www.orkut.com/img/smiley/i_bigsmile.gif:D
Brahm ji ladkiyo ko bahut dhayan se dekhte ho, tabhi to itna sahi varnan kiya hai. good one

[dahiyask]

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!


Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de $perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$of your worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue $$what I mean and re$pond$oon.


$incerely Your$,
Marian$hih
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----




The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :

Dear Marian


I kNOwwhat you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed..

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NO w the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are

NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession.

After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw.

You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,

Manager



Bhavna
:rock
well done Shweta ji. keep it u

[rakeshsehrawat]

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving..
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you area referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[7] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[8] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[9] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired..
[10] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[11] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[12] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[13] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. Prettiest one !!!
[14] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[15] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[16] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[17] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[18] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[19] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. [20] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it!

[dkumars]

GYAN ki 2 files attached hai bhaiyon ... padho aur mauj lo ;)

[Nishantrathi82]

Some one killed Amir's girlfriend and he lost his memory then he tries to findout the killer. Suspense of the film AMIR KHAN himself is a killer in the movie.:D
Waise bhi Momento to dekhe hee hoge app sabne nahe to ua hee usske story thee aur ya hee GHAJINI ke hai

[Nishantrathi82]

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.


Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied,

"That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please please see below.




































The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb:D but think they're really smart. :D

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

http://www.jatland.com/forums/cid:image001.gif@01C964DE.C72C0D00

[PrashantHooda]

Extract. :p :D



[FONT=Times New Roman][B]
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

[caravi2910]

oyeee answer the question :


A basket contains 5 apples. Do you know how to divide them to 5 kids so that each one has an apple and one apple stays in the basket?

[caravi2910]

Hi all,
I flunked in this test, can you clear this!

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing requires 4 correct answers) NO CHEATING!
1. How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2. Which country makes Panama hats?
3. From which animal do we get cat gut?
4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7. What was King George VI's first name?
8. What color is a purple finch?
9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.
:D

[Nishantrathi82]

1. How long did the Hundred Years' War last?-116 years
2. Which country makes Panama hats?-Ecuador
3. From which animal do we get cat gut?-Sheep and horses
4. In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?-November
5. What is a camel's hair brush made of?-Squirrel fur
6. The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?-Dogs
7. What was King George VI's first name?-Albert
8. What color is a purple finch?-Crimson
9. Where are Chinese gooseberries from?-New Zealand
10. What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?-Orange

[caravi2910]

quite round of applause nishant:p

[sanjeev_balyan]

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

[shweta123]

One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'

He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'

A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!!!!

[Nishantrathi82]

3+ 3 =8
Bataao Kaise?



Bataao Bataao!



Nahi Pata?!!



Are
Galati se!!!!!!!!!!!

================================================== ===============================

Teacher: 'A' for?
Student: Apple !!!
Teacher: Jor se bolo
Student: JAI MATA DI

================================================== ===============================

1) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution

= Heart Attack

Matlab

scrolll down



DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!

================================================== ================================

What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???

think
think
think
think
think

tired of thinking???



Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"


================================================== ================================

-
one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile his call gets cross
c! onnected to some! other lady.They still keep on talking..they start
liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..

..
..
..
..
...
An IDEA can change your wife.

================================================== ================================

A person went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.

:-(

Guess why ?



because there it was written "Number dial karne se pehele do lagae"

================================================== ===============================

ek haathi agar swimming pool mein gir gaya to kaise bahar
nikalega???????
.........
.........
think
.....
think....
.......
.......
.......
........
........
........
........
geela ho ke nikalega......

================================================== ================================

ek aadmi marne vala hei to use kya khilaoge .......

sweets nops

sault nopes

think

think




are yaar
birla white cement
kyunki iske ander jaan hei.......

================================================== ================================


Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an
Orange ?

think......
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
socho socho
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
............
the answer is ..........
They Both Are Not a Banana !!

[sunitahooda]

Nishant.....good mail....bas font thoda chhota hota to aur acha lagta:)

[sunitahooda]

Shweta i really liked it so much :) I'm taking the liberty to post it on my thread....Add an Additude....Please share more of such stories:)
One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'

He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.'

A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!!!!

[sunitahooda]

Six answers given by a GIRL when she is proposed……….


1 Nahi




2 Mujhe waqt chahiye




3 I have always seen u as a friend




4 I already have a boy friend




5 We should concentrate on studies




6 Tum abhi tak mujhe jante kahan ho? Yeh infatuation hai.





Six answers given by a BOY when he is proposed…… …..


1 Yes




2 Yes




3 Yes




4 Yes


5 Yes


6 Yes



dis proves that guys r better humans than girls and they believe more in spreading love;):p

[Nishantrathi82]

Six answers given by a GIRL when she is proposed……….


1 Nahi




2 Mujhe waqt chahiye




3 I have always seen u as a friend




4 I already have a boy friend




5 We should concentrate on studies




6 Tum abhi tak mujhe jante kahan ho? Yeh infatuation hai.





Six answers given by a BOY when he is proposed…… …..


1 Yes




2 Yes




3 Yes




4 Yes


5 Yes


6 Yes



dis proves that guys r better humans than girls and they believe more in spreading love;):p


Hahahaha Sunita g :D

[sunitahooda]

Look i made your day with this message....how happy you are to know your TRUE POTENTIALS:D:D;)
Hahahaha Sunita g :D

[Nishantrathi82]

Look i made your day with this message....how happy you are to know your TRUE POTENTIALS:D:D;)

Hahahaha na baat to sahe likhe thee uss mail me aisa hee hoota hai Sach ko appreciate kaaru tha mai too hehehe:D:p

[vivekdh]

Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ....
Waah! Waah!

Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ....
Waah! Waah!

Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii ... !!


Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ....
Waah! Waah!

Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ....
Waah! Waah!

Didi Tera Devar Deewana...!!


Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ....
Waah! Waah!

Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ....
Waah! Waah!

Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!


Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ....

Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ....

"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..


Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ....
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ....
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ....
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ....

Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ...."

Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ....
Waah! Waah!

Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ....
Waah! Waah!

Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!


Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...

Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...

Jaise Chhote Se Darwaaze Mein Bhens Phass Gayii Hai .. !!

[vivektaliyan]

One frm my side.....not mine.......



Its A Girl’s World :p



If he is late for class, he was told, “Time and Tide wait for none”.
If she is late, then the bus was late.


If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, “Has he escaped from the Zoo?”


If a boy talks with a girl, “I think he is trying for her”
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.


When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, “Come on man! Don’t be a girl”.


If a girl meets with an accident, then it’s the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, “I think you should learn to drive”.


If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, “Try to respect ladies, man!”.


If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, “You’ve to work hard”.
But if a girl gets a big rank... Still got 33! Reservation.


If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says, there is no class today.


If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast ‘smile’ says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer, “better luck next time!”.:rock:rock:rock

[anilsinghd]

Six answers given by a GIRL when she is proposed……….


1 Nahi




2 Mujhe waqt chahiye




3 I have always seen u as a friend




4 I already have a boy friend




5 We should concentrate on studies




6 Tum abhi tak mujhe jante kahan ho? Yeh infatuation hai.





Six answers given by a BOY when he is proposed…… …..


1 Yes




2 Yes




3 Yes




4 Yes


5 Yes


6 Yes



dis proves that guys r better humans than girls and they believe more in spreading love;):p


hum ladkon ka hridaya kuch hota hi aisa hai , bahut jaldi aur kisi pe bhi melt ho jaata hai :D

pyaar baantne se hi badhta hai !!!!! :) lekin ladkiyaan yeh nahi samajh sakti !! :o

[anilsinghd]

GYAN ki 2 files attached hai bhaiyon ... padho aur mauj lo ;)


satya vachan bhaai , ekdum kati saachi baat keh di :D :D

[Nishantrathi82]

A Small Story… (https://ch1blogs/blogs/187208/2009/01/13/a-small-story/)

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her.

The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent..

This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully

[anilsinghd]

A Small Story… (https://ch1blogs/blogs/187208/2009/01/13/a-small-story/)



A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her.


The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.


The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.


That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.


Moral of the story:


If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent..



This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully




Kaal hi aaya tha yo saanka email pe :D :D

[vivektaliyan]

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.

SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.”

SON: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”

The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think: May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs..50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep, son?” He asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy..

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man.

“It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father..

“Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

[shweta123]

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: “Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

DAD: “Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.

SON: “Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

SON: “I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD: “If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.”

SON: “Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: “Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”

The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think: May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs..50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door. “Are you asleep, son?” He asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy..

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man.

“It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father..

“Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days.

But the family friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.
aur kitni baar ye story hame touch karti rahegi :mad::o

[vivektaliyan]

aur kitni baar ye story hame touch karti rahegi :mad::o



Eb maze kya pata ak aapko is story ne kitni baar touch kara( yaa aapne touch karvaya) . Per maze to ebhi -ebhi touch kara ..are meine socha shayad aur koi bhai bhi touch karvan mein intrested ho.....;)

[sumitsehrawat]

BREAKING NEWS !!!!!!!!!!! TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE
don't believe ? huh..?
Ok... Scroll down to see the proof
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http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8f8976fe7c&view=att&th=11f6923af1794beb&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw

[sachinb]

Dear Sir,

Thanks for the information




BREAKING NEWS !!!!!!!!!!! TAJMAHAL IS MOVING FROM AGRA TO PUNE


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http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=8f8976fe7c&view=att&th=11f6923af1794beb&attid=0.1&disp=emb&zw

[SANDEEP5]

Zindagii hai to khawab hai



Zindagi Hai To Khwaab Hai
Khwaab Hai To Manzilein Hai
Manzilein Hai To Fasaley Hai
Fasaley Hai To Rastey Hai
Rastay Hai To Mushkilein Hai
Mushkilein Hai To Hausla Hai
Hausla Hai To Vishawas Hai
Vishvas hai to Paisa hai
Paisa hai to Shohrat hai
Shohrat hai to Izzat Hai
Izzat hai to Ladki hai
Ladki hai to Tension hai
Tension hai to Concern hai
Concern hai to Khayaal hai
Khayaal hai to Khwaab hai
Khawab hai to Growth hai
Growth hai to Zindagi hai
Zindagi hai to khwaab hai
Matlab duniya Gol Gol hai
Bas ghumnewala chahiye...... :rolleyes:

[Nishantrathi82]

Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialled the


wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you
IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.




"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.....

[rakeshsehrawat]

*********** ********* ********* ********* *****/

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other one, the Star of David. Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.

Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give him more just out of spite."

The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said,
"Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

[SANDEEP5]

"Ideas are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But, like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny."
- Carl Shurtz, (1829-1906), Writer and Politician

"सितारों की तरह होते हैं आदर्श; उन्हें आप हाथों से छू नहीं पाएंगे। लेकिन, समुद्र के नाविकों की तरह, आप उन्हें अपना मार्गदर्शक चुनते हैं, और उनका पीछा करते हुए आप अपनी मंजिल पा लेंगें।"
- कार्ल शुर्ट्ज़ (१८२९-१९०६), लेखक एवं राजनीतिज्ञ

[SANDEEP5]

........... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000201DC.gif
http://i34.tinypic.com/6thb94.jpg (http://www.funfunky.com/viewforum.php?f=14/)

[anilsinghd]

........... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........


http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000201DC.gif
http://i34.tinypic.com/6thb94.jpg (http://www.funfunky.com/viewforum.php?f=14/)


ha ha ha ha ha

hilarious ! :D

[SANDEEP5]

Essay on a Poor Family (Hindi & English) :boxing:tamatar:D http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=f59630697d&view=att&th=11f8cdd62fab9746&attid=0.15&disp=emb&zw (http://www.fropki.com/inspirational-wallpapers-vf46.html)

[Nishantrathi82]

Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ....
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!




1)
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!


2)
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!

3)
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...

.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
.
Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !!
5)
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
.
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!"

6)
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain .....

Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...



Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ..."

7 )
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...


.
.
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
.
Jaise Chhote Se Darwaaze Mein Bhens Phass Gayii Hai .. !!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Gmail Team service
show details Mar 2 (3 days ago) Reply

Dear Account Member,

This Email is from Gmail Customer Care and we are sending it to every Gmail Accounts Owner for safety. We are having congestion due to the anonymous registration of free and Un-used account, So we are shutting down some Gmail Accounts and this account is among the List to be deleted. We are sending this email to you so that you can verify and let us know if you still want to use this account. If you are still interested please confirm your account by filling the space below.Your User name, password, date of birth and your country information would be needed to verify your account OR the Team Admin.. will assume it's an UN-USED Account by deleting it....
Due to the congestion in all MSN, Hotmail, Net Passport users and removal of all unused Old Accounts, Gmail Team Admin would be shutting down all unused Accounts, You will have to confirm your E-mail by filling out your Login Info below after clicking the reply button, or your account will be suspended within 24 hours for security reasons.
And we are very sorry to inform you that our system has developed database error so we need to access all accounts in order to save and keep them active even till after a new database is introduced to Windows Live Users.
Gmail Team; Advices you now update your account details to verify and keep them valid and undeleted.
*USERNAME&E-MAIL ID:
*PASSWORD:
*VERIFY PASSWORD:
*ALTERNATE EMAIL ADRESS:
*DATE OF BIRTH:
*COUNTRY/TERRITORY:
Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his/her account after two weeks of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently. We apologize.

Gmail Team Head
Customer Service Center
Team Admin....

[brahmtewatia]

A professor at an IIM was explaining marketing concepts:

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising.

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing.

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition.

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback.

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share.

9. You see and gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets

[brahmtewatia]

with shoe shooting spree going on... earlier bush nd now chidambaram, reminded me of this mail wch i got some time back
...
enjoy this game... lets see how good a shooter you are. 5 hits nd you are a champ. :D:D:D
v
v
v
http://www.adgame.de/bush-ego-shoeter/

[brahmtewatia]

i scored 50000 +
lets see if anyone can reach my score :D

p.s. : remember there are no rules ! :D:p:D

[Nishantrathi82]

i scored 50000 +
lets see if anyone can reach my score :D

p.s. : remember there are no rules ! :D:p:D


Brathm g i have scored 62970 within my first 7-8 attempts and i m sure that i can hit more if i will try :)

[chandra16]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile
phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping center and found this beautiful
leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealer ship and saw the
new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£70,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted
last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000.
They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50
thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?" :)

[ygulia]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile
...He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?" :)


Excellent!!!!!!!!!

[anilsinghd]

i scored 50000 +
lets see if anyone can reach my score :D

p.s. : remember there are no rules ! :D:p:D



4th attempt , 52 k ;)

[anilsinghd]

"Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?" :)



Thats a classic , read it long time back :)

[chandra16]

Thats a classic , read it long time back :)

Why Not??? Ofcourse you are senior to me :)

[Nishantrathi82]

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Oh queen divine, pass me the wine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "Oh William *******, pass me the custard ".
***********************************
Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
***********************************
Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary
Rs.2000/-, is it o.k Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary
is o.k.......but?? how much is DRIVING salary...?
***********************************
Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives
light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during
the day when light is not needed!!!
***********************************
2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and
asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his
head out and says YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...
***********************************
Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do
register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u
yesterday whole day in the post office....
***********************************
Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1
leg, and says, "chal", it walks. He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs
and said, "chal" , it walks. He cuts all the legs and said,
"chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion...... ........
"after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes
deaf......"
***********************************
A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
***********************************
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
***********************************
A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start
investigating.......
***********************************
Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
***********************************
Amitab : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE
SARDARS.......

***********************************

[brahmtewatia]

this is how swine-flu started.

[Nishantrathi82]

this is how swine-flu started.

Hahahahaha Saahe kaaha aisa hee lagta hai but the boy is sweet :)

[annch]

Aur transmit human to human ho rahaa hai....issiliye keep away from humans showing symptoms of a SWINE flu.......

this is how swine-flu started.

[annch]

My motto at work-
"I please only one person in a day, and today is not your day...and tomorrow does not look any better for you..."...

[Maniisha]

this is how swine-flu started.

Gud One Brahm Ji :)

[richi]

hahaha nishant u put up a really hilarious segment ..liked it!

[Nishantrathi82]

Shaadi Ki Daastaan</SPAN>


Abhi Shaadi Ka Pehla Hi Saal Tha,
Khushi Ke Maare Mera Bura Haal Tha,
Khushiyaan Kuch Yoon Umad Rahin Thi,
Ki Sambhale Nahi Sambhal Rahi Thi,


Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Thoda Sharmate Hue Hume Need Se Jagana,
Wo Pyaar Bhara Hath Humare Ballon Main Phirana,
Muskurate Hue Kehna Ki Darling Chai To Pi Lo,
Jaldi Se Ready Ho Jao, Aap Ko Office Bhi Hai Jana.


Gharwali Bhagwan Ka Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Or Dimag Par Poori Tarah Chai Thi,
Saans Bhi Lete Thy To Naam Usi Ka Hota Tha,
Ek Pal Bhi Door Jeena Dushwar Hota Tha.:);)


*...5 Saal Baad...*:eek:


Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,
Table Par Rakh Kar Jor Se Chilana,
Aaj Office Jao To Munna Ko School Chodte Hue Jana...


Ek Baar Phir Wohi Awaaj Ayi,
Kya Baat Hai Abhi Tak Chhodi Nahi Charpai,
Agar Munna Late Ho Gaya To Dekh Lena,
Munna Ki Teachers Ko Phir Khud Hi Sambhaal Lena.


Na Jane Gharwali Kaisa Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,
Dil Aur Dimaag Par Kali Ghata Chai Thi,
Sans Bhi Lete Hai To Uni Ka Khayal Hota Hai,
Har Samay Jehan Main Ek Hi Sawal Hota Hai,
Kya Kabhi Wo Din Laut Ke Ayenge,
Hum Ek Bar Phir Kuwaaren Ban Payenge...?? ????


Is Liye Mere Yaaro Is Kuwaaren Ki Baat Mano

Jisne Shadi Ki Uska Har Din Zamela Hai
Jo Kuwara Bach Jaye Uska Har Din Mela Hai

Shadi Karna Vaise To Dukhi Logo Ka Kaam Hai
Kuwaaron Ko To Aajkal Har Din Aaram Hai
Kahi Holi To Kahi Diwali Ka Jaam Hai...�:D


Regards,
...Ek Kuwaara...:D:rock

[smartjaatwe]

PM.........AM

Sardar ji, Se ksi Ne pocha ....... .k,

Man-Mohan singh Tusi srif shaam ko walk par

Jate hoo ........ subha kyun nahi jate ?

Sardar ji Ne kaha........ .........

Man-Mohan singh P M hain AM nahi.....

[Nishantrathi82]

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"

Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"

Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"

Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"

Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an
hour?"

Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"

"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.

Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious,
"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money
to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room
and go to bed.
Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man
sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down,
and started to think:

"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that

Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the
man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.
Here's the Rs.300 you asked for"

The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.
The man, seeing that the boy already had money,
started to get angry
again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his
father.

"Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.


"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.


"Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?


Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"





MORAL OF THE STORY



It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.
We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent
some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our
hearts.

If we die tomorrow,
the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter
of days.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the

rest of
their lives.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our
family....



Have a nice day.


"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to
love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..

[rakeshsehrawat]

Congress in Power. What does it mean?

http://www.brandsoftheworld.com/brands/0020/0228/brand.gif (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alpha-Q/join)



Infiltration Of Terrorists From The Porous Borders Of Gujarat,

West Bengal, Uttar Pradesh







Welcome To Talibans Through 'Soft On Terrorism' Policy







Application of Sharia Law in pockets of Bharat







Many Repeats Of Terrorist Attacks On Mumbai





MORE GODHRAS

MORE SHAHABUDDINS

MORE ISHARAT JAHANS

MORE TEESTA SETALVADS







MORE LALLUS, KARUNANIDHIS, MULAYAMS, MAYAVATIS, MUSLIM LEAGUE, COMMUNISTS Holding the Country to a RANSOM







MORE SUICIDES BY FARMERS

NO JUSTICE TO THE VICTIMS OF SIKH MASSACRE







Clemency To Afzal Guru And Torture To Sadhvi Pragyna





Increased Class Conflicts

Appeasement Of Minorities

Accelerated Conversion Of Hindus

Insult Of Hindus And Hindu Ethos

Boost to State Aided Evangelization

Protection To Dons Of The Underworld

Be Prepared To Be Called Hindus Terrorists

Killings of Many Swamiji's like Laxmananda in Orissa

Same Corruption and Casteism Of 50 Years Of Misrule







First Claim On Resources By Muslims

(Heard Directly From the strong Prime Minister)

Quota In Government Services And Education For The Minorities







COMMUNALIZATION OF THE ARMED FORCES

through setups like Sachar Committee







Replacement of map of Bharat with a Christian Cross on legal tenders

(like it was done recently with Rs. 10 coin)







Deletion of Sataymev Jayate from Government documents and web sites

(of course, it is true so far as Congress party and its cohorts are concerned!)







Replacement of all Hindu Icons with Christian and Islamic Icons

(like replacement of Saraswatiji with Crescent and Cross in NCERT Text books)







More Funds in Swiss Banks

Dynastic Rule in a Democracy!







Congress's affidavit in Supreme Court Questioned Shree Ram's existence, therefore,

More Affidavits stating Shree Krishna is a Myth,





Guru Govind Singh was a rapist

Aurangzeb was a Benevolent King

(this is what is taught in NCERT books)

and if all goes well, mother of all the affidavits can come:





Hindus Have No Right to Exist in Bharat





CONGRESS DOES NOT BELIEVE THAT SHREE RAM EVER EXISTED,





CAN YOU BELIEVE IN CONGRESS?












http://www.tayzathuria.org.uk/bd/2007/3/25/pics/India_cartoon.JPG (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alpha-Q/join)

[Nishantrathi82]

Latest dialogues from the movie "Damini Coder" under production:

Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!

Analysis of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!

Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!

Bench par baithe baithe log khud ban gaye hai ek bench, aur phir bhi unhe mili toh bench!

Sunny Deol: Chaddha samjao ise...Coding karne ke liye jo jigar chahiye hota hai wo kisi bazaar mein nahi milta... Coder use lekar paida hota hai....

Sunny Deol: Aur jab yeh Java ka code kisi Dotnet wale ko karna pad jata hai na, Toh coder uth ta nahi, balki is duniya se uth jaata hai............

Sunny Deol: Bazaar main aise code bhi milte lekin unko chalane k liye jo seena chaiye hota hai wo ek coder lekar paida hota hai

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++


Developer Nana Patekar's dialogue:

Bang Bang Bang...(on the keyboard)...

Ye dekho ... Ye 'C' ka code…... ye 'C++' ka code.... Ye dono mila diya...

Ab bata saale tester - 'C' ka kaunsa, 'C++' ka kaunsa???

Jab banane waale ne ismein koi farak nahi kiya to tum kaun ho farak karne waale.... Bata bata

:D

[brahmtewatia]

Latest dialogues from the movie "Damini Coder" under production:

Sunny Deol: Bench pe bench, bench pe bench, Log paglon ki tarah training mein raat raat bhar padhte rahe aur unhe mili toh sirf bench!

Analysis of algorithm karte karte unki khudki life ban gayi ek unsolvable algorithm aur unhe bhi mili to sirf bench!

Training ke baad proj milega, phir appraisal hoga, phir onsite jaoonga isi soch mein logon ne training clear kar di aur unhe bhi mili toh sirf bench!:D
oh... ho... thts why i see the great mathematician of JL missing these dayz. usko bhi bench mil gai hai kya?

[anilsinghd]

oh... ho... thts why i see the great mathematician of JL missing these dayz. usko bhi bench mil gai hai kya?


ha ha ha ha ha



na ji humein to na bench naseeb hai na kaam :D :D



just was caught up elsewhere ! :)

[sannand]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doct or, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: &nb sp; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Nishantrathi82]

ha ha ha ha ha



na ji humein to na bench naseeb hai na kaam :D :D



just was caught up elsewhere ! :)

Hahahaha Biyaah se pehle he caught up kya baat :D

[brahmtewatia]

some teasers...

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath dekha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

A boy goes to see a cabaret dance. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad.

Teacher to class: A for?
Class: Apple
Teacher: Jor Se Bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di

Indian Airlines slogan: A warm experience & motherly treatment... warm b'coz AC doesn't work & motherly because Air hostesses are above 50

Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

[Nishantrathi82]

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING
YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.


Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON
THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)


People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate
with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen
around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT
TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH
TRAYS...
:rolleyes:

[brahmtewatia]

Punjab Police ( पपु )- What a TOUCHING moment.

[deepakchoudhry]

Excellent Stuff :D

[Nishantrathi82]

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new


Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White


Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?


Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!


Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".
(Had never thought of it)


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE:rock

[rakeshsehrawat]

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents
For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and
To return the next day to tell their stories.


In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example
First, " My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One
Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket
On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump
In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the
Eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all
Your eggs in one basket (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0).."


" Very good (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)," said the teacher.


Next, Mary said, " We are farmers too. We had twenty
Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got
Ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count
Your chickens before they're hatched (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0).."


" Very good (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)," said the teacher again, very pleased with
The response so far.


Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: " My dad
Told me this story about my Aunt Karen.... Aunt Karen
Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got
Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all
She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a
Machete (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)."


" Go on (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)," said the teacher, intrigued.


" Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to
Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle
Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of
Them with the machine gun until she ran out of
Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete
Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten
With her bare hands (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)."


" Good heavens (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)," said the horrified teacher, " What did
Your father say was the moral of that frightening
Story (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)?"


" Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's been
Drinking (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1552&mode=&order=0&thold=0)..."

[rakeshsehrawat]

Ahkmed the Arab, went to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only there a few months when he became very ill. (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
(http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said: (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
(http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)

"Take dees bocket, go Into de odder room, poop in de bocket, pee on de poop, and den put your head Down over de bocket an breathe in de fumes for ten minutes." (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
(http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)

Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the Bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten Minutes. (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
(http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What Was wrong with me?" (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)
(http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)

The doctor said, "You were homesick !" (http://www.funlok.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1912&mode=&order=0&thold=0)

[akshaymalik84]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,

walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,

"I would like to buy some cyanide."






The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"






The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."






The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,

"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!







They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.

Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"






The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.






The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,

"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[brahmtewatia]

house on sale !!!

[richi]

lols nice!

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,



walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,


"I would like to buy some cyanide."







The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"







The lady replied, "

I need it to poison my husband."







The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed,


"Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!








They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.


Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"







The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.







The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,


"Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[brahmtewatia]

only in pakistan...

[SANDEEP5]

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ .. on.......8898613561 02049998- 45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile
is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers? :confused:

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?" :eek:

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much
will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.9! 9"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle.. ."

Customer: " What!" :tamatar

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registra tion number 1123..."

Customer: " ????" :confused:

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing.! ... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also

diabetic.... ... "

Customer: "***%&$%%### You $##$%%@!)))" :eek::mad::eek::mad:



Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Customer: Faints... :boxing

[akshaymalik84]

A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.

Scared……..

She confides this ' news' to her mother.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was
the pig that did
This to you?

I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes
a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature
And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and
enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother
and the
Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has
informed me of the
Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my
personal family
Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is
born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy
is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a
$2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However,

If there is a miscarriage or unsucessful delivery , what do you suggest
I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,
"You can try again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!"

[brahmtewatia]

slut nd virgin (airlines)... on side by side. wat a combination.

[brahmtewatia]

"mein imran haashmi ban-na chahata hoon"... got this long time back.

[Nishantrathi82]

slut nd virgin (airlines)... on side by side. wat a combination.



Hahahahaha bhai g kaahan se dhoond kaar laaaye ye photo :D

[sannand]

कुछ त्रिवेणियाँ / गुलज़ार


1.

कुछ इस तरह ख्*़याल तेरा जल उठा कि बस
जैसे दीया-सलाई जली हो अँधेरे में
अब फूंक भी दो,वरना ये उंगली जलाएगा!

2.

तमाम सफ़हे किताबों के फड़फडा़ने लगे
हवा धकेल के दरवाजा़ आ गई घर में!
कभी हवा की तरह तुम भी आया जाया करो!!

3.
कभी कभी बाजा़र में यूँ भी हो जाता है
क़ीमत ठीक थी,जेब में इतने दाम नहीं थे
ऐसे ही इक बार मैं तुम को हार आया था।

4.
वह मेरे साथ ही था दूर तक मगर इक दिन
जो मुड़ के देखा तो वह दोस्त मेरे साथ न था
फटी हो जेब तो कुछ सिक्के खो भी जाते हैं।

5.

तुम्हारे होंठ बहुत खु़श्क खु़श्क रहते हैं
इन्हीं लबों पे कभी ताज़ा शे’र मिलते थे
ये तुमने होंठों पे अफसाने रख लिये कब से?

[poonam]

कुछ त्रिवेणियाँ / गुलज़ार


1.

कुछ इस तरह ख्*़याल तेरा जल उठा कि बस
जैसे दीया-सलाई जली हो अँधेरे में
अब फूंक भी दो,वरना ये उंगली जलाएगा!

2.

तमाम सफ़हे किताबों के फड़फडा़ने लगे
हवा धकेल के दरवाजा़ आ गई घर में!
कभी हवा की तरह तुम भी आया जाया करो!!

3.
कभी कभी बाजा़र में यूँ भी हो जाता है
क़ीमत ठीक थी,जेब में इतने दाम नहीं थे
ऐसे ही इक बार मैं तुम को हार आया था।

4.
वह मेरे साथ ही था दूर तक मगर इक दिन
जो मुड़ के देखा तो वह दोस्त मेरे साथ न था
फटी हो जेब तो कुछ सिक्के खो भी जाते हैं।

5.

तुम्हारे होंठ बहुत खु़श्क खु़श्क रहते हैं
इन्हीं लबों पे कभी ताज़ा शे’र मिलते थे
ये तुमने होंठों पे अफसाने रख लिये कब से?


Excellent Ju..

Gulzar is one of my fav people on earth...:)

[poonam]

slut nd virgin (airlines)... on side by side. wat a combination.


:D:D:D:D:D Bigger Grin...

[akshaymalik84]

Laloo Prasad Yadav's car is driving along a back country road on the
way back to Patna , when all of a sudden a piglet(Baby of pig) jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the
chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages.
The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a Bag
full of money, and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know
what happened.

The driver tells him " Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log
ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare
log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum
dekha ki Sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara paisa
wo janvar ke Malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de
diya."
Laloo says "Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola tha?"

The driver replies " Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Prasad Yadav ka driver hoon
...
aur hum sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon."

[rakeshsehrawat]

How to identify cities in INDIA ??





Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.

You are in Kolkata



Scenario 2

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks

On.

That's Mumbai



Scenario 3

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace. The first two get together & beat him up.

That's Delhi



Scenario 4



Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall

That's Ahmedabad.



Scenario 5

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.

That's Bangalore



Scenario 6

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and

Quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.

That's Chennai.



Scenario 7

Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB :rock:rock:rock:rock:rock

[rakeshsehrawat]

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his? office wondering
whom to invade next when his telephone? rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said,
"This is? Gurmukh from Banga, District Hoshiarpur. I
am ringing to? inform you that we are officially
declaring the war on you!"

"Well, Gurmukh," Saddam replied,? "This is indeed
important news!

How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Gurmukh, after? a moment's
calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my?
next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi
team from the? gurudwara. That makes eight"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you,? Gurmukh that I have
one million men in my army waiting to move on? my
command."

"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said? Gurmukh. "I'll have to
ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day,? Gurmukh called again. "Mr.
Hussein, it is Gurmukh, I'm call ing from? Banga STD,
the war is still on! We have managed to acquire? some
infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that? be, Gurmukh?" Saddam
asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a? donkey and Amrik's
tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you,? Gurmukh, that I have
16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured? personnel carriers.
Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2? million since
we last spoke."

"Oh teri ....." said Gurmukh.? "I'll have to get back
to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again? the next day.

"Mr. Hussein, the war is still? on! We have managed to
get ourselves airborne.... .. We've? modified Amrik's
tractor by adding a couple of shotguns,? sticking on
some wings and the pind's generator. Four school? pass
boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute? and then cleared his
throat. "I must tell you,? Gurmukh, that I have 10,000
bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My? military
complex is surro unded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air? missile sites. And since we last
spoke, I've increased my army to? TWO MILLION!"

"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk,? "I'll have to ring
you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again? the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you? that we
have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said? Saddam. "Why the
sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all? had a long chat over
a couple of lassi's, and decided? there's no way we
can feed two million prisoners of wars!"

[rakeshsehrawat]

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him,


"How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less,
"I earn Rs.2000 a month, Sir. Why?"


Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed Rs. 6000 cash and gave it to the young man and said,


"Around here I pay people 4 working, not 4 standing
Around looking pretty! Here is 3 months' salary, n
Now just GET OUT and don't come back"


The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,


"Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of,


"He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!!!"

[cooljat]

@Brahm: Bhaisaab kasut foto laa rakhi hai aapne .. dil garden garden ho liya kati ! specially this airline and paki protest ones .. aur aane dyo ! :D :D :D

Cheers!

[annch]

Something from archives in my mailbox......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0M0EZ8T5J8

[annch]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX9GTUMh490&feature=related

[richi]

hahhahahahahahhah lolzzzzzzzzz for all articles here ...all is really really a witty stuff

[coolengineer]

It happens only in India

[brahmtewatia]

It happens only in Indiatej, the number of mobike in 4th pic, doesn't look like indian.

[coolengineer]

Brahm Jee imported bike hai :D

tej, the number of mobike in 4th pic, doesn't look like indian.

[VPannu]

Brahm Jee imported bike haiBhai bike se ke kya? seems like rocket to me :D

[jitendershooda]

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:

I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbours, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced.
When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m.,and we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?"
I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth.
In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it."

So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence._

[stokas]

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, and founder of the M.K.Gandhi Institute for Non-violence, in his lecture at the University of Puerto Rico, shared the following story:

I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no neighbours, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as getting the car serviced.
When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you here at 5:00 p.m.,and we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00.

He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?"
I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not realizing that he had already called the garage.

When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth.
In order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to walk home 18 miles and think about it."

So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him, watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.

That is the power of non-violence._


Good and motivational story Jitu bhai!

Lage Raho Munna Bhai:)

[akshaymalik84]

THIS IS A TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers
Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai
She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..
She: Hello!
He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?
She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...
He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??
She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?
He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song..
(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")

He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .... ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha
She: *giggles*
He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!
She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..
He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai ... ) Come on! Please!
She: hat ...I don't sing that well
He: ( yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-) ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear
She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan
He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho...
He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?
She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok
She: I don't have that great a voice
He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm
She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??
He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!
She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?
He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?
She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai
He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?
She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!
He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon
She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho
He: ( Maalum pada na ... phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u cool
She: Hmmm
He: please gaao na darling
She: main kal gaau?
He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi
She: Hmmm
He: Good night
She: Good night
She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...
He: Sweets dreams to u too...

After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,

She: Hey..sogaye the kya?
He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.
She: kya kar rahe ho?
He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho
He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok... purani
match hai.
She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()

She sings 1 stanza from the song
'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'

He: Wow. Too good!
She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai
He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.
She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho
He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota
She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..
He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!
She: Take care
He: You too
She: Hey....
He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .
She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi... Of course.
She: sirf jhoot
He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all. You
sing very well
She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent

Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life

Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches


Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from damn fool's heart

Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight

Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town

Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - "Bannerjee be brave"

I am now proceeding with too much care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair

My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day

Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting Bengalee

He bounding from cave like footballer Pele
I run shouting "Kali Ma tumi kothay gele"

Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer looming

I am a telling that never in life
I will take risk again for my damn fool wife!!!!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Yesterday I was having some work done at the workshop. A woman came in and asked for a 'seven-hundred- ten'. (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?" (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !! (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there." (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is.......... .. (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
.... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
.... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
... (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)


http://i44.tinypic.com/rjih3p.jpg (http://i44.tinypic.com/rjih3p.jpg) (http://i44.tinypic.com/rjih3p.jpg)


Woman? The Mechanic Fainted!!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Preity Zinta after IPL (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
* (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)


(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)
(http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f8668688%5fALcRaMsAADBeSkIziwHg%2b Fv%2bMj4&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1&stationery=1 (http://groups.yahoo.com/subscribe/smsbhai)

[akshaymalik84]

An elderly woman goes to the doctor.
She says, "Doc, I'm undergoing through a terrible mental trauma - I pass gas all the time!!!
Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless
and silent so you can't tell."
The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.
The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week.
She says, "Doc, there's been a change but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!"
The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage. Now we'll have to work on your hearing !!

[brahmtewatia]

some of you may have seen this before !
...

Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony. Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning..

But this time..... After Winning the Match

Tony Greg: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!

Inzamam: Bismillah-e- Rehman-e- Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.


Tony fainted !!!!!!

[akshaymalik84]

An American, a Britisher and an Indian went for a hike one day. It was
very hot. They were sweating and exhausted. When they came upon a small
lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since
it was fairly secluded. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a
few berries while enjoying their " freedom. " As they were crossing an
open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared. Unable to get
to their clothes in time, the American and the Britisher quickly used
their hands to cover their privates. But the Indian covered his face
while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got
their clothes back on, the American and the Britisher asked the Indian
why he covered his face rather than his private parts. The Indian
replied, " I don't know about you, but in my country, it's the face that
people recognize".

[akshaymalik84]

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentiality" and "Reality"?"
Dad: "I will show you"


Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"...


Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars?
Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"


So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"


So the father turns back to his younger son saying: "You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

[rakeshsehrawat]

FANTASTIC MATHEMATICAL LOGIC!!!


> > Here is a little
> > something someone sent me that is indisputable
> > mathematical logic.
> > Remember, this is a
> > strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like
> > this:
> >
> > What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
> > Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more
> > than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone
> > wants you to give over 100%.
> > How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
> >
> > Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
> > you answer these questions:
> >
> > If:
> > A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
> >
> > is represented
> > as:
> > 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
> > 24 25 26.
> >
> > Then:
> >
> > H-A-R-D-W-O- R-K
> > 8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%
> >
> > and
> >
> > K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
> > 11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%
> >
> > But ,
> >
> > A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
> > 1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%
> >
> > And,
> >
> > B-U-L-L-S-H- I-T
> > 2+21+12+12+19+ 8+9+20 = 103%
> >
> > AND, look how far ass kissing will take
> > you.
> >
> > A-S-S-K-I-S- S-I-N-G
> > 1+19+19+11+9+ 19+19+9+14+ 7 = 118%
> >
> > So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty,
> > that while HARD WORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close,
> > and
> > ATTITUDE will get you there, its
> > the
> > BULLSHIT and ASS
> > KISSING that will put you over
> > the
> > top and ensure absolute success in your career

[brahmtewatia]

GUESS WHO IS IN THE PICTURE ?????????????

A) KATE WINSLET AT 21
B) NICOLE KIDMAN AT 21
C) JULIA ROBRTS AT 21
D) None of the above

[rohitmalik8]

GUESS WHO IS IN THE PICTURE ?????????????

A) KATE WINSLET AT 21
B) NICOLE KIDMAN AT 21
C) JULIA ROBRTS AT 21
D) None of the above

Bhai saab lag to Kate Winslet rai hai!!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

D) None of the above

[prashantacmet]

Sonia Gandhi at 21!!:rock:rock

[brahmtewatia]

Sonia Gandhi at 21!!:rock:rockSONIA GANDHI AT 21
...
nd thts the correct answer, bhai ko गुड की भेली इनाम में दी जाती है.

[kapdal]

SONIA GANDHI AT 21
...
nd thts the correct answer, bhai ko गुड की भेली इनाम में दी जाती है.

Sonia? I doubt it.

[vivekdh]

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"Bobby," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.

"It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is Bobby Darling."

"Okay, Bobby, the next thing I want to tell you is..."


__________________________________________________ ______________

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they come across a golden frog. They think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he is a magical frog, and doesn’t often meet other residents of the forest, but when he does, he grants them three wishes each.

The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. The frog immediately grants this wish.

The rabbit, after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head.

The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish. He asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well. This wish is also fulfilled.

The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle. It appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine.

The bear cannot believe it. He remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes. Then, shaking his head, he makes his final wish, “I wish that all the other bears in the world be female as well.”

The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.

The rabbit thinks for a second, then revs up the engine and says, “I wish for the bear to be gay!” and promptly drives off as fast as he can!

__________________________________________________ _____________________

[annch]

Brahm,
She looks like Reese Whitherspoon!!!

SONIA GANDHI AT 21
...
nd thts the correct answer, bhai ko गुड की भेली इनाम में दी जाती है.

[sunillathwal]

Brahm,
She looks like Reese Whitherspoon!!!

yes, she is Reese Whitherspoon!!

This photo 'Sonia Gandhi at 21', was all over the internet sometime back. Another hoax!!

[anilsinghd]

yes, she is Reese Whitherspoon!!

This photo 'Sonia Gandhi at 21', was all over the internet sometime back. Another hoax!!


Gur ki bheli waapis karo , Anju deserves that :D

[kapdal]

Gur ki bheli waapis karo , Anju deserves that :D

Or I as I was the first one to doubt. I am willing to share though :D

[anilsinghd]

Or I as I was the first one to doubt. I am willing to share though :D


tukke maaran aalan taain ek dali bhateri :D


brahm ji is kapil nai bhi diyo ek dali :D

[kapdal]

tukke maaran aalan taain ek dali bhateri :D


brahm ji is kapil nai bhi diyo ek dali :D

Hum karr lenge aap bantwara...tu kit te aaya bhai...wohe baat ho gayi, tu kaun, main khamkha...:D

[kiran.takhar]

Sir ji, this is an amazing find ... gud ki bheli wali photo i mean. ;)


SONIA GANDHI AT 21
...
nd thts the correct answer, bhai ko गुड की भेली इनाम में दी जाती है.

[akshaymalik84]

Hum karr lenge aap bantwara...tu kit te aaya bhai...wohe baat ho gayi, tu kaun, main khamkha...:D

hahaha..........yo bandar se.........dono billiya ka gud kha ja ja ga....:D:D

No offense bhai..

[brahmtewatia]

hahaha..........yo bandar se.........dono billiya ka gud kha ja ja ga....:D:Dबाकी कौन से कम हैं, सारे गुथ्थम गुथ्था हो रे सैं, गुड की भेली के पाछै. मन्ने तो अपने गूगल स्टार 'राकेश सहरावत' की वा बात याद आ गी... अक...
v
v
v

ब्रह्म तेवतिया जी या के बांदरा के बीच में भेली बागा दी आपने ?

और वा परसांत विद्वान् नै देखो, मेरे बटे का गुड की भेली लेकर इस्सा भाज्या, अक अब ताइं ना थ्याया... दिखेऐ कदे पौंक (लूज़ मोशंस) ना चल ज्याँ.

p.s. : अहाहाहाहा (no offense to anyone)

[prashantacmet]

बाकी कौन से कम हैं, सारे गुथ्थम गुथ्था हो रे सैं, गुड की भेली के पाछै. मन्ने तो अपने गूगल स्टार 'राकेश सहरावत' की वा बात याद आ गी... अक...
v
v
v


और वा परसांत विद्वान् नै देखो, मेरे बटे का गुड की भेली लेकर इस्सा भाज्या, अक अब ताइं ना थ्याया... दिखेऐ कदे पौंक (लूज़ मोशंस) ना चल ज्याँ.

p.s. : अहाहाहाहा (no offense to anyone)

Braham bhai sahab!!...kasutta competition chaal rya hai aade to.....par wahi baat kaha karee ne.."Jaat bhelli de de par gaanda na de"...jo aap bhelli to beshaq ulti le lyo.:p...par ya sonia gandhi tai nyarri aur koi na ho sakti!!;)

[brahmtewatia]

Braham bhai sahab!!...kasutta competition chaal rya hai aade to.....par wahi baat kaha karee ne.."Jaat bhelli de de par gaanda na de"...jo aap bhelli to beshaq ulti le lyo.:p...par ya sonia gandhi tai nyarri aur koi na ho sakti!!;)prashant, even i also fell for this internet hoax... chk this out... she is indeed reese witherspoon.
http://www.eforu.com/gallery/reesewitherspoon/gallery1.html

[prashantacmet]

prashant, even i also fell for this internet hoax... chk this out... she is indeed reese witherspoon.
http://www.eforu.com/gallery/reesewitherspoon/gallery1.html

Albeit I recently saw "sweet home alabama" , i could n't recognise her!!
For me...:tamatar

[vivekdh]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

[anilsinghd]

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

ha ha ha ha ha


heights!!!:D

[annch]

There was an african tribe that followed canibalism.
The chief of the tribe decides to send his son to Oxford for education so that his son could lead the tribe to a better life.
The son completes his education and returns home.
After a few years, a News Reporter decides to do a story on the son, and cover the development that might have occurred in the tribe after his education.
The moment the reporter steps into the territory of the tribe, he is captured and put in a caldron, with a fire ready to light up under him. The reporter shouts at the Oxford educated son,"You know it is not civilised to eat humans. It is against humanity. What good was that Oxford Education?"
The son of the chief says," Well, I learned to eat with fork and knife."

[aryasatyadev]

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you £800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour' she replies. 'Great!' the husband
says, 'did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak'.
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and
seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you
just one wish'.
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world'. Puff!
She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life'. Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up', the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want
those two back in the office after lunch'.
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up !
Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.. 'I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1 Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2 Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
3 And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

...This ends the 3 minute management course

[anilsinghd]

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you £800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour' she replies. 'Great!' the husband
says, 'did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak'.
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and
seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you
just one wish'.
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world'. Puff!
She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life'. Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up', the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want
those two back in the office after lunch'.
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up !
Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.. 'I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
'They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1 Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
2 Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
3 And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

...This ends the 3 minute management course

hehe

couple of them new ones for me!!

good ones!

[aryasatyadev]

hehe

couple of them new ones for me!!

good ones!

What about the third one, are you practicing that for some time;)

[sunillathwal]

Indian hell
An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?" Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..." :D :D

[anilsinghd]

and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..." :D :D

sarkaari baabu :D


btw , it was interesting to hear from one of my friend who happened to give an driving test for license in germany (the guy is from USA) and what he told about the govt person in charge of the license etc was literally a portray of the desi "sarkaari babu " !

[vineetaenator]

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named
Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who
said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his
hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: '**** the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General
Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
the> teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little ****. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the
top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses
testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on
the floor, someone said, 'Oh ****, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar
said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th,
2008".(recession)
.__,_._,___

[aryasatyadev]

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named
Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who
said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his
hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the
People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: '**** the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General
Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
the> teacher , 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little ****. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the
top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson (RIP) to the child witnesses
testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on
the floor, someone said, 'Oh ****, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar
said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th,
2008".(recession)
.__,_._,___

Nice logic...... Chanderashekhar??? an S also with his name or not

[akshaymalik84]

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.
First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.
"My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan,
If I can, if I can, if I can. "
"Very good", the teacher said to Dan. She then asked Sally that it was now her turn.
"My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can. "
"That is good Sally," the teacher said. "But maybe one day you will change your mind."
Next up was Glenn. He was the naughty one in the class. Here is his rhyme:
"My name is Glenn,
When I grow up to be a man,
Never mind India and Japan,
I'm gonna help Sally with her plan,
I know I can, I can, I can. " :D:D

[akshaymalik84]

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...


I gave him my Feviquick glue.!!!

[kapdal]

fred and mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to fred's mom and dad's house for their first night together.
In the morning, johnny, fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if fred and mary are up yet.
She replies, 'no'.
Johnny asks, 'do you know what i think?'
his mom replies, 'i don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'
johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'are fred and mary up yet?'
she replies, 'no.'
johnny says, 'do you know what i think?'
his mom replies, 'never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school .'
after school, johnny comes home and asks again, 'are fred and mary up yet?'
his mom says, 'no.'
he asks, 'do you know what i think?'
his mom replies, 'ok, now tell me what you think?'
he says: 'last night fred came to my room for the vaseline and i think...


I gave him my feviquick glue.!!!

rotfl!!!!! :d:d

[brahmtewatia]

Carrying on in the battle of the sexes...



Subject: Men are just happier people



NICKNAMES



If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


EATING OUT



When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY



A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS



A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS



A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE



A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS



A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP



A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL



Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING



Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

[aryasatyadev]

Carrying on in the battle of the sexes...



या बुलाई आफत, इब आ ज्यांगी कई, women empowerment की झंडाबरदार

[sunillathwal]

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere!


"It has long been known"... I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident"... These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study"... The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown"... This is the prettiest graph.
"These results will be in a subsequent report"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"In my experience"... once.
"In case after case"... twice.
"In a series of cases"... thrice.
"It is believed that"... I think.
"It is generally believed that"... A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude"... Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis"... Rumor has it.
"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings"... A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"... I don't understand it.
"After additional study by my colleagues"... They don't understand it either.
"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions"... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"... I quit.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Schulz Philosophy
The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them.
Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.



:confused:
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with

:rock:rock

Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..
the most money...or the most awards.
They simply are the ones who care the most



Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life, like I did.
'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !

"Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!"

[anilsinghd]

rotfl!!!!! :d:d

LOL

maine sun rakha tha pehle :o

[aryasatyadev]

..............

[Nishantrathi82]

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was Contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his Children and lost his job.

He notices a crate of empty beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an Empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my Children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job".

He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the Bottle, puts it aside and says….







"Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were Not Involved...."

[aryasatyadev]

"Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were Not Involved...."


Practical Guy :D:D:D

[akshaymalik84]

A very shy young man goes in a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.




After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,"


Er...excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you? "




She responds in a loud voice: "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"




Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.




After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says," You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations. "





The young man responds loudly with,





" WHAT !!! THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.!!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Jeevan me kamyab hone ke liye 3 factory lagao!!!!
1) Dimag me Ice factory.
2) Zuban par Sugar factory.
3) Dil me Love factory.
Phir life hogi satisfactory. .
------
Ek din Sagar ne Nadi se pucha:
Kab tak milati rahogi mujhe khare pani se ???
Nadi ne haskar kaha :
Jab tak tujh me mithas na aa jaye tab tak !!!
Thats "RELATIONSHIP" .
-------
1 tree makes 1 Lakh matchsticks.
But 1 matchstick can burn 1 Lakh trees.
Similarly 1 negative thought or doubt can burn thousands of dreams....
Be Positive Always !!!
--------
Chehre ki hasi se har gam chupao ,
Bahut kuch bolo par kuch na batao....
Khud na rutho kabhi , par sabko manao
Ye Raz hai Zindagi ka , Bas Jite chale jao
-------
Wah Prabhu kya teri leela hai :
Chuha Billi se darta hai ,
Billi Kutte se darti hai ,
Kutta Aadmi se darta hai ,
Aadmi Biwi se darta hai ,
Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.
-------
And finally , with thanks to all our email sending friends

Ek Dost ne Mujh se pucha ,
Tum sabko email bhejhte ho - tumhe kya milta hai ?
Maine hass kar kaha , Dena Lena to Vyaapar hai ,
Jo dekar kuch na mange , Wo hi to PYAR hai.

[rakeshsehrawat]

http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Doordarshan Logo.





http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Doordarshan' s Screensaver.




http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.4&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Malgudi Days .




http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.5&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Dekh Bhai Dekh.











http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.6&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Ramayan .








http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.7&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.



Turning Point .


http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.9&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Bharath Ek Khoj.


http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.10&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Alif Laila .


http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.11&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Byomkesh Bakshi.



Tehkikaat.



He Man.


http://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9503987%5fAJMRaMsAAUFYSrX8Gw1NUzv PViA&pid=2.14&fid=Inbox&inline=1
Salma Sultana DD News Reader.




Vicco turmeric,
Nahin cosmetic
Vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream.




Twaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiinggggggg
Washin powder Nirma, Washing powder Nirma
Doodh si safedi, Nirma se aayi
Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaaye.




I'm a Complan Boy(Shahid Kapoor) and I'm a Complan Girl (Ayesha Takia).




Surabhi: Renuka Sahane and Siddharth.


Then were 'Mungerilal ke hasin sapane' and 'karamchand' ....'Vikram Betal', etc.



How did one survive growing up in the 60's,70's, 80's and may be partly the 90's?
We had no seatbelts, no airbags and sitting in the back of a truck was a treat...
Our baby prams had the most gorgeous lead based colours...
No such thing as tamper proof bottle tops...


Cycling was like a breath of fresh air...
No safety helmets, knee pads or elbow pads, with plenty of cardboards between spokes to make it sound like a motorbike...


When thirsty we only drank tap water, bottled water was still a mystery.....
We kept busy collecting bits & pieces so we could build all sort of things ...


We could stay out to play for hours, as long as we got back before dark, in time for dinner...
We walked to school.
We had no mobile phones, but we always managed to find each other.... How? No one knows....
We lost teeth, broke arms & legs, we got cuts and bruises and bloody noses.... nobody complained as we had so much fun, it wasn't anybody's fault, only ours
We ate everything in sight, cakes, bread, chocolate, ice-cream, sweet sugary drinks, yet, we stayed skinny by fooling around.


We called on friends to come out to play, never rang the doorbell, just went around the back...

We played with sticks and stones, played cowboys and Indians, doctors and nurses, hide and seek, soccer games, over and over again...


When we failed our exams we were given a second chance by simply repeating the same grade...without visiting psychiatrists, psychologists or counselors...
Such were the days...



We had freedom, success, disappointments and responsibilities. ..
Most of all, we learned to respect others...

[rakeshsehrawat]

THE BANANA TEST



There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lionhttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1, a Chimpanzeehttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1, a Giraffehttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.4&fid=Inbox&inline=1, and a Squirrelhttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.5&fid=Inbox&inline=1, who pass by.


They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.



Who do you guess will win?



Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.






Got your answer?

[rakeshsehrawat]

COMPLETE OUT OF THE BOX THINKING…….

Take a look at pic 1- which has got a first aid box on the left and a newspaper box on right (which had all hindi-english-marathi-gujrati and economic times)

Take a look at pic 2- which has got a tv on the top with cable (I was watching colors channel) and below tat is the tissue box. on the left is the mandir types and dont miss the "Only gandhigiri" written there , below tat is the calender and a notepad and pen along with a blue fan (which is blowing towards the customer who sits)

Take a look at pic 3- 25% discount for handicap!! who on this earth can expect somethin like this from arickshaw wala yaar!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTISM
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

[malikdeepak1]

THE BANANA TEST



There is a very, very tall coconuttree and there are 4 animals,

a Lionhttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1, a Chimpanzeehttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1, a Giraffehttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.4&fid=Inbox&inline=1, and a Squirrelhttp://f948.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f9498177%5fAKcRaMsAAVg8SrX7uAySBX% 2bliMo&pid=2.5&fid=Inbox&inline=1, who pass by.


They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.



Who do you guess will win?



Your answer will reflect your personality.
So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds.







Got your answer?



Coconut Tree pe BANANA tere pe sunya!:confused:
Ghoont mare to nahi baithya se??:mad:

[yudhvirmor]

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTISM
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...



6.. Put in excel and use function..:D

[sunillathwal]

Got these comics in a forwarded mail: :D

See attached files.

[poonam]

6.. Put in excel and use function..:D

issmart....and hard working...:D

[poonam]

[CENTER]

SIZE=4]COLOR=#000080]" WHAT !!! THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.!!!
[/SIZE][/COLOR][/SIZE]

Ha ha ha ha...good one..:D

[malikdeepak1]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking Rs.11,50,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



-

-

-

-

-

-

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?" :p

[akshaymalik84]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh***t?

[poonam]

[To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh***t?


That is one smart arse.. ...:D

[vicky84]

Maybe this guy is a politician, he knows how to wrangle his words ?!!?


>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Pets in the building
> Dear Helen,
> Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I
> understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the
> agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am
> currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my
> dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time
> when I release live rabbits.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Pets in the building
> Hello David
> I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata
> agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building
> regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you
> have at the premises?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building
> Dear Helen,
> Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am
> very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this
> is the number required to participate in dog sled racing.
> I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have
> constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction
> site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I
> feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled
championships.
> For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush
> then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and
> hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the
> soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent
> of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with
> great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released
> adrenaline will spur them on to being winners.
> I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell
> all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on
> coming first place.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building David, I am unsure what to
> make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear Helen, No. I have a
> goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on
> a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and
> he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of
> disturbing the neighbours.
> The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours
> possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I
> have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to
> deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware.
> I need it to keep food fresh.
> Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed
> container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried
> eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Hello David You
> cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs
> others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the
> benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot
> have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be
ok.
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear Helen, They
> are very small ducks.
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building David, under
> section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot
> have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms.
> These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including
> yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?
> Helen
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: David Thorne
>
> Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
>
> To: Helen Bailey
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building Dear
> Helen, The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so
> it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not
> getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .
> Regards, David.
>
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
>
>
>
>
> From: Helen Bailey
>
> Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
>
> To: David Thorne
>
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
> David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated
> and you do not have any pets.
> Helen
>

[anilsinghd]

How to take care of your wife:


In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
-- You make the bed (+1)
-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
-- In the rain (+8)
-- But return with Beer (-5)
-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
-- It's her pet (-10)




SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
-- Named Tina (-4)
-- Tina is a dancer (-10)




HER BIRTHDAY
-- You take her out to dinner (0)
-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)




A NIGHT OUT
-- You take her to a movie (+2)
-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)




YOUR PHYSIQUE
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)




ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
-- You hesitate in responding (-10)
-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
-- Any other response (-20)




COMMUNICATION
-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

[Nishantrathi82]

1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there

4. We talk with our hands;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages. :rock

[rakeshsehrawat]

Experience Certificate of IT Company. Call 011-41648668 has shared a story with you from Mixx:

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[ravinderjeet]

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh***t?

ghanaa shayaana g--- khaa.

[ravinderjeet]

1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights.

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there

4. We talk with our hands;therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

8. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with one of the hostages. :rock
fact perfact.

[ravinderjeet]

Experience Certificate of IT Company. Call 011-41648668 has shared a story with you from Mixx:

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sayaana bandaa se.worldwide franchieses koni kholi ke eeb tai isne.

[anilsinghd]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years..... you can imagine what went into my mind when u touched my back!

[Nishantrathi82]

Mussharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya Rai and Sonia are
traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and
then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:These Pakistanis are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Musharaf is thinking:Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again.

[babloodalal]

bengali
one bengali = poet.
Two bengalis = a film society.
Three bengalis = political party.
Four bengalis = two political parties.
More than four bengali's = countrywide agitation to bring ganguli into team
**********
bihari
one bihari = laloo prasad yadav.
Two biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three biharis = caste killing.
Four biharis = entire literate population of patna ...
**********
punjabi
one punjabi =100 kg hulk named pinky.
Two punjabis = pinky with his bigger brother twinky.
Three punjabis = assault on the mcaloo tikkis at the local mcdonalds.
Four punjabis = combined iq equal to one.
**********
mallu
one mallu = coconut stall.
Two mallus = a boat race.
Three mallus = gulf job racket.
Four mallus = oil slick.
**********
up bhaiyya
one up bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two up bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three up bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the up assembly.
Four up bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
**********
gujju
one gujju = share-broker in a bombay train.
Two gujjus = rummy game in a bombay train.
Three gujjus = bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four gujjus = stock market scam.
**********
andhraite
one andhraite = chili farmer.
Two andhraites = software company in new jersey ..
Three andhraites = naxalite outfit.
Four andhraites = song-and-dance number in a telugu movie.
**********
kashmiri
one kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
**********
tamil-brahmin
one tam-brahm = priest at the vardarajaperumal temple.
Two tam-brahms = maths tuition class.
Three tam-brahms = queue outside the u.s consulate at 4 a.m.
Four tam-brahms = thyagaraja music festival in santa clara
**********
mumbaiya
one mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two mumbaikars= film studio.
Three mumbaikars = slum.
Four mumbaikars = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
**********
sindhi
one sindhi = currency racket.
Two sindhis = papad factory.
Three sindhis = duplicate goods shop in ulhasnagar ...
Four sindhis = hong kong retail traders association.
**********
marwari
one marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two marwaris = 50% of calcutta
three marwaris = finish off all gujaratis & sindhis.
Four marwaris = threaten the jews as a community.
**********
haryanvi
one haryanavi = tube light
two haryanavi = agriculture
three haryannavi= lathi squad
four haryanavi = actually just one was enough
ek jaat = jaat
do jaat = mauj
teen jaat = fauj:)

[rakeshsehrawat]

Perception

..something to think about...



Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes.. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.


4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk..


6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes:

A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes:

The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour:

He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.... How many other things are we missing?

[ravinderjeet]

[QUOTE=rakeshsehrawat;229582]Perception

..something to think about...

baat te bhai raakesh sahi kahi,eeb mahaarey gaamaan nu videshi,er kai be aapney sahari bhi aawein sein sunderataa dekhan,per haam kaddey uski taarif naa karedey.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Kids View of Marriage and Relationships


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." Kirsten, age 10
*******

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twentythree is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married." Freddie, age 6
*******

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." Eddie, 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." Derrick, age 8
*******

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
"Both don't want no more kids." Lori, age 8
*******

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." Martin, age 10
*******

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." Craig, age 9
*******

WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
"When they're rich." Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8
*******

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." Anita, 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaperchanging." Kirsten, age 10
*******

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now." Roberta, age 7
*******

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck." Ricky, age 10

[rakeshsehrawat]

The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! this American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong ***** out of the window.

[sunillathwal]

An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before but had once failed an entire class.

That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.

The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A."

---> After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B.

The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy.

---> As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy.

---> When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

---> All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great but when government takes the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that.

[anilsinghd]

And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong ***** out of the window.

Ha ha ha ha

Hilarious!