vinay
May 22nd, 2003, 08:39 PM
Guys I hope you will enjoy this stuff !!
Here are some Surd achievements
**************************************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave
he guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up
when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji
fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken
up someone else".
Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and
Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out
of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called
him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm.
So, Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his
dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU
BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below
Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost
his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital.
Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe
Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."
Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the
right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I
realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
Sardar gets an opportunity to fly to a near by country. Sardar never
has been on an airplane anywhere and got excited and tense. As soon
as he boarded the plane, a BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!!
BOEING....'.
He forgets what is around, and even the pilot in the cockpit could
hear the noise.
Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE SILENT!'.
There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is looking at
the Sardar and the angry Pilot.
Sardar starred at the Pilot in silence for a moment and all of a
sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OEING!!!...'.
Two Sardarjis went into a pub, after ordering two beers took some
sandwiches out of their packets, and started to eat them. 'You can't
eat your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner. So, the
two sardars swapped their sandwiches.
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination, which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat
in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five
minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer
sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour, he is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately
throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator alarmed approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour".
"But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answersand none of them are matching ."
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to
claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I
want my 20 lakhs.
The man replies, "No, sir. It does not work that way. We give you one
lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19
weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and
I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and
the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my
money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I
want my five rupees back!"
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high
way and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a sardarji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?'
and sped off.
The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.
After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the
opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi
honda chalaya kya?' and sped off.
This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the Sardar was teasing about
his driving.
After some time, again the Sardar came back speeding and said the
same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say
something but the Sardar sped off.
This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he
found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding. He got down and mocked
at the Sardar ' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?' The Sardar
said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes ke liya doond raha tha'
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.
Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway
department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train.
The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking
heavily. This made him unable to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by
the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards
improvement of railway department was "There should not be last coach
in any train.""
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the
question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then
removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pants socks
and watch follow suit.
The invigilator alarmed approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says
here, "Answer the following questions in brief".
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he
replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought,
thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!"
Mr. Jaswanth Singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and
came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill
for the items.
Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" ,
Person did not understand what Singh was saying and said " Excuse me
sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat".
Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people
gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked
Sardar about the problem.
Then Sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores
and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me
the fat.
In a party, one of Zail Singh's friends asked him "How many
chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach.
Zail replied "Seven".
Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach
is no longer empty .Then how can U eat seven ??".
Zail was impressed by this tricky question.
So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many
chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??".
She replied "Five".
Then Zail told " ****!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply
for it"
One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being called
fools. So, he decides to fool the others and show them that they too
are fools.
Our friend goes to the top of Kutub Minar in Delhi and peeps down
from the top with a lot of interest.
Somebody taps him on the back and asks, "Sardarji what r u looking"
our friend replies "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.."
After sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the second guy and
he gives the same reply.
This goes on .
After a while our friend sees that the line has reached the bottom of
Kutub Minar. So, he feels very happy that he has succeeded in fooling
so many people & decides to tell turn back.
He does so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE WAY TO THE
BOTTOM
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating, he goes
to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this
the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash
Basin".
Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for the "Punjab
Mail". As they were waiting, an announcement is made about the train
running late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will
now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill, the four
Sardarjis decide to go out into the city to spend the time. When they
get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the
platform. So, Sardarjis start running desperately to board the train.
One of them manages to catch the 6th bogie Another got almost the
last bogie and the other two got left behind.
When the two Sardarjis who managed to get into the train met each
other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They
go on laughing .....laughing ....and laughing.
Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the
Sardarji's "Arre, what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so
madly?
One of the Sardarji's managed to reply " Actually the two who were
supposed to take this train got left behind......we ....just came to
see them off !!!!!!!!!!"
A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting for the Punjab Mail
to arrive. There is an announcement "Passengers to note.. Train no
234 DN Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on `platform` no.1
shortly." Hearing this sardarji gets panicky. He immediately picked
up his baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood there..
Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody
had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has
failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour
longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty
minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry we can
fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry we
still have one engine left."
A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Diana murder mystery solved The latest theory is that the driver of
the Mercedes, Henri Paul, was actually a Sardar whose family migrated
to France when he was 3 yrs old. His name was Harvinder Singh Pal,
and later he changed it to Henri Paul. But what is in a name, after
all ! Once a surd, always a surd !
And so when the Paparazzi chasing the car shouted Diana, Diana , at
80 mph , Harvinder tried to take a right turn.( daina right in
hindi ......The rest, as they say, is history!!....................)
Two sardars go for fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to
shore. The first Sardar says: "I hope u remember the spot where we
caught all those fish."
The other answers: "Yes, I made 'X' on the side of the boat to mark
the spot."
"You idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will get the same
boat tomorrow."
This sardarji goes to the theatre to see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching, he is cowering in his seat and when his
friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?).
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent(?) man,
I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to
ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that
answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked
him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him."
The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the
same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the
chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for
his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long
time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The
chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the
interview ?"
Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already
investigating a murder.
Here are some Surd achievements
**************************************
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave
he guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up
when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji
fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went
home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed
when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken
up someone else".
Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa lived on the 1st and
Banta on the 7th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out
of order and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa and called
him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm.
So, Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the 7th floor. To his
dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU
BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below
Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'
Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost
his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital.
Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe
Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."
Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the
right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I
realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
Sardar gets an opportunity to fly to a near by country. Sardar never
has been on an airplane anywhere and got excited and tense. As soon
as he boarded the plane, a BOEING 747, started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!!
BOEING....'.
He forgets what is around, and even the pilot in the cockpit could
hear the noise.
Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE SILENT!'.
There was pin-drop silence every where and everybody is looking at
the Sardar and the angry Pilot.
Sardar starred at the Pilot in silence for a moment and all of a
sudden started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!! OEING!!!...'.
Two Sardarjis went into a pub, after ordering two beers took some
sandwiches out of their packets, and started to eat them. 'You can't
eat your own sandwiches in here,' complained the pub-owner. So, the
two sardars swapped their sandwiches.
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination, which consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat
in the Examination hall, stares at the question paper for five
minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out,
removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer
sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour, he is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately
throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator alarmed approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half an hour".
"But yaar", he says, " I am rechecking my answersand none of them are matching ."
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to
claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I
want my 20 lakhs.
The man replies, "No, sir. It does not work that way. We give you one
lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19
weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and
I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and
the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my
money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I
want my five rupees back!"
One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a high
way and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a sardarji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?'
and sped off.
The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother.
After some time the Sardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the
opposite direction, peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi
honda chalaya kya?' and sped off.
This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the Sardar was teasing about
his driving.
After some time, again the Sardar came back speeding and said the
same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say
something but the Sardar sped off.
This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he
found the Sardar lying on the road, bleeding. He got down and mocked
at the Sardar ' Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?' The Sardar
said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes ke liya doond raha tha'
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.
Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway
department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train.
The train was moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking
heavily. This made him unable to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by
the event, next day in the meeting, his first point towards
improvement of railway department was "There should not be last coach
in any train.""
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final
examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the
question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then
removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pants socks
and watch follow suit.
The invigilator alarmed approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says
here, "Answer the following questions in brief".
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he
replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought,
thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!!!"
Mr. Jaswanth Singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and
came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill
for the items.
Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" ,
Person did not understand what Singh was saying and said " Excuse me
sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat".
Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people
gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked
Sardar about the problem.
Then Sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores
and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me
the fat.
In a party, one of Zail Singh's friends asked him "How many
chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach.
Zail replied "Seven".
Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach
is no longer empty .Then how can U eat seven ??".
Zail was impressed by this tricky question.
So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many
chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??".
She replied "Five".
Then Zail told " ****!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply
for it"
One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of Sardarji being called
fools. So, he decides to fool the others and show them that they too
are fools.
Our friend goes to the top of Kutub Minar in Delhi and peeps down
from the top with a lot of interest.
Somebody taps him on the back and asks, "Sardarji what r u looking"
our friend replies "sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.."
After sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the second guy and
he gives the same reply.
This goes on .
After a while our friend sees that the line has reached the bottom of
Kutub Minar. So, he feels very happy that he has succeeded in fooling
so many people & decides to tell turn back.
He does so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE WAY TO THE
BOTTOM
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating, he goes
to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this
the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash
Basin".
Four Sardarji's were waiting a on Railway Platform for the "Punjab
Mail". As they were waiting, an announcement is made about the train
running late by two hours. The train scheduled to start at 10 am will
now start at 12 noon. Since there is lots of time to kill, the four
Sardarjis decide to go out into the city to spend the time. When they
get back to the station they see "Punjab Mail" just leaving the
platform. So, Sardarjis start running desperately to board the train.
One of them manages to catch the 6th bogie Another got almost the
last bogie and the other two got left behind.
When the two Sardarjis who managed to get into the train met each
other in one of the bogies they started laughing uncontrollably. They
go on laughing .....laughing ....and laughing.
Now the other passengers get bit curious and one of them asked the
Sardarji's "Arre, what's so funny ? Why are you both laughing so
madly?
One of the Sardarji's managed to reply " Actually the two who were
supposed to take this train got left behind......we ....just came to
see them off !!!!!!!!!!"
A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting for the Punjab Mail
to arrive. There is an announcement "Passengers to note.. Train no
234 DN Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on `platform` no.1
shortly." Hearing this sardarji gets panicky. He immediately picked
up his baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood there..
Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody
had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has
failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour
longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty
minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry we can
fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry we
still have one engine left."
A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Diana murder mystery solved The latest theory is that the driver of
the Mercedes, Henri Paul, was actually a Sardar whose family migrated
to France when he was 3 yrs old. His name was Harvinder Singh Pal,
and later he changed it to Henri Paul. But what is in a name, after
all ! Once a surd, always a surd !
And so when the Paparazzi chasing the car shouted Diana, Diana , at
80 mph , Harvinder tried to take a right turn.( daina right in
hindi ......The rest, as they say, is history!!....................)
Two sardars go for fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to
shore. The first Sardar says: "I hope u remember the spot where we
caught all those fish."
The other answers: "Yes, I made 'X' on the side of the boat to mark
the spot."
"You idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will get the same
boat tomorrow."
This sardarji goes to the theatre to see Jurassic Park and when the
Dinosaurs start approaching, he is cowering in his seat and when his
friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai
cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?).
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent(?) man,
I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to
ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that
answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked
him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"
The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him."
The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the
same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the
chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for
his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long
time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The
chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the
interview ?"
Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already
investigating a murder.