vikas
November 14th, 2003, 07:13 AM
PUNJAB AIRWAYS
Santa On the Controls
Sat Sri Akal & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: PUNJAB AIRWAYS
This is your Captain Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and
some overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight no. 9211
(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but
with luck we may even be landing directly on your village. Punjab Airways
has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so well
known that even fully trained terrorists and hijackers are afraid to fly
with us. It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90%
of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't
quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for
consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to brief
you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can turn
them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits. For our religious
passengers, we are the only airline who can help you quickly find out
whether God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be flying
right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right
side cabin windows. These windows have been removed for your viewing
convenience. For passengers with sight problems, we have also put a pair
of binoculars under your seat.
As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways flights
over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning
system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are placed
under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available for the
aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles, for emergency water landings
on any of our five rivers.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you
who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with Bubbly Kaur
for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit
there,please do not flush frequently because it may result in shortage of
water we require for your tea. I won't be flying with you today because I
have to attend to my nephew's wedding. But co-pilot Kaptan Singh will
have wireless access to me in case he needs flying instructions from time
to time.
For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, our attendant Bubbly
Kaur will allow you to come forward and occupy the captain's
seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes each, for an extraordinary view.
Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab Airways. We wish
you an adventurous flight.
Sat Sri Akal !
---------------------------------------------
enjoy!!!
vikas
Santa On the Controls
Sat Sri Akal & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: PUNJAB AIRWAYS
This is your Captain Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and
some overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight no. 9211
(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but
with luck we may even be landing directly on your village. Punjab Airways
has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so well
known that even fully trained terrorists and hijackers are afraid to fly
with us. It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90%
of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't
quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite experience for
consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to brief
you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can turn
them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits. For our religious
passengers, we are the only airline who can help you quickly find out
whether God really exists.
We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be flying
right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right
side cabin windows. These windows have been removed for your viewing
convenience. For passengers with sight problems, we have also put a pair
of binoculars under your seat.
As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways flights
over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning
system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are placed
under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available for the
aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles, for emergency water landings
on any of our five rivers.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you
who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with Bubbly Kaur
for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit
there,please do not flush frequently because it may result in shortage of
water we require for your tea. I won't be flying with you today because I
have to attend to my nephew's wedding. But co-pilot Kaptan Singh will
have wireless access to me in case he needs flying instructions from time
to time.
For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, our attendant Bubbly
Kaur will allow you to come forward and occupy the captain's
seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes each, for an extraordinary view.
Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab Airways. We wish
you an adventurous flight.
Sat Sri Akal !
---------------------------------------------
enjoy!!!
vikas