handsome_nashier
February 18th, 2004, 10:20 PM
THE TALKING PARROT
Once a man went to a pet shop to buy a talking parrot. He saw a parrot with a red string tied to one of his legs and a blue one to the other. He asks the shopkeeper, 'What are these strings for?' The shopkeeper replies, 'If you pull the red string, the parrot speaks French and if you pull the blue one he speaks English!' The man asks,'Wow! And what if I pull both the strings?' The parrot screams from the cage, 'I'll fall down, stupid!'
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BAD & TERRIBLE NEWS
A man got a call from his doctor who said 'I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?'The man says 'The bad news.' The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!' The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'
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YAMRAJ
A man died and went to into the skies. Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, 'Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?' The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, 'Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of goons. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!' 'I'm impressed,' Yamraj responded, 'When did this happen?' 'About two minutes ago,' came the reply.
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MARUTI FOR SALE
The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. 'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked mister Santa Singh. 'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely. 'Fine,' said Santa Singh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.' 'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly. 'That's it.' 'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.' 'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Santa. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'
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Once a man went to a pet shop to buy a talking parrot. He saw a parrot with a red string tied to one of his legs and a blue one to the other. He asks the shopkeeper, 'What are these strings for?' The shopkeeper replies, 'If you pull the red string, the parrot speaks French and if you pull the blue one he speaks English!' The man asks,'Wow! And what if I pull both the strings?' The parrot screams from the cage, 'I'll fall down, stupid!'
.................................................. ...
BAD & TERRIBLE NEWS
A man got a call from his doctor who said 'I have some bad news and some terrible news, which would you rather hear first?'The man says 'The bad news.' The doctor says 'The lab messed up your tests and when they re-did them, they found out you only have 48 hours to live!' The man exclaimed 'What could be more terrible than that!!??'The doctor replied 'we tried all day yesterday to get hold of you but your phone was busy!'
.................................................. ....
YAMRAJ
A man died and went to into the skies. Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, 'Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?' The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, 'Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of goons. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!' 'I'm impressed,' Yamraj responded, 'When did this happen?' 'About two minutes ago,' came the reply.
.................................................. ...
MARUTI FOR SALE
The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. 'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked mister Santa Singh. 'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely. 'Fine,' said Santa Singh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.' 'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly. 'That's it.' 'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.' 'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Santa. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'
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