PDA

View Full Version : Life's Decisions:Dreams, Reality and Search for Happiness


birbal
December 14th, 2003, 01:47 AM
There has been lot of discussion on this site relating to the consequences of leaving homeland in search of prosperity, peace, and happiness and at times finding none of these. I feel some of these posts may confuse younger members of the site at the most critical point in their lives. I would like to add my "two cents worth" based on my experience and observations.

Throughout the human history people have left their homelands in search of better life (mostly meaning material rewards). Most of Indians today including all Jats are not true natives of the country as our ancestors came from somewhere else. Of course, for thousands of years those who came to India did not need to go anywhere else again because India was the land of opportunity. Even at the time when India was falling apart in 1750, it produced more manufactured goods than all of the European countries combined (Paul Kennedy - Rise and Fall of Great Powers). In fact, India and China accounted for 75% of the world's manufactured goods at that time. The domination in this regard was even greater in the previous two thousand years or so.
Now the situations has reversed and after 250 years of decay Indians and Chinese are leaving their homelands in search of better life.

The question arises: is there better life in the West? The answer is simple - for some only. Having said this I try to analyse the risk-reward scenario and at least try to determine who are the likely candidates to find this better life?

Based on my experience and observations I can say that if you are academically smart, willing to work hard over a sustained period, capable of handling adversity, lack political connections or unwilling to use such means to advance your career, and not willing to fit in a system where one can not live without bribery and corruption then you are better off in the West.

I remember reading an article in Time magazine many years ago where the reporter stated that although corruption exists all over the world it is only in India and Pakistan that a parent can proudly say my son makes Rupees 1,000 a month in salary but has Rupees 10,000 a month income from above (ooper ki income). I am not trying to take a moral high ground here but only saying that many of us just can not do that and sleep in the night. After being the first person from my area to make to the IIT Bombay I refused a govt job and became a Lecturer in BITS Pilani. One of my relative said 'kya bewakoof ho, humne socha engineer banoge, masterji ban gaye". I felt it was better to get out and when I look back and count fortunate events in my life, the first is getting in to IIT and second is leaving India.

At the same time I know thosands of Indians (as I used to be a political organizer for Liberal party in Canada for many years)who came to North America under completely false expectations. Most of these people with university degrees drive taxis, work as cleaning staff at airports, run small corner grocery stores and do other menial jobs. Once while I was going door to door campaigning for a friend I met this disgruntled Indian and I asked him his problem. He was an Engineer from India but could not pass some rather simple examinations to get the Professional Engineering designation in Canada. He said in frustration "saley kahte hain tum first class nahin ho. Arey haramzado agar hum first class hote to yahan aatey?" I told him with equal annoyance that if you could not pass those simple examinations what do you expect?

Life is dynamic here. There are very few permanent jobs other than tenured professors, but those who can cope with adversity have no difficulty in riding out the economic cycles. I have experienced the impact of economic cycles more than once. I did my Masters thesis on the design of ablating tiles used on the space vehicles (the ones that caused the speceship explosion recently) funded by NASA and saw my career evoparate as the aerospace industry collapsed in 1971. I moved to petroleum engineering after the 1973 energy crisis and after the recession in oil industry in mid eighties I became a professor of mechanical engineering. It is commonly agreed that people in North America have to change careers three or four times in their life.

There is no ideal place in the world and every culture has strengths and weaknesses. The advantage a first generation immigrant has that he/she has choice to take good things from both cultures. The usually talked about belief regarding the second generation (American Born Confused desi) can be disapproved just by looking at the domination of Indian and Chinese kids in academic achievements.

At the same time I would like to warn all potential newcomers that you will have to live with discrimination. But let us be realistic and see that the discrimination on the basis of caste and religion in India is worse than racial discrimination in North America. Also, as the saying goes "there is no free lunch" and you will have to work very hard all your life. Finally, happiness is a state of mind and it has no correlation with economic well being.

Birbal Singh

anilkc
December 14th, 2003, 03:10 AM
Thanks sir for sharing ur thoughts.
My thoughts:
No harm in giving it a try. If possible move to US/UK/Canada/Aus etc whichever country allows u. No one can stop u from returning back to India, if things does not work out.
So, be carefull as not to burn ur bridges in India. Do not migrate at cost of arm and limb.

vivek
December 14th, 2003, 06:29 PM
Dr. Birbal's assertion of changing your career 3 -4 times if you live in the US is quite true. In order to survive you have to evolve and learn constantly. There is racism, whether you are being managed or you manage people, but you cannot be bothered by 'prejudiced' people. There is plenty of that in India too, but in a different form. My brother in law in India has gone up against a brahmin unity thing, and also a punjabi brotherhood in trying to advance in his job.

Finally if you are in a managerial position, you are expected to get your hands dirty, and be the first to arrive at a crisis and last to leave the situation. You work longer than the people you manage. My boss works as much or longer than me, and I work longer than people under me.

In order to enjoy life you have to adapt and take in and enjoy some of what the local culture has to offer. I enjoy (american) football, play tennis, and have a clique of friends at a bar. If I remained nostalgic about cricket (or any other activity I did in india and cannot do here), I would never be happy.


Finally there sometimes exists a friction between NRI, who extoll the virtues of life here and put down India, and people in India who like to put down 'ABCD's. People have to convince themselves that they are happy where they have put down roots, and people in India similiarly have to believe that they are in a good situation. In order to reinforce the belief system, some NRI's are very insensitive in their remarks to their desi acquaintences, and similarly desi acquaintences may make insensitive remarks about what's dear to the NRI's and its mostly about NRI's children, or accusing them of materialism.

Life is not perfect anywhere. In the US, there are no servants, less job security, and usually hard work at the office. Further, if you have daughters in the US, there is always the added pressure of her trying to fit in with american culture, and what the other desis might say (There is a double standard about boys). However, you are generally not saddled with everyday mundane problems (usually financial...bribery , adultrated food). There are more career options for your kids, and on the 'down' side less control on what they may choose to do or marry.

sindhu
December 14th, 2003, 08:48 PM
Dear Dr. Birpal,

Very true you said. It is probably the one of good explaination about living of first generation of Indians here in North America. People have too much expectations when they arrive. But they face so many hurdles, shocks. Like language accent barrier, cultural shock, stiff competion and offcourse some discrimination.

One has to keep tryinig what will work for him. I remember one of my friends who was MS in Biology and some experience in research. Landed as an immigrant in USA. Immidiate pressure, making a living. He served as a Pizza delivery guy, later on drove taxi and then switched to trucks. He kept trying to find a job in biology but could not succeed in finding a respectable job, so he decided to go ahead for a Ph.D, but he found himself bound for couple of years merely on a fellowship which he was scared of and dropped this idea after just one semester and worked for a flower growing company and part time studied and became a physio-therapist. Got a wonderful job. but he did not stopped there, after couple of years a job he started his own business and and now a millionare and a very successful businessman in bay area. This all happened in just 10 years.

The only thing is do not give up,keep trying. There is always something you will hit. These countries has so many opportunities.

But the other side of the coin is the second generation. The first generation struggles and struggles to succeed and the second generation has leisure life in a typical western environment which leads to some conflict of views, life style and culture. They complain you being too hard and you complain them being too western and non caring. This is how a typical desi life goes here but not necessarily true in all cases.

This is like a life that you work hard, put yourself to mental and physical test to gather wealth to buy a big house, a big car without caring for your health or socializing time. And once you get these big cars, then one day doctor's phone rings and tell you, " Gentleman, your cholisterol level has gone up and it is time for you to leave your car and buy a bicycle and go to office and shopping on a bicycle"

So all those hard work you did to buy that car, which you hardly drive.

A S Sindhu

[quote]Dr. Birbal Singh (Dec 13, 2003 04:17 p.m.):
There has been lot of discussion on this site relating to the consequences of leaving homeland in search of

anujkumar
December 14th, 2003, 11:41 PM
"To know the road ahead, ask those coming back."
- Chinese proverb

A great wisdom unrevealed, I found posts in this topic, very mature and informed. May I request other senior’s members on this site; give more life fundas, with what they have learned specifically with reference to life and success in the west.

X+1 syndrome automatically end after, you retire and India is ready to accept you. Isn't it hard? and think?

“Life is what happens to you, when you are making other plans”
--Unknown

rameshlakra
December 15th, 2003, 08:13 PM
the old saying " in rome do what romans do " is still very relevent today .
The priority in life one sets is important in every decision making . sooner one realises this better it is .
we as member can get to the heart of the truth by discussion and extract all the pros and cons of life at a distant land . but the day one is out of his village and goes to town or town to bigger cities he is distant !! so it does not matter whether u are 2 miles away or 2000 miles away ....it does if u take the mortal men made borders.this , very rightly brought out by birbal ji and other worthy members .
time imortal we have been wandering in search of better prospect , and its onlly recently , its under scanner due to dwindling of distances by gravity defying metal .
last but not least its all boils down to what u want in life .

ashokpaul
December 16th, 2003, 01:52 PM
Tauji ek dum badhiya news,
to avoid bulb(JAT) to fuse.
keep the same rating
we are eagerly waiting
with thanx

naveen_chaudhary
December 16th, 2003, 03:06 PM
Dr Singh
This is indeed a very informative post. We value the guidance of seniors like you. I'm sure it will help many of us in getting our priorities straight and to give us a kind of indication of what lies in store for us. There's no short cut for success unless somebody is born with a silver spoon. Regardless of whether we are in India or abroad or our field of work, we have to work hard to succeed. I think that's the mantra.

What matters most is Are we happy or not?

Regards,

Naveen Chaudhary

devdahiya
January 21st, 2005, 05:17 PM
My dear Birbal ji,

What a good and proper advise..........All inspiring for a career on foreign soil must read it and follow it's nuts and bolts.




Regards

sonam
January 23rd, 2005, 07:33 AM
I quite appreciate if elder members who are staying in USA or have returned back would share more of their views. This will help us young people in deciding the right steps.
People in India expect going to USA as the end of their problems. Of course it is helpful in terms of employment and money (a factor of 45 between rs and dollar) but not that much in terms of stability and the upbringing of children. and most importantly you are away from your own people. People say that after some years you start liking here. Or maybe the thought of going back and facing some real problems back in India pressurises them to like it here.
Any suggestions?

raj2rif
January 24th, 2005, 04:16 AM
Dear Dr. Birbal Ji, Vivek Tomar Ji and Sandhu ji,

Extremely usefull and motivating information. Hard work is the key to success, where ever you go. One faces similar problems when he/she moves out from village to big cities as has already been mentioned here.

You create your own world where ever you live, so long you are willing to adapt the new things and do not get tied down with old sentiments. The life must move on. I know for sure, most of our exservicemen find problem in settling down in main stream after retirement, because the culture in services is so different than in our civil organizations.

Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences, we really value them and I am sure the new immigrants and prospective immigrants will be better prepared to face the challanges on arrival and making their decisions.

devdahiya
January 30th, 2005, 07:37 AM
Read carefully