ashokkhatri
June 9th, 2005, 03:11 PM
"He says"
The truth about women is they can’t be pleased. They spend their whole lives waiting for a man to do something wrong just so they can say, "I told you so." Women never shut up. They are born to nag. They like to nag so much, they even find fault with men when they are asleep. They claim that men snore. The truth is that no man has ever heard himself snoring.
And when a woman isn’t nagging, she is complaining. Something is always hurting. She has a migraine, her feet hurt, or her back bothers her. Women always want to go to doctors. Men don’t like to go to doctors. A man will wait until he is nearly dead before admitting pain.
Women don’t appreciate men or how hard they work, even though they are working mostly to support women. Women nag men to do petty chores like taking out the trash, things demeaning to a man’s dignity. Women try to expel them from their home and castle by making them do outside jobs like cutting the grass. If it was up to a man, he could get by with a mattress and a microwave.
Women waste entirely too much time cleaning the house. Who notices if the house is clean or not except the man…? And the truth is that he doesn’t care. If women have so much energy, why not spend it doing something useful like waxing and polishing the car? And women always want to "decorate" their home. Why do they need to decorate, except to spend money? Women also like to spend money shopping. Why do they need to shop? If they want something, they should just go into the store and buy the first thing they see. That’s what a man would do.
Women take better care of the kids than they do the man. If a child falls down and skins his knee, they rush him to the bathroom to put medicine and band-aids on the injury, and give him a hug. When a man falls down, they accuse him of indulging in strong beverages.
Women are always nagging men about cholesterol and calories too. Why can’t women just watch their own calories? A man is actually seldom overweight. He typically just has a small weight distribution problem causing everything to settle in the middle.
Women always want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Just because a man brings part of the car engine inside and leaves it on the kitchen table, they threaten to divorce him. Trivial! Women want the home to be perfect. Even though the man is not a plumber and knows nothing about fixing stuff, they expect him to do home repairs. Then when the man messes something up and a real repair person has to be paid overtime, the woman becomes upset.
Women have their faults too. For example, women are very jealous creatures. Just because a man spends a bit too much time looking at a new babe at the pool, they accuse him of cheating. Why don’t they understand that it is his duty as a man to check out the new babes and report back to other men, preferably over a beer?
Actually, a man is much better off as a bachelor and he does not even have to shave every day either. A few empty beer bottles and sink full of dirty dishes do not make him a bad person. A ring in the bathtub does not mean than he is dirty, only that he does not like to spend valuable time cleaning the bathroom, especially if it is time for his favorite program to come on TV. Women need to learn to keep priorities straight.
Another problem women have is always wanting to socialize. Men don’t want to socialize; they want to stay home and watch television, something that won’t talk back or try to dance with them. Speaking of television, women never understand the need for more than one remote control. But any man can easily explain at least two, and sometimes more.
A women thinks that the need to pass wind or belch is obnoxious instead of understanding natural body functions. They think that sleeping should be done in the bed instead of on the sofa. Why?
There is just no way to satisfy a woman. The only thing she is good for is sex and even that takes too long. If a man can get in the mood without foreplay why can’t she?
Women are impractical. They expect stupid gifts like flowers. They expect men to remember the dates of their birthday and anniversary even though the event was years ago. What a waste. Any man can tell you the only really good gift is a big screen TV or tickets to a hockey match. Women cannot understand the taste of a fine cigar or a shot of bourbon. A woman thinks that a man smokes or drinks just for the express purpose of annoying her.
Men don’t try to engage women in meaningful conversations. The only meaningful conversation that a man is interested in is who is the most valuable player and what time the big game comes on. Women never know when to shut up. They talk too much. Women are always accusing men of not listening. Of course, they are not listening; they are watching the instant replay.
It takes a woman forever to get ready to go someplace. A man can get ready in ten minutes. When she is finally ready, she wants to be complimented on how she looks. If a man says the woman looks nice, she accuses him of being up to something. If he does not say that she looks nice, she accuses him of being insensitive. That’s why men don’t give compliments. They are trying to stay out of trouble.
"SHE Says"
Men think they are the superior sex. Just because their muscles are stronger they have the silly idea that their gray matter is adequate to a female’s. What women lack in physical strength, they make up for in mental superiority. The reason that men all sleep with their mouths open is simply because their brain cells are trying to get oxygen. Lack of oxygen is also what causes them snore.
Men spend a lot of time denying their deficiencies, which is why they never get anything done. Women have to nag them for days -- and that is just to get them up off the sofa. The only time a man will ever get something finished is when it is time to watch the ball game on TV. That means the best time to nag a man is right before a big game. After the game starts, there is no point in trying to talk to him:
If the woman says, "I had a terrible day," the man says, "Huh?"
If she says, "I wrecked the car," he says, "Huh?"
If she says, "Wanna have sex?" he says, "Huh?"
Men have the only truly universal language -- a grunt.
Men actually watch sports on TV just as an excuse to drink beer. Why is it that men drink so much beer? Do they really think that beer bellies look cool? If beer did not exist, men would go thirsty. Who invented beer anyhow? It must have been a man. No woman would invent a high calorie beverage without cream and sugar.
Men always accuse women of nagging them about watching sports, but the reason women nag is because they could never get anything done otherwise. Men really should come with consumer warning labels. They have thousands of dollars worth of power tools and wrenches but still can’t change a washer for a drippy faucet. Of course, that is because they never have the right two-bit washer.
Along with their other problems, men have a hard time picking out their own clothes. They find several outfits that match and then wear them over and over. If the green shirt is dirty, they can’t think of anything else that goes with the green pants. While women have shoes for every outfit, men are so boring they only need two pairs: black and brown. If the black shoes have to go in for repair, the man can only wear half of his clothes. Men are unable to go shopping alone also. After 20 years, a man still doesn’t know the length of his own inseam. It must be psychological denial.
Speaking of psychological denial, men are also terrible at managing money, but still think they are superior to women. Men complain about a few items charged on the credit card and forget about the new computer they just bought. They always want to control the money and to make the investments. It makes them feel powerful to talk about the stock market --- whether they understand it or not. If they are really so good with money, why do they keep losing all their pocket change under the furniture cushions?
Men are always too involved with money and also with their careers. They spend all their time and energy on the job and then they are too tired for sex. They are NOT too tired to think about it all the time, however. Men have three favourite things, and they all begin with "S" -- beer, football, and sex. Why do these words begin with "S"? Because one stinks, one is stupid and one is much too swift.
After work, a man wants to unwind by watching TV. He cannot watch it, however, without a remote control. When the remote control was invented, he lost his ability to use the knob on the television and it became obsolete. He has one remote for the TV and one for the DVD. Men love electronic toys and gadgets. The DVD, of course, is simply another unnecessary gadget that blinks and beeps. Chances are he doesn’t remember how to use the DVD. And since a book doesn’t operate by remote control, he can’t look it up.
With so many things on their small minds, men never remember birthdays and anniversaries unless they are reminded. They probably are trying to forget that they are married. It won’t work. Women remember. The woman wants the man pick out her gift. He always gets something expensive because he is too lazy to shop for a bargain -- or else the saleswoman at Victoria’s Secret talked him into it.
In addition to being forgetful, men do offensive things like belch and expect a woman to understand. Why should the woman understand? The man should understand that she is offended and not do it. That is why women are so sensitive and get their feelings hurt, because men do not understand. If men understood women, they would not "let their ears rest" while women are talking. How can a woman explain anything when the man is not listening?
The truth about women is they can’t be pleased. They spend their whole lives waiting for a man to do something wrong just so they can say, "I told you so." Women never shut up. They are born to nag. They like to nag so much, they even find fault with men when they are asleep. They claim that men snore. The truth is that no man has ever heard himself snoring.
And when a woman isn’t nagging, she is complaining. Something is always hurting. She has a migraine, her feet hurt, or her back bothers her. Women always want to go to doctors. Men don’t like to go to doctors. A man will wait until he is nearly dead before admitting pain.
Women don’t appreciate men or how hard they work, even though they are working mostly to support women. Women nag men to do petty chores like taking out the trash, things demeaning to a man’s dignity. Women try to expel them from their home and castle by making them do outside jobs like cutting the grass. If it was up to a man, he could get by with a mattress and a microwave.
Women waste entirely too much time cleaning the house. Who notices if the house is clean or not except the man…? And the truth is that he doesn’t care. If women have so much energy, why not spend it doing something useful like waxing and polishing the car? And women always want to "decorate" their home. Why do they need to decorate, except to spend money? Women also like to spend money shopping. Why do they need to shop? If they want something, they should just go into the store and buy the first thing they see. That’s what a man would do.
Women take better care of the kids than they do the man. If a child falls down and skins his knee, they rush him to the bathroom to put medicine and band-aids on the injury, and give him a hug. When a man falls down, they accuse him of indulging in strong beverages.
Women are always nagging men about cholesterol and calories too. Why can’t women just watch their own calories? A man is actually seldom overweight. He typically just has a small weight distribution problem causing everything to settle in the middle.
Women always want to make a mountain out of a molehill. Just because a man brings part of the car engine inside and leaves it on the kitchen table, they threaten to divorce him. Trivial! Women want the home to be perfect. Even though the man is not a plumber and knows nothing about fixing stuff, they expect him to do home repairs. Then when the man messes something up and a real repair person has to be paid overtime, the woman becomes upset.
Women have their faults too. For example, women are very jealous creatures. Just because a man spends a bit too much time looking at a new babe at the pool, they accuse him of cheating. Why don’t they understand that it is his duty as a man to check out the new babes and report back to other men, preferably over a beer?
Actually, a man is much better off as a bachelor and he does not even have to shave every day either. A few empty beer bottles and sink full of dirty dishes do not make him a bad person. A ring in the bathtub does not mean than he is dirty, only that he does not like to spend valuable time cleaning the bathroom, especially if it is time for his favorite program to come on TV. Women need to learn to keep priorities straight.
Another problem women have is always wanting to socialize. Men don’t want to socialize; they want to stay home and watch television, something that won’t talk back or try to dance with them. Speaking of television, women never understand the need for more than one remote control. But any man can easily explain at least two, and sometimes more.
A women thinks that the need to pass wind or belch is obnoxious instead of understanding natural body functions. They think that sleeping should be done in the bed instead of on the sofa. Why?
There is just no way to satisfy a woman. The only thing she is good for is sex and even that takes too long. If a man can get in the mood without foreplay why can’t she?
Women are impractical. They expect stupid gifts like flowers. They expect men to remember the dates of their birthday and anniversary even though the event was years ago. What a waste. Any man can tell you the only really good gift is a big screen TV or tickets to a hockey match. Women cannot understand the taste of a fine cigar or a shot of bourbon. A woman thinks that a man smokes or drinks just for the express purpose of annoying her.
Men don’t try to engage women in meaningful conversations. The only meaningful conversation that a man is interested in is who is the most valuable player and what time the big game comes on. Women never know when to shut up. They talk too much. Women are always accusing men of not listening. Of course, they are not listening; they are watching the instant replay.
It takes a woman forever to get ready to go someplace. A man can get ready in ten minutes. When she is finally ready, she wants to be complimented on how she looks. If a man says the woman looks nice, she accuses him of being up to something. If he does not say that she looks nice, she accuses him of being insensitive. That’s why men don’t give compliments. They are trying to stay out of trouble.
"SHE Says"
Men think they are the superior sex. Just because their muscles are stronger they have the silly idea that their gray matter is adequate to a female’s. What women lack in physical strength, they make up for in mental superiority. The reason that men all sleep with their mouths open is simply because their brain cells are trying to get oxygen. Lack of oxygen is also what causes them snore.
Men spend a lot of time denying their deficiencies, which is why they never get anything done. Women have to nag them for days -- and that is just to get them up off the sofa. The only time a man will ever get something finished is when it is time to watch the ball game on TV. That means the best time to nag a man is right before a big game. After the game starts, there is no point in trying to talk to him:
If the woman says, "I had a terrible day," the man says, "Huh?"
If she says, "I wrecked the car," he says, "Huh?"
If she says, "Wanna have sex?" he says, "Huh?"
Men have the only truly universal language -- a grunt.
Men actually watch sports on TV just as an excuse to drink beer. Why is it that men drink so much beer? Do they really think that beer bellies look cool? If beer did not exist, men would go thirsty. Who invented beer anyhow? It must have been a man. No woman would invent a high calorie beverage without cream and sugar.
Men always accuse women of nagging them about watching sports, but the reason women nag is because they could never get anything done otherwise. Men really should come with consumer warning labels. They have thousands of dollars worth of power tools and wrenches but still can’t change a washer for a drippy faucet. Of course, that is because they never have the right two-bit washer.
Along with their other problems, men have a hard time picking out their own clothes. They find several outfits that match and then wear them over and over. If the green shirt is dirty, they can’t think of anything else that goes with the green pants. While women have shoes for every outfit, men are so boring they only need two pairs: black and brown. If the black shoes have to go in for repair, the man can only wear half of his clothes. Men are unable to go shopping alone also. After 20 years, a man still doesn’t know the length of his own inseam. It must be psychological denial.
Speaking of psychological denial, men are also terrible at managing money, but still think they are superior to women. Men complain about a few items charged on the credit card and forget about the new computer they just bought. They always want to control the money and to make the investments. It makes them feel powerful to talk about the stock market --- whether they understand it or not. If they are really so good with money, why do they keep losing all their pocket change under the furniture cushions?
Men are always too involved with money and also with their careers. They spend all their time and energy on the job and then they are too tired for sex. They are NOT too tired to think about it all the time, however. Men have three favourite things, and they all begin with "S" -- beer, football, and sex. Why do these words begin with "S"? Because one stinks, one is stupid and one is much too swift.
After work, a man wants to unwind by watching TV. He cannot watch it, however, without a remote control. When the remote control was invented, he lost his ability to use the knob on the television and it became obsolete. He has one remote for the TV and one for the DVD. Men love electronic toys and gadgets. The DVD, of course, is simply another unnecessary gadget that blinks and beeps. Chances are he doesn’t remember how to use the DVD. And since a book doesn’t operate by remote control, he can’t look it up.
With so many things on their small minds, men never remember birthdays and anniversaries unless they are reminded. They probably are trying to forget that they are married. It won’t work. Women remember. The woman wants the man pick out her gift. He always gets something expensive because he is too lazy to shop for a bargain -- or else the saleswoman at Victoria’s Secret talked him into it.
In addition to being forgetful, men do offensive things like belch and expect a woman to understand. Why should the woman understand? The man should understand that she is offended and not do it. That is why women are so sensitive and get their feelings hurt, because men do not understand. If men understood women, they would not "let their ears rest" while women are talking. How can a woman explain anything when the man is not listening?