pammusangwan
August 22nd, 2005, 12:39 AM
PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID
******* SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.
******** TAKE A LOOK:
****** 1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
******* Customer: "Ok."
****** Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
****** Customer: "No."
***** Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you** see a pop-up menu?"
***** Customer: "No."
***** Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what* you have done up** until this point?"
***** Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
**** and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------
***** 2) Customer: "I received the software update
**** you sent, but I am still getting the same error
*** message."
*** Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
***** Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it
** to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
***** 3)Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing
**** Microsoft Word."
***** Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
***** Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
***** Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and
*** tell me what it says."
***** Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore
**** and Recovery disk'."
***** Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
** disk."
***** Customer:: "What?"
***** Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
**** Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
***** 4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use
***** your software?"
***** Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
***** 5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand
side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button
** displayed?"
***** Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
**** there?"
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------
***** 6) Tech Support: : "What type of computer do
*** you have?"
***** Customer:: "A white one."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 7). Tech Support:: "What operating system are
**** you running?"
***** Customer: "Pentium."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I
** performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 9).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
--------------------------------------------------
***** 10).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
***** Tech Support: "What does it say?"
***** Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."
***** Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there
a floppy inside?"
**** Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying
there's an Intel inside."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if
there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
***** Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
***** 13). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say
now?"
***** Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
***** Tech Support:: "Well?"
***** Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
****** best of the lot
***** 14). A plain computer illiterate** guy rings
tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
***** Tech: What's the problem?
***** User: There is smoke coming out of the power
supply.
Tech:(keep quite)
***** Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
***** User: No, I don't! I just need to change the
startup files.
***** Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll
need to replace it.
***** User: No way! Someone told me that I just
needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
Tech support::
***** 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant
that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
***** Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
***** User: I knew it!
***** Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Letme know how it goes.
***** 10 minutes later.
***** User: It didn't work. The power supply is
still smoking.
***** Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
***** User: MS-DOS 6.22.
***** Tech: That's your problem there. That version
of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
***** 1 hour later.
***** User: I need a new power supply.
***** Tech support:: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support::(hush hush)
***** User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him
about what you said, and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
***** Tech: Then what did he say?
***** User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
***** 15) customer care officer:I need a product
identification no: right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
***** Cust: sure
***** CCO: could u left click on start and do u find
'My Computer'?
***** Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find 'MY COMPUTER' it is already with me....
******* SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.
******** TAKE A LOOK:
****** 1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
******* Customer: "Ok."
****** Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
****** Customer: "No."
***** Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you** see a pop-up menu?"
***** Customer: "No."
***** Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what* you have done up** until this point?"
***** Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click'
**** and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------
***** 2) Customer: "I received the software update
**** you sent, but I am still getting the same error
*** message."
*** Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
***** Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it
** to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
***** 3)Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing
**** Microsoft Word."
***** Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
***** Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
***** Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and
*** tell me what it says."
***** Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore
**** and Recovery disk'."
***** Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup
** disk."
***** Customer:: "What?"
***** Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
**** Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
***** 4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use
***** your software?"
***** Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)
--------------------------------------------------
***** 5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand
side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button
** displayed?"
***** Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
**** there?"
Tech support:
--------------------------------------------------
***** 6) Tech Support: : "What type of computer do
*** you have?"
***** Customer:: "A white one."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 7). Tech Support:: "What operating system are
**** you running?"
***** Customer: "Pentium."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I
** performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 9).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
--------------------------------------------------
***** 10).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer.
I urgently need to print document, but the computer
won't boot properly."
***** Tech Support: "What does it say?"
***** Customer: "Something about an error and
non-system disk."
***** Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there
a floppy inside?"
**** Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying
there's an Intel inside."
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
***** 12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if
there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
***** Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
***** 13). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say
now?"
***** Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
***** Tech Support:: "Well?"
***** Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support::
--------------------------------------------------
****** best of the lot
***** 14). A plain computer illiterate** guy rings
tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
***** Tech: What's the problem?
***** User: There is smoke coming out of the power
supply.
Tech:(keep quite)
***** Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
***** User: No, I don't! I just need to change the
startup files.
***** Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll
need to replace it.
***** User: No way! Someone told me that I just
needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
Tech support::
***** 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant
that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
***** Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
***** User: I knew it!
***** Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Letme know how it goes.
***** 10 minutes later.
***** User: It didn't work. The power supply is
still smoking.
***** Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
***** User: MS-DOS 6.22.
***** Tech: That's your problem there. That version
of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft
and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
***** 1 hour later.
***** User: I need a new power supply.
***** Tech support:: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support::(hush hush)
***** User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him
about what you said, and he started asking questions
about the make of power supply.
***** Tech: Then what did he say?
***** User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
***** 15) customer care officer:I need a product
identification no: right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
***** Cust: sure
***** CCO: could u left click on start and do u find
'My Computer'?
***** Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find 'MY COMPUTER' it is already with me....