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Thread: 10:90 Principle- 10% of our life depends on "what happens to us" from Stephen Covey

  1. #1

    10:90 Principle- 10% of our life depends on "what happens to us" from Stephen Covey

    The Principle in short :
    "10% of our life depends on what happens to us"...
    "90% of our life depends on how we react to it...."

    What does this mean?

    We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different.

    You determine the other 90%.

    How?
    By your reaction.

    You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
    Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

    Let’s use an example.

    You are eating breakfast with your family.
    Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
    You have no control over what just what happened.
    What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.
    You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
    She breaks down in tears.
    After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
    A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
    Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

    Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
    You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
    Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
    After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 (traffic fine) away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying
    goodbye.
    After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
    Your day has started terrible.
    As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
    You look forward to coming home .
    When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

    Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

    Why did you have a bad day?

    A) Did the coffee cause it?
    B) Did your daughter cause it?
    C) Did the policeman cause it?
    D) Did you cause it?

    The answer is D.

    You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
    How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
    Here is what could have and should have happened.
    Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry.
    You gently say, “It’s ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time”.
    Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.

    You and your spouse kiss before you go to work.
    You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
    Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
    Notice the difference? Two different scenarios.
    Both started the same. Both ended different.
    Why? Because of how you REACTED.
    You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
    The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

    Here are some ” says ” to apply the 90/10 principle.
    If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge.
    Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
    You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you!
    React properly and it will not ruin your day.
    A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
    How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?
    Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel?
    (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off)
    Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
    Do you try and bump them?
    WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
    Why let the cars ruin your drive?
    Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
    You are told you lost your job.
    Why lose sleep and get irritated?
    It will work out.
    Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

    The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
    Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
    She has no control over what is going on.
    Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.
    Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

    Now you know the 90-10 principle.
    Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
    You will lose nothing if you try it.
    The 90-10 principle is incredible.

    Very few know and apply this principle.
    The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
    There never seem to be a success in life.
    Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
    There is constant stress, lack of joy and broken relationships.
    Worry consumes time.
    Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.
    Friends are lost.
    Life is a bore and often seems cruel.
    Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.

    You can be different!

    Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life!

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sangwan70 For This Useful Post:

    deependra (February 17th, 2011), ravinderpannu (February 14th, 2011)

  3. #2
    This principle has changed my life.
    My own experience :
    I was going from Delhi to Karnal for an urgent meeting. At Panipat, a flyover was under construction due to which there was a huge traffic jam.
    A Police Constable was also sitting with me wo took lift and requested me to drop at Madhuban where Haryana has it police training school.
    In the traffic My car was in the mid of the traffic, on my right there was truck. The Truck was not having any side glass and helper. The driver was all alone.
    The traffic was moving very slowly.
    Now..
    There was a heavy vehicle break down in the traffic in front of the Truck which was beside me. The driver had no option but to turn to my my side. He simply did the same...
    ......and he banged his truck at the rear door of my car.....
    ----
    ----
    What would have been the reaction of a "typical Jat' at that point of time...????

    My Reaction was opposite to what you might be thinking....
    The police constable said " Mein dekhtaa hu isko.... "
    I said "please you keep sitting, let me handle him"
    I got down and went to truck driver,

    What happened next.... Guess... I will explain it in next post..

  4. #3
    well it depicts that stay cools ,,whatever happens,,!!!
    it is one's deeds which make the conditions,,In shriMadBhagwat Geeta it is known as the concept of Karma..!!

    Techings of shriMadBhagwat Geeta as we all might have heard of :
    jo hua achha hua,,jo hoga acche k liye hoga,,
    chinta chita k samaan hai,,!!! so don't worry and loose health..!!
    DeStInY LiE$ iN tHe $tReNgTh oF uR dReAm$...!!
    JAT ----------> JUSTICE AND TRUTH

  5. #4
    I am still waiting for somebody to complete the incident like "what might have happened after that?"

  6. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sangwan70 View Post
    I am still waiting for somebody to complete the incident like "what might have happened after that?"
    Ok, let me try.

    You got out of your car and asked Truck driver for a talk, meanwhile he apologized your mind blinked with this 10/90 rule. Then you smiled and asked him to pay what he have done, or help you to get out that traffic. The truck driver might has observed the policeman in your car, so nothing but with polite he may have paid you for damages. He may also been the local to that area and gave you the details of repair center and short route to the destination.
    Regards

    Shiv K. Chaudhary
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. .

  7. #6
    OK Finally Sharing with you what happened after that
    I asked the driver to come down. He was scared and said 'bhai sahab ismein meri koi galti nahie hai." I said I know yaar. Arre bhai ek cup chai and ek thandaa to lenge naa. I was amused...
    Still he was not convinced to what I was saying... but Finally I some how managed to bring him down. I took a photo of if after asking him to stand in front of the truck and Then asked him "Gaadi ko ab side mein kar lo and raasta khali kar do traffic ke liye."
    Once we removed our vehicles from the mid of the traffic, I got three cold drinks from a near by shop and asked him "dear you have three options now."
    What ?? he asked...
    Option one: You leave now... In that case I will file a case and your Maalik will be dragged in court.
    Option Two: We both go to police station... and you know... they are neither mine nore yours...
    Option Three: You call your Truck Owner and He will pay part of the Expected Expence as my car is already insured (I have to pay around 25% of total expence)

    He opted for option three..
    Owner of the truck came...
    I bought one more cold drink..
    I said the same sentences to him also..
    He said "How much Should I pay?"
    I Said "25 % of Expected Expence..." We called one person from near by shop and asked him the estimated expence.. He said Approximately 25000..
    Truck Owner Paid me Rs. 5000/
    I got my car repaired and took insurance claim
    I Had to Pay Rs. 1800 From My Pocket ...
    My total Saving from that incident Rs. 3200 ( Of course minus Cost if Four Cold Drinks)

    -----
    ~:Sangwan:~
    www.jats.in
    ~:::Come on!!! Be a Part of it!!!!:::~

  8. #7
    Bahut badhiya raasta aapnaaya bhai... aur sabhi raha .. warna koi akhkhaad jaat hota to pehle uski dhulayi karta .. :P
    Regards

    Shiv K. Chaudhary
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. .

  9. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by shivamchaudhary View Post
    Bahut badhiya raasta aapnaaya bhai... aur sabhi raha .. warna koi akhkhaad jaat hota to pehle uski dhulayi karta .. :P

    Dhulai k baad paise b to maang sake tha...!!
    ar nahi to ek aadha bhai to DHULAI kar k jam raji ho liya kare hai ar nyu keh de ak ja eb,,aapni repair karwa liye..!!
    DeStInY LiE$ iN tHe $tReNgTh oF uR dReAm$...!!
    JAT ----------> JUSTICE AND TRUTH

  10. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Sangwan70 View Post
    OK Finally Sharing with you what happened after that
    I asked the driver to come down. He was scared and said 'bhai sahab ismein meri koi galti nahie hai." I said I know yaar. Arre bhai ek cup chai and ek thandaa to lenge naa. I was amused...
    Still he was not convinced to what I was saying... but Finally I some how managed to bring him down. I took a photo of if after asking him to stand in front of the truck and Then asked him "Gaadi ko ab side mein kar lo and raasta khali kar do traffic ke liye."
    Once we removed our vehicles from the mid of the traffic, I got three cold drinks from a near by shop and asked him "dear you have three options now."
    What ?? he asked...
    Option one: You leave now... In that case I will file a case and your Maalik will be dragged in court.
    Option Two: We both go to police station... and you know... they are neither mine nore yours...
    Option Three: You call your Truck Owner and He will pay part of the Expected Expence as my car is already insured (I have to pay around 25% of total expence)

    He opted for option three..
    Owner of the truck came...
    I bought one more cold drink..
    I said the same sentences to him also..
    He said "How much Should I pay?"
    I Said "25 % of Expected Expence..." We called one person from near by shop and asked him the estimated expence.. He said Approximately 25000..
    Truck Owner Paid me Rs. 5000/
    I got my car repaired and took insurance claim
    I Had to Pay Rs. 1800 From My Pocket ...
    My total Saving from that incident Rs. 3200 ( Of course minus Cost if Four Cold Drinks)

    -----
    Itna thalli manas se k tu........
    The word "EQUAL" has no meaning in human life

  11. #10
    10:90 Principle changed my way of looking at wrong happening in the life.... which are not in our control...
    This was just one example.. I have followed it at my home and I am telling you honestly.. My entire family has changed the approach towards handling of problems which we face in life...

    It was for the people who wants to take some inspiration... as i took from above story... not for others...
    ~:Sangwan:~
    www.jats.in
    ~:::Come on!!! Be a Part of it!!!!:::~

  12. #11
    Akshay bhai ka bura mat maane, bhai ka poora support hai aur hamara bhi. I do agree we should improve our approach to deal with things !!
    Regards

    Shiv K. Chaudhary
    --------------------------------------------------------------
    The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. .

  13. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by shivamchaudhary View Post
    Akshay bhai ka bura mat maane, bhai ka poora support hai aur hamara bhi. I do agree we should improve our approach to deal with things !!
    अक्षय ने कश्मिरियाँ की ढाल डले मारण के पिस्से मल्ल्या करें
    :rockwhen you found a key to success,some ideot change the lock,*******BREAK THE DOOR.
    हक़ मांगने से नहीं मिलता , छिना जाता हे |
    अहिंसा कमजोरों का हथियार हे |
    पगड़ी संभाल जट्टा |
    मौत नु आंगालियाँ पे नचांदे , ते आपां जाट कुहांदे |

  14. #13
    Thanks All for your support... and understanding...
    Even if life of one Jat is changed after reading this, like mine changed, I would feel I Contributed something to the community...


    Regards
    ~:Sangwan:~
    www.jats.in
    ~:::Come on!!! Be a Part of it!!!!:::~

  15. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by akshaymalik84 View Post
    Itna thalli manas se k tu........
    Quote Originally Posted by ravinderjeet View Post
    अक्षय ने कश्मिरियाँ की ढाल डले मारण के पिस्से मल्ल्या करें

    अक्षय तो न्यू ए एक एक लाइन क तीर चलाया करे है ..!!!

    बाकि सांगवान भाई ,,बढ़िया पोलीसी अपना रया सै विनम्रता आळी...!!..I liked your post and way of approach..
    Last edited by ravinderpannu; February 15th, 2011 at 01:43 PM. Reason: spelling change
    DeStInY LiE$ iN tHe $tReNgTh oF uR dReAm$...!!
    JAT ----------> JUSTICE AND TRUTH

  16. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by shivamchaudhary View Post
    Akshay bhai ka bura mat maane, bhai ka poora support hai aur hamara bhi. I do agree we should improve our approach to deal with things !!
    jo itni maadi maadi baat pe gussa aan lagya bhai ne to fer 10=90 aali theory to fail hogi..bhai ke to koi 5-7 rahapte bhi maar le jib bhi kona digge.....temper nahi khota sangwaan bhai aise hi....
    Become more and more innocent, less knowledgeable and more childlike. Take life as fun - because that's precisely what it is!

  17. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by prashantacmet View Post
    -----bhai ke to koi 5-7 rahapte bhi maar le jib bhi kona digge.....temper nahi khota sangwaan bhai aise hi....
    sukar hai k tu na tha wo truck driver nahi to ya kami bhu puri ho jati
    The never-ending task : Self Improvement

  18. #17
    More Such Topics Will be coming ... Which has changed many lives....

    R.N. Sangwan
    jats.in
    Come on!! Be a Part of it!!!
    ~:Sangwan:~
    www.jats.in
    ~:::Come on!!! Be a Part of it!!!!:::~

  19. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Sangwan70 View Post
    OK Finally Sharing with you what happened after that
    I asked the driver to come down. He was scared and said 'bhai sahab ismein meri koi galti nahie hai." I said I know yaar. Arre bhai ek cup chai and ek thandaa to lenge naa. I was amused...
    Still he was not convinced to what I was saying... but Finally I some how managed to bring him down. I took a photo of if after asking him to stand in front of the truck and Then asked him "Gaadi ko ab side mein kar lo and raasta khali kar do traffic ke liye."
    Once we removed our vehicles from the mid of the traffic, I got three cold drinks from a near by shop and asked him "dear you have three options now."
    What ?? he asked...
    Option one: You leave now... In that case I will file a case and your Maalik will be dragged in court.
    Option Two: We both go to police station... and you know... they are neither mine nore yours...
    Option Three: You call your Truck Owner and He will pay part of the Expected Expence as my car is already insured (I have to pay around 25% of total expence)

    He opted for option three..
    Owner of the truck came...
    I bought one more cold drink..
    I said the same sentences to him also..
    He said "How much Should I pay?"
    I Said "25 % of Expected Expence..." We called one person from near by shop and asked him the estimated expence.. He said Approximately 25000..
    Truck Owner Paid me Rs. 5000/
    I got my car repaired and took insurance claim
    I Had to Pay Rs. 1800 From My Pocket ...
    My total Saving from that incident Rs. 3200 ( Of course minus Cost if Four Cold Drinks)

    -----
    A soft nature of a person does not mean weakness...
    Remember...
    Nothing is softer than water..
    but its force can break the strongest rock.




    Nothing is Impossible,
    Impossible takes a little longer than the Usual .










    http://narendersinghsangwan.wordpress.com
    http://diabetesmotherofall.wordpress.com
    http://maintainyourheart.wordpress.com
    http://waytopositivethinking.wordpress.com

  20. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to narendersingh For This Useful Post:

    deependra (February 17th, 2011), nkumars83 (February 22nd, 2011), ravinderpannu (February 17th, 2011)

  21. #19

    Two types of failure.

    Prashant, You are right..
    I dont loose my temper so easily.. In fact I hardly loose my temper.
    Another example of this...
    We were working on a project for one of our client...
    As it happens, when you are new in the trade, It is very difficult to satisfy the client.
    This Client was very particular about the quality of the Flash website he was looking for...
    Initially he gave me some advance based on my over all experience (NIL in the area, he was expecting us to work)
    As usual..
    We fail to deliver up to his expectations...
    After Trying 4-5 Times, He Said, "leave it sir...You can not do it.".
    I left the place but a different kind of determination....
    'Why cant we do it..., " We can... and more than his expectations...
    I called this client after 2 months... He did not picked up my phone... I Checked, His project was still pending..
    I kept trying after every 1-2 months..

    Finally He picked my Call After nearly two years.... (Honestly)
    He said ."Sangwan ji Have you improved... or you are still at the same level..?"
    I said, "Sir just give me two days and I will send you a sample page, then you decide..."
    He Asked, "What about cost?"
    I Said, "Let me first show something...'
    He said, "OK"
    I had excellent Flash Designer on my payroll. I put him on the job. He came out with flying colours...
    We sent him Home page design..
    As I was expecting... He Called same evening and asked me to meet.
    I met him again. No Price Discussion.. Only some inputs on the project and ...
    When we finally delivered the final Project, He Asked me the cost...
    I Left that to him..
    He Paid almost double of my expectations...
    What I have learnt from this incident...
    Failure is of two types:
    Forward Failure and
    Backward Failure

    Forward Failure: If you fail and bounce back with double strength to succeed, it is forward failure
    Backward Failure: If you fail and decide not to try that again in life...


    Every time we fail, we get something good called "Experience"
    Last edited by Sangwan70; February 17th, 2011 at 12:16 AM.

  22. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Sangwan70 For This Useful Post:

    bhupindersingh (February 18th, 2011), deependra (February 17th, 2011), nkumars83 (February 22nd, 2011), prashantacmet (February 17th, 2011), ravinderjeet (February 17th, 2011), ravinderpannu (February 17th, 2011), tasvir7 (February 17th, 2011)

  23. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by Sangwan70 View Post
    Prashant, You are right..
    I dont loose my temper so easily.. In fact I hardly loose my temper.
    Another example of this...
    We were working on a project for one of our client...
    As it happens, when you are new in the trade, It is very difficult to satisfy the client.
    This Client was very particular about the quality of the Flash website he was looking for...
    Initially he gave me some advance based on my over all experience (NIL in the area, he was expecting us to work)
    As usual..
    We fail to deliver up to his expectations...
    After Trying 4-5 Times, He Said, "leave it sir...You can not do it.".
    I left the place but a different kind of determination....
    'Why cant we do it..., " We can... and more than his expectations...
    I called this client after 2 months... He did not picked up my phone... I Checked, His project was still pending..
    I kept trying after every 1-2 months..

    Finally He picked my Call After nearly two years.... (Honestly)
    He said ."Sangwan ji Have you improved... or you are still at the same level..?"
    I said, "Sir just give me two days and I will send you a sample page, then you decide..."
    He Asked, "What about cost?"
    I Said, "Let me first show something...'
    He said, "OK"
    I had excellent Flash Designer on my payroll. I put him on the job. He came out with flying colours...
    We sent him Home page design..
    As I was expecting... He Called same evening and asked me to meet.
    I met him again. No Price Discussion.. Only some inputs on the project and ...
    When we finally delivered the final Project, He Asked me the cost...
    I Left that to him..
    He Paid almost double of my expectations...
    What I have learnt from this incident...
    Failure is of two types:
    Forward Failure and
    Backward Failure

    Forward Failure: If you fail and bounce back with double strength to succeed, it is forward failure
    Backward Failure: If you fail and decide not to try that again in life...


    Every time we fail, we get something good called "Experience"
    sirji, you talk like shiv kheda, I should say you got an inspirational trait.
    Become more and more innocent, less knowledgeable and more childlike. Take life as fun - because that's precisely what it is!

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