Jokes

[anupamabeniwal]

PLEASE TAKE THIS AS A JOKE AND NOT AS PERSONAL

When the end of the world comes, everybody on earth goes to heaven.

God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.

1) One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and

2) the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St.Peter."

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women were gone and
there were two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long,
and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I
created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the
only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"

Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer canhttp://www.desitorrents.com/forums/images/smilies/druge.gif, 2 were on the phone.http://www.desitorrents.com/forums/images/smilies/mob.gif"

[anupamabeniwal]

Enjoy the Sardar's Jokes:
>
>Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
>Frnd: Y?
>Srdr: Got upper berth.
>Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
>Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
>
>Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite,
>nobody will b there.....
>Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
>
>A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
>After seeing the Form He hed gone to DELHI for filling up. U know y?
>FORM says " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
>
>A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
>Do u know what the business was?
>He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.
>
>A Teacher lecturing on population -
>In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
>A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
>
>Sardar-why r all these people running?
>Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
>Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
>
>Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
>Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
>again twins & named Max & Climax.
>Again d same. Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
>
>19 SARDARS WENT 4 A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP
>OF 19?
>THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
>
>A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's
>face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
>He said "SMILE PLEASE"
>
>Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
>Sardar:The future tense is "u will go to jail".
>
>Srdr gets ready,wears tie,coat,goes out,climbs tree, sits on the
branch regularly.
>A man asks why he does this.
>Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
>
>Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth......... WHY?
>because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"
>
>Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
>He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary expected".
>After much thought he wrote : Yes!
>
>SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY.
>HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE
>GIRL MY KIDNEY....
>
>One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
>U knw Why?
>Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
>
>Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
>Servant:It"s already raining. Sardar:So what take an umbrella and go.
>
>Santa! Your daughter has died!
>Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
>At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
>At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
>At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
>
>ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,DARLING ON OUR
ENGAGEMENT
>WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
>HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER.
>
>Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
>What will come first, Chicken or egg?
>O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
>
>A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
>A bystander: why are u laughing?
>Sardar: I have a Airtel cell phone but still hutch network is
following me.
>
>Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
>Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
>Angry Sardar: "Give me 20cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
>
>A teacher told all students in a class to write an
>essay on a cricket match.All were busy writing except one Sardarji.He
>wrote"DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
>
>Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
>Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
>
>What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
>He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
>
>Sardar proposed a Girl......
>Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'......
>Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
>
>WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
>* THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.*
>
>Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
>Sardar says... Drink quickly......
>Wife asks why...
>sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
>
>A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
>Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
>Sardar replied:Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR.
>
>Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefuly in
>his sleep not screamin like all d passengers in the car he was
driving......
>
>Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
>looking thing is what you call modern art ?
>Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
>
>Sardar was writing something very slowly.
>Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
>Sardar:"I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
>
>Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local
>sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
>
>A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the
>morning.
>Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
>
>Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
>Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
>Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
>It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
>
>Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
>His wife asked what you are doing ?
>He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.

[anupamabeniwal]

Our hero chatting with some heroinE on chat.

Both are SOFTWARE ENGINEERS by the way and both work for real big MNC's


Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How are u doing today?


Heroin: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat


Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat


Heroin: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager
comes to his seat.)


Manager: Hey, I need some help from you


Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me


Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, for Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?


Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.


Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you
[Leaves the place]


(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for heroin to Arrive.
> > >


All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)


Heroin: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work


Heroin: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!


Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Heroin: Hey, can u do me a favor


Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Heroin: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N.


Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out


Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.ok?

Heroin: THAT WAS THE SAMETHING I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. YOU KNOW WHO IAM NOW!!
YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!