Should one reveal one's true self to spouse

[devdahiya]

Is a white lie better than a black truth? Should we tell all or act with tact?Here the big question is about the HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIP?

Is a real YOU different that what you appear before your spouse or is/should be the same.Are we the [husband-wife]co-travellers with same destination or seperate destinations?Are there certain things better left unshared and hidden or should you be like a open book and guilible?How much hypocracy is correct with the partener or playacting for that matter? Is it all about confidence levels of parteners[at the end of the day] or honesty of telling truth is more important?

[manu14]

Is a white lie better than a black truth? Should we tell all or act with tact?Here the big question is about the HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIP?

Is a real YOU different that what you appear before your spouse or is/should be the same.Are we the [husband-wife]co-travellers with same destination or seperate destinations?Are there certain things better left unshared and hidden or should you be like a open book and guilible?How much hypocracy is correct with the partener or playacting for that matter? Is it all about confidence levels of parteners[at the end of the day] or honesty of telling truth is more important?

kakaji i personally feels we must share all our misdoings in past (if any) in a relationship or infact at the start of a relationship
else any relation for that matter will scatter if the other involved comes to know it afterwards (that time it hurts more) from any other source & bad things always comes out someday
& ur faith in her n her faith in u will go for a six which never can become better even after doing 1000 good things
in long term relation,, honesty matter

IN A LIGHT MOOD

Is a white lie better than a black truth? Should we tell all or act with tact?Here the big question is about the HONESTY IN RELATIONSHIP?

THIS THING ALSO DEPENDS UPON HOW UNDERSTANDING IS UR PARTNER
but if u (r not uu... kaki marre gi lath) means
anybody is truth full ,,,,,,,,,,,the other partner if not too dumb will understand

[deswal]

Jub Do Vyakti Shadi Karen To Unhe Satyata Se Bhi Shadi Karni Chahiye!!

Ek Dusre Se Ichhapurvak Kuchh Bhi Nahin Chhupana Jivanparyant Achhe Sanbandhon Ke Liye Cement Hota Hai!!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Well
I personally think that there must be transparency in this relation but in many cases you have to hide things it is better to hide rather then telling lie if you think that your partner will not like this thing but later on you can tell in some good situation but telling a lie is bad
Waise kehte hain ki kisi jhooth se kisi ki jaann bach jaye to bolne mein koi preshani nahi hai lekin apne jivan saathi se jhooth bolna galat hi hai kyonki ye rista ek do din ka nahi poori umar ka hai

[devdahiya]

Well
I personally think that there must be transparency in this relation but in many cases you have to hide things it is better to hide rather then telling lie if you think that your partner will not like this thing but later on you can tell in some good situation but telling a lie is bad
Waise kehte hain ki kisi jhooth se kisi ki jaann bach jaye to bolne mein koi preshani nahi hai lekin apne jivan saathi se jhooth bolna galat hi hai kyonki ye rista ek do din ka nahi poori umar ka hai


Another good input!

[spdeshwal]

Dahiyaji,

Vayvahrikta (practically) ke najariye se dekhne to , shadi se pahle ki nihayat jaruri relationships ke baare mein hi 'share' karna uchit hai. Atyadhik adarshwaad, kabhi-2 mushkilne paida kar deta hai. Haan, saddi ke baad puri pardarshita honi chahiye.Yanike, Saadi ke baad pura samrpan( total commitment or you may call it total surrender).

Kai baar bhawuktawash kahi saadi se pahle ki chhoti-2 batne shak paida kar deti hein. That does more harm than creating harmony.

[deepakchoudhry]

Dahiyaji,

Vayvahrikta (practically) ke najariye se dekhne to , shadi se pahle ki nihayat jaruri relationships ke baare mein hi 'share' karna uchit hai. Atyadhik adarshwaad, kabhi-2 mushkilne paida kar deta hai. Haan, saddi ke baad puri pardarshita honi chahiye.Yanike, Saadi ke baad pura samrpan( total commitment or you may call it total surrender).

Kai baar bhawuktawash kahi saadi se pahle ki chhoti-2 batne shak paida kar deti hein. That does more harm than creating harmony.

I agree with Deswal Ji....after we commit into a relationship honesty towards each other should be 100%.

[jagmohan]

Bhai DEV,

With due respect to comments by worthy members, I have a different view.

The first truth is that there are certain realities (call them secrets if you will) that a human being NEVER shares with any one. There are such deep hidden secrets that wouldn't even escape in the 'dream zone'. This is what some psychologists say.

The second truth is that everyone wears a mask (Mukhota) that hides his true self. Whether we admit it in so many words or not, but this is a fact.

Now comes the issue of how much we should share with our life partner. This would largely depend on the 'Conditioning' of both the individuals. What backgrounds they come from? There are many questions that arise. Are they MATURED, UNDERSTANDING and TRUSTING enough? It is easier said than done. And there are 100 things other than 'Affairs' that people can hide from each other. I don't remember the name of the movie but there was a very good dialouge: "Agar tum RAM nahin ho to main bhee SITA nahin" or words like that.

Arr bahi sacchi poocho to saari baat batayee bhi na jaati. It is not a question of 'Right' or 'Wrong' but bas yoon hee....

Bhai DEV, ke baat se aaj kaal isse sawal pooche se jaanu sab ne Hardwar chhod ke aawega..

Regards,

JS Malik

[sunitahooda]

I feel we must share all with our partners. Sharing means expressing your true self to your partners. I know that there are few things that we at times feel are to be kept as SECRETS but KEEPING SECRETS from a person we are supposed to spend our life with is not a very good sense. I think that if we express ourself in a best possible way to our partners that....this is HOW I AM....then i am sure we wont regret after even sharing our secrets. I personally feel that there is noway when HIDING can be BETTER than SHARING....as sharing means caring and we treat our partner how we like to be treated. I myself like SHARING and every minute thing though i had to face lots of problem because of sharing but that not my problem as IF i want to be TRUTHFUL then i'll truthful no matter what. You can be as secretive as you want to be with rest of the WORLD but not with your partner....its my belief!

[poonam]

Now comes the issue of how much we should share with our life partner. This would largely depend on the 'Conditioning' of both the individuals. What backgrounds they come from? There are many questions that arise. Are they MATURED, UNDERSTANDING and TRUSTING enough? It is easier said than done. And there are 100 things other than 'Affairs' that people can hide from each other. I don't remember the name of the movie but there was a very good dialouge: "Agar tum RAM nahin ho to main bhee STIA nahin" or words like that.
Arr bahi sacchi poocho to saari baat batayee bhi na jaati. It is not a question of 'Right' or 'Wrong' but bas yoon hee....
Regards,
JS Malik


I see eye to eye every word of yours!

Can’t agree more!

Again as you said depends a lot on the two people and the kind of association/bonding/understanding/compatibility they share. At times silence is better than any lie or a truth per se and again it depends a lot on various other key factors as to what circumstances they are in and what is needed and expected out of it. Priorities in life keep changing. You might decide to reveal those realities today which must have preferred to keep mum about yesterday or vice-versa.

Apparently how close a relationship is I still believe that we are all by ourselves as an individual every now and then and I would respect and would like my spouse too to respect that space that radius around me which belongs only to me and would not allow anyone to intrude that spiritual sphere of myself as an individual.

King Siddharth better known as Gautam Buddha now, being such a great soul, why did he abandon his wife and son without giving an iota of indication to his wife about his struggle to re-search the life? Its not about hiding or revealing, I think its all about what works between the two people, by the two people, nothing more nothing less. Thats my faith!

[ramksehrawat]

Telling all truth to your life partner, may well be a shortcut to divorce in most of the cases !!! Na vakil ka kharcha, na court ka chakkar !!!

I think, tough one should try to be as honest to one's life partner as reasonably possible one should be judgemental and avoid things which might create problem. Ek chhoti si gathdi bilkul top secret bhi rakhni chahiye.

[deepakchoudhry]

Is a real YOU different that what you appear before your spouse or is/should be the same.Are we the [husband-wife]co-travellers with same destination or seperate destinations?Are there certain things better left unshared and hidden or should you be like a open book and guilible?How much hypocracy is correct with the partener or playacting for that matter? Is it all about confidence levels of parteners[at the end of the day] or honesty of telling truth is more important?

One should be themselves in a relationhsip and not pretend to be someone else. One cannot playact all the time as the life would be become quite miserable.

How would we feel, if we found out our partner was playacting all along. The person we think we knew was not the same person we knew....that will be quite tragic.

Truth maybe hard to take it in the begining but it is much better in the longer run, much better than than living a life of pretence.

[aakashtahlan]

Well according to me, we should share all the facts about our life with our spouse,reason being that:

1. After marriage, love or arranged, we become every thing for our spouse.
2. One lie today and 100 lies tommorow.
3. Untruth leads to hate and truth leads to love.

[devdahiya]

I see eye to eye every word of yours!

Can’t agree more!

Again as you said depends a lot on the two people and the kind of association/bonding/understanding/compatibility they share. At times silence is better than any lie or a truth per se and again it depends a lot on various other key factors as to what circumstances they are in and what is needed and expected out of it. Priorities in life keep changing. You might decide to reveal those realities today which must have preferred to keep mum about yesterday or vice-versa.

Apparently how close a relationship is I still believe that we are all by ourselves as an individual every now and then and I would respect and would like my spouse too to respect that space that radius around me which belongs only to me and would not allow anyone to intrude that spiritual sphere of myself as an individual.

King Siddharth better known as Gautam Buddha now, being such a great soul, why did he abandon his wife and son without giving an iota of indication to his wife about his struggle to re-search the life? Its not about hiding or revealing, I think its all about what works between the two people, by the two people, nothing more nothing less. Thats my faith!




Wa bebe........Baddi gehraai mei uttar gi.Well said and correctly said.Bebe kadde-2 ek aadhhi baat chhupanni bhi padd jya[not the..breaking the trust stuff ofcourse] jukkar jai partner nei koe cheez ka nuksaan na bardasst hotta ho arr ballak mobile kho de........Jai batta diya tei sankka arr kai din ka tension....iss tein aachha tei usse make ka naya liyawei arr batte na karre...ek -dou mhinne pachhe batta de.........I meant those kinda stuff.....Disloyalty in relationship whether told or untold is a criminal act.

[ritu]

I agree what jagmohan ji said mostly
Theoretically even I would say husband and wife should be like a open book for each other.
but practically that can not happen 100%.I am not talking about affairs before marriage or extramarital ones and actually for me even before thinking about a affair i will give divorce to my husband.these r my values which will never let me do that.
but there r so many other things in married life.even without knowing you keep on acting a little bit all ur life to eachother.bus phir dev ji wali baat vishwas ke sahre yu hi jindagi kat deta he.
SPOUSE KI TO BAAT CHODIYE LOG APNE AAP SE A APNA TRUE SELF REVEAL NAHI KARTE HE.




[quote=jagmohan]Bhai DEV,

With due respect to comments by worthy members, I have a different view.

The first truth is that there are certain realities (call them secrets if you will) that a human being NEVER shares with any one. There are such deep hidden secrets that wouldn't even escape in the 'dream zone'. This is what some psychologists say.

[devdahiya]

I agree what jagmohan ji said mostly
Theoretically even I would say husband and wife should be like a open book for each other.
but practically that can not happen 100%.I am not talking about affairs before marriage or extramarital ones and actually for me even before thinking about a affair i will give divorce to my husband.these r my values which will never let me do that.
but there r so many other things in married life.even without knowing you keep on acting a little bit all ur life to eachother.bus phir dev ji wali baat vishwas ke sahre yu hi jindagi kat deta he.
SPOUSE KI TO BAAT CHODIYE LOG APNE AAP SE A APNA TRUE SELF REVEAL NAHI KARTE HE.




[quote=jagmohan]Bhai DEV,

With due respect to comments by worthy members, I have a different view.

The first truth is that there are certain realities (call them secrets if you will) that a human being NEVER shares with any one. There are such deep hidden secrets that wouldn't even escape in the 'dream zone'. This is what some psychologists say.


Sahi baat kahi Ritu bebe, ya duniya Vishwaas pe-e kaayamm sei.

[pragati]

Well according to me, we should share all the facts about our life with our spouse,reason being that:

1. After marriage, love or arranged, we become every thing for our spouse.
2. One lie today and 100 lies tommorow.
3. Untruth leads to hate and truth leads to love.

I agree with Aakash....there should be an open discussion between the both about each & every point & about any matter....I don't have any personal experience but i think that after marriage, the life partner become the whole world and we should accept him/her with all the positive & negative points with the feelings like..."wo jaisa bhi hai...jo bhi hai...wo bus mera hai"....Friends never become a Fault-Finder & learn to forgive....learn to neglect or minimize the small-small things of quarrel, just try to live lively....never hide anything from your partner whether it is small or a big one, have trust that as you love him/her....as well as he/she also loves you & listen you patiently and both of you could discuss....if you hide something & your partner came to know that after sometime from someone else, then you loose his/her trust & faith on you, which you never got back upto that extent...and if you tell anything honestly, then definetely his/ her love for you increases...
One more point, i want to discuss here as i see in many families that many husband-wife never close a chapter, if something negative happened or anyone of them had a complaint due to some fault..some mistake by the other, then they constantly argue on this after a long time & try to recall the other that " you have done that mistake or you are like that or once you did that". i think, everyone should close a chapter of quarrel or misunderstanding as soon as possible...be normal as soon as you can, never raise that closed matter again, it will increase the distance between both of you... live your life happily..

[itsnavin]

Shaadi se pehle ke affairs ke baatein yadi wife/husband ke saath karogey to result kuch jyada hee achha ho sakta hai. I am not saying to lie ur partner but such secrets can really create 'a little rift' in relations. BTW it varies from person to person but majority will prefer to hide to save the relation. Aur jyada open discussion ke chakkar mein pade to jutta bhee bajj jata hai.

Consider the case that the guy had never an affair before marriage but girl had atleast once. And in 'open-ness' she discloses all her previous affairs...now imagine urself what would happen or what can happen!! This needs no explanation.

Sehrawat ji ne bilkul theek kaha...it's a shortest and cheapest way to divorce ur spouse!

[prashantacmet]

Exactly Naven Ji,, i can n't say anything about girls. But if a guy(mostly) gets know about his wife affair..... fr sure he is not going to accept it >Life will be a hell..........
par aaj kaal ke in modern balaku ka kuch pata kona.......................yeh saarre hi kaam open kare................http://www.jatland.com/forums/images/icons/icon10.gif


Shaadi se pehle ke affairs ke baatein yadi wife/husband ke saath karogey to result kuch jyada hee achha ho sakta hai. I am not saying to lie ur partner but such secrets can really create 'a little rift' in relations. BTW it varies from person to person but majority will prefer to hide to save the relation. Aur jyada open discussion ke chakkar mein pade to jutta bhee bajj jata hai.

Consider the case that the guy had never an affair before marriage but girl had atleast once. And in 'open-ness' she discloses all her previous affairs...now imagine urself what would happen or what can happen!! This needs no explanation.

Sehrawat ji ne bilkul theek kaha...it's a shortest and cheapest way to divorce ur spouse!

[itsnavin]

Prashant brother...ye modern balak sirf baat hee kar sakte hain...jab inke sir par padegi to pata chalega. These things are still not 100% acceptable in western countries where they change partners like bedsheets...India ki to baat hee chhod do.

[ram6april]

very well said Navin bhai sahab............. baatein kahne ke liye hi theek hain jib nibhane ki baat aayegi to sabhi peeche hatt jayenge......... truth is truth.... everyone have secret........

[drjatin]

Well i dont know much about relationships but honesty is the best policy.
No one can fool anyone more than once and the person he has fooled will tell many more this simple fact of life only few people understand. If you are true and open people bwill also be the same but if you will act smart they will also be like that.

Afterall every human being has got 1200gm of brain and one can never fool anyone more than once and he will have to pay price for that one time in the sense he will loose another helping hand

[sunitahooda]

Sorry internet error!

[sunitahooda]

I liked this quote most of all read by me so far....Ritu maja sa aagya tadke-tadak....lekin hum fir bhi kuch logon ka trueself reveal kar hi lete hain....par jitega wohi jo khud ko sabse jyada samjh lega....I still support that if it is said SHARING everything should be shared....or its not CARING without SHARING....lack of sharing habbit leads to extramarital affairs and rest of the problems as TRUTH PREVAILS....SPOUSE KI TO BAAT CHODIYE LOG APNE AAP SE A APNA TRUE SELF REVEAL NAHI KARTE HE.