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View Full Version : Cardinal rules for driving in the Baltimore-Washington area



shokeen123
May 9th, 2002, 06:13 AM
1. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in greater danger.

2. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it, and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Maryland is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceble in Maryland or Washington.

7. Just because you are in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Baltimorian flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

8. Please remember there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic on Baltimore-Washington beltway. If you're stuck, use your local stations to hear the traffic report every 7 minutes relegiously, even if the traffic hasn't moved in past 3 hours. Some of you may have experienced it on 9-11. Use your cell phone to let the family know at which point of the beltway you are located, in relation to the traffic chopper hovering above, chances are your family will be able to pin-point your location on the TV set.

9.Always slow down when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Baltimore Washington area is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Higway Administration, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

11. It is traditional in Baltimore to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

12. Real Baltimore-Washington women drivers can curl their hair, apply eye make up and do their banking transections on the cell phone, all, at seventy-five miles per hour.

13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

14. Remeber that the goal of every Baltimorian or Washingtonian driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

15. When you see a Police car stopping someone on the side of the road , slow down to 35 mph and then once you're sure you have blended in with traffic (about 100 ft), speed up at 75-80 mph to make up for the lost time.

16. If a Baltimore cop stops you for speeding, hand all your registration and insurance information and without a delay say, "Ha y'all doin, seen Orioles game lately, Brady Anderson just hit another home run....?" Chances are you will be spared a hefty $70 ticket, if that does't work dont' forget to use the Terps charm (the national basketball champs) or the Ravens 2000 Champs. If none of that works, lord have mercy on you!

On the other hand, if the cop is from the District of Columbia (Washington), don't forget to blabber about the Redskins, and you will be saved. The difference is, where about you are on the beltway at the time of speeding, towards DC or Baltimore?

17. If you do get a ticket, ask for court appearance to contest the ticket, the last time a Baltimore cop showed up in the court was...?

Good luck!

Sujata

tarrysingh
May 15th, 2002, 09:03 PM
That's funny............

[img="http://www.plauder-smilies.de/lach.gif"]

shokeen123
May 16th, 2002, 08:18 AM
And one more thing.....

Because of the recent 4 tornadoes that touched down four counties in Maryland, some of the "one way signs" have turned up side down, changing the direction....therefore at all costs, use caution to avoid a head-on clash with the oncoming traffic.

Almost forgot to mention, in Baltimore there are no merge lanes, or shoulder, and most of the "yield" signs are covered with grafitti, so while merging, especially from the steep expressway ramp, on to the downtown traffic, be most conservative, take a deep breath, say your prayers hopefully you will make it to your destination..... provided you can dodge the drive-by shootings and carjacking incidents, and avoid clash with the light-rail.

Good luck again....and welcome to Baltimore!

rathee
May 16th, 2002, 12:54 PM
that's coooool !!!