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poonam

October 4th, 2006, 06:34 AM

Selfless Vs. Selfish: at what cost?

Well, folks, I’m putting together certain abstract thoughts which invariably leave me wondering every now and then.

How do you look at life with you in your life and you with people around you whom you like, you love, some unconditional some conditional? What do you think is the final aim or the goal? Or just that you live your life each new day and believe in journey and not the destination? And what if this is perceived as a nonchalant stand of yours and upsets/infuriates your people? Even then, what is that, that gives you a drive to live? Were you able to identify/realize that? Or you are lost too like most of us and doing just fine with your routine life? End of the day, are you happy, are you satisfied, are you contended? Is this what you want (I know I know sounds very cliché, if you want you can stop reading here, its even more cliché further..;) )?

How do we influence other mortals (adorables/non-adorables) around us when there are times when life gets on to us? Let me try to segregate the never ending thoughts in the three spheres here:

1. I wonder pretty often, how one should respond voluntarily/involuntarily to the mood swings (hard to skip/avoid bilogically) some of us happen to endure now and then. Would you let it go and loose yourself or on the contrary, would you rein yourself and would think more of the peace/joy of the receiving one?

2. That bags another question if extrapolated: Would you trade your smile/happiness for the joy of your loved ones? Would you quit something (for example: you love football/music, and your parents hate seeing you indulging in those activities) which gives you joy, just because it happens to upset your close/loved ones albeit at the cost of your happiness. Are you then living your life?

3. Another level: Don’t you think the more enlightened ones are the most unsatisfied ones, because they can see and discriminate and think and realize. If you don’t know you don’t complain. The trouble is your transition when you start seeing in between Euphoria and Despair, Highs and Lows! The key thing is, the invisible in between the visibles. The more you know the more you wonder, the more conspicous the grey is and you end up paying a price, if you comprehend what I’m trying to say.

We hear pretty often that Life is a balancing act: tread carefully. Sounds good to ears when get to hear philosophies like that. What about the paradox it leads you in, if what you want in your life is kind of imbalance for the ones around you but a perfect balance for you? You might be considered a quicksilver/an unquiet mind, whereas, at the same time, you might be thinking of yourself a constant steady self. Its all so relative, ain’t it?

I’m totally aware that the point I’m trying to make might sound pretty absurd to some (most?:confused: ) of you but you know take a moment and ponder on it yourself. It might start making some sense.

Before you start thinking of the writer as a decadent or at the verge of a nerve loss...:D , would you please mind sharing your views?

Well, the ideas are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. More later..:)

ritu

October 4th, 2006, 07:52 AM

deepakchoudhry

October 4th, 2006, 08:48 AM

Selfless Vs. Selfish: at what cost?

Well, folks, I’m putting together certain abstract thoughts which invariably leave me wondering every now and then.
Too many questions ??? :) Very difficult to gerenalise but I will try.
How do you look at life with you in your life and you with people around you whom you like, you love, some unconditional some conditional? What do you think is the final aim or the goal? Or just that you live your life each new day and believe in journey and not the destination? And what if this is perceived as a nonchalant stand of yours and upsets/infuriates your people? Even then, what is that, that gives you a drive to live? Were you able to identify/realize that? Or you are lost too like most of us and doing just fine with your routine life? End of the day, are you happy, are you satisfied, are you contended? Is this what you want (I know I know sounds very cliché, if you want you can stop reading here, its even more cliché further..;) )?
When we do what we are supposed to do or ought to do in a given situation then there is no conflict. And noone is 100% satisfied and I hope that day never comes but one should be relatively content.

How do we influence other mortals (adorables/non-adorables) around us when there are times when life gets on to us? Let me try to segregate the never ending thoughts in the three spheres here:
By living up to our own values....by practicing what we preach.

1. I wonder pretty often, how one should respond voluntarily/involuntarily to the mood swings (hard to skip/avoid bilogically) some of us happen to endure now and then. Would you let it go and loose yourself or on the contrary, would you rein yourself and would think more of the peace/joy of the receiving one?
For Mood swings, emotional or physical.....Communicate about it and if we need space, ask for it...I'm great believer in that.

2. That bags another question if extrapolated: Would you trade your smile/happiness for the joy of your loved ones? Would you quit something (for example: you love football/music, and your parents hate seeing you indulging in those activities) which gives you joy, just because it happens to upset your close/loved ones albeit at the cost of your happiness. Are you then living your life?
Giving is Joy but it cannot be forced upon, it has to be spontenous and natural......Giving only becomes burden when it is forced upon us.
If someone asks someone to give up something just because of their own perception or ego then one needs to make a decesion. Maybe inquire why this is so ?? Maybe the other person does not know how you feel about it.

3. Another level: Don’t you think the more enlightened ones are the most unsatisfied ones, because they can see and discriminate and think and realize. If you don’t know you don’t complain. The trouble is your transition when you start seeing in between Euphoria and Despair, Highs and Lows! The key thing is, the invisible in between the visibles. The more you know the more you wonder, the more conspicous the grey is and you end up paying a price, if you comprehend what I’m trying to say.

I think what you mean by enlightened is to become "sensitive" to everything around you. The other term is used is waking up state. Of course ones sees the despair and sadness on the other hand one also sees the joy and happiness. This is a temporary phase. Sooner or later we start seeing something constant in all this, the reason for it and the simplecity of it all...it is just the question of channeling that frustration into something positive.

Change (in a positive way) to something new is always painful...pain is the indication of that transition....but this pain becomes a joy when we come out of it. Birth for a Baby is painful but baby has to go through in order to exprience life.

Ignorance is bliss...and most animal kingdom lives in a bliss. What would one prefer the ignorance of animals or joy, dynamism, uncertanity and creativity life has to offer. The choice is ours.

We hear pretty often that Life is a balancing act: tread carefully. Sounds good to ears when get to hear philosophies like that. What about the paradox it leads you in, if what you want in your life is kind of imbalance for the ones around you but a perfect balance for you? You might be considered a quicksilver/an unquiet mind, whereas, at the same time, you might be thinking of yourself a constant steady self. Its all so relative, ain’t it?
Again why cant we discuss expectations (from us and what we expect of others) with the people who are close to us. The are no questions which cant be answered provided they are the right kind of questions.

Paradox is only due to misunderstandings and confusion.

I’m totally aware that the point I’m trying to make might sound pretty absurd to some (most?:confused: ) of you but you know take a moment and ponder on it yourself. It might start making some sense.

These are normal questions nothing unnatural or nonsensical about them.

Before you start thinking of the writer as a decadent or at the verge of a nerve loss...:D , would you please mind sharing your views?

I think I can see the calm before the storm so Pls email me your home address, I will be sending ambulance to your place as soon as I finish replying to this post. :D

Well, the ideas are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. More later..:)

Hi Poonam,

I think We need to be "Authentic" to us and to others. I have tried to explore the questions (see above) you have asked....Pls read and comment.:)

Cheers,

Deepak

Deepak

deepakchoudhry

October 4th, 2006, 08:52 AM

selfless vs selfish
poonam every word u wrote is so true.u can not be only either one of the two.If u will try to be selfless only, then u will be unhappy urself and an unhappy person how can be selfless.
so main thing is how to find out a balance between two.and the person who can achieve it will be happy herself/himself and make other people around him happy.and when it comes to happiness and grey matter .
happiness is inversely proportional to grey matter.:cool: :mad: :confused: may be.

Rituji One cannot be selfless and Unhappy at the same time, that is contridictions in terms.

The only way we get balance is by acquiring right knowledge and right conduct.

For me only intelligent people can be truly happy.

Gyan kay prakash say hi Man ka andhkaar mita hai. There is no other way.

PS: I hope it didnt sound too preachy :)

raj_rathee

October 4th, 2006, 11:36 AM

I've never quite grasped what it means to be "selfless". As a free
human being who has the freedom to make his own choices and decisions,
how can one ever be "selfless", when the self is the one making the decision?
Aren't all decisions based on *our* value system? i.e The "self" is making
a choice/decision based on the value system of the "self". Hence such a
choice must necessarily be a "selfish" one.

Just because Mother Teresa spent her life serving others, was she "selfless"?
I would argue not. Mother Teresa found great joy in serving others. That
was what her value system directed her towards. Hence she was making a
choice based on her value system. My value system would not lead me to that
direction. Either way we are both selfish.

So as long as we can freely make our own decisions, we will end up making
them according to our value system. Hence all such decisions are selfish
in nature.

Indeed if we were *forced* to make a decision that went against our
value system (by someone pointing a gun to our head), would we not be
still making a selfish choice? i.e. Our value system will say either
accept the choice of the aggressor, thereby saving our life, or go against
him thereby risking our life but at the satisfaction of a "selfish" desire
to deny the agressor his will.

So, from our perspective the only time a "selfless" decision is made
is when it is made by others for us. :)

Now, having said all that, Daakturni Ji still had some valid issues
she brought forward. I think essentially it boils down to the question:
When my value system makes it difficult for me to make a choice what do I
do?

This arises when we have to make a decision between choices that are
equally balanced according to our value system.

If Mallika Seharawat's
desire to make it in Bollywood far exceeds her desire to please her
traditional parents and family, she will make a selfish decision and
say "what the heck...bollywood, here I come". On the other hand, if Raj Rathee
wanted to go to St. Stephen's and get an Arts degree and then become a
journalist, but his dad wants him to be an engineer, then perhaps his
value system tells him to keep his pops happy over his own personal career
direction and he goes to engineering college. Still a selfish decision in
my opinion. In these cases the value system maybe tilted towards one
direction or the other to make the choice easier.

But what if they are equally balanced? That's where the issues come
in! How do we resolve the impasse? We have to make a decision between
things that we value equally.

That's where the value of education, intellect, communication skills,
a rational mind, and the ability to think outside the box comes in
(especially when the decisions involves/affects another individual(s)).
It's a problem solving skill. And that can never be prescibed in advance
and outside context. :)

Bottomline...you can only live in the "self". I am in the process of
figuring out how to live outside the self...(Nirvana/Liberation via
meditation...if I could just get past this mind of mine ! :D If I could
get outside my mind, I would not be stuck making decisions based on
my value system. In that case I could be truly "selfless").

But till then "selfish" is the way!

Now addressing Dakturni's three spheres:

1) Just keep living your life selfishly as described above. Day to day
living is always tough but if we can describe our own philosophy of life
and living, we will always bounce back from the momentary ups
and downs that are inevitable. People who are truly actualised have
mastered the art of maintaining the mind free of these ups and downs.
Personally I have always found the "Gita Saar" (Kyun vyrath chinta karte
ho, kisse vyarth darte ho...etc.) of immense help to me. This and my
general free flowing rational philosophy to life help me bounce back
from the ups and downs.

2) Just live the "selfish" life. Then you are living your life. There
can be no other way in my opinion. What we would like was that everyone
and everything would be in sync with our value system. That cannot be true
for us mortals. So only way is to live according to our value system,
i.e. selfishly.

3) I think in this case, I agree with you. The more educated we are,
the more "enlightened"/aware we are of the world and people are us, the
more our value systems are in conflict. Hence the "self" is always
struggling to make choices. If we are less aware/educated our value systems
would probably simpler or more lopsided, thus making our choices easier.
Hence the saying "Ignorance is bliss".

....boy this post turned out to be long...yikes...My selfish value
system made me respond because this subject is of interest to me.

rkumar

October 4th, 2006, 02:05 PM

Truly speaking there is noting like being self. Being oneself is like an assumption in Physical Chemistry that atoms of a gas do not occupy space. We are all part of a system and our thinking is modulated by what all goes around us. There is no way we can isolate our thinking process from rest of the system. Most of the time we respond to pressures from all around and very rarely initiate anything on our own. Now question arises about response to system, which way we should respond. There can not be any simple answer. Volumes have been written on it . All religions and philosophies originated from such debates and still we have not reached to any conclusions. The way I have organized myself is like this;

1. All pleasures, sadness in life are a result of our interactions with surroundings ( I am not talking of physical health for the moment).

2. To me heart is the master organ and brain is the slave one. I have divided my brain into two compartments. One I call processor and another monitor.

3. Monitor monitors my interactions very closely and instructs the other part to retreat or proceed . Its something like jumping in a well with a rope in hand.

4. I treat every venture like climbing mountain where first 500 yards are most difficult when one's body adjusts to the task.

5. There is a physical limit to our capability of handling the number of interactions with the system as all such interactions consume energy. We all should know it from the level of uncomfortness we start having. This level of course can be increased by training ourselves. This training and learning puts us apart from each other. There are no set guidelines for this and each of us has to find our own answers.

I don't claim that I don't feel uncomfortable. However, by training myself I have reduced the periods of uncomfortness to a very manageable level. For me problem and solutions are like matter and anti-matter which have to co-exist. If we come across a problem, its just matter of some efforts and time that solution will also be found.

RK^2

navingulia

October 4th, 2006, 06:48 PM

Life is a realization, if we do we can realize an infinity of happiness, peace and satisfaction in a moment, if we don’t, we can hunt for it all our lives.
Selfish/selfless? – Is there a need to classify? We all are doing things which we like doing. Even if we do something for others it is because we like it and it will give us happiness.
As for dealing with others is concerned, I will do all to help people close to me, around me – that’s my duty to them but taking my own decisions about my life is my duty to my very existence, no compromising on that.
Those who love you will stand by you and respect you for your individual decisions. Those who don’t love you and always criticize you will do so even if you compromise all your decisions.
There was a time I had to be a rebel and I faced lot of opposition at home but today my parents are so proud that I took my own decisions and they openly express their pride in this fact.
Sacrificing is ok if it gives you the required happiness and satisfaction AND if it solves the purpose for which it is made.

deepakchoudhry

October 4th, 2006, 06:50 PM

priti

October 4th, 2006, 09:35 PM

but there is peace of mind behind our actions which again by "definition" can be a selfish need of selfless people :)

Poonam....more to come on the dilemmas you presented...but dont hold your breath on it as most of it has already been expressed by raj...but i'll try to present an extension to that....e.g. the importance of distinction between selfless and selfish on the basis of universally accepted constructs of selfish and do-gooders

Selfless Act is when we do something beneficial for others over and above our own interests i.e. there is no Lobh, Moh, Krodh or Bhay (Fear)behind our actions.

shailendra

October 4th, 2006, 10:03 PM

priti

October 4th, 2006, 10:29 PM

oh that savvy so did it for me!! :D had to write....where to find a more perfect blend of selfish-selfless B****** than Capt. Sparrow himself....look no further.......

It doesn't have to be that complicated (isn't that the crux to all philosophy? You make it what you believe in)...

The simple answer (if there is one...) is that at the end of the day, most of the senstive/thinking indivduals make the decision on whether to make a selfless or a selfish call based on circumstances! Period.

...and that to me is in fact the correct way and personally feel and believe that there is nothing wrong with that; you just make the call and stick with it, the supportive reasoning behind it being that not all selfish acts are necessarily bad just as not all selfless acts can be deemed good... savvy? ;)

shailendra

October 4th, 2006, 10:35 PM

oh that savvy so did it for me!! :D had to write....where to find a more perfect blend of selfish-selfless B****** than Capt. Sparrow himself....look no further.......

Heh! Heh! There ye go matey's!... No need to walk the plank to Davy Jones locker now, Poons!

deepakchoudhry

October 5th, 2006, 01:45 AM

but there is peace of mind behind our actions which again by "definition" can be a selfish need of selfless people :)

Poonam....more to come on the dilemmas you presented...but dont hold your breath on it as most of it has already been expressed by raj...but i'll try to present an extension to that....e.g. the importance of distinction between selfless and selfish on the basis of universally accepted constructs of selfish and do-gooders

The Peace you talk about is a by product of the selfless act. If someone acts "selflesslessly" and wants to feel good about it then it is a selfish act. No matter how good the act is.....The intention behind a selfless act is not about us i.e, how we will feel after the act but how it is going to benefit the other person.

shailendra

October 5th, 2006, 02:20 AM

...So can a Selfish act be considered to be actually a Selfless one? Can then some Selfless act done with a selfish motive be called selfless anymore?..... and what if the initial selfless motive develops into a selfish one by it-self and don't they say that selfishness of one is actually the selflessness of the other??? ;) ....Veeeerryyyyy Confuuuuuuuussiiiiiinnnng!!! :rolleyes:

deepakchoudhry

October 5th, 2006, 02:43 AM

The easiest way is to tell a selfish from selfless is to become aware of our intention before we act, I think the quality of intention will tell us if the act is selfish or selfless.

poonam

October 5th, 2006, 05:58 AM

Thanks guys for chipping in the most valuable thoughts (leaving some more confused and wondering, not speaking for myself, of course..;) ) on the most over asked cliché queries about dear life..:) .

Well, I shall be able to dissect more (Oh gosh, abhi aur jhelna hai…Jeeeezzzz .....heh heh hhe..yaa yaa, you cant escape the torture that easily…..:D ) and provide the feedback pretty soon hopefully.

Meanwhile, may I have the privilege to hear from other amiable members/friends ..yeah YOU, you got it…… ..heh heh heh…..kidding of course…;) …(Ye kaun hai ….???...hey hey ..focus….. focus on the main topic nahin to DND Sir aa jayenge, oops sorry sir..:) :D :p )

pnauhwar21

October 5th, 2006, 06:11 AM

Going by the definitions of selfless defined by some folks here, I can give example of true selfless action :

When you give your batua to a thief, its a totally selfless action since you are doing it for the happiness of other, not bound be any duty to your fellow beings and you don't feel content and happy after that :rolleyes:

navingulia

October 5th, 2006, 03:28 PM

If you have to discover peace and happiness and harmony, you have to discover it right here right now.
If you dont you maynot discover it even if you become a Gandhi, a Hitler or a Bill Gates.
What i mean to say is that we have to discover the harmony in the existence of things and in their non-existence too.

navingulia

October 5th, 2006, 03:32 PM

If we have discovered happiness in giving and recieving both, you have discovered what is needed.

raj_rathee

October 5th, 2006, 06:53 PM

Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathee Rajpurwale ne kaha hai:

"Be who you are. There is only one way to live your life, and that is
as yourself. There is no other way."

Trying to go against your nature does no one any good.

One should, however, try to keep an open and inquistive mind if possible.
Our "self" does grow through experience and learning. At the end of the
day, however, you will live as yourself.

:) Itna mushkil nahin hai yaaro.

rkumar

October 5th, 2006, 08:03 PM

Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathee Rajpurwale ne kaha hai:

....

Utee Uttam Swami ji... Hum Dhanye hue aapkee divye Vani sunkar...Swami ji bas ub ek aashram bhi bana daalo...Chello ki maang par...

RK^2

ritu

October 5th, 2006, 08:22 PM

ashram kikya jarrurat h sir jatland ko hi jarrurat h ek selfless swmai ji ki. jo humhe sahi margdarshan de:) :p :)
Utee Uttam Swami ji... Hum Dhanye hue aapkee divye Vani sunkar...Swami ji bas ub ek aashram bhi bana daalo...Chello ki maang par...

RK^2

spdeshwal

October 6th, 2006, 01:04 AM

Total 'Selfless' action can be in 'Soonya'( defined to some extent by Swami Rajendernath ji, the first disciple of Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji)

Complete state of selflessness can be attain by attaining 'Nirvaana' as suggested by Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji in his earlier discourse.
But the 'path and 'actions' taken in attainment of 'Nirvaana' can not be described as selfless.
Aisi vikat stithi mein(Dilemma) Vicharon ke chakravyhu se nikalne ke liye, Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi duara unke aaj ke parvachan mein samjhaya gaya " Middle Path" hi uttam hai. Yaani ki, aap jo hein wahi bane rahiye, yattarthwadi baniye!

I believe, it is really hard to be Totally selfless person for a worldly human being.
At times the line between a selfless selfish activity is very thin and vague that makes difficult to differentiate between the two.For Example, I keep scolding my son for not paying attention to his sudies, instead hanging around wasting his valuable time . Believe me, in doing so, I never ever think of after effects of his actions on me or my personal well being but only his future, his well being. Now the question is whether the self interests of my son and mine are different?

I can't agree more than what Naveen Bhai has said,"Discover Happiness in Giving and Receiving"

Ritu ji, Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji Jat land par bilkul vaise hi Avtaar le Chuke hein jaise, Mahrishi Balmiki , Remember his background and our own Swami....LOL

ritu

October 6th, 2006, 01:43 AM

sahi kaho so sir aap valmiki bhi daku tha mahtma banan te pahle er is photo me raj bhi kime.....hahahhaa.
Total 'Selfless' action can be in 'Soonya'( defined to some extent by Swami Rajendernath ji, the first disciple of Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji)

Complete state of selflessness can be attain by attaining 'Nirvaana' as suggested by Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji in his earlier discourse.
But the 'path and 'actions' taken in attainment of 'Nirvaana' can not be described as selfless.
Aisi vikat stithi mein(Dilemma) Vicharon ke chakravyhu se nikalne ke liye, Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi duara unke aaj ke parvachan mein samjhaya gaya " Middle Path" hi uttam hai. Yaani ki, aap jo hein wahi bane rahiye, yattarthwadi baniye!

I believe, it is really hard to be Totally selfless person for a worldly human being.
At times the line between a selfless selfish activity is very thin and vague that makes difficult to differentiate between the two.For Example, I keep scolding my son for not paying attention to his sudies, instead hanging around wasting his valuable time . Believe me, in doing so, I never ever think of after effects of his actions on me or my personal well being but only his future, his well being. Now the question is whether the self interests of my son and mine are different?

I can't agree more than what Naveen Bhai has said,"Discover Happiness in Giving and Receiving"

Ritu ji, Swami Sri Sri Raj Rathi ji Jat land par bilkul vaise hi Avtaar le Chuke hein jaise, Mahrishi Balmiki , Remember his background and our own Swami....LOL

raj_rathee

October 6th, 2006, 10:47 PM

Dera Danda Uthao!

poonam

October 7th, 2006, 04:21 AM

Dera Danda Uthao!

Naa ibbey naa, gyan jitna baanto utna badhta hai...:D

(I agree with many opinions put fwd. here, will be putting together soon)

Lekin kahe bina nahi raha ja raha hai, I guess its not that easy to implement or follow what we think is to be followed/done ideally. Well, in real life, depends on lot many factors, especially the circumstances you are in and most importantly the kind of influence your actions are going to have on you and your periphery encompassing your close ones.

You would not first decide to be selfish or selfless, you just happen to end up into one (either one or hybrid, thats again very relative, who decides that!!) based on your decision/actions taken again keeping either your own interest in mind or preferring the people connected to you.

Well I guess, lemme share this lil' joke here. You are on a freeway and all of a sudden your friend calls you up only to let you know that "Hey, just heard on the radio, there is one car going in the opposite direction on the freeway" and you take a look outside and you tell yourself " What!! there are hundreds of them going in opposite direction"!!...:D
You know what I was trying to say....:)

shamshermalik

October 8th, 2006, 10:17 AM

Selfless, selfish and happiness...are not these terms objective to start with but end up to be relative when you ponder upon them and vice versa??? Now where lies the balance and where is middle path??? Again that too has objective and relative aspects !!! So be who you are and try to be yourself.
Feed a half naked (may be fully naked) child wondering begging on the streets or snach someone's child and force him to beg for yourself!!! Be who you are ! Follow your instinct, feel the pain of others or make others feel the pain. Be happy by sharing others sorrows or be happy by giving sorrow to others. Be who you are !!!

Does the aboe lines help to define selfless, selfish or happiness? You started thinking before I asked further. Yes. you are trying to figure out who is selfish? who is selfless ? And who is happy here? Look, you got the answer too. But, did I say anything yet ?

Is this objective or relative ?

To be followed...in next post

raj_rathee

December 18th, 2006, 09:50 AM

Utee Uttam Swami ji... Hum Dhanye hue aapkee divye Vani sunkar...Swami ji bas ub ek aashram bhi bana daalo...Chello ki maang par...

RK^2

Theek sai chacha. Ek be aashram tahin CM Hooda tae bol ke 5-10 kile
diwa do :eek: :D subsidized sarkari bhav mein...actually dharam ka kaam
sae tae "phree" eh theek rehga.

..emmmm...Gurgaon dhore si theek rehevega...chelan ne aan javan
ki suvidha rehgi... :cool: ...pass men mall bhi honge...shopping after
parvachan... ;)

...err pher aagle 'lection tahin mera pura aashirvaad !! :D

jagmohan

December 18th, 2006, 10:12 PM

Doctor Sahiba,

U acchha test liya aap ne!!!

At the outset let me assure you that these thoughts are real and have left people wondering all their life. In fact millions have gone away without even wondering!!!

Too many questions have been raised and even attempting to find answers to all queries is not possible in a forum like this. One has to go in to many aspects like sociology, psychology, philosophy, environment, changing paradigm realities, value systems etc. All complete subjects in themselves.

I would like to comment on the two words: Selfless & Selfish. At the outset let me say that what may be a selfless act for one may be a selfish act for another, depends on how one looks at it. And that would largely depend on how one has been ‘brought up’ and feels about the whole ‘sab cheez’ called ‘LIFE’.

Personally speaking I have followed a ‘Theory’ which I have named: ‘Theory of Concentric Circles’ (TCC). I would have to explain it to prove a point. We are all like a small ‘Dot’ in this drama called LIFE. Whenever one feels stuck in a situation, whether of own making or forced upon, go to TCC. Basically TCC is nothing but drawing a number of concentric circles around that one ‘Dot’. By this method you can prioritize people, relationships, ‘to be or not to be’ kind of problems, ‘journey & destination’ confusion and almost all other problems. It really works. It works when you want to find out who your real ‘loved ones’ are.

J Krishnamurthy said: Don’t follow me, I am lost too. May be he was right or even wrong. The only lesson I draw out from this statement is that everyone is lost here. One must decide what is right or wrong and how can one remain happy. There is no end of unfulfilled desires to keep people in misery all the time. Even a billionaire can be more miserable than a pauper. It would depend largely on how one looks at life.

Don’t even try to keep everyone happy. And if you include your relatives in ‘everyone’, I am afraid you will never be happy. We waste half the life in trying to find out what will keep others happy and the other half in trying to keep them happy. Who is responsible for happiness of one's own self? It is better that everyone understands you rather than you trying to understand everyone. It is much simpler that way.

Yes, we all give up our own pleasures to keep our loved ones happy. There is satisfaction in self denial when the result is happiness for our loved ones. But it doesn’t mean that in trying to keep your loved ones happy you give up your own right to remain happy. That would be stupid. If I have some loved ones for who I will sacrifice a lot, I am sure I too am in the ‘Loved One’ list of others. It can’t be a one way traffic. If it is so then it is ‘emotional blackmail’!

Basically I have drawn great inspiration from what is written in all Haryana Roadways buses: Sawaari Apne Saaman Ki Khud Zimmewar Hai.

Regards,

JS Malik