nmalik121
April 18th, 2007, 01:41 PM
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A Fight with Self...
As the beams of scorching sun were shimmering on sea-waves with its peculiar effect, I was lost in my own sea of thoughts with a gloomy mood. Today, sea was not a source of fun, motivation or sheer a view to look and adore. I was trying to find out what is missing in my life, though on 2nd thought, everything was as usual as any normal day in life should have had. I was not sure whether it is my relation-threatening stiff argument with my girlfriend in the morning, shapeless future, thoughts overriding or something else? But I was not my usual-self today. Feeling empty inside.
I wanted to think positively to feel better, but then that was easier said than done. Thinking and doing seemed to be poles apart. Suddenly a negative thought enter the walls of my mind. As we know, negative thoughts always bring their own tough-to beat logics along with themselves to convince us. “Is having relationship so much significant for human existence? We were borne alone on this earth and going to die too in similar fashion. Then, why human survival is dependent on relationship with others? Why we need countless number of relations to feel alive? Life doesn’t seem to be fair at all.”
There was a time when I used to live alone and really enjoyed my company to the hilt. Those were the days when my existence was self-sufficient with less emotional dependency on others. Less emotional needs combined with a satisfied approach in life was almost bliss. No complications. No sulking. No argument (except with myself occasionally, which made me feel winner in any case). I was missing all those (once upon a time) days.
As a wise scholar has said: “For every one good positive thought, there are at least 100 negative thoughts arise to eradicate it.” After a certain point, the negative thoughts seemed to overtake me completely, feeling exhausted; I decided to stop thinking at all.
I imagined myself to be all alone again. “I was better being alone than this mess, to hell with relationships anymore, I shall depend only on me to feel happy,” I mused.
However heart (subconscious mind) had its own ways to fight the negativity. “I am here because of my family. My family and my friends help in giving purpose to my existence,” countered the heart.
This inner turmoil went on till night, making me sleep a grueling task.
A new morning, new day, I decided not to overtake the hangover of last evening. Sunday has its own color, own freshness that can be felt only. The freshness of a new day has sprinkled on my mind like a black inkpot falls on a clean white paper.
The phone rang. It was Anusha, college friend. She asked for a movie. I nodded the idea instantly.
Anusha whispered, “Thank God, there is someone to give me a kinda of relax.”
This made me think again. “I am serving someone and vice-versa. This is the whole essence of life and relationships. Life is not that bad.”
I felt a rush of current that rejuvenated not only the body but mind too with sweeping power of positivism. I am ON again:) .
A Fight with Self...
As the beams of scorching sun were shimmering on sea-waves with its peculiar effect, I was lost in my own sea of thoughts with a gloomy mood. Today, sea was not a source of fun, motivation or sheer a view to look and adore. I was trying to find out what is missing in my life, though on 2nd thought, everything was as usual as any normal day in life should have had. I was not sure whether it is my relation-threatening stiff argument with my girlfriend in the morning, shapeless future, thoughts overriding or something else? But I was not my usual-self today. Feeling empty inside.
I wanted to think positively to feel better, but then that was easier said than done. Thinking and doing seemed to be poles apart. Suddenly a negative thought enter the walls of my mind. As we know, negative thoughts always bring their own tough-to beat logics along with themselves to convince us. “Is having relationship so much significant for human existence? We were borne alone on this earth and going to die too in similar fashion. Then, why human survival is dependent on relationship with others? Why we need countless number of relations to feel alive? Life doesn’t seem to be fair at all.”
There was a time when I used to live alone and really enjoyed my company to the hilt. Those were the days when my existence was self-sufficient with less emotional dependency on others. Less emotional needs combined with a satisfied approach in life was almost bliss. No complications. No sulking. No argument (except with myself occasionally, which made me feel winner in any case). I was missing all those (once upon a time) days.
As a wise scholar has said: “For every one good positive thought, there are at least 100 negative thoughts arise to eradicate it.” After a certain point, the negative thoughts seemed to overtake me completely, feeling exhausted; I decided to stop thinking at all.
I imagined myself to be all alone again. “I was better being alone than this mess, to hell with relationships anymore, I shall depend only on me to feel happy,” I mused.
However heart (subconscious mind) had its own ways to fight the negativity. “I am here because of my family. My family and my friends help in giving purpose to my existence,” countered the heart.
This inner turmoil went on till night, making me sleep a grueling task.
A new morning, new day, I decided not to overtake the hangover of last evening. Sunday has its own color, own freshness that can be felt only. The freshness of a new day has sprinkled on my mind like a black inkpot falls on a clean white paper.
The phone rang. It was Anusha, college friend. She asked for a movie. I nodded the idea instantly.
Anusha whispered, “Thank God, there is someone to give me a kinda of relax.”
This made me think again. “I am serving someone and vice-versa. This is the whole essence of life and relationships. Life is not that bad.”
I felt a rush of current that rejuvenated not only the body but mind too with sweeping power of positivism. I am ON again:) .