Past Relationship: Do you accept ?

[dkumars]

Would you like to marry a gal/guy who had some past relationship with some other guy/gal, what if he/she tells you this before marriage or if you come to know from some other source? What will be your reaction if you come to know about that after marriage? How will you tackle the situation?
Here, I am talking about love but not any kinda physical relationship.

Also, please support your answer with some solid reason.

[shweta123]

Welcome Back :D

The first thing that this topic suggests is that DK is back :p

[bhavnasingh20]

quite an interesting topic....

wel i really wudnt mind whether he tells me abt his past or not...n even if thr was some girl in his past....


i do not expect him to b a saint til he gets married to me.....

as long as thr is nobody after me...m ok wit it :cool:

[mukeshkumar007]

Would you like to marry a gal/guy who had some past relationship with some other guy/gal, .

Nooooo :cool::D

[brahmtewatia]

DK you have touched the tip of iceberg. i'll join later. :D

[dkumars]

Nooooo :cool::D
Why no Mukesh ?


DK you have touched the tip of iceberg. i'll join later. :D

I shall wait till then :)

[dkumars]

Welcome Back :D

The first thing that this topic suggests is that DK is back :p

Yeah, m back :)
But u didn ans the question :)


quite an interesting topic....

wel i really wudnt mind whether he tells me abt his past or not...n even if thr was some girl in his past....


i do not expect him to b a saint til he gets married to me..... So, do u expect him to be a saint after getting married with u :p

as long as thr is nobody after me...m ok wit it :cool: ... sorry i cudn get this .. after u means ???


Nice thoughts ... gud to hear

[anilsinghd]

quite an interesting topic....

wel i really wudnt mind whether he tells me abt his past or not...n even if thr was some girl in his past....


i do not expect him to b a saint til he gets married to me.....

as long as thr is nobody after me...m ok wit it :cool:

Bhavna , someone put this one up in her profile , i guess it is exactly what you say , jut a mere more poetic description!
=============================
Abt life partner its all destiny all I want is.
I don't care how many lips u've kissed,
How many shoulders u've embraced & How many times u've said, "I luv u" All I care is not be the first but to b ur last!
=============================




PS : These are not my personal views! :)

[shweta123]

Well well well ….. once upon a time women used to stay in a cluster and men had another one ….. oops ! I mean girls and boys used to exist in their own separate groups ! :)

Un dino koi ladka kisi ladki ko nazar utha ke dekh le to baat hua karti thi :p….. aur agar baat kar le to aur bhi badi baat hui karti thi .;).... aur agar kahi touch kar de to kaafi badi baat hua karti thi ……. :D

Aur aaj ladke ladkiyaan ek saath khelte, kudte ,padhte , likhte hi bade hote hain (cities me to kam se kam). To jab do opposite sex ke log saath me rehte hain to attraction hone jaisi baatein bhi ho jaati hain ….. aur ye attraction 'love' banta hai ya nahi ye dono ki wish aur situations pe depend karta hai …. par ye so called ‘attraction’ ya ‘love’ hone ko galat to nahi kaha jaana chahiye mere hisaab se …. To agar aisa kuch hua ho to ek limit tak usme koi buraayi aisi nahi hai ….


baaki rahi reaction ki baat to wo kaafi had tak situational hai .... it depends on the timing when this fact is disclosed, by whom it is disclosed, the rapo being shared between the couple and the understanding they have. To repeat it, its not a crime though :)

[dkumars]

Well well well ….. once upon a time women used to stay in a cluster and men had another one ….. oops ! I mean girls and boys used to exist in their own separate groups ! :)

Un dino koi ladka kisi ladki ko nazar utha ke dekh le to baat hua karti thi :p….. aur agar baat kar le to aur bhi badi baat hui karti thi .;).... aur agar kahi touch kar de to kaafi badi baat hua karti thi ……. :D

Aur aaj ladke ladkiyaan ek saath khelte, kudte ,padhte , likhte hi bade hote hain (cities me to kam se kam). To jab do opposite sex ke log saath me rehte hain to attraction hone jaisi baatein bhi ho jaati hain ….. aur ye attraction 'love' banta hai ya nahi ye dono ki wish aur situations pe depend karta hai …. par ye so called ‘attraction’ ya ‘love’ hone ko galat to nahi kaha jaana chahiye mere hisaab se …. To agar aisa kuch hua ho to ek limit tak usme koi buraayi aisi nahi hai ….


baaki rahi reaction ki baat to wo kaafi had tak situational hai .... it depends on the timing when this fact is disclosed, by whom it is disclosed, the rapo being shared between the couple and the understanding they have. To repeat it, its not a crime though :)

Well Shweta ji ... u have narrated the story but still didn ans the questions ... the questions are what and why "baaki rahi reaction ki baat to wo kaafi had tak situational hai .... it depends on the timing when this fact is disclosed, by whom it is disclosed, the rapo being shared between the couple and the understanding they have. "

[anilsinghd]

wasie ye wo koun hai ???

DK jab aayegi to pata chal jaayega!

main mooh lakhone jaa raha :p :D

=============


Here is an excerpt from one of my blogs:

==========

Crushes, affairs, relationships are the norm of the day. We all have them at some point of time and that "point" is surely before the disillusionment point. Have not we felt the emotions sometime? How many times can you use your emotions? Or better put how many times can you feel the same intensity of the same emotion. Using the titration analogy, I remember I used to run my base too fast and go a lil beyond the titre point and then almost always faked by putting a few more drops of acid ;). Are we ready to put that extra bit of zest in the second or possible third or more relationship of ours? Think over it, for feeling the same heavenly feelings again and making the relationship work exactly the way we want, we need that creativity, we need that fire within ourselves first. We have had felt those divinely emotions at some point of time and to appreciate them again or to derive the same pleasure out of them, we must consciously make efforts to enjoy them.

===============

I guess you can guess my answer ;)

[ritu]

If i get to know it from someother source that my husband had an affair before marriage......i will be really upset.but if he has told me..then i wont have any problem.past is past..........present and future matters.
Would you like to marry a gal/guy who had some past relationship with some other guy/gal, what if he/she tells you this before marriage or if you come to know from some other source? What will be your reaction if you come to know about that after marriage? How will you tackle the situation?
Here, I am talking about love but not any kinda physical relationship.

Also, please support your answer with some solid reason.

[dkumars]

hmmm .. responses show we Jats really getting educated in true means :)

Well, found ur reply candid.

[choudharyneelam]

I feel members feeling hesitant to write anything about it ;):D:p

But I'm very open to present my simple opinions anywhere, whether accepted or not :)

Devender, for your question I'll have to decide according to the two situations:

Before marriage
After marriage
Before marriage case: In that case, I would never like to ask anything about the past history of unwanted relationships of the guy as developing thoughts on unwanted topics seems senseless to me.

After marriage case: In that case, if the other half want to get rid of past thoughts disturbing every now and then, and he is looking the for chance to feel comfortable and relaxed without disturbing the present relationship then I'll be always there present for him because then only my worth as other half seems to be true.

Now, about the disturbance of present relationship......it depends on the person how he/she looks into that situation and I know about myself that I respect beauty in any sense but opposite is the case if anything disrupts the beauty.

Rest, as an individual I also require the attention and regards in the manner that person so involved in past relationships should learn to look forward with new world, rather than always looking back and disturbing life.

[gaganjat]

A thought which comes to a girls and a guys mind , which is very very very natural is 'sex'. and definitely it wont be discussed here as members are too shy.

Are u guys talking about the relationships with sex or without sex? thats what lot people have at the back of their head but they are more scared than shy to ask.

I think lot of people wont mind past emotional relationships 'without sex' but when it comes to relationships 'with sex' then they start thinking alot.

Generally girls are open to ask it from guys 'how many women u have slept with?' 'r u virgin?' ' have u had any serious relationships' and all that

Guys play a bit safe in asking questions like that. It can hurt guys more than it can hurt girls (depends on the culure though). Jats are very conservative no matter how educated they are. but its hard to accept past relationships.

[choudharyneelam]

A thought which comes to a girls and a guys mind , which is very very very natural is 'sex'. and definitely it wont be discussed here as members are too shy.

Agreed, but thoughts can be put without mentioning specific words as Devender already had mentioned in his question in his own style.

[raksngh]

Ok.. it is very difficult to accept the past relationship in the present Indian society, specially for Male.

Female may willingly or forcefully may accept the past relationship, but I think Male dominated society will allow a male to accept it publically. An understanding Male may accept privately, without disclosing it publically.

STILL THAT'S THE FACT

[gaganjat]

to avoid any fine prints on the back page ,direct,straight and specific is good. everyone thinks differently it prevents confusion.

but i m pretty sure it not gona help here on a public forum:mad:



Agreed, but thoughts can be put without mentioning specific words as Devender already had mentioned in his question in his own style.

[choudharyneelam]

Ok.. it is very difficult to accept the past relationship in the present Indian society, specially for Male.

Its not only for male but even the same for a female. If so happens, then as you said, female accept it willingly or forcefully...but a man take it as a tool to restrict/harm/hurt woman....this also is a hard fact, as observed in relationship disputes. That you talked about keeping it priavte or disclosing in public, then I feel women always keep it private....only limited to her knowledge and then also pays the equal regards without hurting the partner's sentiments.

So, i'll say that it depends on person's understanding, how he/she has to accept the things for healthy relationship.

[choudharyneelam]

to avoid any fine prints on the back page ,direct,straight and specific is good. everyone thinks differently it prevents confusion.

but i m pretty sure it not gona help here on a public forum:mad:

hmmm...it means, that discussed about sex education (still to be implemented in schools) for healthy development of a child seems senseless to discuss publicly....If these two situations does not inter-relate then why all worthy people wasting time in having better thoughts about the same.

Anyways, I don't have any problem, i expressed my opinions without any shyness (as I know very well, where this characteristics is required more)

[Nishantrathi82]

Would you like to marry a gal/guy who had some past relationship with some other guy/gal, what if he/she tells you this before marriage or if you come to know from some other source? What will be your reaction if you come to know about that after marriage? How will you tackle the situation?
Here, I am talking about love but not any kinda physical relationship.

Also, please support your answer with some solid reason.

Wohhh very difficult let me try 1st situation- May be i will marry her if she told me about the relationship before getting married and convinced me that she is not going to do this again in future.2nd- If from some other source i will not marry her.3rd- After marriage its very hard to tell , i will feel like i don't know actually :( but still if she convince me that now she is loyal for me i can try to forget the things.I m not very sure but tried to answer what i think at present.

[arvind1069]

jo beet gaya uska kya.....bas jo beeta hai uske impressions ya prabhav mind par nahi hona chahiye.
i will marry a girl whome i love and who loves me, irrespective of her past romantic affair.

west main koi bhi shadi se pehle virgin nahi hota, na ladki na ladka. but inko koi farak nahi hai. they r happy and their married life seldom breaks due to this issue.

[choudharyneelam]

Wohhh very difficult let me try 1st situation- May be i will marry her if she told me about the relationship before getting married and convinced me that she is not going to do this again in future.2nd- If from some other source i will not marry her.3rd- After marriage its very hard to tell , i will feel like i don't know actually :( but still if she convince me that now she is loyal for me i can try to forget the things.I m not very sure but tried to answer what i think at present.

how cute :)

for sure your would be will never be involved in any such thing.....as such sweet people always find the sweetest match for themselves :)

seriously, your reply is filled with sweetness hidden somewhere in your simplest words and reasons :)

May God bless U and keep U the same forever :)

[siwach2767]

jo beet gayi so baat gayi... but she should tell the truth before marriage.. i don't mind to marry with such a girl... if she realise that she made a mistake and in future she will loyal to me..... sache logon ki mein izzat karta hun or galtiyan insaan se hi hoti hain...

[anilsinghd]

or galtiyan insaan se hi hoti hain...

And how many of us believe that "IT" was a mistake ?
:)

Not to divert the topic but this is very integreal to the discussion i believe! :)

As Shweta aptly described that because of the proximity , is not it all but natural to fall for each other and if we consider it as a fantasy thing , then like others , if this does not make eventuality , should we really be calling it a mistake ?

We think so many thing , formulate so many plans but do not carry them , should a wife/husband be concerned with all the plans as well?

[dkumars]

Wohhh very difficult let me try 1st situation- May be i will marry her if she told me about the relationship before getting married and convinced me that she is not going to do this again in future.2nd- If from some other source i will not marry her.3rd- After marriage its very hard to tell , i will feel like i don't know actually :( but still if she convince me that now she is loyal for me i can try to forget the things.I m not very sure but tried to answer what i think at present.

Nishant, i feel u have written a practical thing. When u come across such things i dont think its so easy to forget everything. Somewhere deep in mind it may disturb u. But what u wrote is real and practical. After marriage if u come to know abt such things thru some 3rd party then i feel its not so asy not even to give damn to it. Well gud to hear a candid reply :)

[dkumars]

jo beet gaya uska kya.....bas jo beeta hai uske impressions ya prabhav mind par nahi hona chahiye.
i will marry a girl whome i love and who loves me, irrespective of her past romantic affair.

west main koi bhi shadi se pehle virgin nahi hota, na ladki na ladka. but inko koi farak nahi hai. they r happy and their married life seldom breaks due to this issue.

well, west mein toh bahut kuch hota hai ... and let me tell u one thing here if u had a relationship then there is tendency that u can accept ur partner's relationship easily. Same is the case in west. They don mind not getting a virgin patner coz they themselves are not. Well, in India situation is different. Even love wala relation is also considered as a big issue which can create a blunder and make ur life like hell. Waise, we are not talking abt virginity coz that comes under physical relationship.

When before marriage at the time of background verification if u or ur family find a gal/boy into some relation then mostly that rishta breaks even if this is just love wala relation.

[dkumars]

jo beet gayi so baat gayi... but she should tell the truth before marriage.. i don't mind to marry with such a girl... if she realise that she made a mistake and in future she will loyal to me..... sache logon ki mein izzat karta hun or galtiyan insaan se hi hoti hain...

Do u think loving someone means she has committed some mistake?

[Nishantrathi82]

Nishant, i feel u have written a practical thing. When u come across such things i dont think its so easy to forget everything. Somewhere deep in mind it may disturb u. But what u wrote is real and practical. After marriage if u come to know abt such things thru some 3rd party then i feel its not so asy not even to give damn to it. Well gud to hear a candid reply :)


how cute :)

for sure your would be will never be involved in any such thing.....as such sweet people always find the sweetest match for themselves :)

seriously, your reply is filled with sweetness hidden somewhere in your simplest words and reasons :)

May God bless U and keep U the same forever :)

Thanks a lot to both of u :)

[Maniisha]

jo beet gaya uska kya.....bas jo beeta hai uske impressions ya prabhav mind par nahi hona chahiye.
i will marry a girl whome i love and who loves me, irrespective of her past romantic affair.

west main koi bhi shadi se pehle virgin nahi hota, na ladki na ladka. but inko koi farak nahi hai. they r happy and their married life seldom breaks due to this issue.

Second ur thoughts Arvind ... :)
Life tho future ki sath bitani hai naaki pichli life ko sochkr aage ki life barbaad kare ... :(

Thanks Anil to Share my .. thoughts here .. :)

Abt life partner its all destiny all I want is.
I don't care how many lips u've kissed,
How many shoulders u've embraced & How many times u've said, "I luv u" All I care is not be the first but to b ur last!


Wohhh very difficult let me try 1st situation- May be i will marry her if she told me about the relationship before getting married

Nishant ... if she will not tell u abt her past life then ?????????
kaffi past eise hote hai jho bataye nahi jate .....


and convinced me that she is not going to do this again in future.2nd- If from some other source i will not marry her.3rd- After marriage its very hard to tell , i will feel like i don't know actually :( but still if she convince me that now she is loyal for me i can try to forget the things.I m not very sure but tried to answer what i think at present.

Wht do u mean by this ... :confused:

[sunitahooda]

Neelam....we HAVE TO use THAT word because WE JATS are "CONSERVATIVE" aren't we? We wouldn't come to know about the essence IF we are not given proper directions or we might misunderstand that we do ....most of the times because we are JATS;)

While most will say that they believe in present & in future and past doesn't matter....i say all are telling fibs. It takes a brave and forgiving heart which even Maryada Pushottam Ram didn't have.

In modern scenario its common to have a relationship as kids are so impatient even at school level to indulge in an affair.

Even if the girl admits a past relationship and that too a simple healthy friendship, the guy is always doubtful and sooner or later spoils the present and future. Jat boys are still not that broadminded whether accept or deny but fact is fact. Few will jump to oppose my views to show how mature they are but few not all.

A relationship is a relationship no matter with or without THAT. Here conservative boys will try to soothe their souls by thinking and thanking God almighty that she wasn't into a physical affair:rolleyes:

Someone wrote that in foreign countries no one is virgin....but they either don't marry or THEY MARRY TOO MANY TIMES.... why to copy just one thing from western culture?

If someone is caring and emotional enough to love someone ONCE then that person will love with same intensity....you just have to be lucky enough to come across that special someone:) Then THE PAST should not matter at all


Agreed, but thoughts can be put without mentioning specific words as Devender already had mentioned in his question in his own style.

[gaganjat]

hmmm...it means, that discussed about sex education (still to be implemented in schools) for healthy development of a child seems senseless to discuss publicly....If these two situations does not inter-relate then why all worthy people wasting time in having better thoughts about the same.

Anyways, I don't have any problem, i expressed my opinions without any shyness (as I know very well, where this characteristics is required more)

true ! everything happens everywhere but due to lack of awereness Indian kids suffer , grown ups suffer . but everyone need to keep the mouth shut.

[dreamer]

Neelam....we HAV TO use THAT word because WE JATS are "CONSERVATIVE" aren't we? We wouldn't come to know about the essence we are not given proper directions or we might misunderstand that we do ....most of the times because we are JATS;)

While most will say that they believe in present & in future and past doesn't matter....i say all are telling fibs. It takes a brave and forgiving heart which even Maryada Pushottam Ram didn't have.

In modern scenario its common to have a relationship as kids are so impatient even at school level to indulge in an affair.

Even if the girl admits a past relationship and that too a simple healthy friendship, the guy is always doubtful and sooner or later spoils the present and future. Jat boys are still not that broadminded whether accept or deny but fact is fact. Few will jump to oppose my views to show how mature they are but few not all.

A relationship is a relationship no matter with or without THAT. Here conservative boys will try to soothe their souls by thinking and thanking God almighty that she wasn't into a physical affair:rolleyes:

Someone wrote that in foreign countries no one is virgin....but they either don't marry or THEY MARRY TOO MANY TIMES.... why to copy just one thing from western culture?

If someone is caring and emotional enough to love someone ONCE then that person will love with same intensity....you just have to be lucky enough to come across that special someone:) Then THE PAST should not matter at all





I was ignoring this thread dont know y ! But Now I will have to write something .. Some things should remain hidden .. Yeah we boys are made so ok precisely Jat Boys are made so .. If our girl friend or wife accepts that she was with someone else without THAT too :) .. Dil baith sa jaayega ... (not my story mind u hihihi) .. I mean y the hell one guy will try to find something (dangerous to their relationship) about that girl with whom he is starting to fall in love with .. And Girls pls keep that stupid thing up to you .. dont be fool in that infatuation called Love ... Yeah boasting is one thing but reality can tear you and your relationship apart. And at last .. I am not going to tell her about any serious Bhasoodi of mine.


No offense Pls ..

[sunitahooda]

:DDil-dil na tuttey....bawley goddyan ka jee sa likadd jaga....and dont say to keep that STUPID thing to your self because THAT STUPID THING HAD BEEN LOVE rather infatuation....ONCE UPON A TIME:p
I was ignoring this thread dont know y ! But Now I will have to write something .. Some things should remain hidden .. Yeah we boys are made so ok precisely Jat Boys are made so .. If our girl friend or wife accepts that she was with someone else without THAT too :) .. Dil baith sa jaayega ... (not my story mind u hihihi) .. I mean y the hell one guy will try to find something (dangerous to their relationship) about that girl with whom he is starting to fall in love with .. And Girls pls keep that stupid thing up to you .. dont be fool in that infatuation called Love ... Yeah boasting is one thing but reality can tear you and your relationship apart. And at last .. I am not going to tell her about any serious Bhasoodi of mine.


No offense Pls ..

[dreamer]

:DDil-dil na tuttey....bawley goddyan ka jee sa likadd jaga....and dont say to keep that STUPID thing to your self because THAT STUPID THING HAD BEEN LOVE rather infatuation....ONCE UPON A TIME:p

Yoh mera reply delete nahin hona chahiye !!! u know off topic sa sai !! dil tutta na tha .. baitha tha .. Once Upon A Time toh Thirsty Crow hoya karai .. baaki kimmai na hoya karai .. LOVE hihihi ... Tell 1 thing main bhi literally Roya karta ek chhori khaatar .. wat was dat LOVE Yah Infatuation .. was never desperate for THAT too .. and also could never tell her ... :)

[sunitahooda]

Amarjeet....please don't mind....but WHY she has to disguise her past love-affair like a MISTAKE, the only unfortunate thing can be that she couldn't marry the guy she loved or the love happened to be one sided, or the guy's or gal's parents didn't agree or BOTH didn't have the courage to put their marriage proposal in front of their parents?
Or is it that you'll be comforted to know THAT IT WAS A MISTAKE an WHAT IF....:confused:it wasn't but she just wants you to know the truth and not be JUDGEMENTAL WHETHER IT WAS OR NOT 'A MISTAKE':):)
jo beet gayi so baat gayi... but she should tell the truth before marriage.. i don't mind to marry with such a girl... if she realise that she made a mistake and in future she will loyal to me..... sache logon ki mein izzat karta hun or galtiyan insaan se hi hoti hain...

[vikasgulia]

Yoh mera reply delete nahin hona chahiye !!! u know off topic sa sai !! dil tutta na tha .. baitha tha .. Once Upon A Time toh Thirsty Crow hoya karai .. baaki kimmai na hoya karai .. LOVE hihihi ... Tell 1 thing main bhi literally Roya karta ek chhori khaatar .. wat was dat LOVE Yah Infatuation .. was never desperate for THAT too .. and also could never tell her ... :)


Oye khotya kabhi school-college mein to bataya nahin tune aur yahan confession kar rha hai ...vo bhi public froum mein....Agar pehale bata diya hota to kam se kam tere se kahlwa to dete...:boxing

Baaki title mein thoda badlaw hona chahiye ..

Instead of Past Relationship: Do you accept ? (http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?p=185335#post185335) it should be Past Relationship(s): Do you accept ? (http://www.jatland.com/forums/showthread.php?p=185335#post185335) ;)

Chill maro yar jo hona tha ho gaya..jo beet gayi so baat gayi ..

(उसके:D) जीवन में एक सितारा था
माना वह (उसे;)) बेहद प्यारा था
वह डूब गया तो डूब गया
अंबर के आंगन को देखो
कितने इसके तारे टूटे
कितने इसके प्यारे छूटे
जो छूट गए फ़िर कहाँ मिले
पर बोलो टूटे तारों पर
कब अम्बर शौक मनाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई..
अब जब उसे ही शौक नहीं है तो हम काहे को Shock में जायेंगे भाई ;) :boxing

[choudharyneelam]

Some things should remain hidden..If our girl friend or wife accepts that she was with someone else without THAT too :) .. Dil baith sa jaayega ... (not my story mind u hihihi) .. I mean y the hell one guy will try to find something (dangerous to their relationship) about that girl with whom he is starting to fall in love with .. And Girls pls keep that stupid thing up to you .. dont be fool in that infatuation called Love ... Yeah boasting is one thing but reality can tear you and your relationship apart. And at last

Very practical.....and that's why I stated something related in my first case that I don't want to know anything about the unwanted relationship(s)

[choudharyneelam]

Neelam....we HAVE TO use THAT word because WE JATS are "CONSERVATIVE" aren't we? We wouldn't come to know about the essence IF we are not given proper directions or we might misunderstand that we do ....most of the times because we are JATS;)

In modern scenario its common to have a relationship as kids are so impatient even at school level to indulge in an affair.

Someone wrote that in foreign countries no one is virgin....but they either don't marry or THEY MARRY TOO MANY TIMES.... why to copy just one thing from western culture?

If someone is caring and emotional enough to love someone ONCE then that person will love with same intensity....you just have to be lucky enough to come across that special someone:) Then THE PAST should not matter at all

Agreed



It takes a brave and forgiving heart which even Maryada Pushottam Ram didn't have.


This example is not appropriate.....as their case was publicly known.....and Ramji was insisted by that public to do something like that....so when the case goes into public's notice then it requires lot many formalities without considering whether any person is getting hurt or not

[devdahiya]

Would you like to marry a gal/guy who had some past relationship with some other guy/gal, what if he/she tells you this before marriage or if you come to know from some other source? What will be your reaction if you come to know about that after marriage? How will you tackle the situation?
Here, I am talking about love but not any kinda physical relationship.

Also, please support your answer with some solid reason.




My dear Devender,I was a little fortunate not to have encountered this problem as i did not have a chance encounter or planned relationship with any female before marriage ...may be in our times these things were not common.Same way my wife too had that orthodox upbringing that having a relationship was considered more of a sin and as such we had no stories of past to share(nice for us) but in present times these things are not uncommon as taboos have broken and people of both sexes are more free to mingle and get into a relationship because they have started taking responsibilities of their actions...good or bad.


And when most of the people indulge in these kind of experiences,they are becoming more vocal and honest about admitting about their such relationships to each other after marriage.....'NO BIG DEAL SYNDROME' is working well in present circumstances and if that be the way of life and society being more frank and honest......no harm in accepting these kind of relationships in right earnest.If you are liberal in your approach.....let the partner's liberty too be respected that way.Not big deal really!

[choudharyneelam]

About mistake part I think it like.....

When children are not that mature, there are chances that they can commit such mistake, as seen now-a-days almost everywhere....so that should not be regarded as mistake. Sometimes its very natural due to the attraction of opposite sex and lack of knowledge and basic understanding. Now, this is the problem to be dealt effectively. Only parents with children in teen-age can explain better.

And, when such mistake is committed knowingly then that should definitely be considered as a mistake. Here, if one calls it LOVE...then the person so in love should carry it beautifully and discuss about it with parents before indulging in any unaccepted social custom. Otherwise, I would only say, that they are the real flirts and just taking the relationship for pleasure.

[choudharyneelam]

.....'NO BIG DEAL SYNDROME' is working well in present circumstances and if that be the way of life and society being more frank and honest......no harm in accepting these kind of relationships in right earnest.If you are liberal in your approach.....let the partner's liberty too be respected that way.Not big deal really!

Sir, you are very right and open with your thoughts.....but don't you feel that rather than getting more frank and disturbing relationship, it should be accepted quietly, without asking.....Because if you yourself has been very loyal with your character, but your partner is not so, then its become little difficult to accept the same if the facts come to knowledge....so better, not to ask anything on this topic, as fidelity can be measured through present relationship....not by getting the trust through frankness....which infact is not a trust, but a doubt untill one feel good by himself/herself.....also person dealing with such truth can only understand the phase how he/she is going through

[devdahiya]

You have a point there Neelam.......that too should work fine.Its noble too.

[Nishantrathi82]

Nishant ... if she will not tell u abt her past life then ?????????
kaffi past eise hote hai jho bataye nahi jate .....



Wht do u mean by this ... :confused:

Manni agar mujhe kuch pata nahe chalega to koi prob nahe hai i will feel that ever thing is fine and she is loyal abt me simple.

[anilsinghd]

Whatever I wished to write has already been written by Ravi ( samajh jaao saare please :(:o).

At this point of time , that is the present , i think that if at all i come to know about a past realtionship of my would be (before or after the marriage) , it would be a jolt but i am pretty sure ( remember i am talking about present) i would take that in stride! Because i firmly believe it is not a sin! :)

Other thing that i wish to say is that i have carried over my thoughts , ideas , views over years , i believe in continuity of thoughts and emotions , so I am confident of this present thinking continuing! :)

[vijay]

If someone says that they won't mind past relationships at all and will just move ahead then they are lying and decepting others as well as themselves.

It's quite genuine that if someone come to know about the past relationship of his/her spouse there would be reaction of that 'action'. Obviously there would be discussions .... arguments ..... debates .... attacks ...... counterattacks ...... and so on upto bitter fights. What really matters is that if they conclude it or not after the show. What they conclude and how long they stick to their promises ( with or without grudges ) :)

[narenderkharb]

If someone says that they won't mind past relationships at all and will just move ahead then they are lying and decepting others as well as themselves.

It's quite genuine that if someone come to know about the past relationship of his/her spouse there would be reaction of that 'action'. Obviously there would be discussions .... arguments ..... debates .... attacks ...... counterattacks ...... and so on upto bitter fights. What really matters is that if they conclude it or not after the show. What they conclude and how long they stick to their promises ( with or without grudges ) :)

Very True ,Vijay.

[sumitsehrawat]

Well said.

If someone is caring and emotional enough to love someone ONCE then that person will love with same intensity....you just have to be lucky enough to come across that special someone:)

[siwach2767]

sunita if she won't tell me anything i always think that she is loyal to me... or rahi baat "mistake" ki to agar aap shaadi kar letey hain to pichli sabhi baatein galati hi lagati hain.... if u get enough love from that person whom u married. or waisey bhi humey uskey past ke saath jeevan nahi gujarana.. sirf future se hi matlab hai. past uska kaisa bhi raha ho....


Amarjeet....please don't mind....but WHY she has to disguise her past love-affair like a MISTAKE, the only unfortunate thing can be that she couldn't marry the guy she loved or the love happened to be one sided, or the guy's or gal's parents didn't agree or BOTH didn't have the courage to put their marriage proposal in front of their parents?
Or is it that you'll be comforted to know THAT IT WAS A MISTAKE an WHAT IF....:confused:it wasn't but she just wants you to know the truth and not be JUDGEMENTAL WHETHER IT WAS OR NOT 'A MISTAKE':):)

[sunitahooda]

Amarjeet....if PEOPLE are not able to consummate it should not be considered A MISTAKE....shouldn't it simply mean that the 'SITUATION' wasn't favourable enough to work as per their wishes:)

Something similar happened to one of my friends. The boy didn't tell his wife about his love affair and apparently someone told his wife of his past. Though they were not getting along very well but the revealed fact worsen the situation and even after sincere efforts the wife doesn't want to forget his past....not to mention the man has been dedicated towards his wife after marriage but the love-affair wasn't 'A MISTAKE' the problem was the boy was younger than the girl and his parents wouldn't accept the girl,instead found an unsuitable MATCH just to torture many lives:) Not to mention the man is adamant that his affair wasn't a mistake;) and that it was love
sunita if she won't tell me anything i always think that she is loyal to me... or rahi baat "mistake" ki to agar aap shaadi kar letey hain to pichli sabhi baatein galati hi lagati hain.... if u get enough love from that person whom u married. or waisey bhi humey uskey past ke saath jeevan nahi gujarana.. sirf future se hi matlab hai. past uska kaisa bhi raha ho....

[siwach2767]

sunita ye baat to sach hai ki agar aapko bahar se relationship ke baarey mein pata lagega to jyada dukh hoga... dukh hi nahi hoga balki aap wali baat hai "goodey toot jangey" to behtar to yahi hota hai ki sab kuch shaadi se pahley hi baat saaf kar lein.... agar nahi bhi kar paatey to baat baat mein shaadi ke baad bhi batai ja sakti hai... shaadi ke baat aapko apney jeevan saathi ka kuch to nature pata lag hi jaata hai.. uskey nature ko samjhtey huye ussey is baarey mein discussion kiya ja sakta hai.... baaki sabhi logon ka apna khayal hota hai... or jab shaadi kar hi li.. to bahar walon se pata laga to usey jhoot maan lena chahiye... merey hisab se.. kyonki ab baaki jeevan to aapko usi ke saath bitana hai.... kyon dukhi howein past ki soch kar....



Amarjeet....if PEOPLE are not able to consummate it should not be considered A MISTAKE....shouldn't it simply mean that the 'SITUATION' wasn't favourable enough to work as per their wishes:)

Something similar happened to one of my friends. The boy didn't tell his wife about his love affair and apparently someone told his wife of his past. Though they were not getting along very well but the revealed fact worsen the situation and even after sincere efforts the wife doesn't want to forget his past....not to mention the man has been dedicated towards his wife after marriage but the love-affair wasn't 'A MISTAKE' the problem was the boy was younger than the girl and his parents wouldn't accept the girl,instead found an unsuitable MATCH just to torture many lives:) Not to mention the man is adamant that his affair wasn't a mistake;) and that it was love

[dkumars]

sunita if she won't tell me anything i always think that she is loyal to me... or rahi baat "mistake" ki to agar aap shaadi kar letey hain to pichli sabhi baatein galati hi lagati hain.... if u get enough love from that person whom u married. or waisey bhi humey uskey past ke saath jeevan nahi gujarana.. sirf future se hi matlab hai. past uska kaisa bhi raha ho....
Dear i find u wrong here again ... past kaisa bhi raha ho nahi chalta ... backgrond verification mein sabhi chezein dekhi jaati hai ...yaha wasie love ki baat ki ja rahi hai lekin hone ko kuch bhi ho sakta hai aur aap bilkul accept nahi kar paaoge ... ye baate discuss karne mein thiek lagti hai ki past se kya karna hai jeena toh future mein hai but jab practically hoti hai tab itna aasaan nahi hota :)


sunita ye baat to sach hai ki agar aapko bahar se relationship ke baarey mein pata lagega to jyada dukh hoga... dukh hi nahi hoga balki aap wali baat hai "goodey toot jangey" to behtar to yahi hota hai ki sab kuch shaadi se pahley hi baat saaf kar lein.... agar nahi bhi kar paatey to baat baat mein shaadi ke baad bhi batai ja sakti hai... shaadi ke baat aapko apney jeevan saathi ka kuch to nature pata lag hi jaata hai.. uskey nature ko samjhtey huye ussey is baarey mein discussion kiya ja sakta hai.... baaki sabhi logon ka apna khayal hota hai... or jab shaadi kar hi li.. to bahar walon se pata laga to usey jhoot maan lena chahiye... merey hisab se.. kyonki ab baaki jeevan to aapko usi ke saath bitana hai.... kyon dukhi howein past ki soch kar....

Again aisi baaton ko jhooth maan lena practical nahi hai ... theaory mein ye baatein acchhi lagti hi but not practically, i assume :)

[sunitahooda]

Neelam mujhe iss example mein kuch galat nahi lagta....ye alag baat hai ke peedhiyon se chaltey huay "Dharmik Smarthan' ke kaaran hum apney Bhagwan Ram mein koyi galti dekhna to door iski kalpna bhi nai karna chahtey....I don't want to write in detail or else the thread will loose its purposed subject matter which we are meant to discuss here.

And its not something new that if something is revealed by 'THE PUBLIC' then its not a mere MISTAKE it becomes an 'unforgivable SIN' but can we have a better example of hypocrisy than this?
So the public or society's mantra is sab karo par lukk-lukk kai ya bera mat paatan dyo....a big applause to 'OUR SOCIETY'
Agreed



This example is not appropriate.....as their case was publicly known.....and Ramji was insisted by that public to do something like that....so when the case goes into public's notice then it requires lot many formalities without considering whether any person is getting hurt or not

[SANDEEP5]

If anyone from you have seen movie "ASTITVA" than you will come to know that how much is difficult to face such kinda situation and more movie which is very much similar to this is "METRO".

now my personal opinion is below mentioned:-

The most important thing for this is situation. It all depend on situation that when and from whom you heard this ?????. Like if I came to know about this from other person than it will be more difficult to accept it as a mistake But if she tells me than it will all depend on her that how she can convince me to make me sure that she is serious and feel that it was mistake and it is not happening now and also will not happen in future. :rolleyes:

[anilsinghd]

If anyone from you have seen movie "ASTITVA" than you will come to know that how much is difficult to face such kinda situation and more movie which is very much similar to this is "METRO".


Nishabdh to me was absurd when considering the reaction of the wife of Amitabh. Well i know we are not discussing movies out here.
You can kill me for supporting what you might be tempted to call a "moron" ( the character of Amitabh in Nishabdh ) but it was scary to realise that "one" single mistake can wipe out love , care , affection of 27 years.

That ain't justified for sure! :)

[bislas]

I agree with you. Practically, If anybody came to know about parterner affair before marriage nobody want to be engage that gal or guy. This is the reality. Haan after marriage agar pata chalta hai to preshani to hogi hi chahe kaise bhi pata chale. Many member mentioned here like... " my husband/wife had an affair before marriage......i will be really upset.but if he has told me..then i wont have any problem"
lekin option kya rahta hai..? Divorce or compromise..... Jaydatar log yahan der saber comromise hi karte hain.

Haan if you have any option ... you will not accept to marry with that person ha affair with someone.

Mujhe nahi lagta koi ye kahta ki mujhe uske baare main pahle hi pata tha fir bhi maine usse shadi kar li.....



Dear i find u wrong here again ... past kaisa bhi raha ho nahi chalta ... backgrond verification mein sabhi chezein dekhi jaati hai ...yaha wasie love ki baat ki ja rahi hai lekin hone ko kuch bhi ho sakta hai aur aap bilkul accept nahi kar paaoge ... ye baate discuss karne mein thiek lagti hai ki past se kya karna hai jeena toh future mein hai but jab practically hoti hai tab itna aasaan nahi hota :)

this is absoluty true

Again aisi baaton ko jhooth maan lena practical nahi hai ... theaory mein ye baatein acchhi lagti hi but not practically, i assume :)

[jyotikohar]

Hello evryone!!!!!!!as i beleive ki agar aapko apni marriage ke baad is tarh ka kuch pta lge definatly aap hurt honge hi but shadi ke baad u hv to c a lot of things together family ,kids,social life etc etc. par main sochti hun ki jaise gadi back view mirror dekh ke nahi chalayi ja sakti aise hi jindgi bhi peeche mud ke dekh ke nahi chalayi ja sa sakti..............aage dekh ke chalna hi parivar ke hit me hota hai............

[dkumars]

Hello evryone!!!!!!!as i beleive ki agar aapko apni marriage ke baad is tarh ka kuch pta lge definatly aap hurt honge hi but shadi ke baad u hv to c a lot of things together family ,kids,social life etc etc. par main sochti hun ki jaise gadi back view mirror dekh ke nahi chalayi ja sakti aise hi jindgi bhi peeche mud ke dekh ke nahi chalayi ja sa sakti..............aage dekh ke chalna hi parivar ke hit me hota hai............

Jyoti ji aapki post uchit hai par gaadi chalate samay agar back view mirror nahi ho toh bhi gaadi thiek se nahi chal sakti ... bada haadsa hone ke chances hote hai ...

[Nishantrathi82]

ye baate discuss karne mein thiek lagti hai ki past se kya karna hai jeena toh future mein hai but jab practically hoti hai tab itna aasaan nahi hota :)


Very True DK