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neels
December 12th, 2008, 07:46 PM
Yesterday read this news article in TOI and it made me think a lot and feel sorry for the state of women in our own state. Too many questions, much frustration, helplessness, and the anger over the unawareness of women and uncivilized ways of handling by men. I know it may again raise a gender debate on jatland,,, but reports like these leave you in a state of shock n aggression.


46% Haryana women ‘okay’ with wife beating!

Priya Yadav | TNN

Chandigarh: Feminists may find it outrageous, but almost half of Haryana’s women — about 46% — say it’s justifiable for a man to beat his wife under some circumstances. Having received a lot of flak for having the country’s worst sex ratio, these findings again scream of the shabby treatment meted out to the fairer sex in Jatland.
So medieval is their mindset and grooming even in the 21st century, that 36% Haryanavi women say wife beating is okay if a woman is disrespectful towards her in-laws. This disturbing trend has been highlighted in the National Family Health Survey-III released by Haryana health minister Kartar Devi on Tuesday.
‘‘Women in Haryana do not enjoy the same status as that of men and this is not only reflected in the skewed sex ratio but also in various social aspects,’’ says Shri Kant Singh, an associate professor with Mumbai-based International Institution of Population Sciences.
Bearing further testimony to the antiquated ideas these women hold, an overwhelming 31% feel it’s all right if their husbands beat them up for going out without informing them. What is alarming is that even among couples who have completed at least 10 years of schooling, 28-29% say a husband is justified in assaulting his wife for one or more of the specified reasons. Sociologists believe there is a dire need for stepping up education programmes, mainly for women, so that they get a better sense of security and equality. ‘‘Respect for women is inculcated right from the beginning and begins at home. It is important to teach this within the family,’’ says Shri Kant Singh.
Worryingly, 25% of the married women reported of having been slapped by their husbands, between 7 and 14% claimed of having their arms being twisted or hair pulled, pushed and jostled around, or things thrown at them, being punched or kicked, dragged or beaten up. What is worse is that seven out of 10 women who were physically or sexually abused by their spouses neither sought help nor told anyone about the violence.
The pathetic trust in state resources is also apparent from the fact that women in Haryana do not seek help from any institutional sources like the police or social service organizations, the report states.

poonam
December 13th, 2008, 12:51 AM
Well, Neels nothing new in this..and frankly did not find anyhting shocking in this piece.

Heard and seen this psychology so often in Indian settings, more so in old rural settings though.

Civilized society, back home, is only on the surface..deep down most of 'em have this sick mentality!

VPannu
December 13th, 2008, 04:48 AM
Heard and seen this psychology so often in Indian settings, more so in old rural settings though.http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24662271-661,00.html
After reading the above article I beg to differ from you here. In Australia, White Ribbon Foundation, which campaigns to end violence against women, carried out a study and found out that:

1 in 3 boys involved in the study thinks its OK to hit a girl
1 in 7 said its OK to make her have sex with you if she is flirting with you.
The problem is not only with the males from Haryana, these are few sick vermin of the society. Sin is sin, no matter where you commit it. It should be stop there and then only. I believe education, upbringing and the company kept by a male play a very important role in this, don't forget to add the woman here too.

poonam
December 13th, 2008, 06:25 AM
Vivs, with due respect to your opinion, I was talking about the womenfolk. The article says about half of the women population in Haryana is OK with husband beatings!! Thats the mindset I referred to in my post.

Aur rahi baat boys/men ki, what you referred to, you know as they say, dogs will be dogs (ab chahe India ke ho ya Australia ke)...kade dogs offend naaa ho jaaa....:D:p




http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24662271-661,00.html
After reading the above article I beg to differ from you here. In Australia, White Ribbon Foundation, which campaigns to end violence against women, carried out a study and found out that:

1 in 3 boys involved in the study thinks its OK to hit a girl
1 in 7 said its OK to make her have sex with you if she is flirting with you.
The problem is not only with the males from Haryana, these are few sick vermin of the society. Sin is sin, no matter where you commit it. It should be stop there and then only. I believe education, upbringing and the company kept by a male play a very important role in this, don't forget to add the woman here too.

devdahiya
December 13th, 2008, 07:10 AM
Dear Dr Neelam ji, Its all about the power.The society since inception had been men dominated(more because on physical strength and the pivotal role being grabbed by men) and thus lesser fortunate got dictated and unfortunately it were the Women who faced the burnt of it all.But still in all ages there had been wonderful men also who respected women and stood by them.Education is the key....when men and women will get truly educated(hope it happens soon) they will start respecting each other more and this complex of subverting women at any cost will vanish.There are more and more women who have started standing up against the physical violence by the men and i am sanguine that things will be better in times to come.However calling all men as Dogs by some worthy member is in bad taste because all women need men and vice a versa...and hence let the men remain human beings and not paint them as animals.....else how can women stay as human beings......they have to be the opposite of dog to match his prowess.They have to co-exist....whatever the situation.Women must be respected as she shapes the world.

sidchhikara
December 13th, 2008, 11:19 AM
All this nonsense is to a large part because women are not financially independent. This nonsense will stop if women become financially independent and also start going to the gym. The day women can bench press their body weight... that it ... showtime ... dhishum dhishum.

skarmveer
December 13th, 2008, 12:44 PM
Dog to bahut badhiya or wafadaar hota hai bichara sarey din punchh hilata reh hai agai-paichhey or kham-kha kabhee chattaega, kabhee panhya mein lotega jistey maalkin raaji reh usey daat deu to punch daab key baid ja hai or sari baat maney hai. Easa pati to jayadater ladies chahti hai per inkee sankhya aabhee paryapt nahi hai jo sabhe ko mil sakey.

Jayadarter gharo mein aaj bhee mar-pitai key liyea koi na koi aurat hee jimeewar hoti hai us aadmee ko bhadkaney key liyea, Chahey wo uskee Ma ho, Behan ho ya Bhabhi ho or eak or hoti hai Baharwali jo gharwali kee sabsay badee duhman hai or durbhagay say wo bhee aurat hee hoti hai.

Jahan bhee aurat per aatayachar huaa hai uskee sabsay jayada jimeeywar aurat hee dikhai deti hai easa keu hai yea mujhey bhee samajh nahi aaya aaj tak per wastvikta yehi hai.

Eak case kal hum log discuss ker rahey they usmey bhee aurat kee estithi per baat ho rahi thee jismay eak ladkee shadi hoker aapney sasural gai us ladkee ka sasur nahi hai isliyea gher mein saas kee hee chalti hai or wo ladka aapnee ma kee har baat manta hai ma sapatah mey kam say kam eak baar to aapnee bahu ko pitava hee deti the eak din ladkee ney virodh kiya to uskee saas ney kaha key agar hamari her baat nahi manaegee to tujhey terey ghar bhej dungee or iskee dusri saade ker dungee bahut din tak easa hee chalta raha or antat: us ladkee ko uskey ghar chhod diyea gaya uskey do ladkey hai jo aapnee dadi ya pita key sath rehney ko tayar nahi hai wo ladkee aab apney bhaiyo key sath rehti hai. Lag-bhag 11 saal tak court case chala or court ka faisla nahi aaya.
Uskay bahiyo ney bahut paisa to court case mein or police mein kharch kiya tath aapnee behan eavam bacho ka kherch bhee uunhey hee uthana hai. Dono-ma or betoo ney milker jo jamin unkey naam thee wo bech dee jis-say un bachcho ko kuchh na dena paday. Ladka jab-2 sharab pee ker aata tha to uskee ma uskee tarafdaari kerti rahi or usmey bhee kuch na kuch galati bahu kee he nikalti thee.

Jayadater pariwaro kee ladai mein sabsay jayada role Saas, Nanad or Bhabhiyeo ka hee hota hai.


Vivs, with due respect to your opinion, I was talking about the womenfolk. The article says about half of the women population in Haryana is OK with husband beatings!! Thats the mindset I referred to in my post.

Aur rahi baat boys/men ki, what you referred to, you know as they say, dogs will be dogs (ab chahe India ke ho ya Australia ke)...kade dogs offend naaa ho jaaa....:D:p

shweta123
December 13th, 2008, 01:15 PM
Jayadarter gharo mein aaj bhee mar-pitai key liyea koi na koi aurat hee jimeewar hoti hai us aadmee ko bhadkaney key liyea, Chahey wo uskee Ma ho, Behan ho ya Bhabhi ho or eak or hoti hai Baharwali jo gharwali kee sabsay badee duhman hai or durbhagay say wo bhee aurat hee hoti hai.

.......
Aadmi bhadak jaate hain, apna dimaag nahi laga paate kya wo ? :rolleyes:

aur baaharwaali gharwaali ki sabse badi dushman - ye statement kaafi majedaar banaaya aapne :tamatarkeh to aise rahe hain jaise kitna khoobsoorat & legal kaam hai baaharwaali ka hona :o

aur ye bekaar ke cases kyo bata rahe hain aap .... isme aurat ki sththi kaha pata lagti hai ? Isme to kisi manushya ki akarmanyta ka pata lagta hai :mad:

koi saas aisi hogi to usko sudhaarne ke liye case wase karne ki kya jarurat hai .... haazaar tareeke hain jisse usko raato raat sudhaara ja sakta hai :thappad...... ab koi na karna chahta ho kuch to isme uski galti !

aur iska zimmewaar to wo aadmi hai jo pee ke aata hai aur ek andhe, langde aur dimaag se zero ke jaise kisi ki kahi ko bina soche maanta hai aur upar se action bhi leta hai :D ........ hahaaaa that was a comic case !

skarmveer
December 13th, 2008, 01:33 PM
GALATI TO HER HAAL MEIN PURUSHO KEE HEE HAI PER KEYA AURAT ISKEY LIYEA JIMMEYWAR NAHI HAI.

Is kissay kay sarey log aabhe maujood hai, wo ladkee or uska parivaar mere resteydari mein hai.

Saas-Bahu, Nanad-Bhabhi or Devrai-Jithani kee ladai key kissay bahut mashur hai or mujhey nahi lagta inmey say koi bhee Purush hota hai.

Kripya batai kee saas apnee bahu ko beti or nanad or jithaniyea apnee behan keu nahi manti. Agar easa ho jai to Purush to eak din mey theek ho jaiga.

"Aapko ko easa nahi lagta ke jo thread ka mudda hai us per apney vichar paragat karey bajai merey reply mee kamiya nikalney key".


Aadmi bhadak jaate hain, apna dimaag nahi laga paate kya wo ? :rolleyes:

aur baaharwaali gharwaali ki sabse badi dushman - ye statement kaafi majedaar banaaya aapne :tamatarkeh to aise rahe hain jaise kitna khoobsoorat & legal kaam hai baaharwaali ka hona :o

aur ye bekaar ke cases kyo bata rahe hain aap .... isme aurat ki sththi kaha pata lagti hai ? Isme to kisi manushya ki akarmanyta ka pata lagta hai :mad:

koi saas aisi hogi to usko sudhaarne ke liye case wase karne ki kya jarurat hai .... haazaar tareeke hain jisse usko raato raat sudhaara ja sakta hai :thappad...... ab koi na karna chahta ho kuch to isme uski galti !

aur iska zimmewaar to wo aadmi hai jo pee ke aata hai aur ek andhe, langde aur dimaag se zero ke jaise kisi ki kahi ko bina soche maanta hai aur upar se action bhi leta hai :D ........ hahaaaa that was a comic case !

dkumars
December 13th, 2008, 03:24 PM
Aadmi bhadak jaate hain, apna dimaag nahi laga paate kya wo ? :rolleyes:

aur baaharwaali gharwaali ki sabse badi dushman - ye statement kaafi majedaar banaaya aapne :tamatarkeh to aise rahe hain jaise kitna khoobsoorat & legal kaam hai baaharwaali ka hona :o

aur ye bekaar ke cases kyo bata rahe hain aap .... isme aurat ki sththi kaha pata lagti hai ? Isme to kisi manushya ki akarmanyta ka pata lagta hai :mad:

koi saas aisi hogi to usko sudhaarne ke liye case wase karne ki kya jarurat hai .... haazaar tareeke hain jisse usko raato raat sudhaara ja sakta hai :thappad...... ab koi na karna chahta ho kuch to isme uski galti !

aur iska zimmewaar to wo aadmi hai jo pee ke aata hai aur ek andhe, langde aur dimaag se zero ke jaise kisi ki kahi ko bina soche maanta hai aur upar se action bhi leta hai :D ........ hahaaaa that was a comic case !


GALATI TO HER HAAL MEIN PURUSHO KEE HEE HAI PER KEYA AURAT ISKEY LIYEA JIMMEYWAR NAHI HAI.

Is kissay kay sarey log aabhe maujood hai, wo ladkee or uska parivaar mere resteydari mein hai.

Saas-Bahu, Nanad-Bhabhi or Devrai-Jithani kee ladai key kissay bahut mashur hai or mujhey nahi lagta inmey say koi bhee Purush hota hai.

Kripya batai kee saas apnee bahu ko beti or nanad or jithaniyea apnee behan keu nahi manti. Agar easa ho jai to Purush to eak din mey theek ho jaiga.

"Aapko ko easa nahi lagta ke jo thread ka mudda hai us per apney vichar paragat karey bajai merey reply mee kamiya nikalney key".


Kya baat hai fir shuru ... great ... majje karo
Ek ek ghesala aur le lo haatha mein ;)

neels
December 13th, 2008, 03:35 PM
Well, Neels nothing new in this..and frankly did not find anyhting shocking in this piece.

Heard and seen this psychology so often in Indian settings, more so in old rural settings though.

Civilized society, back home, is only on the surface..deep down most of 'em have this sick mentality!

Well Poonam,, I am not using the term shock as a surprise for the news, I too know wife battering take place...the shock here I mentioned as a feeling of setback n sadness over the self ascribed sorry state of women in present times also. Aur dukh se jyada gussa aata hai aisee haalat per. why men can not understand that things/problems can be sorted out by talks also, and why the hell women think that beating is the only way to bring things in order or i should use the word Under Control.

devdahiya
December 13th, 2008, 04:38 PM
Here is an interesting link to read in detail about the genesis of this problem and much more deliberations.



www.domesticviolence.in

ratheetheraist
December 13th, 2008, 07:04 PM
Yesterday read this news article in TOI and it made me think a lot and feel sorry for the state of women in our own state. Too many questions, much frustration, helplessness, and the anger over the unawareness of women and uncivilized ways of handling by men. I know it may again raise a gender debate on jatland,,, but reports like these leave you in a state of shock n aggression.


46% Haryana women ‘okay’ with wife beating!

Priya Yadav | TNN

Chandigarh: Feminists may find it outrageous, but almost half of Haryana’s women — about 46% — say it’s justifiable for a man to beat his wife under some circumstances. Having received a lot of flak for having the country’s worst sex ratio, these findings again scream of the shabby treatment meted out to the fairer sex in Jatland.
So medieval is their mindset and grooming even in the 21st century, that 36% Haryanavi women say wife beating is okay if a woman is disrespectful towards her in-laws. This disturbing trend has been highlighted in the National Family Health Survey-III released by Haryana health minister Kartar Devi on Tuesday.
‘‘Women in Haryana do not enjoy the same status as that of men and this is not only reflected in the skewed sex ratio but also in various social aspects,’’ says Shri Kant Singh, an associate professor with Mumbai-based International Institution of Population Sciences.
Bearing further testimony to the antiquated ideas these women hold, an overwhelming 31% feel it’s all right if their husbands beat them up for going out without informing them. What is alarming is that even among couples who have completed at least 10 years of schooling, 28-29% say a husband is justified in assaulting his wife for one or more of the specified reasons. Sociologists believe there is a dire need for stepping up education programmes, mainly for women, so that they get a better sense of security and equality. ‘‘Respect for women is inculcated right from the beginning and begins at home. It is important to teach this within the family,’’ says Shri Kant Singh.
Worryingly, 25% of the married women reported of having been slapped by their husbands, between 7 and 14% claimed of having their arms being twisted or hair pulled, pushed and jostled around, or things thrown at them, being punched or kicked, dragged or beaten up. What is worse is that seven out of 10 women who were physically or sexually abused by their spouses neither sought help nor told anyone about the violence.
The pathetic trust in state resources is also apparent from the fact that women in Haryana do not seek help from any institutional sources like the police or social service organizations, the report states.

yaa sis..nice topic f discussion..!!

bein th student f Women Studies n Development here in P.U. have come across all such topics n Feminism wil take time to penetrate in the roots of our people..!!
the basic reason behind al th atrocities faced by women is education..th cases f domestic violence are normally seen where women could nt gt the proper education..!!

Apni Maa hor ney bahut sehan kara hai..n we have been witness to such activities..kai baar toh woh yeh bhi sochti hain k jab tak mera beta bada hoga tab tak I M OK wth ths violence..she never thought to raise her voice as she never thought f ny roof whch could gv her shelter in case she raised her voice..bt now, things are changing..grl child is brought up at par wth boys in mst f the families..It was 20% increase in literacy level f girl child in last 10 years in Haryana villages..(we did a project on this in last semester in our dept)

things are changing and we shall make it sure to bring a positive n progressive change around us..!!

devdahiya
December 13th, 2008, 08:43 PM
yaa sis..nice topic f discussion..!!

bein th student f Women Studies n Development here in P.U. have come across all such topics n Feminism wil take time to penetrate in the roots of our people..!!
the basic reason behind al th atrocities faced by women is education..th cases f domestic violence are normally seen where women could nt gt the proper education..!!

Apni Maa hor ney bahut sehan kara hai..n we have been witness to such activities..kai baar toh woh yeh bhi sochti hain k jab tak mera beta bada hoga tab tak I M OK wth ths violence..she never thought to raise her voice as she never thought f ny roof whch could gv her shelter in case she raised her voice..bt now, things are changing..grl child is brought up at par wth boys in mst f the families..It was 20% increase in literacy level f girl child in last 10 years in Haryana villages..(we did a project on this in last semester in our dept)

things are changing and we shall make it sure to bring a positive n progressive change around us..!!




Ittane sunder vichar padhh kar lagta hei wo din duur nahin........God bless you Bikkasse.Hopes are pinned on young people like you.

neels
December 13th, 2008, 11:04 PM
yaa sis..nice topic f discussion..!!

bein th student f Women Studies n Development here in P.U. have come across all such topics n Feminism wil take time to penetrate in the roots of our people..!!
the basic reason behind al th atrocities faced by women is education..th cases f domestic violence are normally seen where women could nt gt the proper education..!!

Apni Maa hor ney bahut sehan kara hai..n we have been witness to such activities..kai baar toh woh yeh bhi sochti hain k jab tak mera beta bada hoga tab tak I M OK wth ths violence..she never thought to raise her voice as she never thought f ny roof whch could gv her shelter in case she raised her voice..bt now, things are changing..grl child is brought up at par wth boys in mst f the families..It was 20% increase in literacy level f girl child in last 10 years in Haryana villages..(we did a project on this in last semester in our dept)

things are changing and we shall make it sure to bring a positive n progressive change around us..!!

Thnx Vikas.... Very well explained bro....good to read.
Hope everyone understands we are talking as a concern of the society as a whole,,,not to blame or take sides of men or women.

kusumdhochak
December 16th, 2008, 12:11 AM
I had a strange realisation today.(not that it's anything great, just that it didn,t occur to me earlier). I was eating my lunch in a hotel where a big Muslim group came to eat which had around 15 females all covered in Burqas. I felt very sorry that these female were suffering so many restrictions etc etc. But then I realised that it equally bad in my own place!(I knew that situation is bad but i never realised it was almost equally bad).
It sometimes feels very frustrating that I can't even do much about it as I am staying away from the place.

Also regarding Karamveer ji's saying that mostly it's women who cause problems for each other, why don't simiar things happen in other parts of India, (say South India, Bengal etc...)? Why only in North India. They behave so because they have seen only that throughout their lives. they won't really know that there are better ways of living, Unless they are educated and allowed to explore the outside world....

Also, regarding the figure of percentage of wives beng beaten up by husbands, I think it's much higher than that atleast in villages.

Though now a days things are slightly changing with people understanding the need of education, but still it needs to be much faster. Early marriages are also a great hindernce in the progess of our women. Many of us will think 21-22 is good enough for marrying but how many of us are really able to finish education and getting obs at that age?...
I wish things become improve fast.

dkumars
December 16th, 2008, 12:40 AM
I had a strange realisation today.(not that it's anything great, just that it didn,t occur to me earlier). I was eating my lunch in a hotel where a big Muslim group came to eat which had around 15 females all covered in Burqas. I felt very sorry that these female were suffering so many restrictions etc etc. But then I realised that it equally bad in my own place!(I knew that situation is bad but i never realised it was almost equally bad).
It sometimes feels very frustrating that I can't even do much about it as I am staying away from the place.

Also regarding Karamveer ji's saying that mostly it's women who cause problems for each other, why don't simiar things happen in other parts of India, (say South India, Bengal etc...)? Why only in North India. They behave so because they have seen only that throughout their lives. they won't really know that there are better ways of living, Unless they are educated and allowed to explore the outside world....

Also, regarding the figure of percentage of wives beng beaten up by husbands, I think it's much higher than that atleast in villages.

Though now a days things are slightly changing with people understanding the need of education, but still it needs to be much faster. Early marriages are also a great hindernce in the progess of our women. Many of us will think 21-22 is good enough for marrying but how many of us are really able to finish education and getting obs at that age?...
I wish things become improve fast.


For Blue ... Well, nothing like that ... south mein bhi bahut maar kutai hoti hai ... can see in their movies also but yes the main cause is lack of education and independence. Must be educated and given freedom to choose their career.

Fateh
December 16th, 2008, 05:46 AM
Here is an interesting link to read in detail about the genesis of this problem and much more deliberations.



www.domesticviolence.in (http://www.domesticviolence.in)
As for as the topic is concern, many individuals have contributed & specially sh dev dahiya, please go through the above quote. Like any other voilence, this one is also caused mainly due to improper bringing up in the family & the society, lack of proper education & specially moral/spiritual education.The problem is every where, urban or rural, haryana or bihar, India or Australia, ofcurce degree may differ. However, I have not understood as to why we jat landers dont follow few simple rules as laid down, while discussing/writing your post. Pointing finger towards somebody/calling names, does not look nice, spoils taste/relations & unnecessorily diverts the discussion. Please read reply of Dev bhai, there is lot to learn from his post. Dev brother, very nicely replied. I wish we all should behave on this forum atlist, like you.

sampuran
December 16th, 2008, 10:17 PM
I........ But then I realised that it equally bad in my own place!(I knew that situation is bad but i never realised it was almost equally bad).
It sometimes feels very frustrating that I can't even do much about it as I am staying away from the place.


Also, regarding the figure of percentage of wives beng beaten up by husbands, I think it's much higher than that atleast in villages.


I wish things become improve fast.

Kusumji,

In our society, its the problem of people not bringing up their children with correct SANSKARs. Earlier we could blame it on lack of education. Not any more.

If wife beating is a criterion, may be we are bad. Not otherwise...... Norway is one of the most open and so called "FORWARD" societies. The incidents of wife beating are minimal. Because their are not many of them.

Most people believe in live-in relationship. So how can the educated and advanced Norwegian males beat up their wives ? instead, they beat up their 'partners'. The percentage is a whopping >60% !

Really, education and modernity are no benchmarks. People have to brought up right - both the men and women.