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amritkharb
September 10th, 2009, 02:35 AM
:mad: There is a disturbing trend going on within the community here. Let us talk about Indian community in America. Parents are being abandoned by their married adult children. Not too far from where I live, in a nearby city, adults ages mostly 60 and above gather at a mall and socialise. Their children have kicked them out of their homes, broken off all contacts with them! :mad:Basically abandoned them. Some live in motels, some rent. When they came, they lived with their children. Then things happened. The adults were used as baby sitters by their adult son or daughter and then kicked out!:mad: Some kicked them out even before that! Even daughters have thrown their fathers out!:mad:
Na ladkiyaan na ladka kisse kam ke nikale.
It is disgrace how parents are treated by their adult children. :mad:The adult children. these parents did everything for and now these same selfish childern have abandoned them in old age in a foreign land. :mad: Sharm aane chaiyee aise kamine bachhon ko jo apne maa, baap ko sadak par phek dete haeen. :mad: Dhikkar hae, I pray from my heart that these low lives suffer the same fate at the hands of their children:mad:

jagmohan
September 11th, 2009, 11:58 AM
Dear All,

Remembered something that happened when I was about to retire in 2001. A JAT Brigadier, co-posted was also to retire after a year or so. He asked me “Malik, you’re seeking retirement after 21 years of service and without a job in hand, what will you do?” I told him frankly that this world has enough opportunities for those who are willing to rough it out. He asked me “What do you suggest I should do after retirement?” In the beginning itself I had clarified to him that the discussion was taking place between two brother officers and not between a senior and a junior.

Since I had observed him closely for about a year, I frankly told him that he can do nothing except fight with his neighbors! Why I said this was because of a reason. He has a son who was in US. I told the Brigadier that if I was in his place, I would go to US, stay with my son and find something worthwhile to do. He said “No Malik, I will not be comfortable staying with my son”. He would give no reason for that. I gave him the answer. I told him that because when you became an officer, you thought you became a ‘Sahib’. And because of that you never kept your parents with you because they would not fit in your culture’. That was the main reason he could not gather the courage to stay with his son. What if his son told him “Sorry, you can’t stay with me”.

It is different matter that our conversation ended there and then as he assumed the role of a Brigadier.

A few years later I read in the newspaper that a retired Brigadier has been detained for assaulting his neighbor! My prophecy had come true.

The matter raised in this thread is real. Old people are being abandoned. A society that needs a law to ensure that children look after their old parents, well, something must be terribly wrong.

Best regards,

JS Malik

dahiyarules
September 11th, 2009, 01:33 PM
For some reason my post got deleted. What I said earlier, I mentioned in good spirit as I seriously doubt the authenticity of the creator of this thread. Well, that's an issue for the Mods to look into. As far as the topic of this thread is concerned, I think there are many of us younger members who face this issue on a daily basis.

I was once working at a Hotel Front Desk when I was in college. An elderly Indian couple checked in late in the night. The wife was sobbing and her grown up son was trying to calm her down. They were apparently kicked out by their daughter and son-in-law. I gave them my number in case there was anything I could do for them. But I never heard from them again.

I have a mother. We lost our father when I was one year old. I hold very high regards for my mother. And, so does my brother who lives a few hours from where I am.

I am in the Army. I got my moving orders yesterday. I will be shipping out for Advanced Combat Training on Jan 4th. So, I called my mother and told her about it. As expected she was very upset about the whole thing. She fears that I am not going to be around to look after her. She feels like both her sons abandoned her when they left India.

I always tell her that its not true that we have abandoned her. I cannot speak for my brother, but I feel this is my home and this my country and these are my people. I came her at a very young age and went to school here and made friends with people over here. I have established roots here and its as reasonable for my mother to not expect me to come back to India just as I expect it to be difficult for her to retire and start a new life here with my brother or me.

My brother and I have offered her to come live with us. As an officer I am entitled to very good on-base housing which I cannot get unless I am married or have dependents. If my mother comes and lives with me she will be well looked after even if I am gone for several months. I am sure my brother will take equally good care of her. But she just loves her job too much to retire. I guess she is just apprehensive about living with us because of all the horror stories she has heard.

In the case of many of those horror stories, the cause of contention is the son's wife whose insecurity drives her to demand her husband to choose between her or his parents. In other cases, there are parents who are insecure about whether their children still love them as much as they used to. These are explosive situations and cause a lot of ego-contests. Cooler heads need to prevail in such situation. The son should not take abrupt decisions. Kicking out his parents is not going to be a solution for his b***h of a wife. He still has to deal with her for the rest of his life. That leads to a totally different issue. Why do these guys get married to such women in the first place?

Thats why if you plan to have your parents around after getting married, its important to marry somebody who understands you and agrees with your need to look after your parents.

If I was in a situation where I had a wife and my mother drawing each others blood I would leave home and go to a bar and have a chilled beer with Jit Thakar. LOL! :p People need to relax and just stop being insecure about their loved ones and enjoy their lives together

So, if the question is whether Indians abandon their parents here in the US; yes, I have seen one case myself and heard of others. But I have seen many more cases of children taking good care of their elderly parents here in the US. I am very sure that my brother and I are not the only one who will do anything for their parents. There are other who think just like us.

lalit_nashier
September 11th, 2009, 01:55 PM
For some reason my post got deleted. What I said earlier, I mentioned in good spirit as I seriously doubt the authenticity of the creator of this thread. Well, that's an issue for the Mods to look into. As far as the topic of this thread is concerned, I think there are many of us younger members who face this issue on a daily basis.

I was once working at a Hotel Front Desk when I was in college. An elderly Indian couple checked in late in the night. The wife was sobbing and her grown up son was trying to calm her down. They were apparently kicked out by their daughter and son-in-law. I gave them my number in case there was anything I could do for them. But I never heard from them again.

I have a mother. We lost our father when I was one year old. I hold very high regards for my mother. And, so does my brother who lives a few hours from where I am.

I am in the Army. I got my moving orders yesterday. I will be shipping out for Advanced Combat Training on Jan 4th. So, I called my mother and told her about it. As expected she was very upset about the whole thing. She fears that I am not going to be around to look after her. She feels like both her sons abandoned her when they left India.

I always tell her that its not true that we have abandoned her. I cannot speak for my brother, but I feel this is my home and this my country and these are my people. I came her at a very young age and went to school here and made friends with people over here. I have established roots here and its as reasonable for my mother to not expect me to come back to India just as I expect it to be difficult for her to retire and start a new life here with my brother or me.

My brother and I have offered her to come live with us. As an officer I am entitled to very good on-base housing which I cannot get unless I am married or have dependents. If my mother comes and lives with me she will be well looked after even if I am gone for several months. I am sure my brother will take equally good care of her. But she just loves her job too much to retire. I guess she is just apprehensive about living with us because of all the horror stories she has heard.

In the case of many of those horror stories, the cause of contention is the son's wife whose insecurity drives her to demand her husband to choose between her or his parents. In other cases, there are parents who are insecure about whether their children still love them as much as they used to. These are explosive situations and cause a lot of ego-contests. Cooler heads need to prevail in such situation. The son should not take abrupt decisions. Kicking out his parents is not going to be a solution for his b***h of a wife. He still has to deal with her for the rest of his life. That leads to a totally different issue. Why do these guys get married to such women in the first place?

Thats why if you plan to have your parents around after getting married, its important to marry somebody who understands you and agrees with your need to look after your parents.

If I was in a situation where I had a wife and my mother drawing each others blood I would leave home and go to a bar and have a chilled beer with Jit Thakar. LOL! :p People need to relax and just stop being insecure about their loved ones and enjoy their lives together

So, if the question is whether Indians abandon their parents here in the US; yes, I have seen one case myself and heard of others. But I have seen many more cases of children taking good care of their elderly parents here in the US. I am very sure that my brother and I are not the only one who will do anything for their parents. There are other who think just like us.

Thump up 1 ...

I will too ... (if my mother wants to stay with me)

cooljat
September 11th, 2009, 02:22 PM
Brother Sumit,

Two thumbs up for such a wonderful n' pragmatic reply, You clearly n' comprehensibly described the problem n' solution as well. You yourself raised a valid question and tried to answer it in simplistic n' practical way. I seriously admire that. :)

As for having a chilled beer, you are cordially invited any day, be it bliss or blues the Chilled beer works like a miracle drug. And when situation tend to lose n get extreme, I've one highly effective thought - " .. कभी ख़ुशी कभी गम ... कभी बियर कभी रम .." !! :cool:

Cheers bro, for good life .. :)



In the case of many of those horror stories, the cause of contention is the son's wife whose insecurity drives her to demand her husband to choose between her or his parents. In other cases, there are parents who are insecure about whether their children still love them as much as they used to. These are explosive situations and cause a lot of ego-contests. Cooler heads need to prevail in such situation. The son should not take abrupt decisions. Kicking out his parents is not going to be a solution for his b***h of a wife. He still has to deal with her for the rest of his life. That leads to a totally different issue. Why do these guys get married to such women in the first place?

Thats why if you plan to have your parents around after getting married, its important to marry somebody who understands you and agrees with your need to look after your parents.

If I was in a situation where I had a wife and my mother drawing each others blood I would leave home and go to a bar and have a chilled beer with Jit Thakar. LOL! :p People need to relax and just stop being insecure about their loved ones and enjoy their lives together

lalit_nashier
September 11th, 2009, 03:11 PM
when situation tend to lose n get extreme, I've one highly effective thought - " .. कभी ख़ुशी कभी गम ... कभी बियर कभी रम .." !! :cool:

bhai kit t lao so isse isse :) .. gud 1

sanjaymalik
September 11th, 2009, 03:29 PM
Dear this is not the problem only in U.S but equally prevalent in delhi and other metro cities. but here i have only heard in other comunities like punjabi , baniye etc but not in our jat community.

ritu
September 11th, 2009, 05:05 PM
my sisters jat neighbor have arrangement with their brother for their parents .....they used to have one parent with them at a time .they treat them very badly.their mother and father used to come to my sister if they have to drink tea bcoz they were not allowed to have more than 2 cups at their sons place.parents were very aged in their 90s.during one of their transition phases they get to be together in their village where their other son lives.both commited suicide.my sister still get very emotional whenever she talks about them.she got very attached with the old lady.

Dear this is not the problem only in U.S but equally prevalent in delhi and other metro cities. but here i have only heard in other comunities like punjabi , baniye etc but not in our jat community.

dahiyarules
September 11th, 2009, 05:48 PM
my sisters jat neighbor have arrangement with their brother for their parents .....they used to have one parent with them at a time .they treat them very badly.their mother and father used to come to my sister if they have to drink tea bcoz they were not allowed to have more than 2 cups at their sons place.parents were very aged in their 90s.during one of their transition phases they get to be together in their village where their other son lives.both commited suicide.my sister still get very emotional whenever she talks about them.she got very attached with the old lady.

Issi aulaad ki ek diretory hone chahiye jisme inke naam, fottu arr pattey likhey hon! Isse issyan ne deekhte-ein rehptam-rehptan karr de!

bazardparveen
September 11th, 2009, 06:25 PM
my sisters jat neighbor have arrangement with their brother for their parents .....they used to have one parent with them at a time .they treat them very badly.their mother and father used to come to my sister if they have to drink tea bcoz they were not allowed to have more than 2 cups at their sons place.parents were very aged in their 90s.during one of their transition phases they get to be together in their village where their other son lives.both committed suicide.my sister still get very emotional whenever she talks about them.she got very attached with the old lady.


i used to think that these things(separating parents) is only seen in movies only(baghban). ...It's happening in reality........Shame on such children.......such issues should be raised locally in panchyat/ khap pancyat........these people should be punished........................

amritkharb
September 12th, 2009, 09:18 AM
For some reason my post got deleted. What I said earlier, I mentioned in good spirit as I seriously doubt the authenticity of the creator of this thread. Well, that's an issue for the Mods to look into. As far as the topic of this thread is concerned, I think there are many of us younger members who face this issue on a daily basis.

I was once working at a Hotel Front Desk when I was in college. An elderly Indian couple checked in late in the night. The wife was sobbing and her grown up son was trying to calm her down. They were apparently kicked out by their daughter and son-in-law. I gave them my number in case there was anything I could do for them. But I never heard from them again.

I have a mother. We lost our father when I was one year old. I hold very high regards for my mother. And, so does my brother who lives a few hours from where I am.

Are you for real?

Quote" She feels like both her sons abandoned her when they left India.

I always tell her that its not true that we have abandoned her. I cannot speak for my brother, but I feel this is my home and this my country and these are my people. I came her at a very young age and went to school here and made friends with people over here. I have established roots here and its as reasonable for my mother to not expect me to come back to India just as I expect it to be difficult for her to retire and start a new life here with my brother or me."


You have abandoned your mother. She is correct.

You came at university level. That is not "very young age."!!
No, this is not your country.

No , you don't sidestep the issue. WEhen one starts to bring "reason" (that is your reason) with a lone parent then one is lying about not listening to the sole surviving parent. It is disgrace.

After getting economics degree you are parading!!! Must be desperate.





I am in the Army. I got my moving orders yesterday. I will be shipping out for Advanced Combat Training on Jan 4th. So, I called my mother and told her about it. As expected she was very upset about the whole thing. She fears that I am not going to be around to look after her. She feels like both her sons abandoned her when they left India.

I always tell her that its not true that we have abandoned her. I cannot speak for my brother, but I feel this is my home and this my country and these are my people. I came her at a very young age and went to school here and made friends with people over here. I have established roots here and its as reasonable for my mother to not expect me to come back to India just as I expect it to be difficult for her to retire and start a new life here with my brother or me.

My brother and I have offered her to come live with us. As an officer I am entitled to very good on-base housing which I cannot get unless I am married or have dependents. If my mother comes and lives with me she will be well looked after even if I am gone for several months. I am sure my brother will take equally good care of her. But she just loves her job too much to retire. I guess she is just apprehensive about living with us because of all the horror stories she has heard.

In the case of many of those horror stories, the cause of contention is the son's wife whose insecurity drives her to demand her husband to choose between her or his parents. In other cases, there are parents who are insecure about whether their children still love them as much as they used to. These are explosive situations and cause a lot of ego-contests. Cooler heads need to prevail in such situation. The son should not take abrupt decisions. Kicking out his parents is not going to be a solution for his b***h of a wife. He still has to deal with her for the rest of his life. That leads to a totally different issue. Why do these guys get married to such women in the first place?

Thats why if you plan to have your parents around after getting married, its important to marry somebody who understands you and agrees with your need to look after your parents.

If I was in a situation where I had a wife and my mother drawing each others blood I would leave home and go to a bar and have a chilled beer with Jit Thakar. LOL! :p People need to relax and just stop being insecure about their loved ones and enjoy their lives together

So, if the question is whether Indians abandon their parents here in the US; yes, I have seen one case myself and heard of others. But I have seen many more cases of children taking good care of their elderly parents here in the US. I am very sure that my brother and I are not the only one who will do anything for their parents. There are other who think just like us.

The only authencity that needs to be validated is yours. :mad:

Quote: "Thats why if you plan to have your parents around after getting married, its important to marry somebody who understands you and agrees with your need to look after your parents."

You got a "honesty meter" and "future prediction machine?" Marry a girl who says this or that. or a man who says this or that. I know the Indians, bloody hypocrites. I know a jat brigadier who is renting an apartment with his wife. He brought his son here and got him married to his army friend's daughter.
His "great jat son" and daughter in law, first put both of them in a hot garage and then kicked them out out of their homes. Don't lie that it does not happen to jats. :mad:

"Why do these guys get married to such women in the first place?"

I am pretty sure you and jit know lots of people who have thrown their parents out of their homes. I am sure about that. You just don't know these people fully well and they are not telling you that. :p


Quote: " I guess she is just apprehensive about living with us because of all the horror stories she has heard."

Seems your mother does not faith in either of you.

Quote: "She feels like both her sons abandoned her when they left India."
Your mother seems to be correct.

Quote: "I cannot speak for my brother, but I feel this is my home and this my country and these are my people. I came her at a very young age and went to school"

You came at college level. that is not a very young age as a student. This is not your country. get real! This sweet talk along with misrepresentations and outright lies. pretty low with your internet buddies cheering you. very shallow. :p


"I will go to bar and have a chilled beer with jit?"
what? :tamatar

- very shallow. :tamatar

Disclaimer: Sumit, put all this personal information on his own accord. I arrived at these conclusions based on the given information. It is my opinion that people with commonsense would concur.( though, it is my own personal opinion based on observations of the general population that not many people have commonsense)

amritkharb
September 12th, 2009, 11:04 AM
Dear All,

Remembered something that happened when I was about to retire in 2001. A JAT Brigadier, co-posted was also to retire after a year or so. He asked me “Malik, you’re seeking retirement after 21 years of service and without a job in hand, what will you do?” I told him frankly that this world has enough opportunities for those who are willing to rough it out. He asked me “What do you suggest I should do after retirement?” In the beginning itself I had clarified to him that the discussion was taking place between two brother officers and not between a senior and a junior.

Since I had observed him closely for about a year, I frankly told him that he can do nothing except fight with his neighbors! Why I said this was because of a reason. He has a son who was in US. I told the Brigadier that if I was in his place, I would go to US, stay with my son and find something worthwhile to do. He said “No Malik, I will not be comfortable staying with my son”. He would give no reason for that. I gave him the answer. I told him that because when you became an officer, you thought you became a ‘Sahib’. And because of that you never kept your parents with you because they would not fit in your culture’. That was the main reason he could not gather the courage to stay with his son. What if his son told him “Sorry, you can’t stay with me”.

It is different matter that our conversation ended there and then as he assumed the role of a Brigadier.

A few years later I read in the newspaper that a retired Brigadier has been detained for assaulting his neighbor! My prophecy had come true.

The matter raised in this thread is real. Old people are being abandoned. A society that needs a law to ensure that children look after their old parents, well, something must be terribly wrong.

Best regards,

JS Malik

It is sad. Be sure of the fact, that everyone gets old. Your children see how you treat your parents and they may treat you the same. Mein kuch loggon ko janta hoon jo Amerika see hindustan aate haeen, jat meetings mein photo kichwate haeen, give donations aur apne bude parents ko buree tareke se bolte haen, bura vahwar karte haen! AAp log jo hindustan ki jammen par rehte haen unko janate haen par pure tarah se naheen! :(

Another thing is that many times it will be the wife who is responsible for kicking out his husbands parents on the streets. But she will bring all her family to live with her. That may have happened in the past so you won't know that and then this miya-joru will act saintly and goody goody. But see who lives with them? Is it the wife's parents, brothers and sisters or vice versa.

A man who disrespects his parents is a hinjraa pretending to be a man. Is a double hinjraa if he does that due to his wife's pressue. A woman who ill-treats her husbands' parents and relatives is good only for divorce. :rock

lalit_nashier
September 12th, 2009, 12:33 PM
Thump up 1 ...

I will too ... (if my mother wants to stay with me)

oh bhaiyo ... ya thread to "Married Adult children" ta hi hai ...

hmmmm .. sorry to reply to this thread :)

sidchhikara
September 14th, 2009, 02:07 AM
Bhai Amrit thoda bahut office mein bhi kaam kar liya kar ... ulta khanda denge tanne jei saari haan married adult Zaat children er parents ki dhoti mein taang ghaale gaa.

sunnytewatia
September 14th, 2009, 09:39 AM
valid issue but not sure of intentions behind this thread as other members say.

trueblueindian
September 14th, 2009, 02:24 PM
Issi aulaad ki ek diretory hone chahiye jisme inke naam, fottu arr pattey likhey hon! Isse issyan ne deekhte-ein rehptam-rehptan karr de!

Pakki baat

anilsangwan
September 14th, 2009, 09:31 PM
Issi aulaad ki ek diretory hone chahiye jisme inke naam, fottu arr pattey likhey hon! Isse issyan ne deekhte-ein rehptam-rehptan karr de!

Pakki baat

anilsinghd
September 15th, 2009, 06:19 PM
I seriously doubt the authenticity of the creator of this thread.

My apprehensions as well , more than that , the kind of negative energy that flows from such posts/mentality is no less dangerous.


It is my opinion that people with commonsense would concur.( though, it is my own personal opinion based on observations of the general population that not many people have commonsense)

I CONCUR with you that I do not have the COMMONSENSE that you are talking about! :)