Live in relationships ..?

[ravinderpannu]

Ram ram to all,

the topic itself seems to be discussed by adults and 'budhijivis',..if it is discussed earlier ,,than may i request to discuss it again under the latest conditions ( i.e. samajic changes).

I was watching a realty tv show and this was the very common question to all contenders. And i found that the anchor/interviewer himself in favour of such relationships.


My question is :

what impact is it going to make on the younger generation,,who are 10-14 years old.

what kind of impact does it have on the thinking of the current generation,,as after being FAN of these kind of shows,,teenagers/adolescents may start thinking about this thing .

If it is ok than to where we are heading...??????

[VirJ]

Ram ram to all,

the topic itself seems to be discussed by adults and 'budhijivis',..if it is discussed earlier ,,than may i request to discuss it again under the latest conditions ( i.e. samajic changes).

I was watching a realty tv show and this was the very common question to all contenders. And i found that the anchor/interviewer himself in favour of such relationships.

[B]

Bhai ke soda ho s yo?

Ke kahna chave s tu?

Kun tha vo anchor?

Ise ise kayi terle anchor to Lahore ki heera mandi t aaye he (sachi bat s ya kade soche majak kare)

Aur batan ki bat chod tu nu bata tu ke kahna chave s

[ravinderjeet]

Ram ram to all,

the topic itself seems to be discussed by adults and 'budhijivis',..if it is discussed earlier ,,than may i request to discuss it again under the latest conditions ( i.e. samajic changes).

I was watching a realty tv show and this was the very common question to all contenders. And i found that the anchor/interviewer himself in favour of such relationships.


My question is :

what impact is it going to make on the younger generation,,who are 10-14 years old.

what kind of impact does it have on the thinking of the current generation,,as after being FAN of these kind of shows,,teenagers/adolescents may start thinking about this thing .

If it is ok than to where we are heading...??????

इस लीव इन रिलेसनशिप का असर देख ले यूरोप में ,निरे हाँडन लागरे सें पैदा हो के सडकआँ पे | गोत गाम गुहांड का किस्से ने ना बेरा एर अपराधी भी इहने बर्गे बन्या करें | ये घे मेरिज , लीव इन रिलेसनशिप जिससे मुद्दे ,वे बन्दे ठावें से ,एर इन् खातर क़ानून पास करवावे सें, जिनकी ना कोए कल्चर से एर ना कोए ठोर ठीकाना |उस एंकर का ई मेल दे दे मन्ने ,में कहू सूं उहने अक आपनी भान नु खंदा पहलम किस्से गेल लीव इन रिलेसनशिप में | ऊँ भी विपिन ने सही कही से ,ये सब लाहोर की अनारकली गली की औलाद सें.|

[Saharan1628]

उस एंकर का ई मेल दे दे मन्ने
Don't know about the e-mail id but the show is MTV-Roadies:Shortcut To Hell Season 8

[ravinderpannu]

Ram ram to all,




My question is :

what impact is it going to make on the younger generation,,who are 10-14 years old.

what kind of impact does it have on the thinking of the current generation,,as after being FAN of these kind of shows,,teenagers/adolescents may start thinking about this thing .

If it is ok than to where we are heading...??????


Bhai ke soda ho s yo?

Ke kahna chave s tu?

Kun tha vo anchor?

Ise ise kayi terle anchor to Lahore ki heera mandi t aaye he (sachi bat s ya kade soche majak kare)

Aur batan ki bat chod tu nu bata tu ke kahna chave s


Jyani,
pehla to dhanyawad ,,tanne pehli reply kari.

दूसरा, जो मैं पूछना चाहू सु वो लिले अक्षरा में फोन्ट बड़ा कर राख्या सै...!!!

तीसरा, मन्ने फारसी में कोणी लिख राख्या , जो समझ में कोणी आवे ...!!!
चौथा, या लाहोरे की हीरा मण्डी तेरी favourite सै के ,कई बार जीकर कर लिया तन्ने इसका ..!!

पाचम, मैं MTV के एक शो Rodies की बात कर रहा हु ,,और बी बहुत सारे shows है जहाँ LIVE -IN relations की favour में बहुत लोग होते हैं ...!!!!

आई कीमे समझ में ..!!

[VirJ]

Mene bhi bera s ke tene ke likh rakhi s. Me nu kayi thi ke tu ke kahna chave s.

Auran ki chod tu ke kahan chave s in relation ke bare me. Saaf saaf kyon nahi likhta ke tu favour me he ke nahi ya tu confuse s. Tene nahi bera iska ke impact hovega??

Bakiyan ka opinion uske baad me liye. Tene farsi to koni likhi har mene bera s tene likhni bhi koni aave par baat to saaf saaf likh ke tu ke kahna chave s.

Tene ek thread banayi to tene socha bhi jarror hoga is bare me. To ib tera ke vichaar s is bare me aage ki baat me tene uske baad me bataunga jib tere vicharan ka bera patega. Koi bhi thread open karen t pahli kam t kam apana opinion to deve he to tera ke opinion he ?

Ib ya bold me likhodi aaye teri samaj me ke nahi?

[upendersingh]

Don't know about the e-mail id but the show is MTV-Roadies:Shortcut To Hell Season 8

यो सौद्दा तो एक बै मन्नै भी देख्या था. मेरी सासू के 2 गंजे सै एक जिसी शकल के...सिर पै उस्तरा फिरवाए रह हैं 12 मास...छोरियां न बारी-बारी कुर्सी पै बठा कै नै न्यू पूछण लाग गे कि बता छोरे घणी गाळ कूण-कूण सी बकै सै....अर छोरी भी जमा बेशर्म...बतावण लाग गी अक मां की ***...बाहण की ***...कती क्लियर ...मैं तो हैरान रह गया अक यूं हो के रह्या सै...एम टी.वी. चैनल तो सब किंघै नै देख्या जा सै...जमा कलियुग सै भाई... जितना बुरा हो जा, उतना ही घाट सै आजकल तो...किसी नै कुछ समझावण का धर्म नि रह रह्या सै...तमाशा देखो अर जी से लो इस दुनिया के...

[ravinderpannu]

may i request the moderators to modify the polling options to ''show all''.
I mean that vote should be visible..!!

[ravinderpannu]

Dear Jyani,

manne ek poll b shuru kar rakhya hai is thread gail,,,unfortunately uski voting options saare koni dekh sakde...manne MODERATORS te request kari hai polling people ko b saare dekh sake...!!
jahan tak mera sawal hai,,meri bahut c cheezo k baare me apni soch hai,,or takriban har insaan ki hoti hai..,,or live-in relationships k main bilkul against hu.
thread shuru karann ka maksad tha k jo TV pe dikhaya ja raha hai uska k IMPACT hoga current halaat me teenagers or adolescents par..!!!

HOW can we overcome/wash off this magnetic effect of nudity shown on TV from the minds of youngsters.

par bera na tere dimag k ghode koon c direction me bhajan lag pade...ho sake hai tanne aaj k din ka poshtic aahar na milya ho or tere dimag me jo aayi ho aapne baare wo tere haathon ne type kar di ho reply me..!! OR MANNE TO TU FARSI KA B POORA GYATA DIKHE SAI..!@#

[upendersingh]

एक बात तो आजकल घणखरे लोग या कह सै अक जिंदगी बस एक बै ही मिल्या करै...इसमैं जितना मजा ले सको ले लो...फेर जिब छोरे-छोरी मजा लेण लागै सै तै लोग न्यू रुक्का मचाण लागै सै अक रै नाश हो लिया...भाई, कोई छोरी बिना ब्याह के किसी छोरे गैल्ला रहण लाग सा तै के करया जा सकै...इसा काम ज्यादातर काम-काजी छोरी-छोरे करया करैं...कई-कई यार बणा ले सै...इसे-इसे जिब दुःख पाया करैं जिब रूप-जवानी ढल जा सै...गलती तो इस दुनिया नै बणाण आले की सै...याहडै़ घालदा क्या ताहीं नि किसै नै जो इस दुनिया नै सही रास्ता दिखा सकै...
यदा यदा ही धर्मस्य ग्लानिर्भवति भारतः।
अभ्युत्थानमधर्मस्य तदाऽऽत्मनं सृजाम्यहम॥
(हे भारत, जब-जब भी संसार में धर्म की हानि होगी और लोग रास्ता भटकने लगेंगे, तब-तब उन्हें सही रास्ता दिखाने और धर्म के उत्थान के लिए मैं इस पृथ्वी पर जन्म लूंगा.)
तो भाई इब तै कोई बड़ा सौद्दा ही इस दुनिया मैं बढ़ती जा रही बेशर्मी का कोई हल कर सकै सै...म्हारे बरगे साधारण इंसानां के बस का कोन्या कुछ भी...

[VirJ]

@RavinderPannu,

Tu itna cho me kyon aa raha he mene to bus nu puchi thi tera ke view point he .

Shyad tene to yo topic point banan khatar suru kara he ?


manne to point banann khatir shuru karya tha,,,eb kime or badhiya sa topic shuru karna padega..!!

Par le ib kar e diya to sun le.

Youngster ka dimak matured nahi hota ve apna bura bhala nahi soch sakte. Me bhi jib teenager tha to ye batan achi lagi karti. Par mere baap ke khonsde ka daar lagga karda jid kade isa kaam nahi kara.

Par ya jimmevari ma-baap ki he ke balkan ne samjave ke ke bura he har ke bhala. Unne apne culture ka gyan dena chahiye, apni history batani chahiye, apne khet dikhane chahiye, chutiyan me gyam me leke jana chahiye, batana chahiye ke hamara he culture he. har je jarrorat pade to 4-5 littre bhi la de balak ke. Yo live in hamara culture nahi he aur hamare samaj me acceptable nahi he. Iske dusparinam batane chahiye pher balak apni sahi soch banavenge. Aur rahi baat ke jayadatar log isne accept karan ki to mene nahi lagta ye kuch 10% log hove he jinne ye TV pe dikha de he.

Aur heera mandi se mera matlab heera mandi ke mujra (jisne kayi log tabayaf culture bhi kahte he) culture se he jo lahore aur kolkatta ke aas paas kayi logon ka pustani profession baan ga tha Aur mughal kaal me mughal apne bachon ko vahan sikhsha lene bhi beja karte the. Ve unki nazaran me respectful profession tha aur ek tem me lahore hi har gali me popular ho gaya tha. Bollywood me kayi log pahli isi culture se aaye the incl ye tabla bajaniye ustaad vagarah. Inne to Zia-ul-hak bhi khatam nahi kar paaya.

[sjakhars]

This poll can not be made this way as it may disclsoe the names of the voters who may not want it to be displayed. The public poll has a disclamer as " Be advised that this is a public poll: other users can see the choice(s) you selected." This poll was started without this disclaimer so it will be unfair for the people who voted in and do not want to disclose their names.


may i request the moderators to modify the polling options to ''show all''.
I mean that vote should be visible..!!

[skarmveer]

Duniya mein aaj bhee Bharat Kee Sanskriti kee Sarahna kee jaati hai or islyea log issey kharab kerna chahtey hai. Kesee desh ko gulaam bananey key liyea pahley uskee sanskriti ko kharab karna hota hai or wo ho raha hai. Yea sab easee cheejey hai jo hamey kanhi ka nahi chhodengi per log samjhney ko tayar hee nahi hai or is sarkar ney to soch rakha hai kee is desh ko gart mein pahunch kar hee dum langey. "Ab to Bhagwaan Hee Malik hai". Kanya Bhurn Hatya per shor machney walo ko in sab ka dhayan bhee rakhna chahiyea easey bahut say karan hai jiskee vajah say log Kanya ko paida honey say pahlay hee mar detey hai. Agar sabhay samaj in sab ka virodh nahi kareyga to iskay dusparinam pata nahi or kaya -2 karvaingey.

[ravinderpannu]

This poll can not be made this way as it may disclsoe the names of the voters who may not want it to be displayed. The public poll has a disclamer as " Be advised that this is a public poll: other users can see the choice(s) you selected." This poll was started without this disclaimer so it will be unfair for the people who voted in and do not want to disclose their names.

accepted mr Moderator..!! Thank You.

[ravinderpannu]

@RavinderPannu,

Tu itna cho me kyon aa raha he mene to bus nu puchi thi tera ke view point he .

Shyad tene to yo topic point banan khatar suru kara he ?



Par le ib kar e diya to sun le.

Youngster ka dimak matured nahi hota ve apna bura bhala nahi soch sakte. Me bhi jib teenager tha to ye batan achi lagi karti. Par mere baap ke khonsde ka daar lagga karda jid kade isa kaam nahi kara.

Par ya jimmevari ma-baap ki he ke balkan ne samjave ke ke bura he har ke bhala. Unne apne culture ka gyan dena chahiye, apni history batani chahiye, apne khet dikhane chahiye, chutiyan me gyam me leke jana chahiye, batana chahiye ke hamara he culture he. har je jarrorat pade to 4-5 littre bhi la de balak ke. Yo live in hamara culture nahi he aur hamare samaj me acceptable nahi he. Iske dusparinam batane chahiye pher balak apni sahi soch banavenge. Aur rahi baat ke jayadatar log isne accept karan ki to mene nahi lagta ye kuch 10% log hove he jinne ye TV pe dikha de he.

Aur heera mandi se mera matlab heera mandi ke mujra (jisne kayi log tabayaf culture bhi kahte he) culture se he jo lahore aur kolkatta ke aas paas kayi logon ka pustani profession baan ga tha Aur mughal kaal me mughal apne bachon ko vahan sikhsha lene bhi beja karte the. Ve unki nazaran me respectful profession tha aur ek tem me lahore hi har gali me popular ho gaya tha. Bollywood me kayi log pahli isi culture se aaye the incl ye tabla bajaniye ustaad vagarah. Inne to Zia-ul-hak bhi khatam nahi kar paaya.


Point banan tayi to humour section bathera sai...jit te tanne ya line quote kari thi..!!!

baki eb to tu kime discussion k mood me dikhya..kime +ve input di.!!!

baki poll results b dekh le eb.. ya to sirf JL k poll hain,,jo community bahut hi strict mani jaati hai.. .!!!

rahi baat parents k sikhan ki ,,to har maa-baap apne bache ko achha hi banana chahta hai,,koi nahi kahega ki tham LIVE-IN me raho..lekin fir b ye pravriti badh rahi hai..!! Or ajkal TV par to ye andhadhund dikhai ja rahi hai...manne to nyu dikhe hai ak aagli generation me 50% balak to bhayankar type k bigrail honge...!!

[ravinderjeet]

ये ल्यो भाई आग्या नतीजा लीव इन रिलेशन शिप का | नीतू सोलंकी एर राजू गहलोत का | घरक्याँ तें उप्पर हो के ईह राजू गेल्याँ रहवे थी | मार के बागा दी नई दिल्ली रेलवे स्टेसन पे | पढ्या-लिखा होवन का मतलब यो ना होंदा अक समाज के नियमों का तोड़ना जरुरी स | नीतू मरगी एर राजू षडेगा जेल में | ये जो २ जाणे सें ना ,जिन्न ने वोट गेरी से लीव इन के पक्ष में या उन् जिस्याँ खातर एक सीख से, जा मान लें तो | एक दो दिन में इब्ब इस घटना ने मीडिया जाट्टां के विरोध में यूज करेगा | दोनु आधुनिक जाट थे | पढ़े -लिखे थे पर शिक्षित ना थे |

[akshaymalik84]

ये ल्यो भाई आग्या नतीजा लीव इन रिलेशन शिप का | नीतू सोलंकी एर राजू गहलोत का | घरक्याँ तें उप्पर हो के ईह राजू गेल्याँ रहवे थी | मार के बागा दी नई दिल्ली रेलवे स्टेसन पे | पढ्या-लिखा होवन का मतलब यो ना होंदा अक समाज के नियमों का तोड़ना जरुरी स | नीतू मरगी एर राजू षडेगा जेल में | ये जो २ जाणे सें ना ,जिन्न ने वोट गेरी से लीव इन के पक्ष में या उन् जिस्याँ खातर एक सीख से, जा मान लें तो | एक दो दिन में इब्ब इस घटना ने मीडिया जाट्टां के विरोध में यूज करेगा | दोनु आधुनिक जाट थे | पढ़े -लिखे थे पर शिक्षित ना थे |

Link ger ravinder.......is khabar ka.....

[upendersingh]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNTIABlUhQ4&feature=youtube_gdata

[malikdeepak1]

Link ger ravinder.......is khabar ka.....


Jib isi isi khabar dekhni ho na akhse, te bhai "Aaj Tak" pe laa liya kar TV ne.
Inne khabra ke "damdaar 10 Saal" poore kare se usne.

Khabar to sirf ek e channel pe aave se er wo se "DD News". Baki to sab TRP ke chakker me laage rah se.

[suniltomar]

abb ye hi discussion baki tha ...:( maa bh... kardo apni sanskriti ki

[upendersingh]

Jib isi isi khabar dekhni ho


या तो किसी सिरफिरे जाट कै फंसगी अर इसका किस्सा जगजाहिर हो गया...ना तै जितनी भी ये घणी हाई-फाई सी बणे हैं, इन सबका इसा ही किस्सा पावैगा.... इंडिया नै तै गंदगी का ढेर बतावै सै इसी-इसी...टैटू बणवा राख्या था कमर के नीचै...आज के अखबार में लिख राख्या सै दर्जनों यार पाळ राखे थे...ले धार...
पिछले 4-5 साल तै माहौल और ज्यादा बिगड़ गया भाई...घणा भुंडा टैम आ गया...

[ravinderjeet]

या तो किसी सिरफिरे जाट कै फंसगी अर इसका किस्सा जगजाहिर हो गया...ना तै जितनी भी ये घणी हाई-फाई सी बणे हैं, इन सबका इसा ही किस्सा पावैगा.... इंडिया नै तै गंदगी का ढेर बतावै सै इसी-इसी...टैटू बणवा राख्या था कमर के नीचै...आज के अखबार में लिख राख्या सै दर्जनों यार पाळ राखे थे...ले धार...
पिछले 4-5 साल तै माहौल और ज्यादा बिगड़ गया भाई...घणा भुंडा टैम आ गया...
इस्सी इस्सियाँ का तो चले जाणा -ए बढ़िया स | ना और जट्टां का नाम खराब करदी | उनके घरक्याँ नु तो और भी राहत मिलगी होगी | पंडा छुट ग्या |

[Saharan1628]

जट्टां का नाम खराब करदी
whatever the discussion is going on,let it go that way...but why the string is being pulled on the girl only..Wasn't the guy also involved in the live-in relationship??
If the Live-in relationship is to be condemned then both the parties should face the bashing
And that's the only thing i like about that show Roadies..they vote for equality among both sexes and criticize the common stereotypes what woman should and shouldn't do..
* I voted for the third option and hopefully I won't indulge in any Live-in relationship

[singhvp]

[QUOTE=ravinderpannu;262502]
My question is :

what impact is it going to make on the younger generation,,who are 10-14 years old.

what kind of impact does it have on the thinking of the current generation,,as after being FAN of these kind of shows,,teenagers/adolescents may start thinking about this thing .



If it is ok than to where we are heading...??????[/QUOTE

Live-in relationship is not a healthy relationship. It will, certainly, have a very bad impact not only on the teenagers (10-14 years) but also on adults. It may even badly impact middle-aged people as this new concept would cause a hurt-burn in them. India is not a suitable laboratory for such experiments as yet. However, officially this is no more a crime, I think. But it should be discouraged, socially as it would have serious negative consequences.

[upendersingh]

whatever the discussion is going on,let it go that way...but why the string is being pulled on the girl only..Wasn't the guy also involved in the live-in relationship??
If the Live-in relationship is to be condemned then both the parties should face the bashing
And that's the only thing i like about that show Roadies..they vote for equality among both sexes and criticize the common stereotypes what woman should and shouldn't do..
* I voted for the third option and hopefully I won't indulge in any Live-in relationship


Pal, if they (Roadies or whatever) are so just then why don't they make the men get pregnant and then face abortion like situation. If both sexes are equal then why only women have to suffer pregnancy and abortion in illicit relations?
Actually, women have extra responsibility. If men try to seduce them then they should show the right path to the men. The nature has given extra duty to the women of showing right path to the men.

[ravinderpannu]

whatever the discussion is going on,let it go that way...but why the string is being pulled on the girl only..Wasn't the guy also involved in the live-in relationship??
If the Live-in relationship is to be condemned then both the parties should face the bashing
And that's the only thing i like about that show Roadies..they vote for equality among both sexes and criticize the common stereotypes what woman should and shouldn't do..
* I voted for the third option and hopefully I won't indulge in any Live-in relationship

Indeed , I agree with Saharan1628...that there should be equality when we talk about the ill's of society...whether a girl or a boy should be given equal treatment..but factual situation is that it is a male dominated society and girls/women are tagged victims..!!!
let's c how long it takes but atleast we can initiate a change from ourselves...!!!

and one more thing ,,,killing is not the solution,..it just causes fear that too temporarily ..!!!

[Saharan1628]

Pal, if they (Roadies or whatever) are so just then why don't they make the men get pregnant and then face abortion like situation. If both sexes are equal then why only women have to suffer pregnancy and abortion in illicit relations?
Actually, women have extra responsibility. If men try to seduce them then they should show the right path to the men.
I totally agree with your lines that i bold out.
Regarding the lines in the Red:I think that's the problem.The problem of attitude and outlook.It's always the male that indulge in doing crimes like Rape or making a girl pregnant and then ditch her.And many times we end up saying that the female sex needs to be more attentive,more introvert,should not develop "Friendship" with guys...But where's the statement that these kinda guys are disgrace to society and their d**k should be ripped off and blah blah...

If you have watched the movie Laddo..the story in that movie is what I am talking about...Ashutosh Rana in the movie had illicit relationship with Urmi(Character name) and it was she alone that ended up facing trials in front of panchayat and whole of the village...
I am not advocating Live-in relationship here but there are some points on which I do agree with those Roadies guys..

Ram RAM

[singhvp]

I totally agree with your lines that i bold out.
Regarding the lines in the Red:I think that's the problem.The problem of attitude and outlook.It's always the male that indulge in doing crimes like Rape or making a girl pregnant and then ditch her.And many times we end up saying that the female sex needs to be more attentive,more introvert,should not develop "Friendship" with guys...But where's the statement that these kinda guys are disgrace to society and their d**k should be ripped off and blah blah...

If you have watched the movie Laddo..the story in that movie is what I am talking about...Ashutosh Rana in the movie had illicit relationship with Urmi(Character name) and it was she alone that ended up facing trials in front of panchayat and whole of the village...
I am not advocating Live-in relationship here but there are some points on which I do agree with those Roadies guys..

Ram RAM
Yogesh is absolutely right. It is a matter of shame that girls have to suffer double whammy in our male-dominated society because of our male chauvinism. For one, they fall easy prey to the deceitful behaviour of ‘wolves in the form of a man’, because nature has made them more gullible and credulous. If something untoward happens, they become more vulnerable to the reprimand from us - the custodians of culture. When it comes to honour killing, only the fairer sex becomes the target. Why to blame girls only, boys are equally guilty in such cases and deserve equal condemnation as they are also supposed to behave responsibly.

[riyaa]

Live in relationships ..?


Ram ram to all,

the topic itself seems to be discussed by adults and 'budhijivis',..if it is discussed earlier ,,than may i request to discuss it again under the latest conditions ( i.e. samajic changes).

I was watching a realty tv show and this was the very common question to all contenders. And i found that the anchor/interviewer himself in favour of such relationships.


My question is :

what impact is it going to make on the younger generation,,who are 10-14 years old.

what kind of impact does it have on the thinking of the current generation,,as after being FAN of these kind of shows,,teenagers/adolescents may start thinking about this thing .

If it is ok than to where we are heading...??????Live in relationship means no relationship in Future, Living together by making the base "love" is not a done,A girl and boy are attached by 3 factors Mentality (emotions and felling towards each other), Physically and Socially, These three factors are most important, If 1 is missing life Sucks!


Now coming to the children look here what a old actress zeenat amaan said on twitter "It's the responsibility of the parents to control what their children watch. We're forced to do so by default." Zeenat Amaan (http://twitter.com/Zeenat_Amaan)

And future is unpredictable no one know what is next..

[Malikpriya]

इस्सी इस्सियाँ का तो चले जाणा -ए बढ़िया स | ना और जट्टां का नाम खराब करदी | उनके घरक्याँ नु तो और भी राहत मिलगी होगी | पंडा छुट ग्या |

uska baap te rotta na thamta media me kah tha meri chori to udna chahtti thi meri chori k pankh kaat diye .............

but kuch jada uncche udan laag ri thi chori !!!!!

[ravinderjeet]

uska baap te rotta na thamta media me kah tha meri chori to udna chahtti thi meri chori k pankh kaat diye .............

but kuch jada uncche udan laag ri thi chori !!!!!

घणा उपराँ थूकंनिये के सर पे-ए आ के पड्या करे | भरोसा ना से कदे घरक्याँ का-ए रोग कटवाया होड़ हो

[kusumdhochak]

इस्सी इस्सियाँ का तो चले जाणा -ए बढ़िया स | ना और जट्टां का नाम खराब करदी | उनके घरक्याँ नु तो और भी राहत मिलगी होगी | पंडा छुट ग्या |

I am not sure of what you mean by "issi-issi" but if it is only inferred from above post of Upender ji's, then I would say that having '10-12 yaar' (which itself is a hypothesis ) and a 'tattoo' doesn't make her deserve a death sentence...

I don't know what is the general perception here about a live in relationship but from what I understand, in most of these cases people have intentions of getting married and it is a live-in relationship only in the mean time. So the 'social aspect' mentioned by riyaa ji above is not missing completely and is generally on its way..

[ravinderjeet]

I am not sure of what you mean by "issi-issi" but if it is only inferred from above post of Upender ji's, then I would say that having '10-12 yaar' (which itself is a hypothesis ) and a 'tattoo' doesn't make her deserve a death sentence...

I don't know what is the general perception here about a live in relationship but from what I understand, in most of these cases people have intentions of getting married and it is a live-in relationship only in the mean time. So the 'social aspect' mentioned by riyaa ji above is not missing completely and is generally on its way..

कुसुम जी , किस्से भी समाज के नियम ,उस समाज की सामाजिक स्थिति ,समय और स्थान के अनुसार बनाए जावें सें | जिन्न में समया अनुसार ,परिवर्तन होयें जावें सें | इब्ब दो साल तें कोए छोरी नए-नए बन्दे बदल के , एर पाछले ७-८ मिन्हा तें घरक्याँ तें नु कह कें अक में सिंगापुर जाऊं सूँ एर हिन्दुस्तान के कई सहराँ में कदे किराए पे मकान ले कें एर कदे होटलां में हाँडन लाग रे थे वे दोनु जाणे , ते इब्ब नु बताओ अक ईह में " सोशल आस्पेक्ट " के रह गा |

[kusumdhochak]

The two paragraphs in my above post were in different contexts. The second one was an opinion and nothing to do with this case.
I don't even consider this case to be having any relevance to live in relationships. So the comment about social aspect does not apply to it. It is a random case of crime where a someone kills someone else. It could very well have been a friend killing another after some fight etc. A live in relationship doesn't make you leaving jobs or roaming around the world or changing boyfriends/girlfriends every now and then.


कुसुम जी , किस्से भी समाज के नियम ,उस समाज की सामाजिक स्थिति ,समय और स्थान के अनुसार बनाए जावें सें | जिन्न में समया अनुसार ,परिवर्तन होयें जावें सें | इब्ब दो साल तें कोए छोरी नए-नए बन्दे बदल के , एर पाछले ७-८ मिन्हा तें घरक्याँ तें नु कह कें अक में सिंगापुर जाऊं सूँ एर हिन्दुस्तान के कई सहराँ में कदे किराए पे मकान ले कें एर कदे होटलां में हाँडन लाग रे थे वे दोनु जाणे , ते इब्ब नु बताओ अक ईह में " सोशल आस्पेक्ट " के रह गा |

[singhvp]

The two paragraphs in my above post were in different contexts. The second one was an opinion and nothing to do with this case.
I don't even consider this case to be having any relevance to live in relationships. So the comment about social aspect does not apply to it. It is a random case of crime where a someone kills someone else. It could very well have been a friend killing another after some fight etc. A live in relationship doesn't make you leaving jobs or roaming around the world or changing boyfriends/girlfriends every now and then.

Kusum ji is right, it was a random case of crime. Very often we hear the news of murder of legitimate spouses also, in connivance with the paramours. Also, there have been cases where a legitimate husband kills his wife even during honeymoon period. Senior members here may recall the well-known case of Dr. Dahiya 'Londonwale' (now Kharkhodawale) who brutally dismembered the tender body parts of his newly and legally wed london-based wife (from the same community) when they were having honeymoon in Brussels (Belgium). Similarly, there are so many cases of killing of spouse by a spouse, legally married to each other.

Having said that, I would re-iterate that live-in relationship is not a healthy relationship and may lead to so many mental complexities if it doesn't end up in a marriage. Moreover, it is difficult to avoid physical relationship in such kind of arrangements and notionally such couples would be deemed to have been married. Somehow, if the relationship breaks apart after some years of companionship, the future of the girl would certainly be bleak in our society and I do not think she would get the same respectability, love and trust as she would have been able to get otherwise.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Wo rishta jisko doosro ke aage batate hue sharam aye ya jisko batane ke liye jhooth bola jaye galat hai.

Ek aurat ka bina shadi kisi mard ke saath rehne se use us admi ki Rakhail(रखैल ) kaha jata tha aajkal Live in relation kehte hain

[Saharan1628]

Ek aurat ka bina shadi kisi mard ke saath rahne se use us admi ki Rakhail(रखैल ) kaha jata tha aajkal Live in relation kehte hain
Ek mard bina shaadi kisi aurat ke saath rehe to uss mard ko kya kha jaata hai??? Saare uss aurat ko hi culprit kyun maan rahe hain?? wa ke uss chhore ke gelyaan jabardasti reh rhi thi?? dono apni marzi se saath mai the....Ye rakhail word (KEPT) I think Supreme court ne bhi use kiya tha jiske baad saari mahila organizations uske piche padd gaye the and ultimately it had to take back that word

[kusumdhochak]

Having said that, I would re-iterate that live-in relationship is not a healthy relationship and may lead to so many mental complexities if it doesn't end up in a marriage. Moreover, it is difficult to avoid physical relationship in such kind of arrangements and notionally such couples would be deemed to have been married. Somehow, if the relationship breaks apart after some years of companionship, the future of the girl would certainly be bleak in our society and I do not think she would get the same respectability, love and trust as she would have been able to get otherwise.

If such a relationship breaks down then in case of next relationship (marriage/live-in/love), things have to be thought of in a different context. For example, both of them can be thought of as having had a 'divorce'.
Also, why should the future be bleaker only for the female and not for the male. They should both be treated similarly if people come to know of such a case.

[singhvp]

Also, why should the future be bleaker only for the female and not for the male. They should both be treated similarly if people come to know of such a case.

They should be treated similarly, but it is not happening, unfortunately. It might take a few more decades (in India) for the gender bias to whither away.

[rakeshsehrawat]

If such a relationship breaks down then in case of next relationship (marriage/live-in/love), things have to be thought of in a different context. For example, both of them can be thought of as having had a 'divorce'.
Also, why should the future be bleaker only for the female and not for the male. They should both be treated similarly if people come to know of such a case.

This is India and society here is biased and will remain biased atleast for one more generation say 50 years. Anyone male or female comes to know about such relation of his/her partner before mariage will not be ready to accept him/her. Marriage is not like buying car that you go for testdrive. Even we want to buy anything retailer will let us use that for month or year and then tell him that i am not buying it because of this or that fault. You have to pay price for that whether you like it or not. We are living in a society and we have to follow certain set of rules. Anyone is not saying that the men is better if he is in such a relation.
Men is given with a gift by GOD that he can't get pregnant neither got anything to prove his purity.

[deepshi]

Wo rishta jisko doosro ke aage batate hue sharam aye ya jisko batane ke liye jhooth bola jaye galat hai.


correct..
Apar aagey aagey ya shayad aaj kal bi koye koye batati haan bi na sharmawein
yo dhoka bi toot jaga

[deepshi]

They should be treated similarly, but it is not happening, unfortunately. It might take a few more decades (in India) for the gender bias to whither away.


Lets just accept it, however unfortunate it is, it wont n it cant.
Different mind, different bodies, feelings and then the traditions. Girls, go ahead, follow the dreams, be open and progressive, dont take any $**t from anyone, but thats MUCH different to Live-Ins and whoring around.

Rest all a farce..

[VirJ]

Kusum Dhochak ji aap vohi ho jo same gotra marriage ki bhi favour kar rahi thi. Vaise to bheent (diwar) me sir maren ka koi fayada nahi he par pher bhi aapne bera he byah shadi suru kyon hoye the. Ek samaj ki sansthapna ke liye. Aadmi ki janvar parvarti ko control karne ke liye taki ek sabhey samaj ki sansthapna ho sake. Aap jaise log dusaron ko dekh kar isi ka virodh kar rahe ho. Live in relationship just mean living together without commitment mean sare maje le lo byah ke har koi commitment bhi nahi kisi taref se koi bhi ise khatam kar sakta he kisi bhi vaqt.

Matlab na to dono ko ek dusare pe vishvas he jee kara to byah kar lange har je tere t andi koi milgi to tene chod dange.

Ye suruvat west me isliye hui thi ke bahot se log sirf paise ke liye byah kar lete the aur pher divore le lete the just for money
Baki aap ne kaun nate he aap karo yo kaam ke mare date datoge.

[kusumdhochak]

There is a difference between encouraging something and trying to understand it. And I think I am trying to do the latter.
But, if I see a live-in couple next door to me, all I'll do is wish that it turns out well for them and not hate/boycott them. All kinds of relationships need maturity and commitment to succeed and I believe that most people who choose to be in these relationships are serious and committed (at least in our society, I don't know how casual it is in other places.).


Kusum Dhochak ji aap vohi ho jo same gotra marriage ki bhi favour kar rahi thi. Vaise to bheent (diwar) me sir maren ka koi fayada nahi he par pher bhi aapne bera he byah shadi suru kyon hoye the. Ek samaj ki sansthapna ke liye. Aadmi ki janvar parvarti ko control karne ke liye taki ek sabhey samaj ki sansthapna ho sake. Aap jaise log dusaron ko dekh kar isi ka virodh kar rahe ho. Live in relationship just mean living together without commitment mean sare maje le lo byah ke har koi commitment bhi nahi kisi taref se koi bhi ise khatam kar sakta he kisi bhi vaqt.

Matlab na to dono ko ek dusare pe vishvas he jee kara to byah kar lange har je tere t andi koi milgi to tene chod dange.

Ye suruvat west me isliye hui thi ke bahot se log sirf paise ke liye byah kar lete the aur pher divore le lete the just for money
Baki aap ne kaun nate he aap karo yo kaam ke mare date datoge.

[singhvp]

Lets just accept it, however unfortunate it is, it wont n it cant.


Ethos change with time. Future is uncertain and nothing can be ruled out.


Different mind, different bodies, feelings and then the traditions.


Hence, the different social behavior by different people. Behaviour is a reaction of perception.


Girls, go ahead, follow the dreams, be open and progressive, dont take any $**t from anyone, but thats MUCH different to Live-Ins and whoring around.

Even though, I am strongly against Live-in relationship, here I differ with you. Live-in may not, necessarily, be a synonym of whoring around. An example: Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan are living together without marriage i.e. live- in relationship. But they are not facing any social stigma, condemnation, ostracization or even hostile publicity. Rather, both the characters are still heartthrobs of many including “Jat freshies” who vie with each other to have a glimpse and autograph of them. Aren’t we behaving like “you show me the face and I will give my opinion”.

[ravinderjeet]

There is a difference between encouraging something and trying to understand it. And I think I am trying to do the latter.
But, if I see a live-in couple next door to me, all I'll do is wish that it turns out well for them and not hate/boycott them. All kinds of relationships need maturity and commitment to succeed and I believe that most people who choose to be in these relationships are serious and committed (at least in our society, I don't know how casual it is in other places.).

आप कुणसी सोसायटी की सो ? जट्टां में तो नु कोणी होया करे ||

[ravinderjeet]

Ethos change with time. Future is uncertain and nothing can be ruled out.



Hence, the different social behavior by different people. Behaviour is a reaction of perception.



Even though, I am strongly against Live-in relationship, here I differ with you. Live-in may not, necessarily, be a synonym of whoring around. An example: Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan are living together without marriage i.e. live- in relationship. But they are not facing any social stigma, condemnation, ostracization or even hostile publicity. Rather, both the characters are still heartthrobs of many including “Jat freshies” who vie with each other to have a glimpse and autograph of them. Aren’t we behaving like “you show me the face and I will give my opinion”.

ये भांड सें ,इनका कोए समाज ना होया करे | लत्त्यां की ढाल यार बदलते हंडे जाँ सें | एर जिनके ये हेर्ट थ्रोब सें उनमे अक्कल ना स | फ़िल्मी दुनिया अनपढ़ों ,जाहिलों और चरित्रहीनो की हे | शायद आप भी इन् लफंगो से काफी प्रभावित हैं |

[singhvp]

शायद आप भी इन् लफंगो से काफी प्रभावित हैं |
भाई रविन्द्रजीत गलत बात कर रह्या सै I मैं कई बार बिना व्याह के रिश्ते तो गलत बता चुका हूँ i मैं हिन्दी में फिर से लिख देता हूँ,

"लिव-इन" रिश्ता ठीक नहीं होता भाई , कोए ना करियो" . मैं करीना और सैफ की विचारधारा से प्रभावित नहीं हूँ.

[ravinderjeet]

ven though, I am strongly against Live-in relationship, here I differ with you. Live-in may not, necessarily, be a synonym of whoring around. An example: Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan are living together without marriage i.e. live- in relationship. But they are not facing any social stigma, condemnation, ostracization or even hostile publicity. Rather, both the characters are still heartthrobs of many including “Jat freshies” who vie with each other to have a glimpse and autograph of them. Aren’t we behaving like “you show me the face and I will give my opinion”.


या वोह्रिंग अराउंड ना स तो के स | बस नुक्कड़ पे ना खड़ी होंदी इतणा-ए फरक से , पर हर साल छे मिहने में और किस्से गेल्याँ लिव इन हो जावें से | जुकर राकेश ने कही से ये रखेल ना सें तो के सें | एर घणी बराबरी करण की चिरमराट हो री स तो लोग ने रेखेला कह लो |

[singhvp]

originally written by ravinderjeet,या वोह्रिंग अराउंड ना स तो के स | बस नुक्कड़ पे ना खड़ी होंदी इतणा-ए फरक से , पर हर साल छे मिहने में और किस्से गेल्याँ लिव इन हो जावें से | जुकर राकेश ने कही से ये रखेल ना सें तो के सें | एर घणी बराबरी करण की चिरमराट हो री स तो लोग ने रेखेला कह लो |[/

भाई इनने ठीक ना बता रहे इनका उदहारण इसलिए दिया कि हमारे समाज में चेहरा देख के दोषी ठहराए जाते हैं , अगर कोए आम आदमी समाज के खिलाफ जाये तो लोग उसकी बुराइ करते हैं परन्तु धनवान और ऊंचे वर्ग के लोग उसी बुराई में लिप्त हों तो वो फैशन बन जाता है सिर्फ इसीलिये के वे celebrity हैं i यानि आम लड़की अगर लिविंग-इन करती है तो लोग उसे रखैल या whore कहते हैं मगर करीना या कैफ अगर करें तो उनके लिए इसे शब्दों का इस्तमाल बहुत कम लोग ही करते हैं I यह दोगलापन है I एक ही दोष के लिए अलग अलग सजा नहीं होनी चाहिए I बस इतनी सी बात थी I

[singhvp]

एक आधी बात मै थारे समर्थन मैं बोलूँ तो भी तम like का बटन दबान की बजाये बुराई करण लाग जाओ सो I

http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif
http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif मेरे ख्याल मैं मन्ने तीन चार दिन जाटलैंड से रूस ज्याना चाहिए I रूस का मतलब गलत न लगा लियो



http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif http://www.jatland.com/forums/empty.gif

[upendersingh]

I totally agree with your lines that i bold out.
Regarding the lines in the Red:I think that's the problem.The problem of attitude and outlook.It's always the male that indulge in doing crimes like Rape or making a girl pregnant and then ditch her.


Mate, it is not always the male that indulge in doing crimes against women. If you were in law, police or jounalism, then you would have experienced that how fierce a woman can prove when she gets shameless. After having illicit relationship the next step of their shamelessness is to grab property of the family (if any) and for it they don't hesitate to get their own father or brother killed. Though I would also say that % is lesser in comparison with men, but it's a harsh reality that presently the women are rubbing their shoulders with the men in the field of crime too.


And many times we end up saying that the female sex needs to be more attentive,more introvert,should not develop "Friendship" with guys...But where's the statement that these kinda guys are disgrace to society and their d**k should be ripped off and blah blah...

There are 2 supreme creations of God (in general) in this world. One woman and one man. Woman is made in such a way that she should be more attentive (for it the woman has been given many such qualities which are not found in men). If she is more attentive then the second one (the man) will be attentive himself. Actually, no one is saying that rapists should not be punished. Even in prison, rapists have to face the hatred of fellow prisnors and on road eve teasers are beaten by the mob on mostly occasions. What more the women should expect from the society? If more and more men get rapists it doesn't mean that the women should also become like them or they should become characterless.


If you have watched the movie Laddo..the story in that movie is what I am talking about...Ashutosh Rana in the movie had illicit relationship with Urmi(Character name) and it was she alone that ended up facing trials in front of panchayat and whole of the village...
I am not advocating Live-in relationship here but there are some points on which I do agree with those Roadies guys..

Ram RAM

To be honest, we men are devastating the women and in this way we are devastating ourselves. We should think over it that if we have our mother, sister, daughter or wife of 'live in' or so background then it will not be a good state of mind for us. Condemn all those near and dear ones who are characterless male. Be it our elder brother or even father.

[upendersingh]

I am not sure of what you mean by "issi-issi" but if it is only inferred from above post of Upender ji's, then I would say that having '10-12 yaar' (which itself is a hypothesis ) and a 'tattoo' doesn't make her deserve a death sentence...

I don't know what is the general perception here about a live in relationship but from what I understand, in most of these cases people have intentions of getting married and it is a live-in relationship only in the mean time. So the 'social aspect' mentioned by riyaa ji above is not missing completely and is generally on its way..

Ms. Dhochak, I don't know you are really unaware of the bitter truth of such girls or just trying to show to be unaware. 'issi-issi' girls are increasing rapidly now-a-days. Though in last they themselves will be the real sufferer, but then they blame themselves and their near and dear ones for why they never tried to stop them. The woman's shamelessness is on very high level. Teens are getting 100% nude under the blue sky. They are out on the name of going to school/college, but in fact mostly of them are in some room or in park (under the blue sky). On the name of being modern, they are just getting characterless. If someone says men/boys are also responsible, then it's not a good reaction to get bad because others are bad. No son/brother/father/husband would like his mother/sister/daughter/wife to be from 'live in' or so background. Already harassed human being will become more harassed if such tendency is encouraged. No one likes such persons. A woman is made in such a way that she can control not only herself, but even man too.
I am just sharing my thoughts, otherwise if this whole world goes 'live in' then I am not going to bother. I will bother if I do such rubbish thing ever.

[upendersingh]

भाई इनने ठीक ना बता रहे इनका उदहारण इसलिए दिया कि हमारे समाज में चेहरा देख के दोषी ठहराए जाते हैं , अगर कोए आम आदमी समाज के खिलाफ जाये तो लोग उसकी बुराइ करते हैं परन्तु धनवान और ऊंचे वर्ग के लोग उसी बुराई में लिप्त हों तो वो फैशन बन जाता है सिर्फ इसीलिये के वे celebrity हैं i यानि आम लड़की अगर लिविंग-इन करती है तो लोग उसे रखैल या whore कहते हैं मगर करीना या कैफ अगर करें तो उनके लिए इसे शब्दों का इस्तमाल बहुत कम लोग ही करते हैं I यह दोगलापन है I एक ही दोष के लिए अलग अलग सजा नहीं होनी चाहिए I बस इतनी सी बात थी I

वी. पी. सिंह जी, अगर कोई मध्यम वर्ग की लड़की/ स्त्री भी चरित्रहीन बनने पर उतारू हो ही जाए तो फिर अधिकांशतः उसे भी कोई कुछ नहीं कहता, बशर्ते कि वो अपने निकटजनों के लिए कोई बड़ी समस्या न बने. अपनी करनी का फल खुद ही भुगतना पड़ता है. रही बात करीना-सैफ जैसी हस्तियों के लोकप्रिय होने की तो उसका उनके चरित्र से कोई मतलब नहीं है. वे फिल्मों में नाचते-गाते हैं, लोगों का मनोरंजन करते हैं, उस वजह से लोग उन्हें पसंद करते हैं (हालांकि अब चूंकि सिनेमा का स्वर्णिम दौर बीत चुका है, इसलिए अब इन्हें कोई नहीं पूछता). इसके बावजूद लोग तो लता मंगेशकर, आशा भोंसले जैसी स्त्रियों को भी पसंद करते हैं. सचिन तेंदुलकर-अंजलि तेंदुलकर को भी पसंद करते हैं.
बुरे लोगों से समस्या होती है निकटजनों को और वे ही प्रतिक्रिया व्यक्त करते हैं. इन अभिनेता-अभिनेत्रियों से ज्यादा प्रभावित ना हों. इस सैफ ने अपनी पहली पत्नी अमृता सिंह को पहले खूब भोगा और फिर उसे घर से निकाल दिया. अब कुछ दिन इस करीना को रखेगा और बहुत संभव है कि इसका भी रूप ढलते ही इसे भी अपनी जिंदगी से बाहर कर दे. ये करीना इससे पहले शाहिद कपूर को छोड़ चुकी है. डिंपल कपाड़िया के साथ राजेश खन्ना खूब मारपीट करता था और अंततः उनका तलाक हो गया. जीनत अमान की शादी पहले संजय खान से हुई, उसने छोड़ दिया तो मजहर खान से शादी कर ली. मजहर खान न केवल खुद इसे पीटता था, बल्कि बेटे (दोनों के) से भी पिटवाता था. रेखा से जिसने भी शादी की, उसे मरना पड़ा. दिव्या भारती की मौत की गुत्थी आज तक नहीं सुलझ सकी है. ऐसे ही काले किस्से और बाकी सबके भी हैं. हर 2-4 साल में किसी न किसी बड़ी मॉडल के आत्महत्या करने की घटना घट जाती है. कुछ दिन पहले ही एक मॉडल सड़क पर भीख मांगती देखी गई थी. कौन सी दुनिया की बात कर रहे हो आप कि इन्हें कोई कुछ नहीं कहता. कहेगा कौन? निकटजन ही तो कहेंगे. वे तो खूब कहते हैं.

[singhvp]

वी. पी. सिंह जी, अगर कोई मध्यम वर्ग की लड़की/ स्त्री भी चरित्रहीन बनने पर उतारू हो ही जाए तो फिर अधिकांशतः उसे भी कोई कुछ नहीं कहता, बशर्ते कि वो अपने निकटजनों के लिए कोई बड़ी समस्या न बने. अपनी करनी का फल खुद ही भुगतना पड़ता है. रही बात करीना-सैफ जैसी हस्तियों के लोकप्रिय होने की तो उसका उनके चरित्र से कोई मतलब नहीं है. वे फिल्मों में नाचते-गाते हैं, लोगों का मनोरंजन करते हैं, उस वजह से लोग उन्हें पसंद करते हैं (हालांकि अब चूंकि सिनेमा का स्वर्णिम दौर बीत चुका है, इसलिए अब इन्हें कोई नहीं पूछता). इसके बावजूद लोग तो लता मंगेशकर, आशा भोंसले जैसी स्त्रियों को भी पसंद करते हैं. सचिन तेंदुलकर-अंजलि तेंदुलकर को भी पसंद करते हैं.
बुरे लोगों से समस्या होती है निकटजनों को और वे ही प्रतिक्रिया व्यक्त करते हैं. इन अभिनेता-अभिनेत्रियों से ज्यादा प्रभावित ना हों. इस सैफ ने अपनी पहली पत्नी अमृता सिंह को पहले खूब भोगा और फिर उसे घर से निकाल दिया. अब कुछ दिन इस करीना को रखेगा और बहुत संभव है कि इसका भी रूप ढलते ही इसे भी अपनी जिंदगी से बाहर कर दे. ये करीना इससे पहले शाहिद कपूर को छोड़ चुकी है. डिंपल कपाड़िया के साथ राजेश खन्ना खूब मारपीट करता था और अंततः उनका तलाक हो गया. जीनत अमान की शादी पहले संजय खान से हुई, उसने छोड़ दिया तो मजहर खान से शादी कर ली. मजहर खान न केवल खुद इसे पीटता था, बल्कि बेटे (दोनों के) से भी पिटवाता था. रेखा से जिसने भी शादी की, उसे मरना पड़ा. दिव्या भारती की मौत की गुत्थी आज तक नहीं सुलझ सकी है. ऐसे ही काले किस्से और बाकी सबके भी हैं. हर 2-4 साल में किसी न किसी बड़ी मॉडल के आत्महत्या करने की घटना घट जाती है. कुछ दिन पहले ही एक मॉडल सड़क पर भीख मांगती देखी गई थी. कौन सी दुनिया की बात कर रहे हो आप कि इन्हें कोई कुछ नहीं कहता. कहेगा कौन? निकटजन ही तो कहेंगे. वे तो खूब कहते हैं.

उपेंदर आपके विचारों से सहमत हूँ . It is a mature reply. इसीलिये तो मैंने भी एक पोस्ट में कहा था कि living -in संबंधों के दूरगामी नकारात्मक प्रभाव जरूर पड़ते हैं अधिकांश केसों में .
जाटलैंड से 4 दिन का ब्रेक लेन की सोच रहा हूँ, क्योंकि समय-समय पर मस्तिष्क में विचारों की श्रंखला को तोडना आवश्यक होता है I इसलिए ज्यादा नहीं लिखूंगा I

[akshaymalik84]

उपेंदर आपके विचारों से सहमत हूँ . It is a mature reply. इसीलिये तो मैंने भी एक पोस्ट में कहा था कि living -in संबंधों के दूरगामी नकारात्मक प्रभाव जरूर पड़ते हैं अधिकांश केसों में .
जाटलैंड से 4 दिन का ब्रेक लेन की सोच रहा हूँ, क्योंकि समय-समय पर मस्तिष्क में विचारों की श्रंखला को तोडना आवश्यक होता है I इसलिए ज्यादा नहीं लिखूंगा I

acha DOORGAMI prabhav hi nakaratmak hote hai???......per thode din k liye suru suru mei te maja aamta hoga????

[narwaldeepak]

sad to see people debating on such a disgraceful topic , some even favoring it.
the ever present incest of society has now come out in open and is being named as live-in . no person from a decent family will ever want his/her kin to be in such relations.
we should discourage such spicy debates on our community forum.

[ravinderpannu]

sad to see people debating on such a disgraceful topic , some even favoring it.
the ever present incest of society has now come out in open and is being named as live-in . no person from a decent family will ever want his/her kin to be in such relations.
we should discourage such spicy debates on our community forum.

Narwal bhai,
I agree quote-n-quote with u ,,but merely closing eyes doesn't means that the problem is not there ,,this incest has come up very rapidly and gaining popularity among kids...and u know that these days any one who can speak good english gets a job at age of 18 in call centres and than they indulge into such kind of relationships and don't give a damn to society or family...other way they are spoiling themselves and the society also....and law favours them too,, there is no law to stop live-in relationship...!!!
this thread was started to gather the views of public...and in the poll u saw them well.. !!

[narwaldeepak]

what i do not understand is .. how arguing on this thread is going to help in making of law . jat mobs have been trying hard for months now to get a law amendment to fetch them reservation... they even have not been successful. :)
there have been thousands of posts for change in hindu marriage act here, but i cudnt see any change.
what i feel is.. the poll is a simple motivation .. from a news on live-in relationships in newspapers .. n this motivation is sure to fade very soon




Narwal bhai,
I agree quote-n-quote with u ,,but merely closing eyes doesn't means that the problem is not there ,,this incest has come up very rapidly and gaining popularity among kids...and u know that these days any one who can speak good english gets a job at age of 18 in call centres and than they indulge into such kind of relationships and don't give a damn to society or family...other way they are spoiling themselves and the society also....and law favours them too,, there is no law to stop live-in relationship...!!!
this thread was started to gather the views of public...and in the poll u saw them well.. !!

[Malikpriya]

उपेंदर आपके विचारों से सहमत हूँ . It is a mature reply. इसीलिये तो मैंने भी एक पोस्ट में कहा था कि living -in संबंधों के दूरगामी नकारात्मक प्रभाव जरूर पड़ते हैं अधिकांश केसों में .
जाटलैंड से 4 दिन का ब्रेक लेन की सोच रहा हूँ, क्योंकि समय-समय पर मस्तिष्क में विचारों की श्रंखला को तोडना आवश्यक होता है I इसलिए ज्यादा नहीं लिखूंगा I

अंकल जी जाटलैंड ते छुट्टी मत न लियो म्हारे वाले सेक्सन में आ जाओ २ /४ दिन फेर दिमाग कतइ कंप्यूटर बर्गा काम करेगा ............:p
PS: thoda sa off topic hai par delete ya edit mat na karyo koi !!!!!!

[sanjaymalik]

it's waste of West. Simply if the couple have commitment, responsibility, attachment(physical, emotional both) then why they refrain from getting married instead of leaving like animals( eat, sleap & go away after sometime).

This is gaining popularity amoung young kids just because of these useless reality shows, serials. Need to educate our children with social values, responsibility towards one relationship.

[urmiladuhan]

responsibility towards one relationship.

Live in relationship can be the 'one relationship" also. However, I agree that living arrangement, whether live in or marriage, that is detrimental to society/children must be discouraged. Growing up in a violent home atomosphere where the parents may be married, is no good either.

Regards,

Urmila.

[htomar]

kisi bhai ne vote cast karke firse ukhaaad diye gade hue murde. :)

Live in relationship can be the 'one relationship" also. However, I agree that living arrangement, whether live in or marriage, that is detrimental to society/children must be discouraged. Growing up in a violent home atomosphere where the parents may be married, is no good either.

Regards,

Urmila.

[Bisky]

भाई साहब दुःख की बात यही है कि लोग पढाई करके ज्ञान की बजाय चालाकी और स्वार्थ ही सीखते हैं.

[Arvindc]

Live in relationship can be the 'one relationship" also. However, I agree that living arrangement, whether live in or marriage, that is detrimental to society/children must be discouraged. Growing up in a violent home atomosphere where the parents may be married, is no good either.

Regards,

Urmila.

Almost everything can be used and abused. If used properly and with clean intentions, live-in relationship gives a chance for the couples to get to know more of each other before committing to a life long family.

Live-in relationship was not required earlier, because the society and the system always gave men an upper hand. So the conflicts were less as there was just one person in the family whom all followed. Right or wrong was not a question. Things have changed now, most for good. But changes always have side effects and some of these can be seen with the women liberalization as well. The women liberalization in India has happened faster then it would be digested and the society is full of self righteous women who want equal power but without equal responsibility. This coupled with the biased laws, the system provides no recourse in the event when there are fundamental differences between the married couple's thinking/nature. In this case, not only their own life will be ruined but also of their children. All this makes live-in relationship more significant in current India then in the western world.


On the other side, people should be very cautions of the live-in relationship for the reasons that many of you have mentioned.

At the end I would say that it actually is not good for a 'good' society, however, in current times of capitalist system and where society and parents have failed to imbibe values in their children, it does provide one of the ways for mitigating the risks ahead of a life long commitment. The harm that a live-in relationship does to a society is certainly lesser then a harm caused by a bad marriage.

[urmiladuhan]

The harm that a live-in relationship does to a society is certainly lesser then a harm caused by a bad marriage.

In case of marriage, the so called 'harm' does not come out in the open, but in a live-in relationship it does. I think people should not have children unless the are compatible and are happy with each other. A live in relationship gives a chance to do that to some people so that eventual marriage can take place if things are satisfactory. Emergence of 'live in relationship' phenomenon has also got to do with increasing financial independence of woman at young age and the social/legal protection that the modern society provides to single woman.

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Kaale Sir aale ka peta kade nahi bhar sakta.

[urmiladuhan]

Kaale Sir aale ka peta kade nahi bhar sakta.

Rakeshjee, are you talking about couple in a marriage or in a live in relationship? Are you suggesting that live in relations are just for
fun?

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Rakeshjee, are you talking about couple in a marriage or in a live in relationship? Are you suggesting that live in relations are just for
fun?

Regards,

Urmila.




Log kehte hain ki shadi se pehle saath reh kar dekho ya shaadi ke baad intezar karo taki pata lag jaye compatibility hai ya nahi hai .

Koi mazak ho raha hai ya kise aise rishte ki buniyad rakhi ja rahi hai jisko saat janmo ka rishta kaha jata hai?

Compatibility banayee jati hain aaj chori madi padhi likhi ho gayee to nakhre badh ho gaye aur aise hi talak ke case bhi abbal ho gaye.

Aaj jisko dekho use independence chahiye kis se?
sab se ma baap se jimmedariyo se
Ladki ko live in mein saas sasur se azadi mil jati hai aur ladke ko bandhan aur jimmedariyo se 4-5 saal mauj lyo fer keh dyo ham compatible nahi the itne chori hogi 30+ uske maa baap fer akhbar mein istehar dete hande jao suitable match for 34,B-ful girl well earning cast no bar fer we koye compatibility na dekhte kana peena jisa mil jawe badhiya hai. ar fer wa baano bhi saans na padti admi ka ke fer koye toh lega uska ke kime ghisna hai.

[akshaymalik84]

Log kehte hain ki shadi se pehle saath reh kar dekho ya shaadi ke baad intezar karo taki pata lag jaye compatibility hai ya nahi hai .

Koi mazak ho raha hai ya kise aise rishte ki buniyad rakhi ja rahi hai jisko saat janmo ka rishta kaha jata hai?

Compatibility banayee jati hain aaj chori madi padhi likhi ho gayee to nakhre badh ho gaye aur aise hi talak ke case bhi abbal ho gaye.

Aaj jisko dekho use independence chahiye kis se?
sab se ma baap se jimmedariyo se
Ladki ko live in mein saas sasur se azadi mil jati hai aur ladke ko bandhan aur jimmedariyo se 4-5 saal mauj lyo fer keh dyo ham compatible nahi the itne chori hogi 30+ uske maa baap fer akhbar mein istehar dete hande jao suitable match for 34,B-ful girl well earning cast no bar fer we koye compatibility na dekhte kana peena jisa mil jawe badhiya hai. ar fer wa baano bhi saans na padti admi ka ke fer koye toh lega uska ke kime ghisna hai.

hahahahahahaha................lollllam loll........:rock:rock......itne din te shant kyukar tha tu.:D

[urmiladuhan]

Log kehte hain ki shadi se pehle saath reh kar dekho ya shaadi ke baad intezar karo taki pata lag jaye compatibility hai ya nahi hai .

Koi mazak ho raha hai ya kise aise rishte ki buniyad rakhi ja rahi hai jisko saat janmo ka rishta kaha jata hai?

Compatibility banayee jati hain aaj chori madi padhi likhi ho gayee to nakhre badh ho gaye aur aise hi talak ke case bhi abbal ho gaye.

Aaj jisko dekho use independence chahiye kis se?
sab se ma baap se jimmedariyo se
Ladki ko live in mein saas sasur se azadi mil jati hai aur ladke ko bandhan aur jimmedariyo se 4-5 saal mauj lyo fer keh dyo ham compatible nahi the itne chori hogi 30+ uske maa baap fer akhbar mein istehar dete hande jao suitable match for 34,B-ful girl well earning cast no bar fer we koye compatibility na dekhte kana peena jisa mil jawe badhiya hai. ar fer wa baano bhi saans na padti admi ka ke fer koye toh lega uska ke kime ghisna hai.

Finding other partners happens in marriage also. Basic tendencies of humans do not change just because one is in a marriage or in a live in relationship.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;276208]Finding other partners happens in marriage also. Basic tendencies of humans do not change just because one is in a marriage or in a live in relationship. Rakeshjee, you are saying that it is the woman who eventually does not find a good partner and not the man - not true. People learn so much about themselves when they take and execute decisions independently i.e., live in relations and make their decisions open to society. It is not for faint hearted to take such courageous step - such people normally would not like to be bound by outgrown and restrictive traditions/working methods, whether it is at work place/personal life.
In my opinion, such steps must be taken only after a person is economically independent and if his/her nature is courageous in general.

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;276208]Finding other partners happens in marriage also. Basic tendencies of humans do not change just because one is in a marriage or in a live in relationship. Rakeshjee, you are saying that it is the woman who eventually does not find a good partner and not the man - not true. People learn so much about themselves when they take and execute decisions independently i.e., live in relations and make their decisions open to society. It is not for faint hearted to take such courageous step - such people normally would not like to be bound by outgrown and restrictive traditions/working methods, whether it is at work place/personal life.
In my opinion, such steps must be taken only after a person is economically independent and if his/her nature is courageous in general.

Regards,

Urmila.

Then why Live-in ? Can you get a mobile phone on trial basis from any shop? or anything you need to pay a certain price then you can avail warranty (if provided) only.
What is life of such relations?What is future of such relation?
What is definition of concubine ?

I think it is better people go english way (one night stand)

Kul mila ke kahni wahe hai loga ne ek kaam karna hai us khatar chahe ek lakh naam dhar lyo.

Akshay bhai apni gel wahe ban rahi hai wo cycle gel bhajya ja tha koye bola upar baith le
wo bolya tem koni

[htomar]

Rakesh bhai...jab wahi kaam karna hai to live-in ki kya jaroorat..wo to wese bhi ho sakta hai...
mein live-in ke favour mai nahi... but ye india mai bhi chalan mai aaya to kahi naa kahi shadi mai prblm dekhi hogi un logo ne jyada..acha rahta hai ki agar ladke ki family bhi ladki ki badalti soch ko accept kare....sab nahi but kuchh to change accept karna hi padega..

aapne 1 baat kahi ladki ke 30+ hone ki..wo to aajkal wese bhi ho jaati hai...jaruri nahi ki wo achi nahi hai tabhi unki age jyada hui..aapke kahne to to ye matlab hua ki jo 30+ ki ho jaati hai wo sab bekar hui aur unhe kaana hi milega...kisi ko uski age jyada hone ki wajah se aisa bolna theek nahi...
kam se kam aap jaise samjhdaar member se to aisi ummid nahi ki jaa sakti...




Then why Live-in ? Can you get a mobile phone on trial basis from any shop? or anything you need to pay a certain price then you can avail warranty (if provided) only.
What is life of such relations?What is future of such relation?
What is definition of concubine ?

I think it is better people go english way (one night stand)

Kul mila ke kahni wahe hai loga ne ek kaam karna hai us khatar chahe ek lakh naam dhar lyo.

Akshay bhai apni gel wahe ban rahi hai wo cycle gel bhajya ja tha koye bola upar baith le
wo bolya tem koni

[rakeshsehrawat]

Rakesh bhai...jab wahi kaam karna hai to live-in ki kya jaroorat..wo to wese bhi ho sakta hai...
mein live-in ke favour mai nahi... but ye india mai bhi chalan mai aaya to kahi naa kahi shadi mai prblm dekhi hogi un logo ne jyada..acha rahta hai ki agar ladke ki family bhi ladki ki badalti soch ko accept kare....sab nahi but kuchh to change accept karna hi padega..

aapne 1 baat kahi ladki ke 30+ hone ki..wo to aajkal wese bhi ho jaati hai...jaruri nahi ki wo achi nahi hai tabhi unki age jyada hui..aapke kahne to to ye matlab hua ki jo 30+ ki ho jaati hai wo sab bekar hui aur unhe kaana hi milega...kisi ko uski age jyada hone ki wajah se aisa bolna theek nahi...
kam se kam aap jaise samjhdaar member se to aisi ummid nahi ki jaa sakti...

Samajhdari ka to bhai ghana sa bera na mein wohi likhta hoon jo mein sochta hoon.

Age jyada hone se shaadi mein aati preshaniya to medical dept. bhi bata dega chori 30+ to chora bhi 35+ fer balak hon mein preshani aawe hai. Bhai India mein chalan mein isliye aya kyonki videsho mein chal raha tha fir ispe Prety Zinta ar Saif Ali khan ki film aagi ar loga ne dekha yu badhiya sauda hai. Kun khamkha biyah ke chakkar mein pade 90% live in aalya ka to unke maa babu ne bhi na bera hota ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai.

Kul mila ke mere hisab se ye ek GALAT hi cheej hai baaki sabki apni samajh.

[akshaymalik84]

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-08-11/tv/29876096_1_inter-caste-marriage-young-couple-parents

yo dekh le ib TV aale yu kaam bhi karan laag ge......

[Arvindc]

In case of marriage, the so called 'harm' does not come out in the open, but in a live-in relationship it does.


The "harm" to the society, from the negatives of both, does come to open directly or indirectly. It's just that in case of married couple, it's an acceptable unfortunate case for the society while in the other case, it's a western evil.

Earlier, in days of joint family, the family itself provided reconciliation as there was stress on inter-dependance over independence. Today, a family consists of two independent personalities who no longer see the need of inter-dependance a necessity.

As the structure of the society changes, so would it's methods.

[Rajkamal]

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-08-11/tv/29876096_1_inter-caste-marriage-young-couple-parents

yo dekh le ib TV aale yu kaam bhi karan laag ge......

Bhai is TV ne a to jama naas thaan ka theka le rakhyaa hai koye aadmi 12 din bhookha rah gyaa wo na dikhaya ar jo ghar te bhaaj ge ar aapne Maa Baap ki izzat ke chithade kar diye un ne hero bana re hai.....

[Arvindc]

ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai..

Tum ek do ki baat kar rahe ho. Just search Google (with filter "pages from India") with "Wife kills husband" and "Husband kills wife" and you would get an idea of numbers on the other side. Add to this the numerous incidents that go unreported, specially from villages were women bodies are found in wells.

[Rajkamal]

Samajhdari ka to bhai ghana sa bera na mein wohi likhta hoon jo mein sochta hoon.

Age jyada hone se shaadi mein aati preshaniya to medical dept. bhi bata dega chori 30+ to chora bhi 35+ fer balak hon mein preshani aawe hai. Bhai India mein chalan mein isliye aya kyonki videsho mein chal raha tha fir ispe Prety Zinta ar Saif Ali khan ki film aagi ar loga ne dekha yu badhiya sauda hai. Kun khamkha biyah ke chakkar mein pade 90% live in aalya ka to unke maa babu ne bhi na bera hota ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai.

Kul mila ke mere hisab se ye ek GALAT hi cheej hai baaki sabki apni samajh.

Bhai uska Singapore dilli ke railway station pe khindyaa paya tha ar jo log apne aap ko and apni family ko dhokha de rahe hai unka yahi haal hota hai koi batane wala ho to bataye ki kitne % live in successful hote hai.....

[ssgoyat]

I Believe, LIR is yet another fancy jargon given by the westeners for 'illicit relationships' to make (appear) it more acceptable to the civilized society.

Here, two young earning individuals (living far from their hometown take the advantage) meet with no clear long term Vision/Mission in their relationship to enjoy on the likes of married couple with no strings attached, with no 'legal obligations' to be held accountable for any wrong doings.

All remains well quite for sometime, but soon the charm gradually falls. Problem arises when either one of them gets serious (if both were non-serious initially) or either one of them gets non serious (of both were serious initially).

To me, it's finding a win win situation for those who don't believe in.. shaadi ka laddu

'जो खाए पछताए..जो न खाए वो ललचाये.. '

Changing it to... लड्डू खाओ बिना पछताए के

[ravinderjeet]

सतिंदर भाई ने माडे से शब्दां में बड्डा सा जबाब दे दिया इह तें बढ़िया और बेलेंस कोए ज़बाब नहीं हो सकदा |

[htomar]

Bhai mene pahle hi kaha tha ki mei Live-in ko support nahi kar raha..
jaha tak 30+ hone ki baat hai ladki ki to sab jaanboojhkar to nahi hoti..pta to unhe bhi hai ki baad mai preshaniya hoti hai.
lekin har kisi ki koi naa koi prblm hoti hai tabhi der hoti hai shadi mai..wahi bat kahi thi...
baaki jaisa aapne kaha..sabki apni apni samjh..


Samajhdari ka to bhai ghana sa bera na mein wohi likhta hoon jo mein sochta hoon.

Age jyada hone se shaadi mein aati preshaniya to medical dept. bhi bata dega chori 30+ to chora bhi 35+ fer balak hon mein preshani aawe hai. Bhai India mein chalan mein isliye aya kyonki videsho mein chal raha tha fir ispe Prety Zinta ar Saif Ali khan ki film aagi ar loga ne dekha yu badhiya sauda hai. Kun khamkha biyah ke chakkar mein pade 90% live in aalya ka to unke maa babu ne bhi na bera hota ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai.

Kul mila ke mere hisab se ye ek GALAT hi cheej hai baaki sabki apni samajh.

[ashishsehrawat9]

Sahi kaha tomar sahab tumne bhi.Kayi bar ladke/ladkiya apne carrier/studies kai liye bhi shadi avoid karte hai.This is very common in today's world.Nobody wants to get marrried before 30,as today's generation thinks that theor freedom will be spoiled after marriage & it's true to some extent as well.

Rahi baat Living relationship ki ,yeh sab western culture ki den hai & it shows the gradual change in our indain society.LIr has more negative points than the positive points.According to today's genation in living relation ,they get enough time to understand each other & if understandind did not meet,they break up the relation without thinking the consequences.AS they dont bother about the society,according to them their freedom is much more important than our tradition & culture...........

[cooljat]

An interesting research on very topic -


http://www.indianexpress.com/news/livein-couples-more-likely-to-split-after-marriage-study/839340/

[cutejaatsandeep]

mai to nu kuu hu kee yee LIR wwalaaa nee pakadd kee dhooo do eek barrrr:)....eek dooo maarr khawengeeee pherr koniii ree sath

[vicky84]

Samajhdari ka to bhai ghana sa bera na mein wohi likhta hoon jo mein sochta hoon.

Age jyada hone se shaadi mein aati preshaniya to medical dept. bhi bata dega chori 30+ to chora bhi 35+ fer balak hon mein preshani aawe hai. Bhai India mein chalan mein isliye aya kyonki videsho mein chal raha tha fir ispe Prety Zinta ar Saif Ali khan ki film aagi ar loga ne dekha yu badhiya sauda hai. Kun khamkha biyah ke chakkar mein pade 90% live in aalya ka to unke maa babu ne bhi na bera hota ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai.

Kul mila ke mere hisab se ye ek GALAT hi cheej hai baaki sabki apni samajh.

Rakesh likhda rehya kar...Tere vicharan bina adhooori sai Jatland !!

[vicky84]

Samajhdari ka to bhai ghana sa bera na mein wohi likhta hoon jo mein sochta hoon.

Age jyada hone se shaadi mein aati preshaniya to medical dept. bhi bata dega chori 30+ to chora bhi 35+ fer balak hon mein preshani aawe hai. Bhai India mein chalan mein isliye aya kyonki videsho mein chal raha tha fir ispe Prety Zinta ar Saif Ali khan ki film aagi ar loga ne dekha yu badhiya sauda hai. Kun khamkha biyah ke chakkar mein pade 90% live in aalya ka to unke maa babu ne bhi na bera hota ibe dilli mein ek chori mari thee uske maa baap soche the wa Singapore mein hai ye to dilli haryana wale the ib koye aagi aade Bihar Bangal Tamilnadu se use gharke kunsa dekhan aawe hain aade kis gel reh hai.

Kul mila ke mere hisab se ye ek GALAT hi cheej hai baaki sabki apni samajh.

Rakesh likhda rehya kar...Tere vicharan bina adhooori sai Jatland !!

[urmiladuhan]

aaj chori madi padhi likhi ho gayee to nakhre badh ho gaye aur aise hi talak ke case bhi abbal ho gaye.

.

Rakeshjee, education increases understanding and maturity level of a person.

But what you are saying is that education of girls is detrimental to marriage. I suggest you do some introspection as to what causes divorce - you might even be surprised at the result. Kindly post your views.

I think, a mature person is more successful at handling marriage and the responsibility that comes with it.

I think awareness in educated woman about their rights especially basic human rights has led to increase in divorce rate in India.

Regards,

Urmila.


p.s: may I also add that little education is a dangerous thing! perhaps this is what you mean by the 'nakhra' of the so called educated girls.
A 10th standard pass woman who got married sometime in 1960's seemed full of ther 10th degree when she said about her simpleton village folk in -laws : "saara unpad sauda tha"! (सारा अनपड सौदा था! )

[urmiladuhan]

Rakeshjee, education increases understanding and maturity level of a person.

But what you are saying is that education of girls is detrimental to marriage. I suggest you do some introspection as to what causes divorce - you might even be surprised at the result. Kindly post your views.

)

Excerpt from : http://www.indidivorce.com/divorce-rate-in-india.html

Even though India still boasts of that nearly hundred percent of the marriages are a success, rapid urbanization and awareness of various rights are now instigating the divorce rate to shoot up. Empowerment of women has initiated the dissolution of marriage in urban areas as financially educated women are now open to the option of ending the relationship rather than to bear life long abuses silently. The campaigns on gender equality are now giving rise to ego clashes between the husband and wife, especially if the wife too is the bread earner of the family.

A survey states that over the past four years the divorce rate in Delhi, the capital city of India has almost doubled and is projected to be 12000 by the year 2008. In 2006, Bangalore, the IT hub of India it was recorded that 1,246 cases of divorce were filed in the court that pertain to the IT sector exclusively. It has been estimated Mumbai has shot up to 4,138 in 2007 while cities that are acknowledged for their cultural richness and social values like Kolkata and Chennai, are no less behind. Agro based states like Punjab and Haryana are now seeing an increase of 150% of divorce rate since the last decade. Kerala, known to be the most literate state has experienced an increase of divorce rate by 350% in the last 10 years.

Around 20 years back India had a negligible divorce rate of around 5%. But based on the increasing number of divorce being filed today, the divorce rate in India is expected to rise up at a faster rate by the ensuing year.

[Arvindc]

Rakeshjee, education increases understanding and maturity level of a person.

But what you are saying is that education of girls is detrimental to marriage. I suggest you do some introspection as to what causes divorce - you might even be surprised at the result. Kindly post your views.

I think, a mature person is more successful at handling marriage and the responsibility that comes with it.

I think awareness in educated woman about their rights especially basic human rights has led to increase in divorce rate in India.

Regards,

Urmila.


p.s: may I also add that little education is a dangerous thing! perhaps this is what you mean by the 'nakhra' of the so called educated girls.
A 10th standard pass woman who got married sometime in 1960's seemed full of ther 10th degree when she said about her simpleton village folk in -laws : "saara unpad sauda tha"! (सारा अनपड सौदा था! )
Education does increases ones maturity level, provided one gets him/herself educated and not just literate. What percentage of girls get admission to get higher education to actually get themselves educated? My feeling is that, in case of rural and semi-rural areas, the majority of girls (around 70%) get a higher degree certificate to get eligible for good salaried husband. No wonder that soon these girls, who work little towards enhancement of their own maturity level, start behaving as they are the most worthy and powerful people in the family. Obliviously, a lot of this attitude is provoked by women upliftment campaigns, not all of which are intended for the actual cause and vision.

[riyaa]

aaj chori madi padhi likhi ho gayee to nakhre badh ho gaye aur aise hi talak ke case bhi abbal ho gaye.

Talak ki situation padai ke wajah se nhi compatible na hone ki wajah se hote hai, koi anpadh pade likhe se shadi kare ya koi pada likha kisi unpadh se...problem tou aayegi hi better yahi hoga ki shadi dhyan se kare..woh us bandae ke sath jo har tarah se aapke equal ho, financially ek baar chal jata hai par mentally nhi..

Or rhi living relationship ki baat tou jo subject hi galat hai us par discussion kar ke kya fayda, kon se parents chahengae ke unke bacche living relationship mai ho..yeh western culture hai, mai samajti hun ki kuch log isae shi bhi mante hongae but jo cheez bade bujurg aur parents ki najro mai galat hoti hai 99% unka result bhi galat hi hota hai..

[saurabhjaglan]

Riyaa...
Nice comment...

[urmiladuhan]

Education does increases ones maturity level, provided one gets him/herself educated and not just literate. What percentage of girls get admission to get higher education to actually get themselves educated? My feeling is that, in case of rural and semi-rural areas, the majority of girls (around 70%) get a higher degree certificate to get eligible for good salaried husband. No wonder that soon these girls, who work little towards enhancement of their own maturity level, start behaving as they are the most worthy and powerful people in the family. Obliviously, a lot of this attitude is provoked by women upliftment campaigns, not all of which are intended for the actual cause and vision.

इतना ये हंगा सा तह घर है बाहर कुछ कर के, बन के दीखाओ - कितनी कीमत है आप की पढ़ाई लिखाई में us का पता चल जायेगा - लडकी को भी उस के husband को भी और लडकी के in laws को भी. बाकि लडके को भी ये समझ न छाहेयाए की अपने से कमज़ोर (wife who is dependent on him) को दबा के रखना कोई महान काम नहीं है - इतना ही हंगा है तोह दुनिया मे कुछ आचा/naya कर के दीखाओ. घर में शेर और बाहर ढेर!

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

Or rhi living relationship ki baat tou jo subject hi galat hai us par discussion kar ke kya fayda, kon se parents chahengae ke unke bacche living relationship mai ho..yeh western culture hai, mai samajti hun ki kuch log isae shi bhi mante hongae but jo cheez bade bujurg aur parents ki najro mai galat hoti hai 99% unka result bhi galat hi hota hai..

Your comments are quite conservative and unoriginal.

Regards,

Urmila.

[Fateh]

LIR is nothing but going back few thousands years back, there is no mordern thinking or education involved, it is an unsocial/ animal behaviour, but if some society accept such activity than it become social animal behaviour and no body has any objection, If such individuals get married lateron than it is ok but suppose they get a child and donot get married, in that case what happens to such a child, in our country sexual relations without marriage are considered illegal, thus any sexual relation of such couple has to be illegal. To cut short Good or Bad is matter of thinking of an individual/society/astablished legal provisions

[rakeshsehrawat]

Couple argues over cupboards in divorce case
http://daily.bhaskar.com/article/MAH-MUM-couple-argues-over-distribution-of-cupboards-in-divorce-case-1870592.html (http://daily.bhaskar.com/article/MAH-MUM-couple-argues-over-distribution-of-cupboards-in-divorce-case-1870592.html)

Compatibility ka to isa hai loga ki umar likad jya hai compatibility ka to bera bhi na pat-ta. Aur waise bhi rishte koi nut bolt ki tarah nahi hote ki precise chudi nahi hogi to matching nahi hogi. Everyone got some flaws.Kitne logo ke sath live in rakhna chahiye taki pata lag sake ki aap IS ke sath compatible ho.



Divorce rates go up in GurgaonYogesh Kumar, TNN Sep 22, 2010, 04.05am IST


GURGAON: Its an every day story at Gurgaon's court number six. The court, which is famous for the much-publicised break-up between late BJP leader Pramod Mahajans son Rahul and his wife Shweta in 2007, has seen a disturbing increase in the number of divorce applications being filed by Gurgaons young couples.
Stress, overwork and compatibility issues, according to legal experts, are some of the reasons the couples cite for divorce. Court number six gets one divorce application every alternate day and most of them come from couples in the high income category.
Gurgaon gets about 15 divorce cases in a month, which is quite high compared to the size of its population and probably higher than neighbour Delhi (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/topic/Delhi), which is quite alarming.

[riyaa]

Your comments are quite conservative and unoriginal.

Regards,

Urmila.

Apni apni soch hai, urmila ji

[urmiladuhan]

in our country sexual relations without marriage are considered illegal,

Not illegal if the individuals are above the voting age and are not married elsewhere.

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

[B]/Delhi"]Delhi[/URL]

Rakesh jee, your post does not defend your assertion that it is the education of girls that is responsible for their behavioral problem i.e., 'nakhra' and for dissolution of marriage in India. What in your opinion is the role of education in this problem? How can it be rectified?

Regards,

Urmila.
.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Not illegal if the individuals are above the voting age and are not married elsewhere.

Regards,

Urmila.

Ideots are the fellows who give place to those INDIVIDUALS in their house. When HE/SHE (Those individuals) become eligible for voting should be thrown out of house. Why to put money on a lame horse?

[rakeshsehrawat]

Rakesh jee, your post does not defend your assertion that it is the education of girls that is responsible for their behavioral problem i.e., 'nakhra' and for dissolution of marriage in India. What in your opinion is the role of education in this problem? How can it be rectified?

Regards,

Urmila.
.


Excerpt from : http://www.indidivorce.com/divorce-rate-in-india.html

Even though India still boasts of that nearly hundred percent of the marriages are a success, rapid urbanization and awareness of various rights are now instigating the divorce rate to shoot up. Empowerment of women has initiated the dissolution of marriage in urban areas as financially educated women are now open to the option of ending the relationship rather than to bear life long abuses silently. The campaigns on gender equality are now giving rise to ego clashes between the husband and wife, especially if the wife too is the bread earner of the family.

A survey states that over the past four years the divorce rate in Delhi, the capital city of India has almost doubled and is projected to be 12000 by the year 2008. In 2006, Bangalore, the IT hub of India it was recorded that 1,246 cases of divorce were filed in the court that pertain to the IT sector exclusively. It has been estimated Mumbai has shot up to 4,138 in 2007 while cities that are acknowledged for their cultural richness and social values like Kolkata and Chennai, are no less behind. Agro based states like Punjab and Haryana are now seeing an increase of 150% of divorce rate since the last decade. Kerala, known to be the most literate state has experienced an increase of divorce rate by 350% in the last 10 years.

Around 20 years back India had a negligible divorce rate of around 5%. But based on the increasing number of divorce being filed today, the divorce rate in India is expected to rise up at a faster rate by the ensuing year.
But your does Bas farak itna hai mein Angreji mein mada sa kamjor hoon:)

[urmiladuhan]

But your does Bas farak itna hai mein Angreji mein mada sa kamjor hoon:)

Rakesh jee, I never said that education of women leads to behavioral problems (nakhra), but your post says so. Would you like to elaborate on your assertion?

Regards,

Urmila.

[riyaa]

Rakesh jee, I never said that education of women leads to behavioral problems (nakhra), but your post says so. Would you like to elaborate on your assertion?

I will say the behavioral problems (nakhra), is self respect, which everyone should have..



Not illegal if the individuals are above the voting age and are not married elsewhere.

Regards,

Urmila.

Agree, but does society and culture allows that..???Mite be fateh ji was saying samething..

[rakeshsehrawat]

Rakesh jee, I never said that education of women leads to behavioral problems (nakhra), but your post says so. Would you like to elaborate on your assertion?

Regards,

Urmila.



मैडम जी इतने बावले तो न लगते की अपना लिख्या होया भी न समझ आवे ! रिसर्च तो मन्ने करी नहीं है पर जो देख्या है वो लिख दयु हूँ ! आज समाज कई उतार चढाव से गुजर रहा है एक और तो मोडर्न समाज है दूसरी और हमारी संस्कृति है ! आज की छोरी पढ़ी लिखी है नौकरी भी करे है पर छोरे के माँ बाप तो पढ़े लिखे कोणी आर होवे भी तो बात एक ए है ! बुढ़ापे में आके आदमी बात देखे है साँझ ने बालक आवे हाल चाल पूछे दो घडी बतलावे कीमे सेवा पानी करे ! पहलम यु काम बहु कर दिया करती इब बहू भी नौकरी पेशा है ! जब व घरा आवे आर मान ल्यो जे सुसरे ने गलती तें कह दी की बहू एक कप चा प्या दे तो समझो रेल आगे झोटा आ गया कटे ए कटे ! गयी वो भागवान लुगाई जो परिवार की सोच्या करती पढ़ी लिखी तो आते ए कह है एक मन्ने बंगलोर तें बढ़िया ऑफर आया है तू भी नौकरी छोड़ दे बंगलोर चलेंगे ! घर में माँ बाप तें फालतू सासु सुसरे की चले है और इसके चलते मियां बीवी में भी कलह हो जाती है ! जो आपके घरवालो से रिश्ता नहीं जोड़ सकी वो आपसे जोड़ेगी ? ऊपर तें ये कानूनविद ये न्यू कह हैं जे लुगाई अपने पति से शारीरिक सम्बन्ध न बनाना चाहे और पति जबरदस्ती करे तो वो बलात्कार है पति बहार जाये वो कानून की अवहेलना है ! और ये कानून बना लिया लुगियां ने ढाल मन्ने अपने काना तें कहती सुनी हैं पूरी उम्र सारा कुनबा जेल में सड़ोगे ! में किसे काम के हाथ नहीं लाऊ घर का काम करवाना था तो अनपढ़ ल्याते!

खैर आपका यु आर्टिकल भी या ए बात कह है मन्ने माडा सा मेरे हिसाब तें कह दी ! बुरा मत मानना ये मेरे अपने विचार हैं मेरा किसी का दिल दुखाने का विचार नहीं है अगर किसी को गलत लगता है तो वो अप्पति जाता सकता है ! में खुदा नहीं की हर बात सही ही कहू !

[rakeshsehrawat]

Everyone likes power
American and Japanese company were taken under consideration and asked to hire eleven people each for best results

Japanese hired one manager and 10 workers
Americans hired 10 manager and one worker

Americans failed

Again given chance Japanese did same and Americans again hired 10 managers and 11 workers in India for same salary as that of worker.

Again Americans are failing

Power should be centeralised command should be in one hand only for best results

To many egoes always lead to clash.

Jatland is best example

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=riyaa;277502]I will say the behavioral problems (nakhra), is self respect, which everyone should have..

Riya jee, 'nakhra' is a negative behavior while self respect is a positive behavior. One does not need to show 'attitude' = nakhra to show self respect. 'Attitude' problem is a reflection of low self esteem.

One's self respect is evident when he/she treats others kindly and with respect.

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

[QUOTE=riyaa;277502]I will say the behavioral problems (nakhra), is self respect, which everyone should have..

Riya jee, 'nakhra' is a negative behavior while self respect is a positive behavior. One does not need to show 'attitude' = nakhra to show self respect. 'Attitude' problem is a reflection of low self esteem.

One's self respect is evident when he/she treats others kindly and with respect.

Regards,

Urmila.
That remains respect upto certain limit then translates into ego and finally arrogance and most interestingly it is like bad breath the one who's having never knows about it.

[urmiladuhan]

Power should be centeralised command should be in one hand only for best results




And and what basis should the centralised command be given to 'one hand', Rakesh jee ? On merit or on the basis of age?

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

And and what basis should the centralised command be given to 'one hand', Rakesh jee ? On merit or on the basis of age?

Regards,

Urmila.

Yes

Do you think that a 25 year old PHD is better then a man of 65 years experience? That's what where clash occurs aaj ghar mein aayee ar saara kunba bas uski e sune uski e mane wa e chaudhran ho gharki sabte baddi wa chalana sikhawegi sabne


Yu e to nakhra hai Sara raula e chaudhar ka hai Madam ji

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;277505]
That remains respect upto certain limit then translates into ego and finally arrogance and most interestingly it is like bad breath the one who's having never knows about it.

Well then someone needs to put in place the person growing too big for his/her shoes - this is what happens on Jatland :) - people are self governing!!! :) :)

Regards,

Urmila

[rakeshsehrawat]

[QUOTE=rakeshsehrawat;277507]

Well then someone needs to put in place the person growing too big for his/her shoes - this is what happens on Jatland :) - people are self governing!!! :) :)

Regards,

Urmila

Now you got the pulse when everyone is selfgoverning then everyone is directionless

[urmiladuhan]

Yes

Do you think that a 25 year old PHD is better then a man of 65 years experience?

Rakesh jee this is what I am saying, age is no _absolute_ reflection of merit. Neither is a degree certificate. yo rola kukar bandh ho pher?

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;277510]

Now you got the pulse when everyone is selfgoverning then everyone is directionless

Rakesh jee, I think people will find their groups - as you see on Jatland too - there are people who support other similar thinking people. The community still runs :)
Central command is required when conflict arises (similar to the judicial system requirement in society).

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Rakesh jee this is what I am saying, age is no _absolute_ reflection of merit. Neither is a degree certificate. yo rola kukar bandh ho pher?

Regards,

Urmila.

Meri soch ye kehti hai ki aadmi do cheejo se bada mana jata hai Kad ya Pad
Either his age is more then you or his position in society is above yours.

Recognition of women in Indian society is either Daughter of or Wife of

Man is recognised be Son of only

[urmiladuhan]

Urmila ji aap ye isliye to nahi keh rahi ki aap mujhse badi hain aur mein aapse intelligent:rock

Rakesh jee, I don't know your age and neither am I interested in knowing :)

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;277510]

Now you got the pulse when everyone is selfgoverning then everyone is directionless

Rakeshjee, it is people we are talking about not a marching band/army, where orders need to passed down to be followed.

Regards,

Urmila.

[rakeshsehrawat]

[QUOTE=rakeshsehrawat;277511]

Rakeshjee, it is people we are talking about not a marching band/army, where orders need to passed down to be followed.

Regards,

Urmila.

Someone have to take order to keep things working otherwise there will be no COMPATIBILITY issue with everyone and we will keep on trying.

Wo kehya karein kise ne to neechi kheenchni padegi

[urmiladuhan]

Ideots are the fellows who give place to those INDIVIDUALS in their house. When HE/SHE (Those individuals) become eligible for voting should be thrown out of house. Why to put money on a lame horse?

I think such individuals must be financially independent FIRST and FOREMOST before deciding to choose a Live in Relationship. Otherwise, you are right, they are likely to be thrown out of their parents house! Same thing about same Gotra Marriage - had they been independent of their families, they probably would not have lost their lives.



Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;277518]

Someone have to take order to keep things working otherwise there will be no COMPATIBILITY issue with everyone and we will keep on trying.

Wo kehya karein kise ne to neechi kheenchni padegi

That brings us to the question, how does one decide who will give orders and who will be the follower? Is it on the basis of merit = pad = position or age OR gender?

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

I think such individuals must be financially independent FIRST and FOREMOST before deciding to choose a Live in Relationship. Otherwise, you are right, they are likely to be thrown out of their parents house! Same thing about same Gotra Marriage - had they been independent of their families, they probably would not have lost their lives.



Regards,

Urmila.

To become financially independent can be an arduous task - brings on many stresses and troubles that will test the love relationship whether live in or same gotra marriage. Whether the individuals are able to keep their live in relationship or love relationship intact without the support of family and society would become evident with time. Fake / weak relations will fall apart while true ones will survive!

Regards,

Urmila.

[Anudahiya]

Urmila ji within Gotra marriage leads to inbreeding So InterGotra marriage has a scientific background. So never promote (as media promotes) that within gotra marraige is a good thing.

[Fateh]

Not illegal if the individuals are above the voting age and are not married elsewhere.

Regards,

Urmila.

Yes urmila, I am also aware of the provision but donot you think it contradicts the existing provisions on the subject and what happens when some body reports when the girl is carrying the child and the couple is still not married. Also our society is not accepting/liking such relationship at present atlist.

[urmiladuhan]

Urmila ji within Gotra marriage leads to inbreeding So InterGotra marriage has a scientific background. So never promote (as media promotes) that within gotra marraige is a good thing.

Anu jee, the reference is in the context of exercising one's choice (whatever that may be), especially if it non conformist. Kindly take the example in the right perspective. I would appreciate your understanding in this regard.

Thanks and Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

and what happens when some body reports when the girl is carrying the child and the couple is still not married. Also our society is not accepting/liking such relationship at present atlist.

To let such a thing happen is immature on the part of the individuals if they cannot take responsibility. It is said that Freedom Comes with Responsibility. As I said, both the individuals need to be be financially independent FIRST and FOREMOST and should be able to take responsibility for their actions instead of relying on their family for help. To reach this stage in life is no small thing and this path itself will teach them valuable lessons on the role of society in their life and why the rules of society are important.

Regards,

Urmila.

[Arvindc]

मैडम जी इतने बावले तो न लगते की अपना लिख्या होया भी न समझ आवे ! रिसर्च तो मन्ने करी नहीं है पर जो देख्या है वो लिख दयु हूँ ! आज समाज कई उतार चढाव से गुजर रहा है एक और तो मोडर्न समाज है दूसरी और हमारी संस्कृति है ! आज की छोरी पढ़ी लिखी है नौकरी भी करे है पर छोरे के माँ बाप तो पढ़े लिखे कोणी आर होवे भी तो बात एक ए है ! बुढ़ापे में आके आदमी बात देखे है साँझ ने बालक आवे हाल चाल पूछे दो घडी बतलावे कीमे सेवा पानी करे ! पहलम यु काम बहु कर दिया करती इब बहू भी नौकरी पेशा है ! जब व घरा आवे आर मान ल्यो जे सुसरे ने गलती तें कह दी की बहू एक कप चा प्या दे तो समझो रेल आगे झोटा आ गया कटे ए कटे ! गयी वो भागवान लुगाई जो परिवार की सोच्या करती पढ़ी लिखी तो आते ए कह है एक मन्ने बंगलोर तें बढ़िया ऑफर आया है तू भी नौकरी छोड़ दे बंगलोर चलेंगे ! घर में माँ बाप तें फालतू सासु सुसरे की चले है और इसके चलते मियां बीवी में भी कलह हो जाती है ! जो आपके घरवालो से रिश्ता नहीं जोड़ सकी वो आपसे जोड़ेगी ? ऊपर तें ये कानूनविद ये न्यू कह हैं जे लुगाई अपने पति से शारीरिक सम्बन्ध न बनाना चाहे और पति जबरदस्ती करे तो वो बलात्कार है पति बहार जाये वो कानून की अवहेलना है ! और ये कानून बना लिया लुगियां ने ढाल मन्ने अपने काना तें कहती सुनी हैं पूरी उम्र सारा कुनबा जेल में सड़ोगे ! में किसे काम के हाथ नहीं लाऊ घर का काम करवाना था तो अनपढ़ ल्याते!

खैर आपका यु आर्टिकल भी या ए बात कह है मन्ने माडा सा मेरे हिसाब तें कह दी ! बुरा मत मानना ये मेरे अपने विचार हैं मेरा किसी का दिल दुखाने का विचार नहीं है अगर किसी को गलत लगता है तो वो अप्पति जाता सकता है ! में खुदा नहीं की हर बात सही ही कहू !
बदलाव तो आज समाज मैं आ रहा है, एक नदी मैं उफान की भांति! बदलते वक़्त की तरह उसे रोका नहीं जा सकता!
आपके पास दो रास्ते हैं! या तो आप उस उफान को रोकने के लिए बांद बनकर खड़े हो जावो, या फिर उस उफान मैं शामिल होकर उसे सही दिशा धीखावो!

[mhundpuriamann]

To let such a thing happen is immature on the part of the individuals if they cannot take responsibility. It is said that Freedom Comes with Responsibility. As I said, both the individuals need to be be financially independent FIRST and FOREMOST and should be able to take responsibility for their actions instead of relying on their family for help. To reach this stage in life is no small thing and this path itself will teach them valuable lessons on the role of society in their life and why the rules of society are important.

Regards,

Urmila.

100 baat ki ek baat !

[singhvp]

[QUOTE=rakeshsehrawat;277520]

That brings us to the question, how does one decide who will give orders and who will be the follower? Is it on the basis of merit = pad = position or age OR gender?

Regards,



Urmila.
A million dollar question.

Merit: It is a natural human tendency that everyone sees merit in whatever is beneficial to him/her. Therefore, before selecting a commander/leader on the basis of merit, a universally acceptable definition of merit need to be coined. Something that is virtue for X could be a Vice for Y and this divergence gives rise to conflicting interests. But it does not mean that only one of them (X & Y) is right. Both can be right in their respective perspective. Contradictions of non-antagonistic character are the motivating force for progress in life. Abasolute convergence of views kills the basic instinct of marching ahead in life absolutely. Differences of views among people living together, whether in live-in relationship or otherwise, will always remain there. What is important is to see that these differences do not end up in a tragedy. Family Life or relationships are nothing more than a harmonious synthesis of diverse opinions. To sum up: live-in relationship seem to be a romantic adventure on the face of it but in actuality it is a highly dangerous gamble where both the parties are bound to lose in the final round of the game.

[urmiladuhan]

When HE/SHE (Those individuals) become eligible for voting should be thrown out of house. Why to put money on a lame horse?

Rakesh jee, what do you mean by lame horse?

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=urmiladuhan;277518]

Someone have to take order to keep things working otherwise there will be no COMPATIBILITY issue with everyone and we will keep on trying.

Wo kehya karein kise ne to neechi kheenchni padegi

The hierarchial order in a family/organisation should be based on merit if things are to run smoothly.

Regards,

Urmila.

[singhvp]

urmiladuhan;

The hierarchial order in a family/organisation should be based on merit if things are to run smoothly.

Regards,

Urmila.

Sounds logical but , unfortunately, it is not happening in reality - reason being that people see merit through different prisms.

[jakharanil]

LIR bin shadhi hi sab kuch chale... ye wo log krthe h jo ghar se dur partner banke LIR..... jamana bharst ho gaya h..... Ishwar hi malik h... sadh budhi de....

[ssgoyat]

http://www.bhaskar.com/article/MP-BPL-anjali-was-7-years-live-in-these-relations-2425878.html?HF-25=

http://www.bellevision.com/index.php?action=topnews&type=2722

'Court martialled IAF officer Anjali Gupta commits suicide'

There could be few sucess stories though. But failure results in this. More such stories go un noticed and are kept under wraps .....

Even if the girl doesn't commit suicide in such failure cases, they end up living a depressed life. Whereas the boy moves freely.... Shame on our Judicial System & those who advocate for such Live-in relationships.

I pity their wisdom and education...

Did Anjali Gupta not know that this relation has no future, with a 51 year aged guy, married and having childrens. Why such girls become fool !

A tough ammendment in law is the need of hour to deal with this social menace.

[RTEWATIA]

Ek purani kahawat hai "Ya shekh, apni-apni dekh", dusro ko samjhane ki bajaye, tika tippani karne ki bajaye agar apne ko sudhar le to kafi kuch sudhar sakta hai,

'Neither anything is good nor Bad', It depends which side we are standing on, The thing which is not acceptable to someone may be a part of ideologies for another individual,

Is topic par hamare yahan bahas karne se kuch badalne wala nahi h, jise jo karna h wo karega hi, aur karna b chahiye. JO b log LIR me rehte h wo mostly padhe likhe hote h aur agar kam padhe likhe b hote h to kam se kam itne samajhdar to hote h k unhe apna jeena marna dikhta h, unke liye kya thik h kya galat ye wo jante h, humare kehne se nahi manenge , kyoki agar unhe manna ya samjhna hi hota to gharwale zindgi se samjhate hi rahe h,

Though i am against this kind of relationship,yet i don't hate people enjoying their life according to their WIT.Afetr all it's their life, we don't have right to kill anyone if his\her views are not according to our ideologies.

[urmiladuhan]

[QUOTE=ssgoyat;277774]http://www.bhaskar.com/article/MP-BPL-anjali-was-7-years-live-in-these-relations-2425878.html?HF-25=

http://www.bellevision.com/index.php?action=topnews&type=2722

Even if the girl doesn't commit suicide in such failure cases, they end up living a depressed life. Whereas the boy moves freely....

_______________________________________________

Satinder jee, there are numerous accounts in newspapers where men do henious things such as murder etc and ruin their life when they cannot have the love of there life. Please don't blame just the woman.
here is one such link:

http://lite.epaper.timesofindia.com/mobile.aspx?article=yes&pageid=9&edlabel=TOIM&mydateHid=19-06-2010&pubname=&edname=&articleid=Ar00901&format=&publabel=TOI

Regards,

Urmila.

[urmiladuhan]

.Afetr all it's their life, we don't have right to kill anyone if his\her views are not according to our ideologies.

I agree :)

Regards,

Urmila.

[Arvindc]

भोपाल। एयरफोर्स के ग्रुप कैप्टन अमित के घर में रविवार को हुई पहली महिला फ्लाइंग ऑफिसर अंजलि गुप्ता की मौत से पुलिस ने उनके दोस्त अमित को गिरफ्तार कर लिया है। पुलिस ने अमित को खुदकुशी के लिए उकसाने के मामले में गिरफ्तार किया है।
मंगलवार को स्थानीय पुलिस और नागपुर से आई एयरफोर्स टीम दोनों ही अमित से पूछताछ की। अदालत ने उसे 26 सितम्बर तक न्यायिक हिरासत में भेज दिया है। गौरतलब है कि रविवार को छह साल पहले यौन प्रताडना के आरोप में चर्चा में आई भारतीय वायु सेना की पहली महिला फ्लाइंग ऑफिसर अंजलि गुप्ता भोपाल के शाहपुर इलाके में फॉर्च्युन ग्लोरी स्थित अमित गुप्ता के मकान नंबर जी-30 में मृत मिली। उन्होंने पंखे से फांसी लगाकर आत्महत्या की थी।
हालांकि प्रथमदृष्टया पुलिस इसको आत्महत्या मान रही है, लेकिन सुसाइड नोट नहीं मिलने पर व अन्य कई कारणों से पुलिस अंजलि की हत्या से भी इंकार नहीं कर रही है। वहीं पोस्टमार्टम रिपोर्ट में यह सामने आया है कि उनकी मौत गला घुटने की वजह से हुई है। इससे पुलिस अंजलि की मौत को आत्महत्या मान रही है। वहीं पहले ही अंजलि के परिवार वालों ने आरोप लगाया है कि एयरफोर्स के ग्रुप कैप्टन अमित गुप्ता अंजलि को शादी का झांसा दे रहे थे, जिसके तनाव में अंजलि ने आत्महत्या कर ली है।
दोनों पिछले सात सालों से लिव इन रिलेशनशिप में रह रही थी। परिजनों के अनुसार अंजली सात सितंबर को भोपाल पहुंची थी और अमित के साथ उसके घर पर ही रूकी थी, जबकि आठ सितंबर को अमित अपने पुत्र के सगाई समारोह में शामिल होने के लिये नयी दिल्ली चले गये थे। अंजली अकेली घर पर ही रूकी थी और संभवत: मानसिक अवसाद की स्थिति में उसने इतना बडा कदम उठाया। गौरतलब है कि अंजलि पिछले चार दिनों से अपने पारिवारिक दोस्त और एयरफोर्स के गु्रप कैप्टन अमित गुप्ता के भोपाल स्थित घर पर थीं। छह साल पहले अंजलि ने तीन अधिकारियों पर यौन प्रताडना का आरोप लगाया था। बाद में उनका कोर्ट मार्शल हुआ और उन्हें बर्खास्त कर दिया गया।

[urmiladuhan]

भोपाल। एयरफोर्स के ग्रुप कैप्टन अमित के घर में रविवार को हुई पहली महिला फ्लाइंग ऑफिसर अंजलि गुप्ता की मौत से पुलिस ने उनके दोस्त अमित को गिरफ्तार कर लिया है। पुलिस ने अमित को खुदकुशी के लिए उकसाने के मामले में गिरफ्तार किया है।
मंगलवार को स्थानीय पुलिस और नागपुर से आई एयरफोर्स टीम दोनों ही अमित से पूछताछ की। अदालत ने उसे 26 सितम्बर तक न्यायिक हिरासत में भेज दिया है। गौरतलब है कि रविवार को छह साल पहले यौन प्रताडना के आरोप में चर्चा में आई भारतीय वायु सेना की पहली महिला फ्लाइंग ऑफिसर अंजलि गुप्ता भोपाल के शाहपुर इलाके में फॉर्च्युन ग्लोरी स्थित अमित गुप्ता के मकान नंबर जी-30 में मृत मिली। उन्होंने पंखे से फांसी लगाकर आत्महत्या की थी।
हालांकि प्रथमदृष्टया पुलिस इसको आत्महत्या मान रही है, लेकिन सुसाइड नोट नहीं मिलने पर व अन्य कई कारणों से पुलिस अंजलि की हत्या से भी इंकार नहीं कर रही है। वहीं पोस्टमार्टम रिपोर्ट में यह सामने आया है कि उनकी मौत गला घुटने की वजह से हुई है। इससे पुलिस अंजलि की मौत को आत्महत्या मान रही है। वहीं पहले ही अंजलि के परिवार वालों ने आरोप लगाया है कि एयरफोर्स के ग्रुप कैप्टन अमित गुप्ता अंजलि को शादी का झांसा दे रहे थे, जिसके तनाव में अंजलि ने आत्महत्या कर ली है।
दोनों पिछले सात सालों से लिव इन रिलेशनशिप में रह रही थी। परिजनों के अनुसार अंजली सात सितंबर को भोपाल पहुंची थी और अमित के साथ उसके घर पर ही रूकी थी, जबकि आठ सितंबर को अमित अपने पुत्र के सगाई समारोह में शामिल होने के लिये नयी दिल्ली चले गये थे। अंजली अकेली घर पर ही रूकी थी और संभवत: मानसिक अवसाद की स्थिति में उसने इतना बडा कदम उठाया। गौरतलब है कि अंजलि पिछले चार दिनों से अपने पारिवारिक दोस्त और एयरफोर्स के गु्रप कैप्टन अमित गुप्ता के भोपाल स्थित घर पर थीं। छह साल पहले अंजलि ने तीन अधिकारियों पर यौन प्रताडना का आरोप लगाया था। बाद में उनका कोर्ट मार्शल हुआ और उन्हें बर्खास्त कर दिया गया।

I have seen people in a happy marriage after a live- in relationship. And I have seen people living miserably in an arranged marriage. Live-in-relationship is NOT detrimental to 2 people living happily together.

Regards,

Urmila.

[ssgoyat]

http://www.bhaskar.com/article/MP-IND-is-not-strong-live-----relationship-2441869.html?ZX3-V

इंदौर।पारंपरिक सामाजिक रिश्तों को रूढ़िवादी मानने वाली नई पीढ़ी लिव-इन-रिलेशनशिप में इसलिए रह रही है कि इसमें न तो कोई बंधन रहता है और न ही कोई जिम्मेदारी। विवाह और तलाक के झंझट से मुक्त। जब मन चाहे कोई भी इस रिश्ते में आ या जा सकता है। लेकिन अब इन रिश्तों में व्यावहारिक दिक्कतें सामने आ रही हैं, ऐसे मामले तेजी से पुलिस स्टेशनों में पहुंचने लगे हैं।

जहां बिपाशा और जॉन अब्राहम के 10 साल पुराने लिव-इन-रिलेशन ने युवा पीढ़ी में क्रेज पैदा किया था वहीं हाल ही में भोपाल में हुई फ्लाइंग ऑफिसर अंजलि गुप्ता की आत्महत्या ने इसके खतरनाक पहलू को भी सबके सामने ला दिया। लिव-इन-रिलेशनशिप यानी बगैर शादी के पति-पत्नी की तरह साथ रहने का चलन अब सिर्फ मेट्रो यानी मुंबई, दिल्ली, कोलकाता जैसे महानगरों के संभ्रांत समाजों का कल्चर नहीं रहा। देश के छोटे शहरों में भी इसका चलन तेजी से बढ़ा है। लेकिन नये जमाने के इस तरह के रिश्तों को वह मजबूती व स्थिरता मिलनी बाकी है कि जो को पारंपरिक वैवाहिक या काफी हद तक लंबी डेटिंग के बाद प्रेम-विवाहों से बने रिश्तों में देखने को मिलती रही है।

लिव-इन-रिलेशनशिप की शुरुआत जिस आजादखयाल और 21वीं सदी के युवा सोच को लेकर पैदा हुई, वह क्या रूप रंग ले रही है उसका एक नमूना शहर के महिला थाने में हर सप्ताह पहुंच रहे मामलों से समझा जा सकता है। यहां औसतन पांच से छह इस तरह के मामले पहुंच रहे हैं,जिसमें इन नये जमाने के जोड़ों के दिलों में एक दूसरे के प्रति पैदा हो रही खटास और गिले-शिकवे की ओर इशारा करता है। जो साफ बताता है कि इस तरह को जोड़ों के बीच सब कुछ अच्छा नहीं है।

विशेषज्ञों का मानना है कि भारतीय जन-जीवन में लिव-इन-रिलेशन को बनाए रखने की बात तो छोड़ें, उसकी तरफ चंद कदम बढ़ाने का गुणसूत्र ही इनमें नहीं है। युवा जोश में या फिर अपनी आजादी का मानो जश्न मनाते हुए साथ रहने की शुरुआत तो करते हैं, लेकिन उनके रिश्तों का यह सुहाना सफर चार कदम चलते ही दम तोड़ देता है।

असुरक्षा और डिप्रेशन के शिकार

ऐसे रिश्तों में आरंभ से ही प्रॉब्लम आने लगती है। कई बार लोग दो से तीन रिलेशन में रहने लगते हैं जिसमें खुद को भी हैंडल करना मुश्किल होता है, जिससे बाहर नहीं निकाल पाते और मानसिक तनाव में आ जाते हैं। लिव इन रिलेशन में रहने वाले लोगों में असुरक्षा सबसे पहली समस्या देखी गई है। यह लोग पहले जिम्मेदारी नहीं लेना चाहते वहीं जब इन्हें एहसास होता है कि इनपर रिस्पांसिबिलिटी आ रही है तो रिश्तों में खटास आती है। हर पल पार्टनर के छोड़ कर चले जाने की असुरक्षा बनी रहती है।



सुनीता गुप्ते, मनोरोग विशेषज्ञ

आखरी अवस्था है खतरनाक

सामाजिक परिवेश ऐसा नहीं है कि इन रिश्तों में लोग आसानी से रह सकें। सोसायटी और सरकार का ऐसे रिश्तों में आगे बढ़कर सपोर्ट विदेशों जैसे यहां नहीं मिलता, जिससे कई तरह की तकलीफों का सामना करना पड़ता है। लोग अवसाद के शिकार हो सकते हैं। डॉ. वी.एस.पाल, अधीक्षक, मनोरोग विभाग, एमवायएच

इसका कल्चर विदेशों में है

हमारी प्राचीन सभ्यता है, सभी धर्मो ने शादी को महत्व दिया है और संस्कृति को रिश्तों में बांधा है। उसके पीछे मनोवैज्ञानिक कारण यह है कि व्यक्ति दायित्व को निभाता है। उसमें जिम्मेदारी आती है। इसके विपरीत बात लिव-इन-रिलेशनशीप की करें तो यह कल्चर विदेशों में है लेकिन भारत में इसको हमारा समाज कतई स्वीकार नहीं करेगा। यदि लिव-इन-रिलेशनशिप के दौरान उनके रिश्तों में दरार आती है तो बच्चों के पालन-पोषण की जिम्मेदारी कौन लेगा? डॉ. संध्या वाजपेयी, प्रोफेसर, समाजशास्त्र

बच्चों के लिए कर सकते हैं दावा लिव इन रिलेशनंस के लिए भारतीय संविधान में ठोस कानून नहीं है। सुप्रीम कोर्ट ने एक जजमेंट के तहत ऐसे रिलेशन को सामाजिक पहचान देने की मंजूरी दी, जिसमें इस रिलेशन में रह रहे लोगों को उपेक्षित नहीं किया जाए। लेकिन ये लोग हिंदू मैरिज के तहत लागू होने वाले कानून का इस्तेमाल नहीं कर सकते। अगर उनके बच्चा होता है, तो दोनों (माता-पिता) को उस बच्चों की परवरिश मिलकर करनी होगी। इस बात के लिए महिला पुरुष पर दावा कर सकती है। अमित उपाध्याय, एडवोकेट (वर्तमान में लिव-इन- रिलेशनशिप के कई केस लड़ रहे हैं।)

अगर रिश्तों में खटास आती है तो>महिला घरेलू हिंसा प्रोटेक्शन एक्ट के तहत शिकायत तो कर सकती है लेकिन तलाक के लिए नहीं। >बच्चे की परवरिश के लिए दावा कर सकते हैं। >पारिवारिक मामले देख रहे वकीलों से संपर्क करें।

क्यों बढ़ रहा है यह कल्चर
>युवा बिना रोक-टोक के बैचलर लाइफ पसंद करते हैं।
>छोटे शहरों से बढ़े शहरो की ओर रुख कर रहे युवा खास तौर पर लड़कियां सिक्योरिटी के लिए साथ रहते हैं, जो आगे चल कर लिव-इन में तब्दील हो रहा है।
>समय की कमी होने की वजह से बिना कमिटमेंट के रहना पसंद करते हैं, जिसमें डिमांड-सप्लाई का फंडा चले।
>परिवार, बच्चे आदि की जिम्मेवारी लेने के डर से ऐसे रिलेशन में रहने लगते हैं।
>शुरुआती आकर्षण रहता है।
>परिवार का सपोर्ट नहीं मिलता है। इसलिए बिना शादी साथ रहने लगते हैं। >
अकेलेपन से बचने के लिए ऐसे रिश्तों की शुरुआत होती है।
>कुछ ऐसे लोग परनिर्भर किस्म के होते हैं, इन्हें किसी का साथ हर पल की जरूरत होती है। यह किसी के साथ रहते हैं, तो अच्छा परफॉर्म करते हैं, वहीं अलग होने पर इनकी स्थिति खराब होने लगती है। ऐसे लोगों का लिव-इन-रिलेशन में जाने की संभावना ज्यादा रहती है।

[mandeep333]

इस लीव इन रिलेसनशिप का असर देख ले यूरोप में ,निरे हाँडन लागरे सें पैदा हो के सडकआँ पे | गोत गाम गुहांड का किस्से ने ना बेरा एर अपराधी भी इहने बर्गे बन्या करें | ये घे मेरिज , लीव इन रिलेसनशिप जिससे मुद्दे ,वे बन्दे ठावें से ,एर इन् खातर क़ानून पास करवावे सें, जिनकी ना कोए कल्चर से एर ना कोए ठोर ठीकाना |उस एंकर का ई मेल दे दे मन्ने ,में कहू सूं उहने अक आपनी भान नु खंदा पहलम किस्से गेल लीव इन रिलेसनशिप में | ऊँ भी विपिन ने सही कही से ,ये सब लाहोर की अनारकली गली की औलाद सें.|
भाई रविन्दर
मैं आप की विचारधाराओं से कुछ बातो पर सहमत हूँ और जिस बात पर असहमत हूँ वह यह है कि हम लाख अपने मुंह मियाँ मिट्ठू बने कि "यूरोप में निरे हाँड्ण लागरे सैं…" पर हमने आबादी बढाने में इस धरती पे रिकार्ड बना राख्या सै और हम अपने ते ऊपर कैरेक्टर्फ़ुल तो भगवान नै भी ना मानते। लिव इन रिलेशनशिप ठीक सै या गलत ये मुद्दा बहस का हो सकै सै।

[singhvp]

सहवास सम्बन्ध (live-in relationship) बगैर बीमा (without insurance) गाडी चलाने जैसी बात है I हर कदम पर जोखिम है क्योंकि गाडी कभी भी ठुक सकती है I

[urmiladuhan]

सहवास सम्बन्ध (live-in relationship) बगैर बीमा (without insurance) गाडी चलाने जैसी बात है I हर कदम पर जोखिम है क्योंकि गाडी कभी भी ठुक सकती है I

V P Singh Jee, when comparing a marriage to insurance, you are talking about registered marriage only. What about those marriages that are not registered - they should be called live in relationship too. Those marriages that don't have documentary evidence in their support such as those of our fore fathers 2 or more generations removed.

[urmiladuhan]

V P Singh Jee, when comparing a marriage to insurance, you are talking about registered marriage only. What about those marriages that are not registered - they should be called live in relationship too. Those marriages that don't have documentary evidence in their support such as those of our fore fathers 2 or more generations removed.

Marriages, irrespective of whether they are registered or not, do not run on paperwork. A complete paperwork does not mean the marriage is successful. A registered marriage only ensures that in case of divorce, property/valuables shall be divided fairly and sqarely between the two individuals and the resultant children shall have a right to their parents property. Actually, for inheriting the father's name too, marriage is not required. The two individuals who are not married can register themselves as parents of their children without having to be married first.

In the above scenario, the purpose of marriage, in my opinion, is to increase societal bonding through forming relationship with in-laws which is good for children and all individuals.

[singhvp]

V P Singh Jee, when comparing a marriage to insurance, you are talking about registered marriage only. What about those marriages that are not registered - they should be called live in relationship too. Those marriages that don't have documentary evidence in their support such as those of our fore fathers 2 or more generations removed.
Urmila ji, I have compared those marriages to insurance which do not have social sanctity. As for the marriages of our fore fathers, such marriages used to enjoy social recognition invariably. Hence, even if there was no provision of registration there was an unwritten approval from the society as these marriages used to be duly solemnized with the consent of family elders and the society as a whole in full public view. In case of any dispute, the elders of family used to provide a shield to the victim and punish the guilty.

[singhvp]

Marriages, irrespective of whether they are registered or not, do not run on paperwork. A complete paperwork does not mean the marriage is successful. A registered marriage only ensures that in case of divorce, property/valuables shall be divided fairly and sqarely between the two individuals and the resultant children shall have a right to their parents property. Actually, for inheriting the father's name too, marriage is not required. The two individuals who are not married can register themselves as parents of their children without having to be married first.

In the above scenario, the purpose of marriage, in my opinion, is to increase societal bonding through forming relationship with in-laws which is good for children and all individuals.

Even if the modern boys and girls want to have their own way in conjugal matters, the sanctity of the sacred bonding between a man and a woman should not be allowed to be undermined just for the sensual gratification. Fair enough, the modern girl may not like to have any association with boy's parents or the extended family for the sake of her comfort, but, some sort of social or legal guarantee has to be there to safeguard her against the potential pitfalls.

[urmiladuhan]

to safeguard her against the potential pitfalls.

That safegaurd is her education, her financial independence. It is a must for both te girl and the boy before they take a decision to take matters in their own hands.

You write: Fair enough, the modern girl may not like to have any association with boy's parents or the extended family for the sake of her comfort.

Reply: The same applies to the not so modern boy as well - he may not like to have any association with the girls parents or her extended family. I have seen so many instances where the boy hardly ever visits his sasural (in-laws place)- happens more with a traditional mindset.

[urmiladuhan]

even if there was no provision of registration there was an unwritten approval from the society as these marriages used to be duly solemnized with the consent of family elders and the society as a whole in full public view. .

You are very right why those marriages worked- due to people caring for each others families throughout their lives - resulting in a Joint Family system. But this system is failing now. The real purpose of marriage as per Indian traditions is to "gel' with elders and other people who are not related "blood wise " to the people getting married. Only then, the marriage was succesful then. These days, people get married through the intervention of elders and family (arranged marriage) i.e., to get social sanctity/certification, but pretty soon, they leave their elders and family i.e., don't care for them in sickness or in health. I say such people end up living a miserable life in the absence of a social support system of an extended family, especially when their own children emulate them and don't care for them in their old age.

These days people getting married are simply using the age old system of arranged marriage for their benefit (getting mates) only forgetting that they have a responsibility towards the traditional system as well if they are using the system to get mates.

[urmiladuhan]

In the above scenario, the purpose of marriage, in my opinion, is to increase societal bonding through forming relationship with in-laws which is good for children and all individuals.

How many people using an arranged marriage for their benefit understand the real purpose of an arranged marriage? For many, this is the only way for them to have a mate (used in biological sense), hence they go in for an arranged marriage as they don't have any other choice.
Arranged marriage has many other components that the two individuals getting married must fulfil i.e., responsibility towards society- which they are not doing. The result - an uncohesive society as we all are seeing today.

[Prikshit]

Big noooooo for live-in relationship.
There is no temporary thing in relationship.

Parents are sensible enough to choose a right partner for us.
I opine always go for arrange marriage,more successful and good for family.

[urmiladuhan]

Arranged marriage has many other components that the two individuals getting married must fulfil i.e., responsibility towards society- which they are not doing. The result - an uncohesive society as we all are seeing today.

Ask any elder and the likely response from him/her: Bahu/betae teh kimmae na kartae mahra. Byahae paachae koon kiska karae s.

This is the arranged marriage scene!!!! Shameful.

[prashantacmet]

सहवास सम्बन्ध (live-in relationship) बगैर बीमा (without insurance) गाडी चलाने जैसी बात है I हर कदम पर जोखिम है क्योंकि गाडी कभी भी ठुक सकती है I
hahhhaa.....sahi kahi VP ji...aur thuki hui gaadi jaldi se doosra koi lena pasand nahi karta..uski market valure gir jaati hai

[urmiladuhan]

hahhhaa.....sahi kahi VP ji...aur thuki hui gaadi jaldi se doosra koi lena pasand nahi karta..uski market valure gir jaati hai

Consider yourself out of the que for foreign (read western) women!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Consider yourself out of the que for foreign (read western) women!

are parshant tu consider kar rehya tha?

[urmiladuhan]

are parshant tu consider kar rehya tha?

Seeing his mindset, he stands rejected whether he has applied or not!

[rakeshsehrawat]

Seeing his mindset, he stands rejected whether he has applied or not!

Isne desi mil jya wohe bhatera

[neerajshoran]

That safegaurd is her education, her financial independence. It is a must for both te girl and the boy before they take a decision to take matters in their own hands.

You write: Fair enough, the modern girl may not like to have any association with boy's parents or the extended family for the sake of her comfort.

Reply: The same applies to the not so modern boy as well - he may not like to have any association with the girls parents or her extended family. I have seen so many instances where the boy hardly ever visits his sasural (in-laws place)- happens more with a traditional mindset.

Urmila ji
I appreciate the way you have brought out the relevant aspects in this issue.. It is absolutely right that for any relationship to work it is important they are based on maturity, independece and mutual respect. And today if our society is mature enough and young people who are willing to get into live in relationship with sincerity and mutual respect and more importantly are strong and independent enough to face the negative fall outs, then there is no harm in such relationship. It will save many a marriages which are being dragged just because of the family and social pressure. And in most of the cases it is woman who is at the receiving end.

Regards ... neeraj

[urmiladuhan]

Urmila ji
I appreciate the way you have brought out the relevant aspects in this issue.. It is absolutely right that for any relationship to work it is important they are based on maturity, independece and mutual respect. And today if our society is mature enough and young people who are willing to get into live in relationship with sincerity and mutual respect and more importantly are strong and independent enough to face the negative fall outs, then there is no harm in such relationship. It will save many a marriages which are being dragged just because of the family and social pressure. And in most of the cases it is woman who is at the receiving end.

Regards ... neeraj

Thank you ! Your views are commendable :)

[reenu]

Urmila ji, this is not the actual things what you are saying about arranged marriage...might be you have seen only the scenario where this thing has happened..
Parents ki respect karna ghar se mile sanskaro par depend karti hai na ki arrange or love marriage par..

As far I know and seen, arranged marriage is far better than love marriage..aur rahi baat living in relationships ki...it just damaging society value...it should not exist at all..
Jab ek dusre ka sath hi pasand hai to parents ko batao...shaadi karo aur sath mein raho..ye faltu ka drama kyon...
As I feel, it is just an excuse of modern educated people who got high degree but dont have root knowledge..




Ask any elder and the likely response from him/her: Bahu/betae teh kimmae na kartae mahra. Byahae paachae koon kiska karae s.

This is the arranged marriage scene!!!! Shameful.

[urmiladuhan]

but dont have root knowledge..

do you know the purpose of an arranged marriage?

[reenu]

Can you please tell me the purpose of love marriage or live in relationship?


do you know the purpose of an arranged marriage?

[urmiladuhan]

Can you please tell me the purpose of love marriage or live in relationship?

We shall discuss both. Let's start with my question first.

[reenu]

As far I know, purpose of all marriages(love or arrange) are same, difference is only in love we get our choice only and in arrange we get parents choice including ours also.
Everything in this world have cons and prons...I think you are just looking at negative points of arranged marriage. Well, this depend person to person choice. If you like live in relationship then go ahead, no one is there to stop you.
Anyways Urmila ji, I am not here to fight with you or hurt you...I just put my thought here. If you don't like then you can ignore this.


We shall discuss both. Let's start with my question first.

[urmiladuhan]

I am not here to fight with you or hurt you...I just put my thought here. If you don't like then you can ignore this.

I like an open discussion. That is why I put that question to you. There is no question of fight/hurt. I hope you will continue to participate in this interesting discussion.

[urmiladuhan]

As far I know, purpose of all marriages(love or arrange) are same, difference is only in love we get our choice only and in arrange we get parents choice including ours also.
.

The above answer focuses on the husband/wife alone. This is not the purpose of an arranged marriage. In an arranged marriage, the entire family of the opposite party has to be considered by the people getting married - not just the husband/wife. The focus is distributed over the entire family in an arranged marriage for the whole life. In my opinion, this lack of focus on the entire family is the reason why Joint Family system is eroding. People want to go in for a love marriage where they only regard their partner of importance and the children that follow. But they are date not openely, so they go in for an arranged marriage. There is no other choice with them.

It is the elders and their traditions that are being taken for a ride!

[urmiladuhan]

difference is only in love we get our choice only and in arrange we get parents choice including ours also.
.

Why is the respect and regard for Joint Family system eroding in Indian Society, where majority of the marriages are arranged marriages?

[malikdeepak1]

Why is the respect and regard for Joint Family system eroding in Indian Society, where majority of the marriages are arranged marriages?

Jo sabte choti bahu ho se ghar me uski shaamat aaja hai joint family me. ghar ki bua, chachi, mausi (jo bhi joint family me se) sabke to nakhre otto er fer unke chamolle bhi suno..koi si kaam ke hath koni laave. er teenu tam 20-25 manasaa ki roti poni asaan baat na se urmilaji. Ek jani kad tayi pissegi?? Arrange marriage hogi iska matlab ye nahi ki ek akeli ne pees dyo.

Respect and regard par jaane se pahle ye jan-na behtar rahega ki Joint family kya hia or kyu hai/thi?

[rakeshsehrawat]

विवाह मात्र दो इंसानों के जिस्मानी रिश्तो को सामाजिक नाम देने को नहीं कहते ! विवाह में दो परिवार और भी बंध जाते हैं और उनके पहले की और बाद की पीढियां भी ! विवाह भले ही प्रेम विवाह हो या पारिवारिक रजामंदी से हुआ हो दोनों का अर्थ एक ही है " औरत और पुरुष के रिश्ते को एक नाम देना जिस से उसे वेश्यावृति या कोई और बुरा नाम न मिले "! प्रेम विवाह में में बस एक फर्क है और वो ये की लड़का पहले लड़की ने पसंद किया या परिवार ने ! हमारे देश में विवाह की आयु अट्ठारह है और लड़की के माँ बाप उसके १५ साल की होते ही चिंता शुरू कर देते हैं और बीस की होते होते विवाह भी कर देते हैं ! कुछ साल पहले तक ज्यादातर लडकिय माँ बाप के साथ ही रह कर पढाई करती थी और पढाई ख़तम होते ही या होने से पहले विवाह बंधन में बंध जाती थी ! आज समाज बदल गया है लड़कियां हॉस्टल में रह कर पढाई करती है या बहार रह कर नौकरियां भी करती हैं ! स्कूल ज्यादातर सह शिक्षा वाले हैं जिनके कारण लड़के और लड़की को साथ रहने का ज्यादा मौका मिल गया है !
अगर लकड़ी के साथ ही रख कर चूल्हा जलाओगे तो आग लगेगी ऐसा ही !
समाज में है जितना ज्यादा साथ उतने ही उमड़ते जज्बात और साथ ही उनको पूरा करने का जरिया ! खुला माहौल ऊपर से सिनेमा और दूरदर्शन की मेहरबानी जिनके साथ कुछ मानवाधिकार सेवा समिति कुछ महिला उत्थान वाले कुछ खुले समाज के चहेते ऊपर से सिकुड़ती दुनिया !प्रेम विवाह की जहाँ तक बात है तो में नहीं समझता उसमे बुराई क्योंकि विवाह नाम ही इस रिश्ते को इसकी मर्यादा रखने के लिए दिया गया था ! अब एक नया कार्यक्रम शुरू हो गया लिव इन वाला जिसके तर्क में कहा जाता है कोम्पतिबिलिटी चेक कर रहे हैं तो भाइयो ये कोई नट बोल्ट तो हैं नहीं जो पूरे पूरे एक दुसरे पर फिट होंगे ! न ही ऐसा कोई इंसान है जिसमे कोई त्रुटी न हो कोई न ही राम हो सकता है और न ही सीता दोबारा पैदा होगी ! जिसे मर्द हैं उसी औरत हैं मर्द तो सदा से ही फिस्लू प्रजाति रही है और अब तो उसे ये लिव इन के बहाने खुला मौका मिल गया की काचे काट आर जी भरते इ साथ फिसल ले ! मर्द आला सीन तो समझ में आ गया छोरी बेरा न के सोच के इसे प्रस्ताव मंजूर कर ले हैं न्यू बेरा है तीस की होते ए साथ रिश्ते आने भी बंद हो लेंगे न इस बल की रहगी न उस बल की ! यु लिव इन अल सौदा ए के है ? जे अगला पसंद आ गया तो बियाह कर न पसंद आया तो दूसरा देख उस गेल रह के वो नयारा हो जगा या दोबारा पैदा होवेगा?

[urmiladuhan]

Jo sabte choti bahu ho se ghar me uski shaamat aaja hai joint family me. ghar ki bua, chachi, mausi (jo bhi joint family me se) sabke to nakhre otto er fer unke chamolle bhi suno..koi si kaam ke hath koni laave. er teenu tam 20-25 manasaa ki roti poni asaan baat na se urmilaji. Ek jani kad tayi pissegi?? Arrange marriage hogi iska matlab ye nahi ki ek akeli ne pees dyo.

Respect and regard par jaane se pahle ye jan-na behtar rahega ki Joint family kya hia or kyu hai/thi?
Good question. In my opinion, Joint Family is like an organization, with hierarchy. There is a complaint redressal process also, if someone is getting unduly harassed. You are right, when un necessary harassment of a member is taking place in a Joint Family, like an employee of an organization, she appeals for redressal. If nothing gets done and the harassment continues, ideally, the family member should leave the organization if she has a choice i.e., to live in her parents place. Most of the time, this choice of going and living with her parents (maika) is not there as the parents do not want their daughter to have a failed marriage - so she continues at her in laws place in that drudgery.

[urmiladuhan]

विवाह मात्र दो इंसानों के जिस्मानी रिश्तो को सामाजिक नाम देने को नहीं कहते ! विवाह में दो परिवार और भी बंध जाते हैं और उनके पहले की और बाद की पीढियां भी ! विवाह भले ही प्रेम विवाह हो या पारिवारिक रजामंदी से हुआ हो दोनों का अर्थ एक ही है " औरत और पुरुष के रिश्ते को एक नाम देना जिस से उसे वेश्यावृति या कोई और बुरा नाम न मिले "! प्रेम विवाह में में बस एक फर्क है और वो ये की लड़का पहले लड़की ने पसंद किया या परिवार ने ! हमारे देश में विवाह की आयु अट्ठारह है और लड़की के माँ बाप उसके १५ साल की होते ही चिंता शुरू कर देते हैं और बीस की होते होते विवाह भी कर देते हैं ! कुछ साल पहले तक ज्यादातर लडकिय माँ बाप के साथ ही रह कर पढाई करती थी और पढाई ख़तम होते ही या होने से पहले विवाह बंधन में बंध जाती थी ! आज समाज बदल गया है लड़कियां हॉस्टल में रह कर पढाई करती है या बहार रह कर नौकरियां भी करती हैं ! स्कूल ज्यादातर सह शिक्षा वाले हैं जिनके कारण लड़के और लड़की को साथ रहने का ज्यादा मौका मिल गया है !
अगर लकड़ी के साथ ही रख कर चूल्हा जलाओगे तो आग लगेगी ऐसा ही !
समाज में है जितना ज्यादा साथ उतने ही उमड़ते जज्बात और साथ ही उनको पूरा करने का जरिया ! खुला माहौल ऊपर से सिनेमा और दूरदर्शन की मेहरबानी जिनके साथ कुछ मानवाधिकार सेवा समिति कुछ महिला उत्थान वाले कुछ खुले समाज के चहेते ऊपर से सिकुड़ती दुनिया !प्रेम विवाह की जहाँ तक बात है तो में नहीं समझता उसमे बुराई क्योंकि विवाह नाम ही इस रिश्ते को इसकी मर्यादा रखने के लिए दिया गया था ! अब एक नया कार्यक्रम शुरू हो गया लिव इन वाला जिसके तर्क में कहा जाता है कोम्पतिबिलिटी चेक कर रहे हैं तो भाइयो ये कोई नट बोल्ट तो हैं नहीं जो पूरे पूरे एक दुसरे पर फिट होंगे ! न ही ऐसा कोई इंसान है जिसमे कोई त्रुटी न हो कोई न ही राम हो सकता है और न ही सीता दोबारा पैदा होगी ! जिसे मर्द हैं उसी औरत हैं मर्द तो सदा से ही फिस्लू प्रजाति रही है और अब तो उसे ये लिव इन के बहाने खुला मौका मिल गया की काचे काट आर जी भरते इ साथ फिसल ले ! मर्द आला सीन तो समझ में आ गया छोरी बेरा न के सोच के इसे प्रस्ताव मंजूर कर ले हैं न्यू बेरा है तीस की होते ए साथ रिश्ते आने भी बंद हो लेंगे न इस बल की रहगी न उस बल की ! यु लिव इन अल सौदा ए के है ? जे अगला पसंद आ गया तो बियाह कर न पसंद आया तो दूसरा देख उस गेल रह के वो नयारा हो जगा या दोबारा पैदा होवेगा?

What happens if the relationship between the husband and wife goes sour say after a year of marriage? They find they are not compatible at all. Where do they go then?

One solution: don't go anywhere, just stay put in a marriage and have extra marital affairs, if opportunity presents itself. As they say, all is fair in love and war!

[urmiladuhan]

विवाह में दो परिवार और भी बंध जाते हैं और उनके पहले की और बाद की पीढियां भी !


I fully agree.

[rakeshsehrawat]

What happens if the relationship between the husband and wife goes sour say after a year of marriage? They find they are not compatible at all. Where do they go then?

One solution: don't go anywhere, just stay put in a marriage and have extra marital affairs, if opportunity presents itself. As they say, all is fair in love and war!

Are you sure that this will not happen in live in?

[urmiladuhan]

Are you sure that this will not happen in live in?

yes it can. In LIR, just walk out sincerely saying it is not working out. What is the option in an arranged marriage if things are just not pleasant and tolerable? Tell me, what happens in villages when the husband and wife are not attracted to each other?

[bhupindersingh]

Urmila Ji, reason why joint family system is eroding is not arranged marriages. It is eroding because of the ways we have to opt for work for living. Pahale jyadatar log kheti karte they yaa phir koi sarkari naukari jo ghar ke pass hi hoti thi to sab saath rahte they. aaj naa to kheti wala system bacha hai kyunki kewal kheti karke wahi gujara kar sakta ahi jo bahut bada jamindar ho. aajkal itni jyada jamin logon ke pass nahi bachi hai. logon ko rojgar ke liye ghar se bahar nikalna padta ahi. Delhi/Gurgaon/Noida jaisi jagah jahan par jobs milti hai wahan aana padta hai. agar ek family main 3 bhai alag alag kaam alag alag jagah par kar rhe ahi to wo ek saath kaise rahenge? but tab bhi wo log time time par milte rahte hai. agar mere gaon ke pass koi IT compnay aa jaye & mere ko wahan pe job mil jaye to main khushi se join karunga. rest you are very wise to understand my viewpoint here. Arranged marriage is not responsible for joint family system in any way as far as I see it. But yes, Love marriage has potential to end this system if the love birds are not able to convenience the families. But Live in relationship will definitely kill it because no family supports such system in JATs (other casts as well). During our ILP training, a friend of mine (non-jat) was very much inspired by live-in relationship. he was always like he will go for it. I asked him one question only. You can easily go into live in relationship yourself with any girl, but will you allow your sister also to go for live in relationship with any boy which may not result in marriage (might be 2-3 kids also)? he could not speak a word after that & was like "भीत बोले, ते वो बोले". I just give you a reason why the joint family system is going to end sometime in near future. You may have another view on it & may put it here. Just One more thing, I may not be able to see your view as I am going home today.


Why is the respect and regard for Joint Family system eroding in Indian Society, where majority of the marriages are arranged marriages?

[prashantacmet]

I like an open discussion. That is why I put that question to you. There is no question of fight/hurt. I hope you will continue to participate in this interesting discussion.
Urmila ji...ky aapne live-in relationship ke baad shaadi ki thi?

[prashantacmet]

Isne desi mil jya wohe bhatera
hahahaha...

[urmiladuhan]

Urmila ji...ky aapne live-in relationship ke baad shaadi ki thi?

aap nae k karna s boojh k?

[Arvindc]

Jab ek dusre ka sath hi pasand hai to parents ko batao...shaadi karo aur sath mein raho..ye faltu ka drama kyon...
As I feel, it is just an excuse of modern educated people who got high degree but dont have root knowledge..
That's exactly what the LIR is for. Jab tak sath rahengai nahin tab tak kaise pata chalega ki ek dursre ka sath pasand hai ya nahi?

Jab rah kar dheklenge tab parents ko bula kar shaadi karlenge, ye drama kahan hai, life partener banane ek tarika hai. One just need the right intent, objective and view.

[prashantacmet]

aap nae k karna s boojh k?
aade boojham boojha hi to chaal ri hai..hai ak na?..aur sawaal ham bhi pooch sakte hai..hai ak na? :)..ya aapne copyright karwa liya aade sawwal boojhan ka..hai ak na?....sawaal off-topic to nahi hai..hai ak na?

[prashantacmet]

aap nae k karna s boojh k?
anyway, let me change my question,

aapne arrange marriage ki hai?

[ravinderjeet]

न्योंदे के मारे रोला मचारे सें |

[bhupindersingh]

That's exactly what the LIR is for. Jab tak sath rahengai nahin tab tak kaise pata chalega ki ek dursre ka sath pasand hai ya nahi?

Jab rah kar dheklenge tab parents ko bula kar shaadi karlenge, ye drama kahan hai, life partener banane ek tarika hai. One just need the right intent, objective and view.

Arvind Ji, one question for you. just think, you know a girl who was in live-in relationship with one of your friend. But they finally break-up as the boy was bad & left the girl. Now you know that girl was good, but boy was bad & they are separate. you are sure that you will have 100% compatibility with that girl. can you marry that girl?

I could have asked you the same question as I asked to my friend in ILP, but I do not want to hurt your feelings in any way. Still if you feel that my question hurts you, please forgive me and accept my apologies for the same.

My only intend to ask is that if you can marry that girl then you are justifying your statement given above.

[vicky84]

If Live In relationship is so great, then why western societies have more divorces than countries like India(Known for its rich culture). We are witnessing more Live In Relationship(Prevalent in Urban Society) in India and we are witnessing a surge in divorce cases(In Urban Areas)!

P.S: I fully agree with Rakesh's view point in this thread !

Divorce Rate In India

Divorce rates in India are amongst the lowest in the world. 11 marriages out of 1,000 marriages (around 1 marriage out of 100 marriages) ends up to divorce in India. This figure was even low in 1990. In 1990, 7.40 marriages out of 1,000 marriages ended up in divorce in India.
The divorce rate in India is even quite lower in the villages in India and higher in urban parts of India.

These days divorce rates in India’s urban sphere are shooting up.

Some facts from CIA Worldbook for comparison with US
--Divorce rates
US - 50%
India - 1.1%

PS: Please do not criticize Indian society every time! Its not that bad!

[Fateh]

In hunting and nomadic period, before civilisation, there wasnt any marriage, no social approvals since the sociaty wasnot organised, The society started interfering/helping in life of an individual after 2000 BC, Even in the best of well net societies one can find some people uncomfortable in the society and some may dare to defy certain norms and ready to face after effects of their actions. Similarly, social customs, rules, morality, honesty, etc are generally applicable to middle class, nothing effects the very rich and very poor, thus, like in the period before civilisation, activities like live in relations didnot matter much, similarly in the period of so called over civilised/over educated, such things donot matter much. The financial independence is not the only reason for such attitude/happenings and if son become financial independent than should he stop respecting/lookingafter his parents. Respect to social customs donot depends only on your economical condition. However, along with the generation under question, the parents and the society itself is to be blamed. I feel in present day, the society, the family, the customs etc has been pushed back due to lack of knowledge of the subject, lack of spiritual education, lack of self confidence among the new generation, over competition in all walks of life, over selfishness and uncotrolable desire. The best option I consider is every individual must try to listen to voice of his/her soul and go ahead.

[ravinderjeet]

[ The best option I consider is every individual must try to listen to voice of his/her soul and go ahead.[/QUOTE]

फेर समाज की के जरूत रह जा गी ?

[singhvp]

That's exactly what the LIR is for. Jab tak sath rahengai nahin tab tak kaise pata chalega ki ek dursre ka sath pasand hai ya nahi?

Jab rah kar dheklenge tab parents ko bula kar shaadi karlenge, ye drama kahan hai, life partener banane ek tarika hai. One just need the right intent, objective and view.
जवान लड़का लडकी एक छत के नीचे सहवास करें और और अपनी-अपनी अस्मत को बचाए रखें, यह गैर मुमकिन है I अगर यह सहवास शादी में तब्दील नहीं हुआ तो लड़के का शायद ज्यादा नुक्सान ना भी हो परन्तु उस सेकंड-हैण्ड लडकी को पत्नी के रूप में स्वीकार करने वाले दिलदार बहुत कम मिलेंगे I हाँ जब तक लडकी के चेहरे पर चमक है झूठे और मतलबी हमदर्द बहुत मिलेंगे परन्तु सच्चे जीवन साथी शायद नहीं I इसलिए ये compatibility को नापने का नायाब तरीका व्यवहारिक नहीं है I यह तो लडकी का मामला है लोग तो सेकंड हैण्ड गाडी लेते हुए भी झिझकते हैं I
इस सब के बावजूद अगर कोई LIR-Return से शादी का जोखिम उठाता है तो कुछ सालों के बाद दोनों के होंठों पर बस यही मशहूर नज़्म होगी...

मेरे हमराह भी रुस्वाइयां हैं मेरे माज़ी की
तुम्हारे साथ भी गुज़री हुई रातों के साये हैं
तुम्हे भी कोई उलझन रोकती है पेश कदमी से
मुझे भी लोग कहते हैं कि ये ज़लवे पराये हैं

और फिर सब कुछ अश्रुधारा में विलीन हो जायेगा I चिड़िया खेत को चुग जाएगी और आप रोते रह जायेंगे I

[sanjeev_balyan]

Why is the respect and regard for Joint Family system eroding in Indian Society, where majority of the marriages are arranged marriages?

Urmila ji
do u think that getting marriad is the reason behind this erding patteren of jiont family sys and LIR is the solution to get back the glory of joint family sys.
from my side big NO
my 2 cents on the topic

I firmly believe that this LIR funda is jut limited to sex

Those , who have a fear of getting divorced after marriage, try this LIR. They find themselves somehow in shelter against that fear of a bad marriage / divorced life. I consider them Weak personalities.

The main moto behind LIR is “live for yourself not for others” however for marriage, it is “I am here for you”

LIR is live till basic needs(mainly sex) of both the indls meets. It is a high tech prostitution only, nothing else. BUT I m sure that married couple have far better sex life than these LIR couples. Frequency may be more but they are less likely to say, they enjoy it. Because love is not there and of course love & sex is basically connected

Arguing that this is good before marriage to find the compatibility is totally wrong. It is just like to have a test drive for a car before buying it.

[ravinderjeet]

Urmila ji

Arguing that this is good before marriage to find the compatibility is totally wrong. It is just like to have a test drive for a car before buying it.
फेर बेरा ने कितन्ने बन्दे टेस्ट ड्राइव कर के जांदे रहंगे ?

[Fateh]

[ the best option i consider is every individual must try to listen to voice of his/her soul and go ahead.

फेर समाज की के जरूत रह जा गी ?[/quote]

the soul never gives wrong advise

[urmiladuhan]

Urmila ji
do u think that getting marriad is the reason behind this erding patteren of jiont family sys and LIR is the solution to get back the glory of joint family sys.
from my side big NO
my 2 cents on the topic

I firmly believe that this LIR funda is jut limited to sex

Those , who have a fear of getting divorced after marriage, try this LIR. They find themselves somehow in shelter against that fear of a bad marriage / divorced life. I consider them Weak personalities.

The main moto behind LIR is “live for yourself not for others” however for marriage, it is “I am here for you”

LIR is live till basic needs(mainly sex) of both the indls meets. It is a high tech prostitution only, nothing else. BUT I m sure that married couple have far better sex life than these LIR couples. Frequency may be more but they are less likely to say, they enjoy it. Because love is not there and of course love & sex is basically connected

Arguing that this is good before marriage to find the compatibility is totally wrong. It is just like to have a test drive for a car before buying it.

After reading majority of the replies on the topic, I am convinced that LIR requires a certain level of maturity which an upbringing in an Indian society perhaps does not impart to its individuals. It is mostly seen as a "fun" thing done by 'irresponsible' individuals. Most of the people who are against it seems to have seen limited choice in their life.

[ravinderjeet]

after reading majority of the replies on the topic, i am convinced that lir requires a certain level of maturity which an upbringing in an indian society perhaps does not impart to its individuals. It is mostly seen as a "fun" thing done by 'irresponsible' individuals. most of the people who are against it seems to have seen limited choice in their life.

शर्म अर समाज ने मानें सें | ना ते चोआइस ते खिंडी-खिंडी हंडे सें |

[sanjeev_balyan]

After----- Most of the people who are against it seems to have seen limited choice in their life.
किस चीज की चुवाएस, मैडम

[Arvindc]

Arvind Ji, one question for you. just think, you know a girl who was in live-in relationship with one of your friend. But they finally break-up as the boy was bad & left the girl. Now you know that girl was good, but boy was bad & they are separate. you are sure that you will have 100% compatibility with that girl. can you marry that girl?

I could have asked you the same question as I asked to my friend in ILP, but I do not want to hurt your feelings in any way. Still if you feel that my question hurts you, please forgive me and accept my apologies for the same.

My only intend to ask is that if you can marry that girl then you are justifying your statement given above.

That's a good question. It needs to be pondered upon by those who are thinking of getting into LIR.

In my case, when I got married, I had limited knowledge of LIR and western culture in general. That knowledge portrayed the "western" society (I thought of it as culture-less as my own culture was the only culture I knew, I saw and I believed) as full of all the wrong doings. Coupled with this was a blind faith on "Hindustani culture", the cultural image that was formed in childhood days of my village, years ago. The image that got carried, secured, without alteration, for years and years, blind of the ground realities that changed with time.

Things changed as I matured further, as I traveled more, interacted more with different people, with different cultures both within and outside the country. My beliefs and images were challenged by the 'real' facts that I saw, I heard and experienced. I began to realize that cultures are "cultures". They are not about what is "right" and what is "wrong".

LIR is being widely practiced in US and other developed countries for a long time now, it must be giving some "value", some "use" to "them", otherwise it would have died on it's own.

It is a fact that the Indian society, as a whole, is shifting to an individualistic and capitalistic structure similar the western one. Wouldn't this change also bring with it a new set of problems and a new set of needs? Wouldn't people look at the western world for the solutions? With this change, wouldn't the cultural or social methods also change?
LIR, is not about "right" or "wrong", rather it's about a need, a particular solution to a problem.

[rajveersandhu64]

ravinder uncle...........duniya pe te k lena>>>>>khul k jilo....ya zindgi wapsi n mildi kade.....jiyo j bharke
:)

[annch]

In promiscuous societies, is it believable that a couple cohabits just for a physical relationship without commitment or responsibility?
What is wrong- the concept of cohabitation or that cohabitation does not fit in with our own perception/society/culture/gender hypocrisy?
If we accept that it is in man's basal nature to be the way he is, wouldn't then Islam be the best guide to live your life?
Take an example-Anil Ambani married Tina Munim, a woman who had an affair with Sanjay Dutt and Live-in with Rajesh Khanna. And that too with pomp and show and great publicity. The low class is too busy in every-day survival. Is the culture/heritage/values limited only to middle class, or just the hypocrisy that middle class has in abundance?

Do I believe in live-in relationships? Well, each one to one self, and one pays for one's own deeds. An instance of happy marriage does not mean All marriages are happy, and an instance of unhappy live-in relationship does not mean All live-in relationships are unhappy.

[annch]

How is a live-in relationship related to divorce? What is the likelihood of divorce when no marriage has taken place?
Unless the reasoning is that - a partner finds out that his/her spouse had a live-in relationship with someone else before marriage. And of course, a woman will accept the husband's past, but the husband cannot forgive his wife's past. So the divorce is most probably initiated by the grieving husband...right?

If Live In relationship is so great, then why western societies have more divorces than countries like India(Known for its rich culture). We are witnessing more Live In Relationship(Prevalent in Urban Society) in India and we are witnessing a surge in divorce cases(In Urban Areas)!

P.S: I fully agree with Rakesh's view point in this thread !

[annch]

Sanjeev ji, choices are endless. The most important one is- to be happy with how you live your own life or be unhappy with how others are living their life.

किस चीज की चुवाएस, मैडम

[vicky84]

How is a live-in relationship related to divorce? What is the likelihood of divorce when no marriage has taken place?
Unless the reasoning is that - a partner finds out that his/her spouse had a live-in relationship with someone else before marriage. And of course, a woman will accept the husband's past, but the husband cannot forgive his wife's past. So the divorce is most probably initiated by the grieving husband...right?

All I can say here is that we are not mature to accept the Live In relationship in our society.

[annch]

VP Sir, the writer of the nazm is a man I presume. :)
Many a times my sympathy has been with the man when a relationship has failed.


इस सब के बावजूद अगर कोई LIR-Return से शादी का जोखिम उठाता है तो कुछ सालों के बाद दोनों के होंठों पर बस यही मशहूर नज़्म होगी...

मेरे हमराह भी रुस्वाइयां हैं मेरे माज़ी की
तुम्हारे साथ भी गुज़री हुई रातों के साये हैं
तुम्हे भी कोई उलझन रोकती है पेश कदमी से
मुझे भी लोग कहते हैं कि ये ज़लवे पराये हैं

और फिर सब कुछ अश्रुधारा में विलीन हो जायेगा I चिड़िया खेत को चुग जाएगी और आप रोते रह जायेंगे I

[malikdeepak1]

Har ek samaj ke apne reeti-reevaj hote hai.. Koe unse hatkar kuch alag karne ka prayas karta/karti hai to Virodh hona swabhavik hai!
LIR is still very new to Indian culture, mostly seen in cities like Gurgaon, Mumbai, Bangalore jaha par kisi ko ye farak nahi padta ki hmare pados me kon rahta hai or kya karta hai.. Agar pata chal jata hai ki samne wale Flat me ladka-ladki Live-in me rahte hai to apne ghar ke ander apas me unki burayi karke chup ho jayenge. Hmare samaj me LIR ek burayi ke roop me dekha jata hai kyuki vivah poorv ladka-ladki ka ek sath rahna naetikta ke anoorup nahi hai.

[rakeshsehrawat]

Are western contries happy with the system and culture they are following now a days?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRYvuS9OxdA&ob=av2e

[Arvindc]

If Live In relationship is so great, then why western societies have more divorces than countries like India(Known for its rich culture). We are witnessing more Live In Relationship(Prevalent in Urban Society) in India and we are witnessing a surge in divorce cases(In Urban Areas)!

P.S: I fully agree with Rakesh's view point in this thread !

Could it be like this as well "In India we are witnessing a surge in divorce cases(In Urban Areas) and we are witnessing more Live In Relationship(Prevalent in Urban Society)"? Just a change of viewpoint.

I distantly know a person in US, who first got married and got divorced, then got into 2-3 LIRs and departed and again got married. Had those LIRs been instead marriages, probably they would have resulted in divorce shooting up the divorce rate.

And as most of you stated that marriage, unlike LIR, is a relationship between two families and not just two individuals, in case of marriage break-up the pain would be much deeper and wider.

[Arvindc]

जवान लड़का लडकी एक छत के नीचे सहवास करें और और अपनी-अपनी अस्मत को बचाए रखें, यह गैर मुमकिन है I अगर यह सहवास शादी में तब्दील नहीं हुआ तो लड़के का शायद ज्यादा नुक्सान ना भी हो परन्तु उस सेकंड-हैण्ड लडकी को पत्नी के रूप में स्वीकार करने वाले दिलदार बहुत कम मिलेंगे I हाँ जब तक लडकी के चेहरे पर चमक है झूठे और मतलबी हमदर्द बहुत मिलेंगे परन्तु सच्चे जीवन साथी शायद नहीं I इसलिए ये compatibility को नापने का नायाब तरीका व्यवहारिक नहीं है I यह तो लडकी का मामला है लोग तो सेकंड हैण्ड गाडी लेते हुए भी झिझकते हैं I


जब आप शादी करतें हैं तो क्या आपको सत्-पर्तीसत मालूम होता है की लड़की सेकंड-हैण्ड नहीं है?
लड़की शादी से पहले यही कहती है: -

“ माईलेज की ना तुम बात करो, जो कहती हूँ उस पर विश्वास करो!
चादर ओडे मैं रहती हूँ, मेरे पैंट की ना तुम जाँच करो!
बिना डेंट वाली चमकीली गाड़ी हूँ, फर्स्ट-हैण्ड मुझे तुम स्वीकार करो! ”

और लड़का उसे स्वीकार कर ही लेता है!

[singhvp]

जब आप शादी करतें हैं तो क्या आपको सत्-पर्तीसत मालूम होता है की लड़की सेकंड-हैण्ड नहीं है?
लड़की शादी से पहले यही कहती है: -

“ माईलेज की ना तुम बात करो, जो कहती हूँ उस पर विश्वास करो!
चादर ओडे मैं रहती हूँ, मेरे पैंट की ना तुम जाँच करो!
बिना डेंट वाली चमकीली गाड़ी हूँ, फर्स्ट-हैण्ड मुझे तुम स्वीकार करो! ”

और लड़का उसे स्वीकार कर ही लेता है!
भाई पुराने माणस कहगे जिन्दा मक्खी नहीं निगली जाया करदी i

[vicky84]

Could it be like this as well "In India we are witnessing a surge in divorce cases(In Urban Areas) and we are witnessing more Live In Relationship(Prevalent in Urban Society)"? Just a change of viewpoint.

I distantly know a person in US, who first got married and got divorced, then got into 2-3 LIRs and departed and again got married. Had those LIRs been instead marriages, probably they would have resulted in divorce shooting up the divorce rate.

And as most of you stated that marriage, unlike LIR, is a relationship between two families and not just two individuals, in case of marriage break-up the pain would be much deeper and wider.

I agree with you that it is reasonable other way around but lets talk about how practical it is in Indian society.

Who would like to see his sister living a live in relationship? whose parents would like to see their children living in a live in relationship? How society feels about live in relationship? How much social trauma a girl could face after her live in relationship exposed in the society?
How many boys would like to marry a girl after knowing that she had a live in relationship? Or may be how many girls would like to marry a boy who had been into a live in relationship?

[Arvindc]

जवान लड़का लडकी एक छत के नीचे सहवास करें और और अपनी-अपनी अस्मत को बचाए रखें, यह गैर मुमकिन है I अगर यह सहवास शादी में तब्दील नहीं हुआ तो लड़के का शायद ज्यादा नुक्सान ना भी हो परन्तु उस सेकंड-हैण्ड लडकी को पत्नी के रूप में स्वीकार करने वाले दिलदार बहुत कम मिलेंगे I हाँ जब तक लडकी के चेहरे पर चमक है झूठे और मतलबी हमदर्द बहुत मिलेंगे परन्तु सच्चे जीवन साथी शायद नहीं I इसलिए ये compatibility को नापने का नायाब तरीका व्यवहारिक नहीं है I यह तो लडकी का मामला है लोग तो सेकंड हैण्ड गाडी लेते हुए भी झिझकते हैं I
इस सब के बावजूद अगर कोई LIR-Return से शादी का जोखिम उठाता है तो कुछ सालों के बाद दोनों के होंठों पर बस यही मशहूर नज़्म होगी...

मेरे हमराह भी रुस्वाइयां हैं मेरे माज़ी की
तुम्हारे साथ भी गुज़री हुई रातों के साये हैं
तुम्हे भी कोई उलझन रोकती है पेश कदमी से
मुझे भी लोग कहते हैं कि ये ज़लवे पराये हैं

और फिर सब कुछ अश्रुधारा में विलीन हो जायेगा I चिड़िया खेत को चुग जाएगी और आप रोते रह जायेंगे I
VP Singh Ji, very well written! Your lines were fabulous!!

बिना किसी सही या गलत निष्कर्स के, मैं आप से कुछ सवाल करना चाहूँगा!

क्या आज, जवान लड़का लडकी बिना “LIR” के सहवास नहीं करते? क्या ऐसा सहवास गैर मुमकिन है?

क्या आपने नहीं सुना उन गिरोहों के बारे मैं जो हिसार, कुरुक्षेत्र जैसे नगरों मैं university की लड़कियों को “blackmail” के जाल मैं फसा कर उनसे कुछ चुनिंदा लोगों के लिए वैशाव्रती करनेपर मजबुर करते थे? क्या “LIR” मैं रही हुई लड़की “blackmail” के जाल मैं ऐसे फस सकती है?

क्या आप बता सकतें हैं की ये गुप-छुप का सहवास एक “LIR” के सहवास से कैसे अच्छा है? क्या आपने कभी गुप-छुप सहवास के खतरनाक पहलुवों के बारे मैं कभी सोचा है?
क्या आपको मालुम है, कीतने लोग रेड लाइट एरिया मैं जाते हैं और कितने लोग समाज से गुप-छुप कर अपनी प्यास भुजाते हैं?

आये दिन अखबारों मैं जो “survey” आतें हैं जिनमें लड़का लडकी की “pre-marital sex-ratio” 60-80 पर्तिशत बताई जाती है, आप उन “surveys” को कितना सही मानते हो? क्या ऐसी घटनावों के हल के बारे मैं आपने कभी सोचा है?

क्या परदे के पीछे, झुठ बोल कर, गुप-छुप का सहवास करना एक धर्म ह, और सोचा समझा, सच बोलकर सहवास करना एक अधर्म?

[Fateh]

I agree with you that it is reasonable other way around but lets talk about how practical it is in Indian society.

Who would like to see his sister living a live in relationship. Whose parents would like to see their children living in a live in relationship. How many boys would like to marry a girl who had been into a live in relationship. Or may be how many girls would like to marry a boy who had been into a live in relationship.

A very practical, logical and sensible thinking/expression.

[Fateh]

After reading majority of the replies on the topic, I am convinced that LIR requires a certain level of maturity which an upbringing in an Indian society perhaps does not impart to its individuals. It is mostly seen as a "fun" thing done by 'irresponsible' individuals. Most of the people who are against it seems to have seen limited choice in their life.

How do you assume that they have seen limited choice, may be they are much more matured, seen very voider choices, seen more world, seen more marriages as well as lir, what to talk of others, please ask your own soul, you will get the correct answer, my dear madam

[Arvindc]

I agree with you that it is reasonable other way around but lets talk about how practical it is in Indian society.

Who would like to see his sister living a live in relationship? Who would you like to see his sister with two kids getting divorced or worse?

whose parents would like to see their children living in a live in relationship? Who would like to see their children getting into blackmailing traps?

How society feels about live in relationship? How much social trauma a girl could face after her live in relationship exposed in the society? What about the traumas that the LIR saves from?
[/QUOTE] How many boys would like to marry a girl after knowing that she had a live in relationship? Or may be how many girls would like to marry a boy who had been into a live in relationship?[/QUOTE] What are these numbers in after divorce cases?

Note: I am not justifying LIR for everyone or as a careless social practice. I am just trying to bring in the other side of view.

[rakeshsehrawat]

VP Singh Ji, very well written! Your lines were fabulous!!

बिना किसी सही या गलत निष्कर्स के, मैं आप से कुछ सवाल करना चाहूँगा!

क्या आज, जवान लड़का लडकी बिना “LIR” के सहवास नहीं करते? क्या ऐसा सहवास गैर मुमकिन है?

क्या आपने नहीं सुना उन गिरोहों के बारे मैं जो हिसार, कुरुक्षेत्र जैसे नगरों मैं university की लड़कियों को “blackmail” के जाल मैं फसा कर उनसे कुछ चुनिंदा लोगों के लिए वैशाव्रती करनेपर मजबुर करते थे? क्या “LIR” मैं रही हुई लड़की “blackmail” के जाल मैं ऐसे फस सकती है?

क्या आप बता सकतें हैं की ये गुप-छुप का सहवास एक “LIR” के सहवास से कैसे अच्छा है? क्या आपने कभी गुप-छुप सहवास के खतरनाक पहलुवों के बारे मैं कभी सोचा है?
क्या आपको मालुम है, कीतने लोग रेड लाइट एरिया मैं जाते हैं और कितने लोग समाज से गुप-छुप कर अपनी प्यास भुजाते हैं?

आये दिन अखबारों मैं जो “survey” आतें हैं जिनमें लड़का लडकी की “pre-marital sex-ratio” 60-80 पर्तिशत बताई जाती है, आप उन “surveys” को कितना सही मानते हो? क्या ऐसी घटनावों के हल के बारे मैं आपने कभी सोचा है?

क्या परदे के पीछे, झुठ बोल कर, गुप-छुप का सहवास करना एक धर्म ह, और सोचा समझा, सच बोलकर सहवास करना एक अधर्म?


Aur is sab ka ilaj hai live-in?

दुनिया में कहीं भी जाओ एक बात सत्य है
मर्द औरत का शरीर पाने के लिए उसे प्यार करता है
औरत मर्द का प्यार पाने के लिए उसे अपना शरीर सौंपती है

[annch]

सही कहा वी पी सर, जिन्दा माखी तोह सिर्फ औरत ही निगल सकती है!


भाई पुराने माणस कहगे जिन्दा मक्खी नहीं निगली जाया करदी i

[vijay123]

I am sure this is what the mentality was in western world few decades back. But all this has changed a lot. Time changes everything. India and other asian countries are adopting western culture very fast. Whether it is dress-up, accent, movies, music, western icons.... The TRPs shot up with Pamela in Bigg Boss 4, whereas she is no more than a Rakhi Sawant in US. Whether we like it or not, LIR is on our doorstep, people are atleast talking about it. Last I read was that divorce rates are going up too in India.


सही कहा वी पी सर, जिन्दा माखी तोह सिर्फ औरत ही निगल सकती है!

[singhvp]

VP Singh Ji, very well written! Your lines were fabulous!!

बिना किसी सही या गलत निष्कर्स के, मैं आप से कुछ सवाल करना चाहूँगा!


Arvind, please read my reply in red.


VP Singh Ji, very well written! Your lines were fabulous!!

Thank You for the compliment


Q. बिना किसी सही या गलत निष्कर्स के, मैं आप से कुछ सवाल करना चाहूँगा!
क्या आज, जवान लड़का लडकी बिना “LIR” के सहवास नहीं करते? क्या ऐसा सहवास गैर मुमकिन है?
A. शायद जरूर करते होंगे I (हालांकि मेरी जानकारी में एसा कोई केस नहीं है) लेकिन अगर ऐसा है तो उसे उचित और नैतिक नहीं ठहराया जा सकता I


Q. क्या आपने नहीं सुना उन गिरोहों के बारे मैं जो हिसार, कुरुक्षेत्र जैसे नगरों मैं university की लड़कियों को “blackmail” के जाल मैं फसा कर उनसे कुछ चुनिंदा लोगों के लिए वैशाव्रती करनेपर मजबुर करते थे? क्या “LIR” मैं रही हुई लड़की “blackmail” के जाल मैं ऐसे फस सकती है?
A. इसके लिए सरकारी तंत्र दोषी है I ऐसे गिरोह के लोगों को बिना मुकद्दमा चलाये encounter में मार देना चाहिए I एक अपराध दूसरे अपराध को justify नहीं करता I समाज में वेश्यावृति है इसका मतलब यह नहीं कि सहवास को खुली छूट दे दी जाये I हमें एक स्वस्थ और चरित्रवान समाज की जरूरत है न कि अय्याशी के अड्डों की I


Q. क्या आप बता सकतें हैं की ये गुप-छुप का सहवास एक “LIR” के सहवास से कैसे अच्छा है? क्या आपने कभी गुप-छुप सहवास के खतरनाक पहलुवों के बारे मैं कभी सोचा है?
A. शादी के बिना लड़के लडकी का शारीरिक सम्बन्ध एक घोर नैतिक अपराध है और इसको हतोत्शाहित किया जाना चाहिए I यह सहवास चाहे गुप-छुप का हो या सरे-आम दोनों ही अनैतिक हैं I जो गलतियाँ हमने की वो हमारे आने वाली पीढियां ना करें इसके लिए नौजवान युवक युवतियों को counselling की आवश्यकता है I शादी तक कठोर ब्रहमचर्य और संयम का पालन सम्पूर्णशारीरिक एवं मानसिक विकास के लिए आवश्यक है I अय्याशी और शारीरिक सुख की असामयिक और अनियंत्रित अभिलाषा विनाश की पहली सीढी है I


Q. क्या आपको मालुम है, कीतने लोग रेड लाइट एरिया मैं जाते हैं और कितने लोग समाज से गुप-छुप कर अपनी प्यास भुजाते हैं?
A. जिन्होंने जानबूझ कर कुंए-झेरे में पड़ना हो उनको कौन रोक सकता है I


Q. आये दिन अखबारों मैं जो “survey” आतें हैं जिनमें लड़का लडकी की “pre-marital sex-ratio” 60-80 पर्तिशत बताई जाती है, आप उन “surveys” को कितना सही मानते हो? क्या ऐसी घटनावों के हल के बारे मैं आपने कभी सोचा है?
A. यह एक चिंतनीय विषय है और मैं घोर चिंता में हूँ कि अगर इस रफ़्तार पर लगाम नहीं लगाईं गई तो समाज के जंगल में तब्दील होने में ज्यादा वक्त नहीं है I लेकिन LIR इसका इलाज नहीं है I बच्चों को जरूरत से ज्यादा आजादी और लाड प्यार और आधुनिकता के नाम पर छिछोरापन इसके लिए काफी हद तक जिम्मेदार हैं I


Q. क्या परदे के पीछे, झुठ बोल कर, गुप-छुप का सहवास करना एक धर्म ह, और सोचा
समझा, सच बोलकर सहवास करना एक अधर्म?

A. दोनों ही गलत हैं I जै किसे कै आपा काबू मैं ना हो तो ब्याह करके सामाजिक जिम्मेवारी का निर्वाह करना चाहिए I इस बिना परमिट के सहवास से समाज में प्रदूषण फैलता है I

[annch]

१९५७ में चलचित्र "प्यासा" में एक गाना था- यह दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाये तो क्या है. जिस दुनिया का ज़िक्र था इस गाने में वह हमारे देश की ही दुनिया थी. तो क्या हम यह मान ले की दुनिया किसी काम की नहीं है हमारे देश में सालों से?

Are western contries happy with the system and culture they are following now a days?

Can you vouch for this सत्य from the internet? Gone are the days when love was so valued.
And, what is this fixture about the West? What difference does it make to us if west is good or bad, when we are living in our own home country. Shouldn't you worry more about erosion of our own rich culture? Is the foundation of our culture so weak that winds from the west can uproot it so easily? I would hope not.



दुनिया में कहीं भी जाओ एक बात सत्य है
मर्द औरत का शरीर पाने के लिए उसे प्यार करता है
औरत मर्द का प्यार पाने के लिए उसे अपना शरीर सौंपती है

[singhvp]

सही कहा वी पी सर, जिन्दा माखी तोह सिर्फ औरत ही निगल सकती है!
यह सही है कि हमारे समाज में औरतों को ज्यादा समझौते करने पड़ते हैं जो ठीक नहीं है i लेकिन वे भी अगर बदले की भावना से मर्दों की तर्ज़ पर चरित्रहीनता पर आमादा हो जायेंगी तो इस समाज को विनाश से कोई नहीं बचा सकता i औरतें अक्सर परिवार की आबरू का ख्याल मर्दों से ज्यादा करती हैं i परन्तु उनको जिन्दा माखी नहीं निगलनी चाहिए i

[annch]

V P Sir, I really enjoy the subtle humor in your posts!!!!...:)

यह सही है कि हमारे समाज में औरतों को ज्यादा समझौते करने पड़ते हैं जो ठीक नहीं है i लेकिन वे भी अगर बदले की भावना से मर्दों की तर्ज़ पर चरित्रहीनता पर आमादा हो जायेंगी तो इस समाज को विनाश से कोई नहीं बचा सकता i औरतें अक्सर परिवार की आबरू का ख्याल मर्दों से ज्यादा करती हैं i परन्तु उनको जिन्दा माखी नहीं निगलनी चाहिए i

[rakeshsehrawat]

यह सही है कि हमारे समाज में औरतों को ज्यादा समझौते करने पड़ते हैं जो ठीक नहीं है i लेकिन वे भी अगर बदले की भावना से मर्दों की तर्ज़ पर चरित्रहीनता पर आमादा हो जायेंगी तो इस समाज को विनाश से कोई नहीं बचा सकता i औरतें अक्सर परिवार की आबरू का ख्याल मर्दों से ज्यादा करती हैं i परन्तु उनको जिन्दा माखी नहीं निगलनी चाहिए i

Makhi maar ke nigal lyo zinda mein dikkat hai to

१९५७ में चलचित्र "प्यासा" में एक गाना था- यह दुनिया अगर मिल भी जाये तो क्या है. जिस दुनिया का ज़िक्र था इस गाने में वह हमारे देश की ही दुनिया थी. तो क्या हम यह मान ले की दुनिया किसी काम की नहीं है हमारे देश में सालों से?

Can you vouch for this सत्य from the internet? Gone are the days when love was so valued.
And, what is this fixture about the West? What difference does it make to us if west is good or bad, when we are living in our own home country. Shouldn't you worry more about erosion of our own rich culture? Is the foundation of our culture so weak that winds from the west can uproot it so easily? I would hope not.



If love is not valued to live in is direct prostitution this was only point in support of live in

[jagmohan]

Dear All,

Too many things have got mixed up in this discussion; morality, right and wrong, generational differences and sensibilities, need/necessity/right to have sex before marriage, live in relationships (LIR), societal pressures, culture etc.

It is first important for JATS to decide as to what/who is right and/or wrong. Are our elders’/community elders’ right? Whom do we actually listen to? How much did we care or cared about our elders in our adolescence? Will our children have the same thinking that we had as children? The most important Q is whether those who indulge in LIR really bother as to what I and you think?

The next basic point that we must agree on is that you can’t blame the earlier generation or the next one. What was right for them then (50 years back) is not right for them now (Gen X & Y). Neither can convince each other about what is right and what is wrong. The pressure on the young ones today is much more than what we felt in the 60’s and 70’s. I am now in my early 50’s and having seen life from most angles (hopefully!) believe that the present generation is working very hard to make two ends meet. Yes, we too worked hard but then at least I didn’t feel the pressures that the present generation is undergoing.

The definition of morality too has changed, as it has changed through centuries. If anyone thinks that there was no LIR 100 years back then he must be living in fool’s paradise. It happened even then but we never came to know because we didn’t have the means of communication to know and things remained covered under the ‘so called four walls’.

Having lived in Mumbai and Delhi since 1997, I have seen the modern society rather closely and will reserve my comments because who am I to comment or what is right or wrong. I have seen girls and boys from small town enjoy their first real whiff of total freedom and getting out of their conservative upbringing rather quickly and getting lost in a metropolis. It is better not to ask ‘leading questions’ like whether one has indulged in sex before marriage. Remember our parents married in their teens and today it may happen in the 30’s. Times have changed. The mantra today is “Boss, you have only one life. Have a ball”. The rich kids will exploit the poor. And those who think that those in the 40’s and 50’s are saints please take a round of red light areas in cities at night. Let us not sit atop a rampart of self created morality.

What is wrong and what is right is a Q that even the Gods haven’t been able to fathom! We are only human.

Best regards and wish you all a very happy festive season. Be safe.

Best regards,

JS Malik

(PS: A lot many members wished me on my birthday. Thanks. My apologies for not being able to reply to your mails)

[BHAGWANSINGHSIR]

bhai katai badhiya bola yo s**le samaj ki *** ***** khater naye naye vichar le kar aate hai tere adults and 'budhijivis'

[urmiladuhan]

If love is not valued to live in is direct prostitution this was only point in support of live in[/QUOTE]

By definition, prostitution involves a monetary gain by one of the party from the other party in return of sexual favor. Unless this is proved in a LIR, it is not prostitution. On the other hand, many instances of arranged marriage are to gain monetary favor from the other party, either through an attractive sarkari job of the groom, or through the expectation of dowry. There is absolutely no concept of LOVE between the couple in an arranged marriage! This, to me is PROSTITUTION!!!

[kapdal]

There is absolutely no concept of LOVE between the couple in an arranged marriage! This, to me is PROSTITUTION!!!

Live-in is not same as prostitution (as you said- nothing to add there). That was just someone's attempt to be provocative without any logic.

And looks like you are paying back in the same coin. How is arranged marriage same as prostitution? The fact that it is "arranged" doesn't rule out the possibility of love post-marriage. And if the "love" in love marriages is so sacrosanct, then howcome so many love marriages fail? Also people don't live-in because live-in means love (if there is so much love, then why not just marry. Legally/ritually neither a job nor dowry are necessary to tie the knot)- they live in as they want to be together without going for the full commitment that marriage entails.

I think the topic has been done to death already and now people are just being controversial for the sake of it.

[urmiladuhan]

The fact that it is "arranged" doesn't rule out the possibility of love post-marriage.

The fact is that the "deal" when sealed was for monetary gain - lots of people can fall in love with the monetary gain!

[singhvp]

The fact is that the "deal" when sealed was for monetary gain - lots of people can fall in love with the monetary gain!
Urmila ji not all the "deals" are sealed for monetary gains. Exceptions are always there. In fact all the marriages cannot even be termed as "deal". Majority of marriages are virtually love marriages as boys and girls are getting adequate opportunities to know and interact with each other and in the process they develop some sort of emotional bond which leads to their wedlock. So calling these marriages a deal is, I think, not appropriate.

[kapdal]

The fact is that the "deal" when sealed was for monetary gain - lots of people can fall in love with the monetary gain!

Not that it is important, but so many holes can be dug into this hypothesis. Just at the top of my head:

1. Who is this monetary gain for? And how do you establish it? Let's take dowry first. Does the girl gain from it? I would say no. This is the scam in India- give something to the girl at marriage and then cut her off from all property rights thereafter. The entire anti-dowry campaign without a campaign for girl's property rights is just going to strip the girl child of whatever little she was getting from what was rightfully hers.
Do the in-laws gain? Difficult to say. They are now responsible for all the material needs of the girl through her life. They also run the risk of the girl turning hostile and making their life worse through legal (anti-dowry laws) or emotional means.

2. And what is to say that this "love for monetary gains" is restricted to marriage? It can happen in live-in relationships as well. A girl can see a rich guy (or viceversa) and go for a live-in aiming for better lifestyle/gifts, etc. While she won't have done it with the same guy if he was poor. If anything, it is much easier in a live-in as compared to marriage (To borrow a management term, the barriers to entry are much lower. You need to trap just one person as compared to one family in arranged marriage.)

Needless to say, this monetary gain theory is an extremely cynical view of human affairs. I don't subscribe to it- I was just playing along with your assumptions to take them to their logical end. There are lots of factors that make people enter into relationships whether in live-in OR love marriage OR arranged marriage or whatever form. Whenever a new form comes in the society, there will be conflict. To support one form doesn't mean you abuse the existing forms!

[urmiladuhan]

Not that it is important, but so many holes can be dug into this hypothesis. Just at the top of my head:

1. Who is this monetary gain for? And how do you establish it? Let's take dowry first. Does the girl gain from it? I would say no. This is the scam in India- give something to the girl at marriage and then cut her off from all property rights thereafter. The entire anti-dowry campaign without a campaign for girl's property rights is just going to strip the girl child of whatever little she was getting from what was rightfully hers.
Do the in-laws gain? Difficult to say. They are now responsible for all the material needs of the girl through her life. They also run the risk of the girl turning hostile and making their life worse through legal (anti-dowry laws) or emotional means.

2. And what is to say that this "love for monetary gains" is restricted to marriage? It can happen in live-in relationships as well. A girl can see a rich guy (or viceversa) and go for a live-in aiming for better lifestyle/gifts, etc. While she won't have done it with the same guy if he was poor. If anything, it is much easier in a live-in as compared to marriage (To borrow a management term, the barriers to entry are much lower. You need to trap just one person as compared to one family in arranged marriage.)

Needless to say, this monetary gain theory is an extremely cynical view of human affairs. I don't subscribe to it- I was just playing along with your assumptions to take them to their logical end. There are lots of factors that make people enter into relationships whether in live-in OR love marriage OR arranged marriage or whatever form. Whenever a new form comes in the society, there will be conflict. To support one form doesn't mean you abuse the existing forms!

A relationship that is gotten into for any number of reasons, OTHER THAN LOVE, is a deal. Prostitution is a form of a DEAL! Now people who subscribe to getting married without the focus on the person and personality of the person to whom one is getting married to, may not like the use of such harsh words, but that does not change the facts.

The real and genuine thing will always stand out!

[Prikshit]

Deal is not an appropraite word to be used for relationships. I don't whats your definition for love?
Seeing your posts one don't feel like saying you are just keeping your views, infact its like to much emphasization which is nothing but forcing something.
You are contracting yourself "For relationships you are saying it should not forced n here is you are forcing your idea".
You have full right to keep a perception which you think is right,but over emphasizing on this subject matter is just like you just want to prove that you are the sole person who is right.

It is by no means to offend you or counter you, but please get over it.

You are elderly to me and I respect you for your views, just wrote what I percieved.

As there nothing good or bad about keeping views about any topic, but self analysis is a must.

[urmiladuhan]

Deal is not an appropraite word to be used for relationships. I don't whats your definition for love?
Seeing your posts one don't feel like saying you are just keeping your views, infact its like to much emphasization which is nothing but forcing something.
You are contracting yourself "For relationships you are saying it should not forced n here is you are forcing your idea".
You have full right to keep a perception which you think is right,but over emphasizing on this subject matter is just like you just want to prove that you are the sole person who is right.

It is by no means to offend you or counter you, but please get over it.

You are elderly to me and I respect you for your views, just wrote what I percieved.

As there nothing good or bad about keeping views about any topic, but self analysis is a must.


Let us allow everybody to share their opinions/views. That is why I am not countering.

[kapdal]

A relationship that is gotten into for any number of reasons, OTHER THAN LOVE, is a deal. Prostitution is a form of a DEAL! Now people who subscribe to getting married without the focus on the person and personality of the person to whom one is getting married to, may not like the use of such harsh words, but that does not change the facts.

The real and genuine thing will always stand out!

I don't want to give kindergarten lessons here. Man is a mammal. Dog is also a mammal. Doesn't mean man is dog or dog is man! (Arranged marriage is a deal (lets agree for a moment), prostitution is a deal-> so arranged marriage is prostitution???)

This is nothing but pretension to honesty and moral principles. What is this LOVE that lives independently of everything else in your world? Surely, it is not programmed into an individual's head when he/she is born. On the contrary, it is based on the individual's conditioning. How many people here can fall in love with a poor dalit/tribal? Consciously or unconsciously, several factors (looks, social status, education, parental sanction, etc) influence people's choices of a partner. You can't then strip that choice of those factors.

Case 1: A sees B, thinks she is really beautiful, B thinks A is handsome. They agree they are in "love" and decide to live-in.
Case 2: A and B have arranged marriage. One year down the line, they agree they are in "love".

Now to say that case 2 is morally inferior than case 1 is pretentious (rather than real/genuine) and probably a sign of one's own bias (Living together due to bodily attraction is morally superior than living together due to arranged marriage).

[Prikshit]

Well said Dalal bhai.....

[urmiladuhan]

I don't want to give kindergarten lessons here. Man is a mammal. Dog is also a mammal. Doesn't mean man is dog or dog is man! (Arranged marriage is a deal (lets agree for a moment), prostitution is a deal-> so arranged marriage is prostitution???)

This is nothing but pretension to honesty and moral principles. What is this LOVE that lives independently of everything else in your world? Surely, it is not programmed into an individual's head when he/she is born. On the contrary, it is based on the individual's conditioning. How many people here can fall in love with a poor dalit/tribal? Consciously or unconsciously, several factors (looks, social status, education, parental sanction, etc) influence people's choices of a partner. You can't then strip that choice of those factors.

Case 1: A sees B, thinks she is really beautiful, B thinks A is handsome. They agree they are in "love" and decide to live-in.
Case 2: A and B have arranged marriage. One year down the line, they agree they are in "love".

Now to say that case 2 is morally inferior than case 1 is pretentious (rather than real/genuine) and probably a sign of one's own bias (Living together due to bodily attraction is morally superior than living together due to arranged marriage).



Kapil - you think too much!!! ha ha ha ha :) :) :) Morality is like royalty - not everybody likes it - but it is superior!

[VirJ]

The fact is that the "deal" when sealed was for monetary gain - lots of people can fall in love with the monetary gain!

Are you for real?

[urmiladuhan]

Are you for real?

Are you drunk?

[VirJ]

Are you drunk?

May be or may be not but that wan't related.

Anyway more than your live-in-relationships I think these forums expose (or reveal) a person better.

I recommend before committing ask him/her to join these forums and monitor for a year at least.

No social issues in this scenerio, I guess.

[Arvindc]

A relationship that is gotten into for any number of reasons, OTHER THAN LOVE, is a deal. ...
...
...

A point here! But then this brings up the question of how do you define "LOVE"?
Is there a "love" in passion, interest, social welfare, and what not?
Is LIR a Deal? Or could it be "Love" as well? Getting very complex!

[Arvindc]

...
...
This is nothing but pretension to honesty and moral principles. What is this LOVE that lives independently of everything else in your world? Surely, it is not programmed into an individual's head when he/she is born. On the contrary, it is based on the individual's conditioning. How many people here can fall in love with a poor dalit/tribal? Consciously or unconsciously, several factors (looks, social status, education, parental sanction, etc) influence people's choices of a partner. You can't then strip that choice of those factors.
....
...

Could the criteria be:
LOVE - Emits from emotions (but then so does "HATE" -> Is hate also not a deal then?)
DEAL - Emits from understanding (outcome of a thought decision)

[urmiladuhan]

May be or may be not but that wan't related.

Anyway more than your live-in-relationships I think these forums expose (or reveal) a person better.

I recommend before committing ask him/her to join these forums and monitor for a year at least.

No social issues in this scenerio, I guess.

you are talking non sense - since when did I own up the LIR (You say "YOUR LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP"). It is best to ignore such non sense posts.

[VirJ]

A relationship that is gotten into for any number of reasons, OTHER THAN LOVE, is a deal. Prostitution is a form of a DEAL!

Even though, I know, its a futile discussion but today somehow doesnt have much to do.

Now, since my college days I knew that people fall in love because they are attracted or they share something in common or they have some other sort of interest or they dont have any other option. Most of the time this love is conditional. 1% may be exception ( I leave 1% just to be safe).

So it is also a sort of deal. You might want to call it prostitution.


A little knowledge is a dangerous thing------------ My teacher used to say.

[VirJ]

you are talking non sense - since when did I own up the LIR (You say "YOUR LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP"). It is best to ignore such non sense posts.

I didnt say you own them ! Its just a way of expression.

On the one hand you say its best to ignore such posts on the other hand you always reply such posts.
Make up your mind :)

[Prikshit]

When one person say he don't agree to you that may be his/her problem, when the second one say he too don't agree to you that may also his problem.
But (within double quotes :D) "Everyone has same perception about an individual than the problem lies with the individual."

[kapdal]

When one person say he don't agree to you that may be his/her problem, when the second one say he too don't agree to you that may also his problem.
But (within double quotes :D) "Everyone has same perception about an individual than the problem lies with the individual."

Not something you want to believe in my friend. Great scientists like Galielo, Darwin, etc. were ridiculed by most people for their views in their lifetimes; only to be proven right after their death. Minority of 1 could be right while majority of a million could be wrong.

There are definitely no Darwins here. But we can still argue with logic rather than fingers.

[Prikshit]

Your point is taken kapil bhai....but the names of the scholars you are writing here were ridiculed for the undiscovered things.
Here in the scenario is different we are discussing an issue which I think most of us are well aware of.
I will keep your point in mind too.

Cheers!!!

[urmiladuhan]

yes it can. In LIR, just walk out sincerely saying it is not working out. What is the option in an arranged marriage if things are just not pleasant and tolerable? Tell me, what happens in villages when the husband and wife are not attracted to each other?

What is the answer? Please don't stuff the question under the carpet.

[singhvp]

What is the answer? Please don't stuff the question under the carpet.

The law of diminishing marginal utility applies in both - LIR as well as arranged marriage. Whether it is LIR or arranged marriage, the euphoria of love dies down after a few years but in LIR the bestial lust remains the only binding factor contrary to the arranged marriage where children and family ties are forceful factors for a long lasting relationship. As far as walking out of the relationship is concerned, it is also equally applicable. One has the option of getting divorced in arranged marriage if the ground is genuine. To go a step further, option of promiscuity is also equally available in arranged marriage if divorce is not feasible.

[urmiladuhan]

The law of diminishing marginal utility applies in both - LIR as well as arranged marriage. Whether it is LIR or arranged marriage, the euphoria of love dies down after a few years but in LIR the bestial lust remains the only binding factor contrary to the arranged marriage where children and family ties are forceful factors for a long lasting relationship. As far as walking out of the relationship is concerned, it is also equally applicable. One has the option of getting divorced in arranged marriage if the ground is genuine. To go a step further, option of promiscuity is also equally available in arranged marriage if divorce is not feasible.

I am not talking what is theoretically possible, but instead what happens in practical when married people are not compatibel/not attracted to each other and divorce is not an option. Everyone knows divorce rate in rural India is almost negligibe.

I would say, it is secret flings and extra marital affairs. This to be is the height of hipocracy in an arranged marriage.

[desijat]

Shouldnt it be people's wish and freedom that should allow them to choose what they want and how they want to live? Let us stop being moral police for society :)

[cooljat]

Agree! But I believe India is still very much amateur n' emotionally vulnerable when it comes to handle relationships like Live-in. It's Ok if someone wants to live his/her life of their own terms and experiment Live-in; all goes smooth and fine but when times comes to part ways .. hardly anybody handles that trauma well. There are numerous incidents where partners either kill their ex live-in partners or commit suicide reason being their not so smooth exit.

So we are still very young to accept and try Live-in relationships the way it should be however India as a whole going thro' a transition phase which is kinda not stable as well.




Shouldnt it be people's wish and freedom that should allow them to choose what they want and how they want to live? Let us stop being moral police for society :)

[Fateh]

Shouldnt it be people's wish and freedom that should allow them to choose what they want and how they want to live? Let us stop being moral police for society :)

As long as we stay in society, there will be moral police, in any society there has to be some norms, conditions, traditions, practices etc, which are required to be followed and there will be few in the society who take responsibility to remined/ensure implimentation. At the same time awareness about norms of our society for all the members, is also essential. we must contribute as well as learn from such discussions.

[Prikshit]

As long as we stay in society, there will be moral police, in any society there has to be some norms, conditions, traditions, practices etc, which are required to be followed and there will be few in the society who take responsibility to remined/ensure implimentation. At the same time awareness about norms of our society for all the members, is also essential. we must contribute as well as learn from such discussions.
We are on track because people like you are there to guide us.
Thanks Fateh ji

If we are Indians we must accept it and should feel proud about it.What is the point is bringing in west in every aspects.
Everyone is free to take their decisions, but is doesn't mean that if you don't support the idea then you are narrowminded.

[desijat]

There are numerous incidents where partners either kill their ex live-in partners or commit suicide reason being their not so smooth exit.



Hain?

So it is better to let them get married and let one of them suffer entire life?

[cooljat]

Suffer? I think you're forgetting DIVORCE (the legal dissolution of a marriage)! ..


Hain?

So it is better to let them get married and let one of them suffer entire life?

[desijat]

Suffer? I think you're forgetting DIVORCE (the legal dissolution of a marriage)! ..
And how is that less painful, not full of shame n blah blah than a breakup?