dkumar
January 13th, 2003, 07:46 PM
PLs read on and enjoy... the lighter side...
Remaining on bench is one of the most difficult arts to practice. It not only involves the ability to enjoy bench but also the tact to deceive
13500 people. In this BoK I would like to help interested people to do it to the best of their abilities.
Tips:
1. Pretend to be Busy. Never ever give a hint to anyone that you are free (This will only force you to attend some training or put you in
some unreasonable in-house project). Use the tips provided in this BoK to act busy.
2. Block your calendar: Create dummy appointments in the calendar. Some
of the good appointments can be "Meet Sudhir", "Conf call with Onsite",
"Group review". My all time favourite is "Attend advanced Java course" (There are so many of these java courses that nobody will know if you
aren't attending any of them).
3. Always carry a notepad and a pen-without-a-cover. Scribble something even while you are in the Food Court. Occasionally look into space and pretend like you're deep in thought (think about the previous day's cricket match, if u want to). Nobody can find out what's in your mind.
4. Learn a few new terms. Discuss these when you are put in the company of PLs. (Be careful... there are Java Beans, no Java Bins )
5. When some PL or BM intrudes upon your privacy and asks you about your project, say that you are helping out Fairfax team in WebLogic. Nobody is going to check it out.
6. Sometimes, go to Tech Bulletin board, copy one old query and repost it. You should also answer a few queries in a way that no one
understands. Ignore all replies. If some one calls you to answer the query, just tell him/her that you have a meeting and that you would call later (ask for the extension number, but don't write it down)
7. There will be PLs, who will 'always' suspect you. Avoid them. If they still follow you, ask them how they are using the SPC tool in their
project. This is the 'brahmastra'. No PL likes to talk about her/his weaknesses. This puts them under such a feeling of guilt that they will
never ever look you in the eye again.
8. Contrary to popular belief, listening to songs through head-phones actually 'decreases' your chances of getting caught. Besides making it
look like you are deeply analysing some code and do not want to be disturbed by other sounds, it also discourages PL's from getting into a conversation with you which might lead to unsavoury results.
9. If you spend a lot of time (like a couple of hours) away from your cubicle (maybe in the food-court or thereabouts), be sure to drop in at the library and pick up a book (a noticeably big one) on your way back to the cubicle.
10. Once in two weeks, book for night transport, especially if your BM leaves earlier than usual. Leave at your usual time. The next day, your BM will find a mail in his mailbox which is a testimony to your hard-work.
11. ALWAYS walk with fast, sure steps (even if you're moving to the terrace to appreciate the 4'O Clock sun). Make it look as if you're
going SOMEWHERE.
12. Customise your workspace. Give it a touch of having been worked in.....a touch of home. An Old Pizza box (lunch while working), some
books lying around (technical research).....you get the idea. Don't go too far and hang your dirty clothes on the cubicle walls!
13. A geeky look never hurts. While i don't recommend coming to work with a hole in your pants, walking to your cubicle like you're walking the ramp is a definite no-no. Toussed up hair never hurt any programmer's reputation.
14. Avoid sending a million mails or surfing the net. This will only increase your risk of getting caught.
15. When you read mails, open developer studio, copy the contents of mails into different files of dev studio and then read. (Be careful. Do not laugh while reading)
16. If you are a sadist, play with the CCD and the Travel dept too. Ask CCD to find about a product and ask Travel to block flight tickets for the next week. Remember to cancel both after a week. Don't feel guilty.
17. Be calm and confident. All the best.
Remaining on bench is one of the most difficult arts to practice. It not only involves the ability to enjoy bench but also the tact to deceive
13500 people. In this BoK I would like to help interested people to do it to the best of their abilities.
Tips:
1. Pretend to be Busy. Never ever give a hint to anyone that you are free (This will only force you to attend some training or put you in
some unreasonable in-house project). Use the tips provided in this BoK to act busy.
2. Block your calendar: Create dummy appointments in the calendar. Some
of the good appointments can be "Meet Sudhir", "Conf call with Onsite",
"Group review". My all time favourite is "Attend advanced Java course" (There are so many of these java courses that nobody will know if you
aren't attending any of them).
3. Always carry a notepad and a pen-without-a-cover. Scribble something even while you are in the Food Court. Occasionally look into space and pretend like you're deep in thought (think about the previous day's cricket match, if u want to). Nobody can find out what's in your mind.
4. Learn a few new terms. Discuss these when you are put in the company of PLs. (Be careful... there are Java Beans, no Java Bins )
5. When some PL or BM intrudes upon your privacy and asks you about your project, say that you are helping out Fairfax team in WebLogic. Nobody is going to check it out.
6. Sometimes, go to Tech Bulletin board, copy one old query and repost it. You should also answer a few queries in a way that no one
understands. Ignore all replies. If some one calls you to answer the query, just tell him/her that you have a meeting and that you would call later (ask for the extension number, but don't write it down)
7. There will be PLs, who will 'always' suspect you. Avoid them. If they still follow you, ask them how they are using the SPC tool in their
project. This is the 'brahmastra'. No PL likes to talk about her/his weaknesses. This puts them under such a feeling of guilt that they will
never ever look you in the eye again.
8. Contrary to popular belief, listening to songs through head-phones actually 'decreases' your chances of getting caught. Besides making it
look like you are deeply analysing some code and do not want to be disturbed by other sounds, it also discourages PL's from getting into a conversation with you which might lead to unsavoury results.
9. If you spend a lot of time (like a couple of hours) away from your cubicle (maybe in the food-court or thereabouts), be sure to drop in at the library and pick up a book (a noticeably big one) on your way back to the cubicle.
10. Once in two weeks, book for night transport, especially if your BM leaves earlier than usual. Leave at your usual time. The next day, your BM will find a mail in his mailbox which is a testimony to your hard-work.
11. ALWAYS walk with fast, sure steps (even if you're moving to the terrace to appreciate the 4'O Clock sun). Make it look as if you're
going SOMEWHERE.
12. Customise your workspace. Give it a touch of having been worked in.....a touch of home. An Old Pizza box (lunch while working), some
books lying around (technical research).....you get the idea. Don't go too far and hang your dirty clothes on the cubicle walls!
13. A geeky look never hurts. While i don't recommend coming to work with a hole in your pants, walking to your cubicle like you're walking the ramp is a definite no-no. Toussed up hair never hurt any programmer's reputation.
14. Avoid sending a million mails or surfing the net. This will only increase your risk of getting caught.
15. When you read mails, open developer studio, copy the contents of mails into different files of dev studio and then read. (Be careful. Do not laugh while reading)
16. If you are a sadist, play with the CCD and the Travel dept too. Ask CCD to find about a product and ask Travel to block flight tickets for the next week. Remember to cancel both after a week. Don't feel guilty.
17. Be calm and confident. All the best.