Dadi Surname... to be considered or not.... within JAT's marriage??

[uday]

In JAT marriages four surnames use to be matched from both sides ( Self, mother , Dadi and Nani). As all know that people does not consider Nani’s surnames when parents start looking for a suitable match for their son \ daughter..

I would like to know that IS IT THE RIGHT TIME WHERE DADI SURNAMES SHOULD BE IGNORED ALSO. ( I know few JAT families where they start ignoring Dadi’s surname during their marriages).

WILL IT ENHANCE MATRIMONIAL COMPATIBILITY \ PROBABILITY with in JATS?

All suggestions are welcome..

[guliya]

well uday u r right about considering surnames. initially dadi's surname and even fufa's surname was avoided..but over the period of time ths have diluted. now only mothers surname and your own surname ofcourse cannot be married to you. what do others say

[shokeen123]

Uday:

As the saying goes, "You ain't seen anything yet!" Necessity is mother of inventions. I don't know to what extent things will change, but I can bet they will change. I have witnessed some of the changes first hand even in last 10 years!

Has anyone talked to some of the parents of marriageable daughters in the US (NY, NJ, Texas, CA etc.)? The most common expression is: "We don't care as long as the boy is Indian!"

Keep tuned...

[scsheorayan]

It is all a matter of attitude. In North India the situation is still not desparate if children are educated and belong to well off families. Have not had witnessed any one marrying Dadi's Gotra yet, may be Nani. But ideal thing is to avoid Dadi and Nani and ofcourse if some one is desparate there is no limit.

[vivek]

<<The most common expression is: "We don't care as long as the boy is Indian!"

Keep tuned...>>

Actually...that has been modified in some families too. As long as the boy is non-muslim or non-black....it may be acceptable (This from a mother of three marriagable age daughters...two of them are approaching mid 30's...and the youngest late 20's.

It seems that Indian gals who are decent looking are having a hard time getting married. When they are in their early twenties and youthful prime...the desi born boys are not good enough for them. After they have been around the block, and used by white men...the Desi boys are already married...,and they are not good enough for educated white men. I have seen countless indian girls who were decent looking....past 30, unmarried with desperate parents...seeking help in marrying off their daughters.

[shokeen123]

[quote]Shubha Chand Sheorayan (Jan 19, 2003 05:44 p.m.):

"If children are educated and belong to well off families." quote]

Shubha Chand Bhai what if the children are just educated and do not belong to "well-off" family (i.e., not everyone is well established in a foreign country) or daughter of an industrialist?

Should the daughter then be subjected to this additional rigid pre-requisite in addition to a barrage of expectations i.e, she has to be versatile, good looking (remember the mantra, fair slim and tall?), good character, homely, nice etc.?

Yes for a healthy offspring, and also to continue the long held tradition, we must avoid the 3 gotras, I guess what I am trying to elude to is when it comes to the gotra, there are a few hurdles:

In most instances the entire village bears the same last name (gotra), that doesn't leave people with many options.

Additionally, there are many villages with this same gotra, that further limits the search for potential matches;

Where such conflict doesn't exist there is something else equally nonsensical that is "the village is too close to our own village," once again limiting the search;

Where all else works, dowry becomes the issue? And if you are NOT the daughter of a "well-off" father, your chances of seeking a desirable lifemate are next to none!

Is that fair? In any case the daughter is subjected to the unwanted sleuth of inhumanity and remains the sacrificial goat!Please remember, I am only debating about the educted but not "well-off" daughters!

My personal feeling on this is, if we must wish to maintain such a tradition, something else has to relax. Perhaps if we had a public less critical of looks or less inclined for dowry, we might find the common grounds! Educated families means educated minds! We can't be too selective about good looks, expectant of huge dowry, and sing about maintaining old traditions! We can't have the cake and eat it too? Can we?

[scsheorayan]

Dear Sujata,
You are right that girls (educated or otherwise) are not getting a fair deal in our society which I think is mainly because of our society being long dominated by males. Even otherwise one would not be wrong to say that the World has never been fair and is not expected to do so in near future. The best We can do is make the best use of what we have. We can not choose our place/gender of birth (but we believe that it is predestined based on our past Karmas that is why attempt to do our best in this life so that next life we get a better deal) like cards in a game. Good player is the one who makes the best use of those cards whether he/she wins or loses is not always dependent on the cards alone but the skill of player are very important too. You may take some heart from the observation that girls are being out numbered by boys in rural area and now a days you hear about unmarried boys more than unmarried girls. Educationwise also girls are doing better than boys generally. All these factors are working in favour of girls. However there are things which do require urgent attention e.g. dowry and politics (which some times becomes very relevant irrespective of education and social standing of relevant parties). Believe it is the girls who have to play a greater role in making the field more level for themselves but hope they do not become as bad as men folk and just reverse the roles. Because either way natural justice is not done. Jats do stand for justice or atleast they try to do so in their own life. Regarding Gotras I believe it is accepted scientifically that marrying in close blood relation does have health implications for children. Marrying in the neighbouring village does not seem to be such a taboo in some areas but becomes highly objectionable when the village has political or social differences. Infact the spirit of Bhaichara is diminishing and it is being replaced by rivalry. The degeneration over last decade or so has been so profound that it beomes very evident in every day life. Where people used to visit each other to talk about their own lives now they get together to talk (some times critically) about their neighbours only.

[ajaynehra]

I agree ....dadi's gotra is considered in ristas at least in Haryana .....atleast in our family......

NEHRA AJAY

[uday]

Dear Sheorayanji \ Sujataji and others,

I agreed with your point that avoiding four gotra's means "offspring" will be crossbreed which have a higher resistance power. That’s why JAT people are well built and strong to
Other communities… Don't we start marrying in close blood relation when we stop considering Nani's surname.…..????

As male ratio is more then fairer sex in Haryana or nearby … and GAP is increasing day by day…….. It is real and a hard fact that people has to marry girls from another casts \ region to get marry ‘cause of shortage of girls in our community... I heard incidence when people get marry in remote side of MP and they says that this girl is a JAT with some antique surname. In actual those are not actual marriage...( People pay to Girl family and marry and lived with them thro’out the life).., there was a headline in TOI also few month back on this topic……

Mostly “WELL OFF families” are hardly half percent and they don’t require gotra’s and other fundaas…. ( I again say mostly…not all of half percent )

I have been approached by some of parents to seek out a suitable match especially for their daughters.. If Any girl is post graduate they will be looking for a minimum class –II officer or above….. then they sometimes approach that, “Dadi ka got aad gaya na to baat bun gayi thi “….. This has happened recently with one of friend who was looking for a suitable match for his daughter.. I suggest him ..why don’t you leave Dadi Gotra.. Answer was SAMAJ NAHI MAANTA…. But in his personal opinion he was ready to leave Dadi gotra…

How much impact will be on blood relationship if we starts avoiding Dadi's surname.... Needs input to visualise and expedite it properly…

All suggestions are welcome…

[devdahiya]

Needs More Ponderings Please.