Exponential Rise in failure of Indian Marriages.

[scsheorayan]

With materialism comes disenchanment and disappoinment with happiness delivered by things of material nature. One only needs to look around to observe rising rate of failure of marriages in India to compare it with exposure to Western culture predominently of material nature. India used to pride itself on it's heritage and some people still do. However this pride of culture is being replaced by glitter of material things which in turn places human values at a low priority level.

It is not surprising that people are becoming less patient and are unable to digest critisism of any nature. It only shows deteriorating levels of spiritualism. This has direct and adverse consequences for the institution of marriage. The marriage is based on trust and without trust it can be a punishment. How do people learn to trust each other? By sharing and caring which is the basic of any personal relationship.

Unfortunately not many young people can bring themselves to put full confidence in their spouse for what ever reason. It has nothing
to do with reality just the suspicion is sometimes enough to ruin an otherwise a normal relationship.

Here are some clues young people and their families can learn from and take corrective action before it is too late. Timely intervention by well wishers, family or relatives can clear some of the misunderstandings which could otherwise deteriorate with time.

Therefore if some one comes across this scenario it is time to help them resolve their differences or seek professional help;

Emotionally abuses you (insults, belittling comments, ignoring you, acting sulky or angry when you initiate an action or idea).
Tells you who you may be friends with, how you should dress, or tries to control other elements of your life or relationship.
Talks negatively about women in general.
Gets jealous when there is no reason.
Drinks heavily, uses drugs, or tries to get you drunk.
Berates you for not wanting to get drunk, get high, have sex, or go with him to an isolated or personal place.
Refuses to let you share any of the expenses of a date and gets angry when you offer to pay.
Is physically violent to you or others, even if it's "just" grabbing and pushing to get his way.
Acts in an intimidating way toward you by invading your "personal space" (sits too close, speaks as if he knows you much better than he does, touches you when you tell him not to).
Is unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.
Does not view you as an equal--because he's older or sees himself as smarter or socially superior.
Thinks poorly of himself and guards his masculinity by acting tough.
Goes through extreme highs and lows, is kind one minute and cruel the next.
Is angry and threatening to the extent that you have changed your life so as not to anger him.

Marriage is an institution which has served the civilisation for centuries. It is not without merit that why do people still have faith in this institution. Education or material possession should act to enhance this institution and not rob it of it's dignity.

Something for young people,their families and friends to think about. Make your marriage and life a success and not a statistics. Take full responsiblity for it and have compassion for your spouse which in time transcedents to love and firendship. Happy marriage to all Jats.

[vikramdahiya]

Very rightly said Sheoran saab..

Though married fellows are best one to comment... Still our short experience with life .. we have leant that it's not just specific to the institution of marriage.. same dilemma exists almost in all relations...

Distances between brothers.. children and parents .. neighbors ..are getting wider only cause of the lack of will to understand and appreciate each others existence...

Problem is that everyone expects wonders from the relation, but when the turn to give comes.. they start comparing .. We all must understand relations are not built up on just seeking goods always.. it's all but to provide support and extending u'r love to them.. that too without conditions..

Calculations works good in Buisnesses but relations are no buisness at all.. Calculations in relations are only to spoil them... Patience is needed.. Love is needed.. Will to understand eachother is needed.. When this will be there all relations will taste the sweetness of Peace.. They will have the flavor of Satisfaction..

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Think twice before speaking but not thrice cause that may weaken your decision to act...
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Vikram Dahiya

[rkumar]

Volumes have been written on this topic all over the world and still this remains a burning problem. One has to look at basic root cause in a most scientific manner. Any relationship is like a bond and to sustain this bond all the involved parties/ objects must contribute time/ energy. Human relations are very similary to atomic bonds in molecules and require energy to sustain them. In today's life where there is so much demand on our personal resources, sparing energy to naurish these bonds becomes a real problem. Often we end up putting priorty on professional performance and not much is left to take care of relations/ bonds. So its purely a matter of priority. It requires much more strength to sustain a relationship and still perform well in life. Wise persons draw strenth from relationships and foold end up wasting energy ...so its very much a matter of training as well as how to manage relations. Any relationship which consumes lots of energy can never be stable exactly in the same way as bonds in chemistry. May be we take lessons from science to manage our relations. I do this and it works well...

Rajendra

[scsheorayan]

Thanks Rajkumar ji and Vikram ji for your contribution. Rightly said when people start preparing balance sheet every day the sweetness of relationship is replaced by transaction of give and take. Human beings are very complex and don't always act rationally. Some times people who otherwise appear normal in life do abnormally silly things. Foundation of any type of personal relationships is based on trust which must always be maintained. If there is no trust or confidence the relationship is shaky and people seek confidence building measures. Basically human beings are good by nature but can be stubborn and consider it their weakness to compromise. Those who understand the strength of relationship and how it enriches the life will always try and resolve any conflict to the satisfaction of both sides. As suggested by Rajkumar ji here from scientific analysis one can say that like any other relationship in marriage also the equilibrium between privilege and responsiblity has to be maintained. One can not last without other. Because India society in general is fast progressing towards materialism it seems to be losing it's inherited culture which had developed over 5000 years of field research. It was not perfect (nothing is ever perfect) but it served the institution of family well. Marriage is the foundation of family. What happened in western countries a few decades ago is slowly happening in Indian society. It does not have to happen if people did not copy western culture blindly. Especially the worse part of it. Western culture does have some very good things which are missing from our culture e.g. equality of people,work ethics and love of labour. Every practice or tradition has a beginning and an end, some times they were started to address some social or environmental issue but over the years people continue to copy them even if the conditions do not demand them. Therefore the need is to maintain the relevance with existing surroundings. This is true for any relationship including marriage. Pressure or force of any kind has the detrimental effect on the quality of relationship. That is also true for marriage. This is an important and urgent social issue which needs addressing and hope some readers have very original ideas they would like to put forward for the benefit of those who may need them desparately.