Talk about double standards - we have a lot to learn!

[bnashier]

A topic initiated by Mr. Jitender Singh Hooda and then commented upon by so many of us prompted me to write some extremely seminal views on the double standards our society applies to women. I chose to write it as a separate topic simply to avoid the hate column for women.

Our (Indian) society has much to learn regarding women. We have become such a male-favored society that our system is degenerating. The land of Vedas seems to have forgotten the essence of Vedas.

1. If a girl becomes a widow or divorcee then hardly anyone would like to marry her. A male can marry as many times as he wants to - the society applies a sickening double standard. Why don’t we give equal status to women in this regard? Here we can learn a lot from the West.

2. A woman carries a human inside her body for nine months. I would believe that physically it is a very tough ordeal. Man does nothing of that nature. The least males can do is to show some kindness to all women by refraining from any animal-like behavior and by offering seats (if possible) while they travel.

3. Why do men rape women? Who permits a man to violate a woman in a most horrid form? And then we talk about double standards !!!!!

4. Why does our society has this evil called - dowry? Aren’t women supposed to have equal status? We can’t just pick and choose the places where we can apply double standards.

5. Yes, physically women are a delicate sex - it is a natural phenomenon. We all can be thoughtful to anyone who is delicate - a woman, baby or old person.

[ranjitjat]

Budh ji
very true we have to learn a lots.
A long way to go and real journey not started yet. there is no music peel or blueprint in market yet that treat hate, greed, dowry, drugs crime and double standards in public and private life.
frist of all one should be honest with in heart.
WE must have guts to admit one mistake and put it right.
This is frist lesson.
2nd lesson. We all know our problems. Try to find a honest way out by single efforts and joint efforts. Do some positive action now not nest week or next year.
3- Jat ki karni aur kathani mae farak nahi hona chahiye.
Jat jo kahata hae vahi karta hae. yah khandhani value aaj bhi hae aur agay bhi rahaegi.
laekin jab sy duplicate- double standards use karaty han Baat bigati hae.
YAHA PER KUCH BOGAS MEMBER HAN JO JAT NAHI HAN YA DUSARY NAM SY LIKH JATY HAN.
phir kahaty han aaj jatoo ka khada joot bajaga. jat land per maja laengy.

[jagmohan]

Budh Bhai Saheb,

How very true indeed!

There is only one cure to these social ills - self discipline and personal examples. No amount of reminding ourselves of our past history and greatness can screen the present rotten double standards in our 'kaum' and society. It is always easy to advise and lecture but very few of us 'Do what we say'. Even an educated JAT who is affluent will want dowry for his son. Though he would keep saying "Bhai, kucch nahi chahiye. Bas baraat ka adar satkar hona chhaiye". We all know where it ends up.

I want to see how many of our young and unmarried JATLAND members pledge NOT TO TAKE DOWRY on this site and follow it. Even elders who have sons to marry can join this effort. It is very simple actually. Just say "I will not accept any dowry when I marry".

Again let me start with myself. "I pledge in this forum that I will not accept any dowry if and when my son gets married. I will accept the 'Bahu' in only her personal clothes. All expenditure of a joint reception will be met by me and only me. This pledge will be fulfilled by my wife should I cease to exist".

One of us can keep track as to how many of us ultimately keep our pledge.

Dudee Saheb things are much worse in the villages where there are no jobs and the land has been divided again and again due to increase in population. I still believe we can make a difference in our own humble ways. The key is to not to get distracted from the goal.

Regards,

Lt Col JS Malik (Retd)
JAT BALWAN, JAI BHAGWAN

[rajendersingh]

dear col malk,dudeeji,nasheir ji,and all others,
as u all mentioned the double standards are the common things of our character.it is not that it has set in recently in the jats but it was rare but now it is every where.every one young or old, illitrate or educated,every one is in grip of this disease.

as a keen oserver of the social system and the surroundings,i have got no hasitation in saying that overall character has taken a plunge in last 15 to 20 years.will to work has dimnished to a large extend.in day to day working it is common to see filmsy excuses for avoiding work.poor ladies are on tractor / bullockcart seats and our youth is busy playing cards or attending political rallies or standing in front of daru ka theka.it would not be wrong to say thatwe are back to suquare one,what sir chotu ram had donefor us has been undone.we are again at the mercy of moneylanders in villages

[jitenderhooda]

Budh Bhai there should not be any hatred that i know and better realised by ur responses .

1) Budh Bhai now a days i think there is some change in remarriage in our society and even a divorcee or widow women are getting married but not with unmarried men that is right.But i think that in this point the situation is going to be better as it was earlier in this century in our country.

2) Budh Bhai its true that this is the largest karz in the world to have a baby in womb , for that baby and we should do like sharavan kumar did but bhai i think this is lacking nowadays because the whole society is changing fast.

In todays world with the fast life , many of ladies are not able to take complete care of their children and they have to keep them away from themselves or keep in crunches , so the initial contact that lead to a deep attachment into the minds of children for his mother is not there .

Maan ka dhoodh brings most of the attachment but how many of the ladies are feeding their children for so long , very initially they start feeding with the upar ka doodh .

Apart from this the environment that the child get through the TV's and other media is also responsible for this change in children behaviour .

Moreover , when both the mother and father are away from their children from morning 7.30 am to 6 or 6.30 in the evening , there is very less time that they are having for their children .

That's why the moral values are loosing these days .


It's not that the misbehaviour is with only women but with the men also its a complete change in behaviour of people .

3) jahan tak dowary ka sawal hai it's a bad custom that we are inheriting .

It's the society , somewhere in nagaland it is taken by the lady's side and paid by the men .

but anyhow it should not be there .

Jagmohan Ji , Very much praises for u for ur firm determination.

Really appreciable .

There have been talks that there are only sayings on this site and no implementation but i am impressed by two of your doings --

1) Helping for the Jats for SSB's

2) this Anti - Dowary statement .

A good approach .

----

IT SHOULD BE OFFENDED FULLY WHENEVER ANY OF THE HUMAN BEING IS UNDER EXPLOITATION ,

EVEN WOMEN SHOULD OFFEND THEMSELVES , AND FIGHT FOR JUSTICE , IT'S PROVIDED IN THE LAW .

NOW -A DAYS LADIES ARE EDUCATED AND EVEN THE LAWS FAVIOUR THEM , THEN THEY SHOULD FIGHT FOR JUSTICE IF DEPRIVED OF IT .

[ranjitjat]

DEAR COL SAHIB, Major Rajender, Budh ji and all.
very interesting subject.
I have also taken oath under under other heading 3 EVILS- DOWRY- DRUGS AND BRIBE -RISPAT.
The topic is still on notice board.
We are among few jats international families, who has joint family from 4 generations. We never accept give or take dowry. Rajender know my relatives and family. We accepted master Chandgi Ram Kanyadan in the panchyat in my sisters marriage. BUT NO DOWRY IN ANY FORM.
HAM JO KAHATY HAN VAHI KARATY HAN. KAHANA HO MUH PER KAHATY HAN. no to double standards.
I agree the condition in villages going down. Moral values have less meaning. GOOD NEWS is this people like you and khandani values are there.
Cheers

[anilkc]

dowry is not evil. Just like many of us misuse/abuse the law by finding loopholes in legal system and not implementing it in spirit, dowry has been misused. Instead of blaming the person, we blame the system. It my beleif, but I may be wrong, the dowry system is a very fair way of distributing the wealth of family. When wealth is passed from one generation to thers the males (who generally stay with parents) distribute the property. The female goes away long before the time comes to pass on the family property to the next generation. How can she ensure she gets the faie share? Its the dowry wich ensured that the female got her share of property. And she shud get it at the time of her marriage and not later, bcos its upto that time that she has contributed to the family. The problem is that the dowry, instead of going to the female is now being given to the husband. I beleive the dowry system was started with good intentions, but subsequently it was twisted and the good part was conviniently forgotten.

Their are so many other practices in hindu culture which has been maligned just bcos of bad implementation.