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dayvraj
July 23rd, 2004, 02:52 PM
If you were to choose a life partner without any pressures common in Indian culture like parents wishes, family background, status, etc. then what would you look for in a life partner? Would looks matter?


I invite you to share your thoughts on this subject.

Ok since charity starts at home , so here is my wish list , apart from the one here (http://www.jatland.com/mts/detail.php?siteid=397)in the matrimonial section of www.jatland.com.



Marriage.. I consider it a very sacred and important relationship in life. The ultimate relationship that God intended between Man and Woman.

Well, what would I look for in a woman?

- Sense of Humour: Very much needed for a long lasting happy and fun-filled life together.

- Commitment: Its very necessary to have a sense of responsibility and commitment towards each other.

- Indian Values: By this I mean that my wife should have all that is good in our Indian culture. Though I am a liberal , but I still value the good things that I have learnt in India. I adopt what is good here and really appreciate it, but I dont go overboard. Basically a mix of what is best of East and West .

- Family Bonding: I would not and will not consider my wife's parents and family as a disturbance in my life but as a welcome component to make our life fuller and more complete. I expect the same for my parents. I like to socialise and have a big friend circle and also relatives. Ours is a very open and non-orthodox family.

- Looks : An adage goes - What the eyes don't admire the heart doesn't desires .Looks would be an an added pleasing asset but they dont really matter to me much {except if you are a Jayalalitha, Rabri Devi or Phoolan Devi }.I am not saying she should be this tall or this type of features... but there should be attraction. Scope for passion, sparks. *

Did I overhear the word 'SHALLOW' ? *CONFUSED*

-Financially Independence :She Doesnt have to be financially independent or 'rich' or anything. Just responsible enough and able to look after herself and family if need be, would be cool.

-Intelligent: can get my jokes and sarcasm , take my nitpickings in a sporting way and doubly do the same in return (heh heh heh). Sense of humour would be lovely...

-Friend: Someone who I find easy to talk to, can laugh with.

-Eating HAbits and Sense of Dressing : Though I am a pure vegetarian and gals look better and a more confident type to me in in a western attire ( specially Blue Jeans and T-Shirts / Tops) than the traditional Indian SaaRi or Salwaar Kameez but still I wouldnt wish to insult the person who I would like to marry by defining how they should behave, or dress, or eat or drink.Wud be a dream come true if she too doesn't have a taste for Saaris et al .For ceremonial occasions it's ok .

-Religion wont be an issue, if I am in love.

-I'd like her to be a strong person, who can make her own decisions and take responsibility for the same. This can be figured out by talking, and see what kind of choices (career/education/Hobbies anything else ) she made in life, and who influenced them, etc...

-Not a slob... (dresses neatly and keeps her room, bathroom, reasonably clean).Spends a considerable amount of time with Cosmetics and is a real Bathroom Beauty like me .

-Keeps physically fit.

- Education: Just enough to pass on the good things to the next generation but since I am Anglophile the lady should have an excellent command in written and spoken english.Education doesnt matter too much if above is met.

-And then there are some other qualities... which you can hope for, but cannot really see/test for yourself, for they can be faked and unless you start living with person they dont surface... like sincerity, whether she really cares, keeps my view points in mind while making any decisions, or personal hygiene (does she change her undergarments everyday??)


um I could go on with my wishes.... *SIGH*

singh1981
July 23rd, 2004, 06:18 PM
tell me one thing...............

agar kisi bandi mai itni saari khubiyaan hongi..........to vo app kai paas kyon aayegi................

matlab aap mai aisi kya khubiyaan hai.........can u pls explain ????

waise dil pe mat le yaar ..........................haath mai le..............





Dayvraj (Jul 23, 2004 08:09 a.m.):
If you were to choose a life partner without any pressures common in Indian culture like parents wishes, family background, status, etc. then what would you look for in a life partner? Would looks matter?


I invite you to share your thoughts on this subject.

Ok since charity starts at home , so here is my wish list , apart from the one here (http://www.jatland.com/mts/detail.php?siteid=397)in the matrimonial section of www.jatland.com.



Marriage.. I consider it a very sacred and important relationship in life. The ultimate relationship that God intended between Man and Woman.

Well, what would I look for in a woman?

- Sense of Humour: Very much needed for a long lasting happy and fun-filled life together.

- Commitment: Its very necessary to have a sense of responsibility and commitment towards each other.

- Indian Values: By this I mean that my wife should have all that is good in our Indian culture. Though I am a liberal , but I still value the good things that I have learnt in India. I adopt what is good here and really appreciate it, but I dont go overboard. Basically a mix of what is best of East and West .

- Family Bonding: I would not and will not consider my wife's parents and family as a disturbance in my life but as a welcome component to make our life fuller and more complete. I expect the same for my parents. I like to socialise and have a big friend circle and also relatives. Ours is a very open and non-orthodox family.

- Looks : An adage goes - What the eyes don't admire the heart doesn't desires .Looks would be an an added pleasing asset but they dont really matter to me much {except if you are a Jayalalitha, Rabri Devi or Phoolan Devi }.I am not saying she should be this tall or this type of features... but there should be attraction. Scope for passion, sparks. *

Did I overhear the word 'SHALLOW' ? *CONFUSED*

-Financially Independence :She Doesnt have to be financially independent or 'rich' or anything. Just responsible enough and able to look after herself and family if need be, would be cool.

-Intelligent: can get my jokes and sarcasm , take my nitpickings in a sporting way and doubly do the same in return (heh heh heh). Sense of humour would be lovely...

-Friend: Someone who I find easy to talk to, can laugh with.

-Eating HAbits and Sense of Dressing : Though I am a pure vegetarian and gals look better and a more confident type to me in in a western attire ( specially Blue Jeans and T-Shirts / Tops) than the traditional Indian SaaRi or Salwaar Kameez but still I wouldnt wish to insult the person who I would like to marry by defining how they should behave, or dress, or eat or drink.Wud be a dream come true if she too doesn't have a taste for Saaris et al .For ceremonial occasions it's ok .

-Religion wont be an issue, if I am in love.

-I'd like her to be a strong person, who can make her own decisions and take responsibility for the same. This can be figured out by talking, and see what kind of choices (career/education/Hobbies anything else ) she made in life, and who influenced them, etc...

-Not a slob... (dresses neatly and keeps her room, bathroom, reasonably clean).Spends a considerable amount of time with Cosmetics and is a real Bathroom Beauty like me .

-Keeps physically fit.

- Education: Just enough to pass on the good things to the next generation but since I am Anglophile the lady should have an excellent command in written and spoken english.Education doesnt matter too much if above is met.

-And then there are some other qualities... which you can hope for, but cannot really see/test for yourself, for they can be faked and unless you start living with person they dont surface... like sincerity, whether she really cares, keeps my view points in mind while making any decisions, or personal hygiene (does she change her undergarments everyday??)


um I could go on with my wishes.... *SIGH*

danarambeerda
July 23rd, 2004, 07:54 PM
Gaon ki gori chhori se shaadi karo aur sada sukhi raho.....

rkumar
July 23rd, 2004, 08:31 PM
Dream of every unmarried young man is to get a woman who can exist only in dreams. Wisdom is, how realistic the dreams are. We all had our share of fantasies about woman before getting married. Beauty is how one protects his/ her fantasies in harsh realities of life and this is what the art of successful marriage or for that matter any successful relation is all about.

Rajendra

brainspeak
July 23rd, 2004, 09:15 PM
acha sawal hai sukhbirji..........

ajaysinghbamel
July 24th, 2004, 12:09 AM
Hi Davy,
I think you remember that GHANI SAYANI DO BE PO KEY KHAYA KARE. therefore take care in selecting wife.

rbalyan
July 24th, 2004, 04:39 AM
Dear Dayvraj,
I'm of your age and passing through same situation (searching gal).Let me tell you one thing.You don't get a wife made as per your order. It's not like cake, that you give your specifications and get it.You meet a human being, who is a product of various genetic, social, economical, educational, psychological factors. Even if you find someone matching your conditions ( at least you think so), there is no guarantee that there won't be problems in your life and she will agree with you in everything.
Relax your criterias and see if you could be compatible with a person.I'll be very happy if you find someone coming true to your expectations.But I'm afraid if it does not happen, you may end up being a 'RANDUA'. ( Just kidding yaar).Best of luck,
- Rajiv

dayvraj
July 24th, 2004, 05:13 PM
Folks , it seems that ye all somehow managed to miss what I meant by the post .

That was just a wish list ( Not a set of rigid requisites )and trust me if quarter a century of life has taught me anything at all - it has taught me that wishes are not horses .

I happen to stand in that brigade of buddies who believe that - Aim for the moon ,and just in acse if you miss it ,you'll be with the stars .


matlab aap mai aisi kya khubiyaan hai.........can u pls explain ?

khubiaan , hum may ek bhee nahin hai sarkar-e-aala , khubiaan toh usme may hain jisne humhe banaaya

waise dil pe mat le yaar ..........................haath mai le..............


Yaar haath may hee toh lay laykar thak gayaa hun , haath aur @#$% dono may chhalae paR chukay hain isiliye toh saadi kaa khyaal dil may aa raa sae.

Mate , I Am too much of a thick head to take things to heart :(

*Said in a sporting spirit *


Gaon ki gori chhori se shaadi karo aur sada sukhi raho.....

HUzoor , chori toh kaali bhee chalegi ( rather full throttle pay dauRaygee , as yours truly just gets turned on by black beauties ) provided uskaa mental level apne say match kartaa ho in full synchronity , hore surmay kaa kharchaa bhee bachegaa .


Rajender BHaisahaab

DReams need people , like people need dreams .Visions need somebody to make them real it seems .This world is a canvas and we have the power to paint the type of picture when it comes to be ourhour.

The art of succesful marriage as per the conclusion of my experiments with a series of dalliances in life , lies in just doing two little things , viz -

1. Making your spouse cherish thinking aloud in your presence .

2.Making the spouse love you much more than you love her / him and thereby rendering her / his mind absolutely monoandrous / monogamous.

My friend , for me , Fidelity a la virginity ( both monogamousness as well as monoandrousness) towards your spouse is the state of the mind and not the state of the genitals and so fidelity UNLIKE happiness should be an automatic response and not a conscious choice.

Ajay, having been born and brought up in Dehradun , with seldom occasional visits to my parental villages makes me uncapable to understand Jatnese (my coinage for the jat dialect ) in it's absoluteness and hence couldn't figure out this trio - DO BE PO *CONFUSED*



If you could please do a verbatim translation in HIndi / English ( as per your choice), I'll be able to enjoy re-reading your post .Nevertheless thanks for your wishes.

Rajiv

I prefer solitude ( Randwaaness) to bad company .

Yaar maine ek seedhaa saadhaa question poochaa thaa hore mil gay mujhay saare rhetoric replies .:(


PS: Bhaiyo mere , saadi byaah kay maamle may mhaaree bote-um layn yoh haigi :



Vivaah - Agar mun kaa hovay toh chokkha , hore joh naa hee hovay toh ghanaa chokkhaa , kyunki saadi vaa laddu haigaa , jo khaave pachtaave hore joh naa khaave lalchaave.


*CHEERS*

ashokpanghal
July 25th, 2004, 03:55 AM
Jise sawal use jawab
Jat to yeahe khootein gadainge !

poonam
July 25th, 2004, 06:29 AM
i agree with your views about the responses.

gaganjat
July 25th, 2004, 09:53 AM
AA re! Apna nakli photo dikhawega choori te. Tu to kati e Rampal ki Kopi lage hai chore endi.

Mate! allthe best to u

ajaysinghbamel
July 25th, 2004, 01:38 PM
Ajay, having been born and brought up in Dehradun , with seldom occasional visits to my parental villages makes me uncapable to understand Jatnese (my coinage for the jat dialect ) in it's absoluteness and hence couldn't figure out this trio - DO BE PO *CONFUSED*



If you could please do a verbatim translation in HIndi / English ( as per your choice), I'll be able to enjoy re-reading your post .Nevertheless thanks for your wishes.


Hi Dayv,
It means that more intelligent woman cooks two times and therfore does more wasteage. Therefore it is advised to go for normal girl.

Secondly on your exprience on Haath i will tell u one story that once exprienced person like u went to Pandit to show his hand for future. Pandit after seeing the haath told that nothing is possible now as because of excess use of Haath all lines have vanished. Take care and enjoy.

rohit
July 25th, 2004, 02:42 PM
Only unmarried should read this message

Hi,
You have put lots of time and effort in writing things down and every thing seems to have come from you heart and it is really sad that we are not taking it in a healthy sprit. Let me share what I am looking for in my future life partner or soul mate :)
I am a guy who takes life as it comes; though sometimes I have tried to change the course of the life (a typical JAT characteristic). I have not thought in details about the girl I would like to marry but some of the things that comes to my mind at this moment are

Education: she should be educated enough to maintain the living standard of the family even if I am not around. She should be able to understand and help our children in their education and also should be able to understand my silly jokes and laugh with me.

Physical attributes: I don’t want Miss India but she and I should be compatible in physical sense.

Respect of parents: she should be respecting my parents and elders and of course I should do the same with her family.

Caste and religion: Caste and religion do matters in my case. I belong to a community where an outsider will find it very difficult to understand things that goes on in our villages and houses. Even if we belong to a family that is living in the city for many years, evidence of village would be easy to locate. They would be virtually everywhere in the house starting from the food grain to drawing rooms. Of course girls from other martial races can find some similarity in the way we live but even for them it is different. Those who think that religion does not matter are actually mistaken in thinking that religion is just a way of worshiping. It is a way of living. Every religion follows different way of living and this is what distinguishes them form other religions. Basically no religion teaches different things. Everyone harps on the same tune of brotherhood and love. So when you fall in love with a girl of different religion she carries tradition of her community in to your house killing the differentiation factor in the process. This is not be wrong as such but the change could be painful to both your family and your parent’s family. For example touching feet is very common in our community and is very common way of giving respect. This may not be so with a girl form other caste; in fact she may take offence in doing so.

Now I cannot think beyond this point.... who knows what future holds for him. And why should I get disappointed by having some expectation now. Let me face the moment of truth when it comes. Who-so-ever she would be I would adjust to the need of the moment. Happy marriage is all about adjustment and compromises.

dayvraj
July 25th, 2004, 05:06 PM
*What type of a bride are you looking for ?

*Do you prefer marrying in your own caste / Religion ?

*What are your expectations from her ?


*What are the minimum prerequisites that she should have before you conisder her eligible for being your wife ?

*Do you want a house wife or a working wife ?

*Are you expecting some dowrry also , inacse you are going for a house wife ?

*Incase you don't believe in getting dowry then in that case would you refuse it even if you get it without your asking it ?

*If you were to place your matrimonial in a news paper would you lie about some facts or try to disclose some facts or give wrong information about your self say financial assets etc or your in come etc .

*Suppose that you have a perfect eye sight , than would it matter to you if your would be wife wears specs / contact lens.


*Would you ask for an AIDS certificate before you get married and also a complete medical fitness certificate of your would be wife before you get married ie even medical proof of th efact that she can concieve.


*Would you also give your all medical details if asked for or simply not marry as woman who is asking for so much info .

* Will you give her your pay slip if she asks for it as a proof ?

Lets have your answers and more such questions ..

dayvraj
July 25th, 2004, 05:12 PM
Inacse you also have some questions , please do post them .

What do you think is the right age for a man to get married .

Do you really in todays date believe in matching Kundli's of the bride and the grooom and then fixing the dates of the marriage engagement etc by referring to a pundit ji and then checking it out for things like Manglik , kaal sarp yog , matching of the chattis guNs.

dayvraj
July 25th, 2004, 05:25 PM
If you look at some of the matrimonial advertisements in news-papers and even on some matrimonial sites you will notice that Indian men still prefer or demand a 'fair' (gori) bride.

What is the fascination with this 'fair' bride demand?

I firmly believe that in India or our culture, a woman's worst enemy is a woman.

Even if the males of the family do not insist on "fair" skin, the females will most certainly do. The reason- they want the next generation be fair - let alone that her son would be as dark as a peice of coal.

I think it has a lot to do with us associating fair skin with superiority. Somethng that has been unconditionally/unconsciously ingrained in us since childhood.

In spite of what MILs have gone through when they were DIL, they will make their DILs go through the same hell. It is the MILs who want to have male heirs,have no scrupples about getting rid of a female foetuses and new-borns and are the ones who are responsible for dowry deaths.

*Makes me want to puke.*

MAny folks tell me kee agar biwi gori hogi toh bacchay bhee goray hongay but goraa toh suar bhee hotaa hai aur gadhaa bhee .

dayvraj
July 25th, 2004, 06:09 PM
So how many among you guys think, its a bad practice. And would adamantly refuse to take any dowry. I hear several views from my friends...

- Some who think since women generally don't get any hissa from parental property, dowry is acceptable.Even if according to the law they have an equal right but still most of them specially amongst Jats they sacrifice their paternal property for their Brothers.

- Some who justify that whatever her parents would give willingly and comfortably.. I wouldnt demand. But I wouldnt refuse either.

- Then some prefer simple marriages, and adamantly refuse any dowry from girls' families.

- Even some girls like to have their parents spend a lot on buying gifts, jewelry etc... so she can show off in sasuraal.

I personally think that parents do enough in India already by educating us. Instead of going for easy money (even if parents can give easily), if we start refusing to accept dowry, it might go a long way towards abolishing this practice altogether... since it does more harm than good in general.

What do the folks here think ?

dayvraj
July 25th, 2004, 06:22 PM
I for one would definately oppose dowry.But then if the girls mom has had something in store for her like some ancestral jewellery and is very emotional about it then I will not refuse.But if they want to give something to me then of course I'll refuse.I will not take anything for myself.But on the other hand I will not impose restrictions on my wife at the outset itself.It's her parents and they wanna give her something how can I refuse if it's gonna make them feel sad or offended.

Like I would not like it if my wife asked me to refuse something that my parents would want to give me out of affection.

But getting dowry out of force is inhuman.Any guy worth with even an ounce of self respect would not insist on dowry.

I think the whole concept of dowry is mad. I am dead against it.Well even I have decided to take the plunge , and plan on taking absolutely nothing from the girls parents. This is coz I am well settled and have a fully furnished house etc. so I don't need anything. Anyway this is pretty much a personal decision the guy has to take. But I strongly hold that , Guys who make demands are actually faggots.

THough I want a court marriage, followed by a very simple gettogether ( with no show or shine ) with real close family members and friends , and not just every tom , dick and harry . ( consider the usual ceremonial marriage as a total wastage of money and looks like a nautanki to me, specially that stupid ordeal of sitting on a ghodi ) but am unable to convince my folks for the court marraige thingy .Just hope and wish somehow they along with the bride's folks agree for it .

shokeen123
July 25th, 2004, 07:30 PM
Devraj Avatar:

“If we start refusing to accept dowry, it might go a long way towards abolishing this practice altogether... since it does more harm than good in general.”

This is the best statement I have ever read from a real Jat man! (FYI – before I get stoned, this includes all men who stand by this rule). However, let me respond to the responses some of your friends have given that are more confusing than helpful. Most of them are sort of departure from the principle of conviction, because either you accept dowry in some way shape or form, or you don’t! You can't have the cake and eat it too?

“Some who think since women generally don't get any hissa from parental property, dowry is acceptable.Even if according to the law they have an equal right but still most of them specially amongst Jats they sacrifice their paternal property for their Brothers.”

Shouldn’t we first correct this evil? Why not promote gender equality instead of complicating the girl’s life further by making her responsible to secure the ‘wedding inheritance?’ And then again how do you measure the equality of share? Does a onetime expense make everything alright in her life?

“Some who justify that whatever her parents would give willingly and comfortably.. I wouldnt demand. But I wouldnt refuse either.”

Nope! If you are a self-respecting man you should marry the girl with no strings attached!

“Then some prefer simple marriages, and adamantly refuse any dowry from girls' families.”

This is the group that will indeed spearhead efforts (and make a dent at a larger scale) in reinforcing the rule to abolish this evil practice.

“Even some girls like to have their parents spend a lot on buying gifts, jewelry etc... so she can show off in sasuraal.”

If the girl and boy are educated and employed and therefore empowered and independent, they should look forward to building a future together from scratch. A small token of remembrance or a family heirloom is fine but to expect expensive gifts as part of an auspicious milestone is sign of greed.

“I personally think that parents do enough in India already by educating us.”

Really? Do they? I would like to agree with you on this one, but truth is far from reality. This would be applicable to a homogeneous group i.e., all Jat families are equal socio-economically and therefore have educated their girls and boys equally, but what we have among the Jat community is the garden variety background when it comes to the socioeconomic structure and composition of families. You can’t compare apples and oranges - some, who still dwell in the villages can’t compete with the likes of you, born and bred in Doon. You can make out the sometimes subtle and other times exact opposite end of the spectrum views right here on Jatland, on almost all topics be it a simple joke or a serious dicussion. You can’t use a blanket approach with a group that is still staggering with the economical progress.

Best wishes in your quest for a suitable wife!

Sujata

mbamal
July 25th, 2004, 08:52 PM
two words...."Less Demanding"...

mbamal
July 25th, 2004, 08:57 PM
One the issue of court marriage vs normal ceremonial marriage....marriage is something that is celebrated in our community...exactly how one does it is ones own choice/prerogative/wish..It can be grand..or it could b a simple ceremony...all depends on how do you intend to celebrate it witin the financial constraints...

vivek
July 26th, 2004, 07:39 AM
This is in response to a previous question.....what is fascination with 'fair skin'.

No one chooses their skin color, and the thinking that places fair skin over dark only extrapolates that the 'goras' must be at the top.

Yet its a reality that fair skin is perferred and even in old prose, dark is usually associated with evil. I can remember 'dadis' mentioning 'gori chitti' as a very desirable trait....and scolding girls for being in the sun too long....and becoming kaali.

The reality is that fair skin is preferred over dark if everything else is equal in india and almost everywhere in the world. Its isn't fair...but life isn't fair. Some people are born with low IQ, some people are inherently physically stronger etc etc. In the arranged marriage world, the 'arrangers' want the best for the future progeny...and thus they prefer fair skin.

Education is placing more emphasis on intelligence, and money has always had its place, but fair skin remains a strong determining factor in arranged marriage market. In actuality, kind nature should be at the top...but you cannot determine a person's nature without knowing them.

ajmer
July 26th, 2004, 11:17 AM
Devraj,

I would like to see you answer your own long list of questions before I come up with a proposal for you. They were totally irrevalent when I god married not too long ago. They are still irrevalent to many even today but I would like to see how/why such questions are becoming relevant.

I do really appreciate your bold statements about dowry and I hope you follow trough them I would like to see every Jat make such statements (publicly or privately) and actually follow through them.

There is really no harm in wanting a chand ka tukda if you are worth it, yes it is a market guys. Everyone do have a worth in the market - guys and gals. Unfortunately girls are unfairly discounted in our society. We all needs to work hard to change that.

Do let me know and I like almost everyone else do have a few proposals for you but at this time I am just under the impression (not your making though) that even though the girls are educated (with recent post-grads (one of them in Computers)) in their early twenties and have lived in cities, they may not meet your so called high standard (once again it is just my thinking and not your making). But if you or anyone elase wants to prove me wrong do let me know and we can talk before I introduce them to you.

This is a really good and much needed discussion. I have come to see that families with girls are finding it very hard to find boys and families with boys are finding it very hard to find a girl. A very strange phenomenon. Need some good explaination.

Thanks.

-ajmer

dayvraj
July 26th, 2004, 08:50 PM
Some questions to the married males

*Do you still court your wife with an occasional gift of flowers , with remembrances of her birthday and wedding anniversary , or with some unlooked for tenderness ?

*Are you careful never to criticise her in public?


*DO you give her money to spend entirely as she chooses , above the household expenses ?

*Do you make an effort to understand her varying feminine moods and help through periods of fatigue , nerves and irritability .

*Do you share atleast half of your recreational hours with ypour wife ?


*Do you tactfully refrain from comparing your wife's cooking with that of your's mother or of babauram's wife , except to her advantage.

*Do you take a definite interest in her intellectual life , her clubs and socitites , the books she reads , her views on civic problems pr other problems ?


*Can you let your wife dance with and recieve friendly attentions from other men without making jealous remarks ?


*Do you keep alert for opportunities to praise her and express your admiration for her ?

*Do you thank her for sewing on a button , darning your socks , and sending your clothes to the cleaner .?


PS: Sujata and Ajmer , I owe you a reply .Would love to do so .Right now apun ko kalti maarne kaa hai ,work beckons.:(

dayvraj
July 26th, 2004, 09:14 PM
Someone who has the capability of expressing herself fluently and cogently like Sonali and Sujata , particulary Sonali .

JUst feel most comfortable in the company of females who have the capabilities of having an edge over me atleast in wordweaving and wordsmithy , if not anything else.

*Blushes*

Well that was just an example.

Apologises for not including the names of other dudettes here as being a newbie I havent been able to go through the archives and I am sure there must be some if not many at par with these two .

dayvraj
July 26th, 2004, 09:17 PM
* Do you give your husband complete freedom in his buisness affairs , and do you refrain from criticizing his associates , huis choice of a secratary or of the hours he keeps ?

*Do you try your best to keep your home interesting and attractive?


*Do you vary the household menu so that your husband never quite knows what to expect when he sits down to the table ?


*Do you have an intelligent grasp of your husband's buisness so you can discuss it with him helpfully ?

*Can you meet financial reverses bravely , without criticizing your husband for his mistakes or comparing him unfavourably with more successful men ?


*Do you make a special efforty to get along amiably with his mother or other relatives ?


*Do you dress with an eye for your husbnad 's likes and dislikes in colour and style ?

* Do you compromise little differences of opinion in the inetrest of harmony ?


*Do you make an effort to learn games your husband likes , so you can share his leisure hours ?


*Do you keep track of the days news , the newbooks , and new ideas , so you can hold your husband's intellectual interests?

dayvraj
July 26th, 2004, 09:23 PM
*Do you prefer marrying in your own caste / Religion ?

Not important in any way, but nothing like it I get my dream Jatni.

*What are your expectations from her ?
Full Fidelity first .

*What are the minimum prerequisites that she should have before you conisder her eligible for being your wife ?


Cultured friendly and intelligent( streetsmart ones like Sonali Preffered)

*Do you want a house wife or a working wife ?

My way her way anything goes.

*Are you expecting some dowrry also , inacse you are going for a house wife ?

Old conceps talked of by people who enjoy finding faults with their own culture.

*Incase you don't believe in getting dowry then in that case would you refuse it even if you get it without your asking it ?

Depends on the situation as right now it sounds very hypothetical , and I have answered it before in details .

*If you were to place your matrimonial in a news paper would you lie about some facts or try to disclose some facts or give wrong information about your self say financial assets etc or your in come etc .

It's stupid to give financial info in ads

*Suppose that you have a perfect eye sight , than would it matter to you if your would be wife wears specs / contact lens


Small number no probs

*Would you ask for an AIDS certificate before you get married and also a complete medical fitness certificate of your would be wife before you get married ie even medical proof of th efact that she can concieve.


You gotta take chances. Take a calculated risk generally girls from good families are less prone to nonsense. About reproductive thing LOL!

*Would you also give your all medical details if asked for or simply not marry as woman who is asking for so much info .

If explicitly asked for I would give it but then I would ask for the same in return.

* Will you give her your pay slip if she asks for it as a proof ?

I would think of her as someone interested in marrying my pay slip not me.

Anyother questions dude , that you would like me to answer ?

neena009
July 27th, 2004, 02:42 AM
[quote]Dayvraj (Jul 25, 2004 08:52 a.m.):
I for one would definately oppose dowry.But then if the girls mom has had something in store for her like some ancestral jewellery and is very emotional about it then I will not refuse.But if they want to give something to me then of course I'll refuse.I will not take anything for myself.But on the other hand I will not impose restrictions on my wife at the outset itself.It's her parents and they wanna give her something how can I refuse if it's gonna make them feel sad or offended.

Like I would not like it if my wife asked me to refuse something that my parents would want to give me out of affection.

But getting dowry out of force is inhuman.Any guy worth with even an ounce of self respect would not insist on dowry.

I think the whole concept of dowry is mad. I am dead against it.Well even I have decided to take the plunge , and plan on taking absolutely nothing from the girls parents. This is coz I am well settled and have a fully furnished house etc. so I don't need anything. Anyway this is pretty much a personal decision the guy has to take. But I strongly hold that , Guys who make demands are actually faggots.
---------------------------------------------

Well dowry is given to the gals actully so men should not have any say in this matter.n i personally feel that if a man demands dowry then he is not a man.
iam dead against dowry because
1. i want to marry a man.
2. if he cant fulfill his own demands how will he fulfill mine.
3.iam capable enough of fulfilling all my demands so y should i marry a guy who wants dowry.
4.i can not respect a person who demands dowry.(a person having selfrespect will never ask for dowry so no point getting married to a person who doesnt have selfrespect n for whom i have no respect.)
5.my parents have given me enough by educating me.i dont want anything more from them other then their love n care.

n as far as the prob of dowry goes then i feel dat its the gals who have to stand against it.
untill n unless gals start saying no to dowry it will be difficult to remove it.if the gals refuse to marry guys who demand dowry then the guys will be left with no other option but to marry without dowry.its better not to get married at all then to marry a person who is not even a man.

ajmer
July 27th, 2004, 10:49 AM
Dayvy,

You are a smart guy. I still think you have far too many expectations. Work on getting the expectations down to zero. One expectation for after the marriage is one too many expectation. Yes, you can see/check what you can before the marriage but the time you got married just prepare to reset your expectations. This applies both to the guys and gals.

Also, marriage is not a theoretical/philosophical concept. It is merely a practical experiment with no instructions, just get into the lab and get on trying to discover the compound with some patience.

No more questions. You already answered more than I could ask.

Thanks and good luck.

-ajmer


Dayvraj (Jul 26, 2004 11:53 a.m.):
Anyother questions dude , that you would like me to answer ?

danarambeerda
July 29th, 2004, 07:06 PM
Hello Deyvraj,

I think Mallika Shehrawat is good match for you to marry.

With best regards

dayvraj
July 29th, 2004, 08:06 PM
Dayvy,

You are a smart guy.

*BLushes and sends Ajmer a $100 cheque*

birbal
July 29th, 2004, 08:46 PM
There has been a lot of discussion on this topic but I would like to add just one more question to ask yourself when you are deciding to get married.

Ask yourself would I like to spend old age with this person?

The Beatles said nicely -

When I get older losing my hair many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine,
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out till quater to three would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?

Oh, you'll be older too - Ah
And if you say the word, I could stay with you

I could be handy mending a fuse when your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside,
Sunday mornings, go for a ride
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we could rent a cottage in the Isle of white,
If it's not too dear
We shall skimp and save, grandchildren at your knees,
Vera, Chuck, and Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say,
Yours sincerely, wasting away,
Give me an answer, fill in a form, mine forevermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?