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View Full Version : What should be the role of educated jat wome in jat societyn?



urmiladuhan
September 12th, 2002, 03:35 AM
Number of girls getting education is on the rise in haryana (despite having one of the lowest sex ratio in the country). Jat women who are fortunate enough to become financially and intellectually independent because of education have a great obligation towards our 'com'. When it comes to marriage, many opt for marriage out of the community, because our community may not offer much choice in grooms more educated and therefore financially better off/equal to the women. It all sounds very practical from the women's future security point of view. But in doing so, our community looses the few well educated women it has. Education is as precious as gold for our 'com' as these women are not only role models for other Jat girls

but deprive the community of a well educated

Jat family through her, by marrying ouside the community. On a personal level for her, outside community marriage may require her to submerge her identity as a Jat besides loosing acceptance by majority her com. The solution to this problem is good education for our community, and education brings wealth. Since this cannot be expected to happen overnight, a little compromise (??) on the part of educated Jat women may benefit the community in the long run.

dkumar
September 12th, 2002, 01:30 PM
Duhan Bhai,

Cudos to you on having started the topic for discussion of such paramount importance to our community!

I do agree with your viewpoint that we need to give great emphasis towards education among ourselves!

Apart from this we also need to come of age when it comes to regionalism too "which is very much prevaling among Hindu Jats even (Leave apart sikh jat, muslim jat etc) too....like Haryanvi Jat, Paar(UP) ke Jat etc. when it comes to marriages!"

All the above-said views are solely of author ie myself based on general observation as well as personal experience and doesnt meant to offend or heart anyone by any means!

Thanks & Regards,

rajeshsindhu
September 12th, 2002, 10:18 PM
Duhan et al:
Community is asking only one thing from educated Jat women and men:
"Just be the role models for fellow and younger bretherns/sisters".
And this may demand some sacrifice of personal interests over the community interests.

-Rajesh

ranjitjat
September 13th, 2002, 06:31 PM
Positive thinking
Equal rights & duties
Work hard for human rights
Use great human values- Great jats values
Understanding
Truth
Justice
Honesty
pourity

Unselfishness
Love
Fairness
Unity
Team work
Joint family system
Progressive thinking
Best use of talents& virtues
Guradian of our cultare , language & history.
These values apply to both jats men & women
But society always expect more from women & give them back very little
As a mother woman is always happy to give more to sociaty & take care of the family.
I personally respect this role& appeal to the sociaty to give our women more education ,freedom ,equal rights & RESPECT.
In the last
Kurwani- kurwani- kurwani- kurwani
Desh magata ha kurwani
Kom magati hh Kurwani
Pariwar magata hh Kurwani
Santan Magati hh Kurwani
maa ky dil mae bahut bhri hh kurwaniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

BOLO BHARAT MATA KI JAY
MATA BHAWANI KI JAY
JAT JANANI MATA KI JAY

ranjitjat
September 13th, 2002, 10:22 PM
Kurwani- kurwani- kurwani-kurwani
Mata ko payari hh kurwani
sakati ko payari hh kurwani
Duraga ko payari hh kurwani
Jatni ko payari hh kurwa ni
JAt KO BHI PAYARI HH KURWANI

vichitra
September 14th, 2002, 12:46 AM
Hi Mr. Duhan
Its really good that you raised this discussion…..well I really wonder how many people in our community give this thing a thought , that why educated Jat females ,being given a choice , prefer to marry in other communities.
First of all,Jats specially residing in villages still cling to the old age idea that”ladki padh likh ke kya karegi,sar chad ke bolegi”……..which is so wrong. Now its to change this …it is a universal fact that a family always prospers more if the females are literate in that family...they really make a difference.
Secondly,in our community,which I will say is completely male dominated,Jat men think females should always stay under their hands……..
So educated jat females think its better to marry someone with whom she can enjoy an equal status. As far as role model is concerned…girls should apply their own brains as to what exactly they expect from their lives…..
I guess its time to change the clichéd thinking n the time to be more flexible in approach towards life n time to move on with the world.

r_c_narwal
September 14th, 2002, 04:10 PM
U Duhan (Sep 11, 2002 06:05 p.m.):
Number of girls getting education is on the rise in haryana (despite having one of the lowest sex ratio in the country). Jat women who are fortunate enough to become financially and intellectually independent because of education have a great obligation towards our 'com'. When it comes to marriage, many opt for marriage out of the community, because our community may not offer much choice in grooms more educated and therefore financially better off/equal to the women. It all sounds very practical from the women's future security point of view. But in doing so, our community looses the few well educated women it has. Education is as precious as gold for our 'com' as these women are not only role models for other Jat girls

but deprive the community of a well educated

Jat family through her, by marrying ouside the community. On a personal level for her, outside community marriage may require her to submerge her identity as a Jat besides loosing acceptance by majority her com. The solution to this problem is good education for our community, and education brings wealth. Since this cannot be expected to happen overnight, a little compromise (??) on the part of educated Jat women may benefit the community in the long run.
I do not know in what direction jats are going today. Even well educated jats are today asking for dowry. They frankly ask how much cash u can give in tilak(like baniyas,instead of calling it sagaii), even if the girl is well educated. Earlier in
haryana it was not like that. I really had a bitter experience.

scsheorayan
September 14th, 2002, 05:01 PM
Dear Jats,

As discussed elsewhere on this site, even Jats can not escape the downward slide of morality facing the Indian society to-day. In fact it is not confined to Jats only the problem is more wide spread as people are ignoring their cultural heritage and have started identifying more with materail possessions. These are the signs of time to come. As the materailism takes hold other human qualities would appear to be less relevant. It is only after the materialsm starts showing it's ugly side (yes there is very ugly side to materialism which some of us can not or would not want to know about) that one realises how valuable are our culture and what are it's strengths. We all live on hope that gradually things will improve. For those of us who are unfortunate enough to come across a greedy relations there is only one obvious thing to do and that certainly is not yielding to demands. Because it is like a blackmail to which there is no end. Have courage to see your children lead there own lives and stand on their own feet. The concept of accumulating wealth by whatever mean for next few generations is like poisoning the lives of future generations. Because that deprives them of sense of insecurity which is the greatest motivator of all. It is a myth that girl will be happy if she is married to a rich boy. Please do not ignore human qualities which can not be traded for money. Those who trade in their off springs are not worthy of association leave aside relationship. In order to contain this social evil we all must work together and refuse to pay or take dowry in any form. Young generation needs to learn the downside of this child trading. In plain language that is what this Tika, Sagan, Sagai etc. The best thing one can give away is the daughter herself and if the boy and his father consider her such a liability that they have to be bribed then probably they will never value her as a human being. There is no pride in taking or giving a dowry. If parents give some thing to their daughter as a token of love that is different thing but parents when start boasting of their gifts or presents they are worse enemies of their daughter because it has been turned into a thing of pride and ego which ultimately result in less than cordial relations.

urmiladuhan
September 15th, 2002, 08:29 PM
You said in your post that Jat's should be more open to the idea of interstate arranged marriages. Theoretically, it should be obviously done, but i think in the real world, parents/families think about their accessibility to the girl after she is married. And if she is married off to live in area unknown to the family or if they don't know many people in the new area, they

would probably feel some insecurity for their daughter. Also, in arranged marriages, if families live too far apart, they can't be of much help to each other in times of need and therefore networking gets hampered for both the families. There is probably little to gain socially, emotionally, from such marriages, i think.



Urmila Duhan.

urmiladuhan
September 15th, 2002, 09:05 PM
Vichitra Taank (Sep 13, 2002 03:16 p.m.):

Hi Mr. Duhan

Its really good that you raised this discussion*..well I really wonder how many people in our community give this thing a thought , that why educated Jat females ,being given a choice , prefer to marry in other communities.

First of all,Jats specially residing in villages still cling to the old age idea that²ladki padh likh ke kya karegi,sar chad ke bolegi²**.

---------------------------------------

REPLY:

I think, it is true to quite an extent- otherwise why would this be a general consensus over such a long time? Irrespective

of her education and family background, a girl in in arranged marriage scenario, has to realise that she is marrying into a family where power hierarchy already exists. If she makes her new family feel challenged by her from first day, nobody would like it. I also agree that this whole issue is not a black and white situation, and inlaws have a role to play in it too. That is why i think, family compatability is so important in arranged marriages.

-------------------------------------------

.which is so wrong. Now its to change this *it is a universal fact that a family always prospers more if the females are literate in that family...they really make a difference

------------------------------------------

REPLY:



Definitely..a woman role is especially important as it directly affects children's childhood, which in turn shapes their future.

----------------------------------------

Secondly,in our community,which I will say is completely male dominated,Jat men think females should always stay under their hands**..





So educated jat females think its better to marry someone with whom she can enjoy an equal status.

-------------------------------------

REPLY:

I would disagree with you here. Deep down,the attitude of men towards women is the

same everywhere. It is upto the women to shape a man's attitude toward's her in an educated, civilized society- which can be tricky! :)

--------------------------------------



As far as role model is concerned*girls should apply their own brains as to what exactly they expect from their lives*..

I guess its time to change the clichéd thinking n the time to be more flexible in approach towards life n time to move on with the world.

urmiladuhan
September 15th, 2002, 09:37 PM
I do not know in what direction jats are going today. Even well educated jats are today asking for dowry. They frankly ask how much cash u can give in tilak(like baniyas,instead of calling it sagaii), even if the girl is well educated. Earlier in

haryana it was not like that. I really had a bitter experience.

-------------------------------------------

In my opinion, the solution to this problem lies with the parents of educated girl/boy.

First, the parents of educated jat children should take a back seat and supportive role if they have done a good job of raising their

children. The parents should encourage their

children in taking the initiative of meeting prospective matches themselves, without any role for the family at this stage. If it is their children who introduce their would be

partners to families, dowry incidences would

definitely go down. In my opinion, families should be there for the couple only if they need them and not by force. This change in marriage process cannot be expected to happen overnight. It requires networking input from

Jat parents.



Urmila Duhan.

urmiladuhan
September 15th, 2002, 09:48 PM
Reply:

In my opinion, the solution to this problem lies with the parents of

educated girl/boy.



First, the parents of educated jat children should take a back seat and

supportive role if they have done a good job of raising their



children. The parents should encourage their



children in taking the initiative of meeting prospective matches

themselves, without any role for the family at this stage. If it is

their children who introduce their would be



partners to families, dowry incidences would



definitely go down. In my opinion, families should be there for the

couple only if they need them and not by force. This change in marriage

process cannot be expected to happen overnight. It requires networking

input from Jat parents.



Urmila Duhan.

----------------------------------------



Your opinion was:



I do not know in what direction jats are going today. Even well educated jats are today asking for dowry. They frankly ask how much cash u can give in tilak(like baniyas,instead of calling it sagaii), even if the girl is well educated. Earlier in

haryana it was not like that. I really had a bitter experience.[/quote]

bharti
September 16th, 2002, 12:07 PM
In my view , the solution to this dowry thing lies with the BOYS/GROOMS. Can the boy not convince his parents not to ask for/accept any dowry??? this strong step has to be taken by them. no parents can then go against their sons wishes.
WILL ALL THE BACHELORS ON JATLAND TAKE AN OATH NOT TO ACCEPT ANY DOWRY AND GO FOR A SIMPLE WEDDING????
it might be a small beginning but shall set an example for all.
more later...

scsheorayan
September 16th, 2002, 03:42 PM
Thanks for the comment. Inspite of best education our children still are not very street smart and in a close family count on parents to guide them through life's important decision. Decisions like this usually involve all mature family members. It is very rare in traditional families for a child to bring home a boy or girl and introduce to their parents, thanks to our cultural sensitivities in this regard. Some children may feel confident to take such important decision without consent from other family members under those circumstances the topic of dowry etc. becomes some what less relevant.

As far as the evil of dowry is concerned I like the bold and beautiful idea of Bharti. That is the only way this problem can be tackled. Boys have to stand on their own feet and respect their would be life partners by doing away with any material demands. For that to happen they have to possess enough self respect and empathy which must overcome their egotism and sense of insecurity. Parents have a very important role here in educating both sons and daughter in high lighting the evils of dowry which has ruined many a lives. God help us all.

dkumar
September 16th, 2002, 08:15 PM
Urmila ji,

First of all, Thanks a Lot for your specific remarked answer!

Well in today world wher distances are immaterial due high quality connectivity then its just the Mental Block which keeps rather far more better networking of JATs from All States then what is prevailing.

What you say?


U Duhan (Sep 15, 2002 10:59 a.m.):
You said in your post that Jat's should be more open to the idea of interstate arranged marriages. Theoretically, it should be obviously done, but i think in the real world, parents/families think about their accessibility to the girl after she is married. And if she is married off to live in area unknown to the family or if they don't know many people in the new area, they

would probably feel some insecurity for their daughter. Also, in arranged marriages, if families live too far apart, they can't be of much help to each other in times of need and therefore networking gets hampered for both the families. There is probably little to gain socially, emotionally, from such marriages, i think.



Urmila Duhan.

ranjitjat
September 16th, 2002, 09:30 PM
Shubha chand JI & Bharti Ji

I am fully 100% agree with you that dowry is a biggest evil and The Groom should take oath not to take Dowry of any kind.
I suggest that this should also apply to parents & family.
As a rule from now on every member of JATLAND should take oath that they will not take dowry in any form in wedding and in life any time.
I take oath in front of you all & all mighty God that I fought all my life against DOWRY. I will fight all my life against this evil.
I will never accept or give Dowry in any forms in my life.
GOD SAVE& BLESS YOU ALL AND ME TOO.
JAY SHRI KIRSHANA-Jay bajrang bali

devdahiya
January 7th, 2006, 10:04 PM
Role of women...educated or otherwise is much larger and challenging than that of Men. God has created these creatures to lift the havier weights of the burdons associated with life. rearing the children is a huge responsibility in itself, which makes them so special. It is ironic that inspite of creators and nurturers we still demand much larger responsibilities from them. I have seen and felt that Women are always occupied with one thing or other through out their lives. It is a very few who break free and have their say on matters of policy or larger interests. What they need is not the more responsibilities but more say in such important matters and i am more than confident that Women will do much honest and dignified job than men in any capacity. Please allow them the breathing space and proper empowerment.