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urmiladuhan
September 17th, 2002, 12:02 AM
This thread is in continuation of earlier thread:
("Role of educated Jat women in Jat Community"). The prominent opinion were perhaps:

1) Women may marry outside the community if
the family finds no dowry asking/expecting families outside the community, since dowry demands are on the rise in our community.
2)Jat men/family want to treat the educated
girl no differently than they would treat uneducated girl, as a way to show their dominance. Educated girls expect better. Hence look outside of their community.

Solutions offered to the 1st problem:
1)The groom should take a firm stand of not accepting dowry.

Another comment on the first thread was that
it would hurt the sentiments of the families if the adult children introduced their would be partners to their families. Also, that children
need to be street smart to be able to make such an important decision.
I completely agree with the latter statement (street smart) but i am not sure if i agree entirely with the first statement. Would Jat parents still feel hurt if their children chose Jat partners? If so, then it is simply an ego problem. I think the solution to dowry problem
is dfferent under different situations. In rural environment, i think, it should be the boy who should take a stand. And in city dewelling Jats
it should be the boy and the girl who should take charge of their lives and not forget their obligation to their Kaum by keeping Jat's attitude towards living. This is what educated Jat parents need to ingrain deeply in their children from childhood, i think. On another thought, the way the economic and job situation exists in India, who in their right mind would refuse any extra cash that comes their way, may it be dowry/corruption? I think, it is only when a persons economic needs are met that he/she would probably think about what is morally right. Unless dowry is made social stigma in our community, it would be hard i think to get people refuse dowry under present economic conditions.
May be we should start another thread:
"How to make dowry a social stigme in Jat community?"

scsheorayan
September 17th, 2002, 08:30 AM
Thanks for valuable thoughts. For simple Jats the Dowry has always been a stigma and it still is. It is only after people move out of their village and see the prevalance of dowry in Indian society that they try to justify it. Since a lot of readers on this site are urabanised probably they can not relate to old JAT philosophy which is very much respected by those who realise the after effects of dowry. The saying is still true that" those who sold their daughters are now selling their sons." What greater stigma can we attach to this ? I would personally challenge an individual who can justify dowry and claim to be a decent human being and a good Jat.

rajeshsindhu
September 17th, 2002, 09:22 AM
BTW, before going deeper,
can we _define_ what "dowry" really mean here??

-Rajesh

scsheorayan
September 17th, 2002, 02:20 PM
In simplest form Dowry can be said as Cash or similar considerations demanded by boy's side from gir'ls side. Because of social stigma attached to such demands some times in the initial stages they pretend not to want any thing but when the time comes they would rather have it any way irrespective of willingness or capacity of other party. These demands seldom stop at the marriage and tend to go on even after the marriage and have at many times have come to tragic ends, hence legislation is also in place and all matters of bride harrashment receive serious attention. Fortunately it was not a problem among Jat community but things have changed in the recent past and Jats are fast catching up with other communities. It is a burning social issue in need of serious consideration by the community.

ranjitjat
September 17th, 2002, 09:43 PM
Shubha chand JI - RAMRAM
A very well said & true picture of dowry menace.
thank a lots.

ranjitjat
September 17th, 2002, 09:48 PM
Rajesh & others
Please also read defination and menace of dowry in my haryanvi song-jatuu geet
under topic-GET RID OF 3 EVILS---APPEAL

yvsgaawar
September 18th, 2002, 02:32 AM
Hi Udhan,
Your point was:
"In rural environment, I think, it should be the boy who should take a stand. And in city dewelling Jats
it should be the boy and the girl who should take charge of their lives and not forget their obligation to their Kaum by keeping Jat's attitude towards living. "

In my opinion, Village boys have fewer options to take a stand against their parents. Reason, they are not financially independent and has no future(At least this is what they feel), without the family support. In that case just one threatening word from the parents will bend them to accept the decision of their parents(In some cases Relatives are more interested in asking for Dowry rather then Parents of the boy).

So answer to this problem lies in:
1. Boy has to be financially sound, and independent.
2. He should be having courage to stand against the Dowry Demand's of his family.
3. The best solution would be if the parents(They are the decision makers) of the boy should not ask for Dowry.

urmiladuhan
September 18th, 2002, 09:00 PM
Your statement makes more sense. Well, the

contents of my post were mostly taken from

posts responding to "Role of educated jat women in jat society". It is so true that

education will lessen the existing social problems in our society. On the other hand,

educated societies like western countries are not free of social problems but face problems different from ours. In that sense, educating our society will lead us on a different stage with its own set of problems.

rameshlakra
September 30th, 2002, 10:39 PM
dear all
it is in fashion to talk big & tell others about what should be done & what should not be done , we can talk big because our stomach are full & we have cosy cars & bed waiting for us .
if we go to our villages ,u will find not more then 4 or five metric pass lads, & they have turned to stealing , awaragardi & badmashi. so try telling them that dont take dowry , god only can save u fm them.
our village culture is dying & we can not talk of issue like dowry etc . how many of us have helped somebody in our village to get a decent education & motivate them to encourage their children & spouses for the benefit of education ( i think very few). so the bigger issue which can take care of smaller issue like dowry & all is education & teaching our youngster the benefit of it. towards this i think if all of us help atleast one youngster & therby letting a chain of sort to build up .
& last but not the least
"action not words"

scsheorayan
October 2nd, 2002, 06:13 PM
Dear Ramesh,
Thanks for your valuable thoughts. However I would beg to differ on 2 details,
1. We can not tell village people not to take dowry.
There is no harm in telling them as a well wisher but ofcourse if you try to poke a joke at them then you can expect rough treatment. However point I am trying to make is that if you consider yourself worthy of setting a good example for others to follow. Do just that much and some will watch and learn (there are always exceptions ofcourse).Simply Take no dowry and give no dowry and I am sure no one can find faults with that philosophy. Trouble only starts when we set double standards one for ourselves and one for others.

2. Education will solve the problem of dowry. Absolutely not and one only has to look around honestly. Education does bring prosperity but does not necessarily make a person less selfish or greedy or egoless for that matter which are root causes behind the dowry. What we need is awareness about evils of dowry and how it ruins lives and plays no constructive role in making a marriage happy union. Education is a must but social responsiblity should take precedence.