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ishwarlamba
December 30th, 2002, 05:05 AM
Here is article in The Tribune Editorial dated 30/12/02.

Get trained you daughter before she takes up the responsibility of daughter-in-law


Grooming daughters-in-law
Rohit Ghosh

WANT your daughter to be an ideal homemaker and daughter-in-law some day?

Send her to a unique school in Bhopal, Madhya Pradesh, that promises to give women of marriageable age all the tips they need for a happy wedded life.

The school, Manju Sukhramdas Sanskar Kendra, says it teaches young women the qualities and responsibilities of an ideal daughter-in-law, how to adjust to a new household and how to behave with her husband and in-laws.

And all this comes for no charge.

The school, managed by a society called Navyuvak Parishad, claims about 4,500 girls have “passed out” since it opened in 1987. The only teacher is 60-year-old Aaildas Hemnani, who says 99 per cent of her students are leading a happy married life.

Popularly known as Bhauji, Hemnani rues that more and more marriages are breaking these days because of increasing materialism and Western influence.

“I try to inculcate the values of our culture in the girls and keep them away from the Western culture. Also, I stress on tolerance. I tell the girls that in case their in-laws are hostile, they should tolerate as much as possible,” says Hemnani.

“But that does not mean that the girl should tolerate harassment. In that case, she should take every possible step to give a befitting reply to her in-laws.”

And Hemnani says the few of her students who did not have happy marriages had the odds stacked against them.

“The marriages of 1 per cent of the girls who passed out from here failed because their in-laws did not budge even an inch from their stand.”

An officer with the state government’s Tribal Welfare Department, Hemnani opted for early retirement to dedicate her time to what she sees as a social cause.

Asked how this unusual idea struck her, Hemnani told IANS: “Some of my friends were very impressed with the behaviour of my daughter after her marriage and advised me to train other girls for their marital life.”

Hemnani has also penned a book: “How to become a good son-in-law”.

“Whenever a student gets married, I gift the book to her to present it to her husband on the first day of their marital life,” she says.

From 7 a.m. to 9 a.m., Hemnani can be seen sitting in the school in front of a group of 20-25 young women, sharing tips on how to become a good daughter-in-law. The classes run for three months.

Says Jaya Thavnani, a post-graduate student: “I joined the school because I will get married soon and want to get adjusted in the new household very smoothly.”

Rashmi Chandwani, another student who joined the school in November, says of Hemnani: “She teaches us how to control our anger and how to dress after we get married.”

With tips like that, Hemnani’s students hope they are dressed for success at marriage. IANS

urmiladuhan
December 30th, 2002, 08:29 AM
Very interesting concept, i think. A well groomed women (mentally, in attitude, and ofcourse physically) is a great asset to family-which in turn has a positive effect on the community. Our community should lay emphasis on it too.

ishwarlamba
December 30th, 2002, 09:44 AM
Urmila Ji,
Thanks for highlighting the management capability of a woman.
My wife Kanta Lamba is a registered purohit of arya samaj. I am 59 years old, I did not know the meaning of four feras around fire (seven steps). In the four feras, in first three the girl take the lead and only in the fourth the boy take the lead.
The meaning is there are four goals of life in our Hindu way life, Dharma (duties & wisdom), Artha (money), Kama (enjoyment) and Moksha (get enlightenment). The first three are possible only with a noble house wife and only for moksa she cannot help her partner, he has to put his own efforts.
Also in prime vedic age, there used to be swamber vivah (love marriage) in we aryans.
No community can progress with arranged marriage.
I read your articles with interest, thanks for awakening us all, but have to remember that so many evils we have because of early marriage, no spritual knowledge and we have to deal these social issues with love & respect.

Regards

Ishwar Lamba

vinoddhaaka
December 31st, 2002, 11:25 AM
A unique attempt to create happiness all around.
We also need dedicated individuals in our community to make the process of transition smooth that our community is undergoing.
Younger generation has taken up unconventional professions despite their humble rural background. An educated daughter in laws also brings a differnt perspective to the issue of rearing up a family in an ambience where conflicting values persist.
Mention need to be made of few enlightened in laws who despite their limited understanding on such complex issues have managed to handle their families with grace.
We as a community do not place value on persons like HEMNANI who give such service to our society. If we know such persons in our community then we need to recognize and respect them more than contemporary politians of our community.

saroj
January 3rd, 2003, 03:51 AM
This is a good step for girls but have anyone thought about grooming mother-in-laws?

scsheorayan
January 3rd, 2003, 04:46 AM
Good idea Saroj ji, let us do it in Australia as there is a ready market for this product. Ask any girl she will tell you that. In Principle we have to keep an open mind and show understanding. This is a universal problem when boy becomes man and Bahu takes control from mother. By nature women are possessive more so those in our culture and no amount of education can change that. However it is the attitude which can make a lot of difference. Love from elders (including mother in law) and respect from youngers (including daughter in law) can make the transition smooth. But ofcourse very few mother in laws or daughter in laws have the patience and they try to throw their weights. Remember when one starts throwing his/her weight around there is very little left behind. That is the first lesson for mother in laws or father in laws, daughter in law, son in law or any human being for that matter.

saroj
January 3rd, 2003, 06:50 AM
Bhaisab, you are right about changing the role of boys and girls by nature. I do not understand why every mother-in-law compares her daughter-in-law with herself but not her own daughter. Once the contrast of daughter and daughter-in-law won’t wiped out from mother-in-law mind until then we can not claim that there is no harassment from mother-in-law. This is a role number one for mother-in-law.

scsheorayan
January 3rd, 2003, 07:54 AM
Saroj ji,
I am sure you will prove to be a good mother in law and will soon see you in that role. best of luck!

ishwarlamba
January 4th, 2003, 09:52 AM
saroj and subha ji
it is very true that we are very soon going to become motherinlaw and fatherinlaw also
The meeting of jat community in sydney has already started thinking on this. mrs " mr agar, mr and mrs chandrpalji., mr and mrs mahaveer ji mr and mrs brijpal , mr and mrs mahender singh ji and some others including ourselves are all thinking in the same way anfd trying to make an effort to improve the role of inlaws,
you are also in our list,where you also have to work with us. according to hindu religion, after marriage the boy and girl should take responcibility. and seniors have advisery role, should not take any thing for their ego.

ishwarlamba
January 4th, 2003, 09:55 AM
saroj and subha ji
above reply is from Kanta, it is all her contribution.

i am with you all on this important issue.

Regards

saroj
January 6th, 2003, 07:06 AM
Kantaji,
Thanks, we are with you in any respect but you know this advisory role is the problem with young generation. So please think some other avenue.
Saroj

kantalamba
January 6th, 2003, 03:12 PM
saroj adverise is not for the young generation, we older need education
kanta

ompati
January 7th, 2003, 05:26 AM
Respected Ishwar Ji,

A very good topic on this site. Hope to see some development on this in Sydney.

Ompati

saroj
January 7th, 2003, 06:29 AM
Kantaji,

Yes we are talking about educating seniors, if we keep in mind about giving advice to young generation then it comes to us. Please think carefully what young generation wants from us. We are well educated and know all the rules and regulations but how do we react on them when we face a real situation and that is the real issue here.

Saroj