Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

[jogiya]

CAN ANYBODY TELL THAT WHICH ONE IS BETTER LOVE MARRIAGE OR THE ARRAGED MARRIAGE

BUT I THINK

PEOPLE WHO DO LOVE MARRIAGE THINKS THAT ARRAGED MARRIAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER AND THE PERSONS WHO DO ARRANGED THINKS THAT THE LOVE MARRIAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER OPTION THAN MARRYING a person whom you don't know

where you stand what you think and how you give reasons to support your point will be discussed.

many of my friends need this answer and they are searching for the answer if you can help them out

thanks to you all

[mansi1218]

interestin topic!
I don't have d answer to dis but arranged marriage is surely not my cup of tea.Infact I feel one shud become a frn 1st n then think further........

[jogiya]

thanx for reply nice one

[sandeep.dahiya]

surly Arrange marriges are better choice. and definetly they are

[raj_rathee]

Jogiya,

First of all I hope that you are seriously interested in the issue and not
just trying to spice things up here. This issue has been raised in these
forums previously. Try doing a search on "arranged marriage" and you'll
find some threads previously started. Also, similar searches on the web
will reveal more content around this topic.

Here is my own take on the subject:

As a teenager I was all for arranged marriages. Why ? Well the argument
I used to make was, "jo pata li woh toh apni hai he, shaadi mein
ek aur brand new one". Oh ! Those hormones and the naivity made for
some pretty twisted teenage views on life. But trying arguing with those
teenagers !

Well, plenty of years and a few gray hairs later (the wife insists that
it is way more than a few), I think I have a more mature outlook.

I have come to believe that arranged marriages have served our society
and our community remarkably well. This system of finding compatibility
at all levels (family, financial, educational, physical etc) ensures a very
high probability of a reasonably satisfying and successful marriage. Things
might not be perfect but the liklihood of either partner wanting to jump
off a cliff (or trying out those celphos (???) tablets) is minimal.

So if a person has not found love, and it is "deemed" time to get married
and settle down (by whatever parameters that judgement is made), then
I think the individual should go for an arranged marriage. As it is, most
arranged marriages in urban environs these days are not the same
as they were in the time of our parents when the village barber was the
matchmaker and the man and woman never even got to see each
other. These days they get to meet and often spend some time
together. So in essense these are "semi-arranged" marriages.

But what if one has found love ?

Here my take is that if one has fallen in love then he/she should
be with the love, even if that brings on the wrath of the family and society.
A heart in real love never heals no matter how many band-aids you stick on
it. And love is worth all the hassles it may bring with it. A true partnership
of love and friendship is the greatest wealth one can find in life. And if
one has found it, losing it would be costly foolishness. And, further to that,
a person in love should spare the life of the individual that he/she may marry
if he/she is still forced into an arranged marriage.

But there is a catch here !

How does one know that they really are in love..and here I mean that real
soulful love that will last the philosophical "7 janam". Personally, I do
not believe that most people of marriagable age (lets say < 30 years) really
have the life experience, deep self understanding of the self, sufficiency
of time and intimacy with the to-be partner, to really claim having found
their true love. But more often than not they usually don't know that.

In my opinion, being in love is not too unlike learning a new skill (lets
say being a stock trader, for example). When we learn a new skill, after the
first few lessons, we begin to think we are pros and that we know it all.
It is only after repeatedly falling flat on our faces (and losing a whole
load of money...I am still talking about the stock trader) that we realise
that we still don't have a clue, and that there is still a lot to learn
and figure out.

I think love is the same. That first glance at that pretty face, that
reciprocated smile and that fling of the hair, the subtle flirting...and we
think we have found love...until that next glance at that new pretty
face...and we fall in love all over again...and ......well I think you
know what I am getting at. The first time I thought I was madly in
love was at 7/8 years old. I swear my heart could have popped from all those
feelings I had (for those two girls in class)....but I guess I survived...hmmm
..now what were their names...darn !!!

Point I am trying to emphasize is that (in my opinion) the life experience
and the lustless maturity that one needs to determine love is a hard
skill that one (perhaps) gains way past the time that one needs
to get married. That is my gauze on all of this.

So what does this mean for the love marriage. Well, that is a judgment
that individuals have to make themselves. I just feel that their
determination of having found love might end up being short sighted.
But perhaps there is no other way but to take that risk !

[itsnavin]

"Nothing succeeds like success"
In my viewpoint, if you can sustain love, togetherness, harmony with little spices(little fights...ofcourse) in any form of the marriages, I would rate it as SUCCESS!
Personally I feel arranged marriages could be better in the long run as separation is the end of more than 70% of the love marriages. Whereas arranged marriages paint a better picture. However, when going for arranged marriages it's always better to develop brief understanding with ur partner rather than realizing it late after marriage.

For JATs in particular, I think arranged marriages with in our caste are better to preserve their race. Otherwise it's like Punjabis, Sindhis, Kayasthas...they just don't care!

[malikmca]

I don't think what matters, is Arranged or Love Marriage.....the main point here is whether you can understand your partners view or not.....it really doesn't matter whether you are going for Love or Arranged...... but my vote goes to love cum arranged marriage coz here you get a chance to understand your partner with whom you have to spend your whole life as well as you will have your parents blessing with you :) which will help you in yr difficult days....there is no point in blindly going for Arrange or Love marriage.. If your views are clear and you are not day dreaming then i am sure that even your love marriage will be 100% sucessfull.....In case of love marriage problem comes when you are having lot much expectations from each other and you are not in a mood to understand the realities of life, then sooner or later you will definately be going to face some problems..... so i think before getting married just make sure both of you understand each other's view and then it really doesn't matter whether you are goin for arranged or love..... :cool:

[scsheorayan]

There is another angle from which we can see this one. Actually it all depends on the attitude of individuals. It so happens that people with traditional attitude and respect for their elders decision will go for arranged marriages which happen to have higher success rate. On the other hand those who place their own liking above that of parents and family may go for love marriage. Here the attitude is more of self before others and if other partner has similar attitude the probability of failure becomes high.

In my opinion whether it is arranged or love before marriage is not as important as attitude after the marriage which decides success or failure. You also can not clap with one hand and families have a great role to play as well. Hope it makes sense.

Whether you are a boy or a girl if you respect your family you will share your life with them and find happiness doing so. ON the other hand if family is more trouble than you can handle probably you will tread the path of marital life without their involvement and take sole responsiblity. Love is very tricky thing to recognise it. It is as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall in it. People think they love a certain person and make commitment, then they find out that they don't love that person any more and have fallen in love with some one else. Where does it stop. That is the irony, people talk about love but really don't experience it. Often infatuation is confused with love. For some one really in love there is nothing to think because all doubts have disappeared. The fact that you are not sure is indicative of it being physical attraction which could change unless real love develops in due course.

In arranged marriage love begins after marriage where as in love marriage the attraction has already started before marriage and it is possible that it could develop in to real love in due course of time but then there are very few guarantees in life. So don't worry too much about the route you take so long you carry your baggage and enjoy doing it. Then you will be happy otherwise the mirage will continue rest of the life.

[sumer77]

Bhai Jogi..!! :p

You put very nice question on this forum.

Any way mine was arranged marriage and I don’t have any regret, In fact our Love is growing day by day..!!, I'm married from last 6 year to my Jaatni :cool:

Look Bhai Jogi , I had initially schooling at village and then by GOD grace move to metro cities "Delhi" and then to IIT, where I had never come across any Jaatni , Move over some of Jaatni, I came are some what related to me…. (I mean sister kind of relation…!!)…., so Love Marriage Idea never comes up in my mind.

Yes Joggi Bhai I had interacted with some pretty Punjaban, but yaar I could able to tolerate them after 2-3 meetings..!!(So it doesn’t go beyond some hand holding, eating Pizza and movies stuff)

Yes I endorse arrange marriage as it give more social acceptance and stability in our own Jat culture.

Dudi

[jagmohan]

Dear All,

This subject is an all time favorite. Even earlier we have discussed this subject. Fortunately there are no clear answers to this debate as each individual has his own perceptions and sensibilities.

The most important reality of life is that we need our near and dear ones, who can share your own language, culture and jokes, to be around us, for whatever reasons. Whether we accept this fact or not, it is true that as one grows in age we like to create the same environment in which we grew up. And to create this environment it is necessary to marry someone who can help do that. And the logical answer is that it would be easier to do so with someone who is from our own community. I am not saying that inter caste marriages don't succeed, some do.

Now comes the question of 'Arranged' vs 'Love' marriage. What Sheorayan Ji has said is very true. I would just add that it is the responsibility of the children, who today think that they are much more broadminded than their parents, to apply such broadmindedness on their children. I hope members understand what I am trying to say. That is, if you feel that inter caste and/or love marriages are perfect, then please allow your children to chart their own path, if they wish to do so. However, please do not apply your broadmindedness on your parents. Believe me, if one does that, then these questions would seem irrelevant.

But whatever you choose to do, NO DOWRY.

Regards,

JS Malik

[mukeshkumar007]

In my views Arranged Marriage is better...

[p_hooda]

hello jogi
its depend on the situation, if u love someone and she love you. Then told to you family, they take decision on ur favour and hopefully agree for the marriage. If u trying to fall in love then i suggest dont do it and leave on the our traditional(arrange marrage).
bye pardeep hooda

[chaudharyssv]

Hello dear fellows,

First of all a very warm Good Afternoon to all of u!

A very hot topic concerned with the youngsters as well as elders is being discussed here. I would also like to express my views on the topic.

Well, here the discussion is being on which one is better, Love marriage or arranged marriage.
First of all let me clear my views on the marriage. If I m wrong, please criticize me wholeheartedly. Marriage is not just 7 fere or bringing a person work in the house or increasing our family size what we call it as vansh-vraddhi blablablablabla....
The main objective of marriage is to lead a happier and a satisfactory life which two or more males or females can't lead. And for this I think that a person must know well about his/her partner with whom he/she is going to spend the rest of the life. Remember here I have not supported the Love marriage neither I have rejected the arranged marriage.

I think that the right and a successful marriage is that love marriage organised in an arranged manner. In other words, I support Love cum arranged marriage. But these type of marriages are very rare because of several factors such as caste factor, financial status, educational qualification etc... But such type of marriages have proved to be more successful than the Love of arranged because such marriages happen with a consensus between the family. Also in their bad times, the family is there to help the couple.

Also I would like to emphasize that the understanding between the partners must not be better, but it must be Best so that they can easily clarify the confusions between them(if any arises) without anybody's intervention.

So, it is upto the two people that how they begin and flourish, but they try to have the best understanding they can. Please read the following lines carefully.

No one falls in Love by CHOICE, it is all by CHANCE.
No one remains in Love by CHANCE, it is all by WORK.
No one falls out of Love by CHANCE, it is all by CHOICE.

Comments and crititics awaited.

Regards,

Satendra Chaudhary

[positivelook]

hi all

It depends on our nature whether we go for love or arrange marriage. But my personal view is that we cannot decide about this , it is alredy been decided by someone else tht wht is going to happen in our life.

Jaisa ki kahten hain Jodiyan banti hain Aasmano mein.

One thing i wanna say is never betray anyone in love do wht u say.

Abhimanyu
Jats!the real tigers.

[ramksehrawat]

I think arranged marriage is definitely better than love marriage as in love marriage only two individuals consent to get united minus the blessings of respective families in most of the cases whereas in arranged marriage two families come together, the couple have the blessings of all near and dear ones. When there is some problem in adjustment in love marriages, it usually breaks down as there is hardly any parental support available whereas there is always guidance/support/advice and love available in arranged marriage. Personally, I am of the view that even in arranged marriage the boy and the girl should be given an opportunity to understand each other.

Col. sahab, yeh to har generation ki kahani hai. Jab hum-aap young the to kafi had tak hamare vichar apne parents se nahin milte the. Yeh to har generation mein hota hai aur har aadmi ko pala badalna padta hai. Mera to apna yeh vichar hai ki har 18-25 saal ka naujawan apne aap ko ek naya Sikander samajhta hai aur jaise-2 experience ke thappad, scratches lagte hain saari hawa nikal jaati hai. Hamare fathers ke saath huya, hamare saath ho raha hai aur moka mila to dekhenge ki 15-20 saal baad aaj kal ke broadmind narrowmind wale pale mein khade dikhayi denge. LOL...

[haryanajat]

It all depends on several factors. Koi kismet ko naheen badal sakta. or
like randeep hooda says in D - mein kismet ko naheen maanta. I believe in kismet and also making my kismet.

Even with any type of marraige whether arranged marriage or love marraige there are several times when the person to whom you get married turns out somewhat different person and in many cases you will know that soon after marriage. Soon it becomes unbearable for either or 1 of them to even see the sight of the other.
Then suppose they keep up the pretense of marriage due to pressure of elders and then say they have children - now that really becomes a difficult situation as children have come into the equation.
What is the solution if the husband and wife cannot adjust to each other even for the sake of children.
Then this arranged marriage has become a living hell. More so for the children - as the new born baby or babies will be very impressionable.
The daily zhakdas will surely poison their character.
Now this can happen with any type of marraige - I mean whether arranged or love marriage.
The wife can turn out to be a zhakadalu person and the man an abuser.
What will a man do when his wife is ugly (haha - had to say that - no offence to ladies), fights all the time and before he knows it he has children with her??
what can he do?
divorce? get out of an unhappy marriage?
keep up the pretense of marraige for sake of children and society?
while he and his wife keep on having their mini mahabharats every once in a while?
What good does this do?
To anyone in marriage?
what is the correct solution here?
People say they will change, elders try to help. But can one change another human being - I mean it can happen but what if it does not happen in that case?
Also even if the couple are mutually compatible and get along fine after marriage. There are instances when people change as life goes on.
In the end I think your kismet plays a part regarding to whom you will marry.
Whether love marraige or arranged marraige - the most important thing is you should be happy and not keep up the pretense. Adjustment is 1 thing but there are people with whom one cannot adjust. Then it is better to separate.
After all there is only 1 life to live. Appne se imandari karo. :)
And I believe that heaven and hell are on this earth.
If you are happy its heaven and if you are miserable its hell.
There is nothing upstairs.