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Thread: Empty Nest Syndrome

  1. #1

    Empty Nest Syndrome

    Most of us know what "Empty Nest Syndrome' is and those who dont know i will elaborate for them..."Empty Nest Syndrome"refers to the lonliness felt by the parents or guardians when their child or children leave home.Child or children can leave home because of various reasons like for job,studies or after marriage and parents who r left behind feel lonely and sometimes neglected as well.Parents spend their whole lives in bringing up child and then suddenly child leaves them for his/her own new life.It makes parents feel sad and lonely.Main reason behind it is also the increase in number of nuclear families and decline in the number of joint families.This syndrome hits females more as compared to males.We human beings are very emotional and we need someone to talk to and to share our feelings with thats the reason when are alone we are tend to feel depressed.If you are living away from your family then there are a few tips to make you to make your parents feel that you care for them and to keep them happy.I know its not possible for you to call them every now and then coz of busy schedules but still u can try and call them every evening(if thats not possible then may be on alternate days but atleast once a week).Call them in evening once you are done with your day to day routine work.Tell them what you did for the whole day,what you had in breakfast and lunch(you should do it coz it will make them feel as if you are still around and with them).If you have kids make them talk to their grandparents often because grandparents are normally attached to grandchildren.Once in a while intentionally disturb them in the middle of the night:D Call them at such time in the night when you are sure they are sleeping and once they take your call tell them you called them up because you were missing them alot.For you it will be mere words but for them it will be the best thing to hear in this whole damn world.For them it wont be a disturbance but will be the best possible plesant and beautiful surprise.When you go home to meet them take lot of gifts for them(dont just forget buying gifts coz u think its a show-off or u dont have time,these are all stupid excuses coz if u love someone show it openly).Pamper them hug them and make them feel that they are the best parents in this worldRemember what they are going through today,u too will go through tomorrow so imagine and do whatever you wish your kids to do for you when u are in that situation.Dont ever forget they have given their precious 2o+ years in bringing u up,they have always tried their level best to give you the best.

    P.S:These advices are for those people who are staying away from their folks so i expect people not to pass any sarcastic comments:o

  2. #2
    Deepika,Its a very natural phenomenon, where people move on for various reasons as you also mentioned. This is a very sensitive & an issue which is subjected to the individual's experience & prespective. You know it is said that there thousands of ways to express your feelings. The thing which matters here is to make them feel that you care b'coz sometimes the words are superficial & your one action touch them so deep inside that after that you don't need a thing to make yourself feel next to them always......... Anyways i being the member of the same class, i thought to put down something. I have been away from my folks from almost 20 years now. Intially for my studies stayed in hostel,then bcoz i served in Indian Army for 7 years..so did not have any choice & now for the career in corporate, of course now i am a part time member as i go home on weekends. So initially as a student you are not mature enough to understand the senstivity,then few like joins an organization where you don't get time to talk for months or sitting somwhere where getting in touch with rest of the world is a herculean task. But still that sense of togatherness is always there. So i am just advocating your thoughts that " no matter where you are,whatever the reason be & how much or how less you talk back home....your folks should always feel you next to them". In every relation first we nurture the relationship to make a longlasting bond but here see the beauty the bond is already there you just have to nurture it................................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .............When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

  3. #3
    i agree with you to some extent but in ur case ur parents are used to it coz they havn't stayed wid u for long as u are out since u were very young.Here i wud give u one personal example my elder brother who is Lt.Col in d army rightnow,he left home when he was in class 7th and joined RIMC and ofcourse he is out sincethen so now things r pretty o.k....parents r tend to get this syndrome when they actually stay together for a long period of time and suddenly kid leaves them.In my case(i also am out of my house for the last 5 months) my parents miss me and wants to call them as often as i can and though they r not bothered even if my elder brother calls them once in a month or not....but again as u said tht depends on individual and on a lot other factors.Your parents are happy even when u dont call them often thts what u pressume(may be u r right also).But i am sure no parents will request kids to show them that they love them and care for them with certain gestures.Its our duty to do it.If we are not doing it regularly thats bad on our part and we shud start doing it instead of living with the assumption tht even if we are on moon still our parents will think that we are around and will not miss us much and will be happy.Please dont mind as i dont mean to pick up some fight or to get into some arguments



    Quote Originally Posted by captparry View Post
    Deepika,Its a very natural phenomenon, where people move on for various reasons as you also mentioned. This is a very sensitive & an issue which is subjected to the individual's experience & prespective. You know it is said that there thousands of ways to express your feelings. The thing which matters here is to make them feel that you care b'coz sometimes the words are superficial & your one action touch them so deep inside that after that you don't need a thing to make yourself feel next to them always......... Anyways i being the member of the same class, i thought to put down something. I have been away from my folks from almost 20 years now. Intially for my studies stayed in hostel,then bcoz i served in Indian Army for 7 years..so did not have any choice & now for the career in corporate, of course now i am a part time member as i go home on weekends. So initially as a student you are not mature enough to understand the senstivity,then few like joins an organization where you don't get time to talk for months or sitting somwhere where getting in touch with rest of the world is a herculean task. But still that sense of togatherness is always there. So i am just advocating your thoughts that " no matter where you are,whatever the reason be & how much or how less you talk back home....your folks should always feel you next to them". In every relation first we nurture the relationship to make a longlasting bond but here see the beauty the bond is already there you just have to nurture it................................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .............When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

  4. #4
    Deepika, thanks for very thoughtful & important toppic inputs there in. I fully agree with points given by you. Children must, share max info with their parents, specially of happiness, seek blessings, guidance & advoice of parents on all important matters specially on family & social matters. When with parents give them maximum time. Parents must feel that their children care for them.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    Most of us know what "Empty Nest Syndrome' is and those who dont know i will elaborate for them..."Empty Nest Syndrome"refers to the lonliness felt by the parents or guardians when their child or children leave home.Child or children can leave home because of various reasons like for job,studies or after marriage and parents who r left behind feel lonely and sometimes neglected as well.Parents spend their whole lives in bringing up child and then suddenly child leaves them for his/her own new life.It makes parents feel sad and lonely.Main reason behind it is also the increase in number of nuclear families and decline in the number of joint families.This syndrome hits females more as compared to males.We human beings are very emotional and we need someone to talk to and to share our feelings with thats the reason when are alone we are tend to feel depressed.If you are living away from your family then there are a few tips to make you to make your parents feel that you care for them and to keep them happy.I know its not possible for you to call them every now and then coz of busy schedules but still u can try and call them every evening(if thats not possible then may be on alternate days but atleast once a week).Call them in evening once you are done with your day to day routine work.Tell them what you did for the whole day,what you had in breakfast and lunch(you should do it coz it will make them feel as if you are still around and with them).If you have kids make them talk to their grandparents often because grandparents are normally attached to grandchildren.Once in a while intentionally disturb them in the middle of the night:D Call them at such time in the night when you are sure they are sleeping and once they take your call tell them you called them up because you were missing them alot.For you it will be mere words but for them it will be the best thing to hear in this whole damn world.For them it wont be a disturbance but will be the best possible plesant and beautiful surprise.When you go home to meet them take lot of gifts for them(dont just forget buying gifts coz u think its a show-off or u dont have time,these are all stupid excuses coz if u love someone show it openly).Pamper them hug them and make them feel that they are the best parents in this worldRemember what they are going through today,u too will go through tomorrow so imagine and do whatever you wish your kids to do for you when u are in that situation.Dont ever forget they have given their precious 2o+ years in bringing u up,they have always tried their level best to give you the best.

    P.S:These advices are for those people who are staying away from their folks so i expect people not to pass any sarcastic comments:o
    Agar mere baalkon ne mujhe roz phone karrke apni dincharya ke baare main bore kiya ya fir raat ko neend se jagaya, to main to unka bakkal taar doonga...:D

    Waise, I think girls are more suited for this show of emotions business. Meri to wife karti hai donon side ke parents ko phone...

  6. #6
    Kapil jee aap yeh issliye bol rahe hai kyunki abhi voh samay nai aaya hai:othe day u will hold ur first baby u will see ur world changing with d change in ur views as well coz for parents d most precious possission is their kids:pBut yup u r right girls r more emotional and thts why there's a saying 'A son is a son till d time he gets himself a wife and a daughter is a daughter throughtout life":p:D and i hope is saying ke peeche koi bawaal na ho aur issue banne i heard it from somewhere:D



    Quote Originally Posted by kapil.dalal View Post
    Agar mere baalkon ne mujhe roz phone karrke apni dincharya ke baare main bore kiya ya fir raat ko neend se jagaya, to main to unka bakkal taar doonga...:D

    Waise, I think girls are more suited for this show of emotions business. Meri to wife karti hai donon side ke parents ko phone...

  7. #7
    Uncle jee thank you for ur kind words of appreciation:o


    Quote Originally Posted by Fateh View Post
    Deepika, thanks for very thoughtful & important toppic inputs there in. I fully agree with points given by you. Children must, share max info with their parents, specially of happiness, seek blessings, guidance & advoice of parents on all important matters specially on family & social matters. When with parents give them maximum time. Parents must feel that their children care for them.

  8. #8
    Quite a cool quote Deepika, i thought about it and saw the irony that Girls detract their Husband from the family happily but when they become the Mother-in-law themselves they accuse their Daughter in laws of the same infraction they themselves have committed long time ago....So it is a perpetual system.

    P.S.- This is a light hearted reply, Nothing haywire should be read into it.
    Strive not to be a success, rather to be of value.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by kapil.dalal View Post
    Agar mere baalkon ne mujhe roz phone karrke apni dincharya ke baare main bore kiya ya fir raat ko neend se jagaya, to main to unka bakkal taar doonga...:D

    Waise, I think girls are more suited for this show of emotions business. Meri to wife karti hai donon side ke parents ko phone...

    meri bhi bhinn ki bhiiin !!! :D :D :D specially bakkal aali baat ki !!!



    On a serious note , good thread Deepika , I do call my parents at least on alternate days and rest things as well as you mentioned! Though sometimes i restrain myself because to me it seems like a bit of show off , but yeah i am improving!

    Once there was a stage when i was way too engrossed in friends/studies etc and my mom used to complain that i dont spend time with them , but not anymore because i made a conscious effort to tell them how much car e and affection i have for them. Loving some one is half the job done , telling them and making them appreciate it makes it complete

  10. #10
    Agreed Vikrant!Such an irony it is:eek:But i think thats not true in all cases:oyup right many girls or say ladies do it but them this quote is absolutely not my brainchild:oand one more thing if a wife tries to detract husband from family isn't that husbands duty to take a stand and maintain the balance?Why such husbands(who forget parents when they get wives) dont try to be responsible n caring towards their parents?So if u blame it all on ladies i will not agree and wud say men are equally responsible:D



    Quote Originally Posted by vikrantsiwag View Post
    Quite a cool quote Deepika, i thought about it and saw the irony that Girls detract their Husband from the family happily but when they become the Mother-in-law themselves they accuse their Daughter in laws of the same infraction they themselves have committed long time ago....So it is a perpetual system.

    P.S.- This is a light hearted reply, Nothing haywire should be read into it.

  11. #11
    Thank you Anil jee for all the praises....i am honoured:pEspecially when its coming from one fellow member whose name is among the list of members i consider as assets to this site and my statement is absolutly not to flatter u but is an honest one:o As far as this thread of mine is concerned i just tried to make an effort to bring people close to our elders.If you care for them its not some favour from your side especially when they spent most of their lives bringing you up and keeping you happy.Its so unfortunate to see a few people ignoring their parents.Worst part is that some parents actually get maltreatment from their kid/kids who stay with themSome are abused verbally and infact some are even beaten by their kidsThere are so many so called moral police brigades like Shiv sena who can hit people when they are celebrating valentines day but they do nothing for such serious issues which are more important and is ruining our culture(if respecting elders is considered as a part of our culture at all)



    Quote Originally Posted by anilsinghd View Post
    meri bhi bhinn ki bhiiin !!! :D :D :D specially bakkal aali baat ki !!!



    On a serious note , good thread Deepika , I do call my parents at least on alternate days and rest things as well as you mentioned! Though sometimes i restrain myself because to me it seems like a bit of show off , but yeah i am improving!

    Once there was a stage when i was way too engrossed in friends/studies etc and my mom used to complain that i dont spend time with them , but not anymore because i made a conscious effort to tell them how much car e and affection i have for them. Loving some one is half the job done , telling them and making them appreciate it makes it complete

  12. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    Agreed Vikrant!Such an irony it is:eek:But i think thats not true in all cases:oyup right many girls or say ladies do it but them this quote is absolutely not my brainchild:oand one more thing if a wife tries to detract husband from family isn't that husbands duty to take a stand and maintain the balance?Why such husbands(who forget parents when they get wives) dont try to be responsible n caring towards their parents?So if u blame it all on ladies i will not agree and wud say men are equally responsible:D
    Bilkul sahi kaha, though I am not fully competent with this theory and not backed with research content.:D:D:p
    I feel they do so to avoid the conflict that might surface among the family, but given this shouldn't be taken as lame excuse by a husband to avoid his parents rather should try maintain balance.

    But i may do the research on this topic and firmly believe this can emerge as a good career option.:p
    Strive not to be a success, rather to be of value.

  13. #13
    Of course, i am not denying the fact that living in assumptions is another way of escapism, but the irony is that most of us live with assumptions somtime in life. And then what we do either we make silly logic/ excuses or outrightly deny it to satisfy our self made "i am perfect philosphy". Yah you may be right & might be i am also bugged by the same philosphy & hey we are not here to pick some fight or somthing...its a forum where we do healthy discussion.
    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    i agree with you to some extent but in ur case ur parents are used to it coz they havn't stayed wid u for long as u are out since u were very young.Here i wud give u one personal example my elder brother who is Lt.Col in d army rightnow,he left home when he was in class 7th and joined RIMC and ofcourse he is out sincethen so now things r pretty o.k....parents r tend to get this syndrome when they actually stay together for a long period of time and suddenly kid leaves them.In my case(i also am out of my house for the last 5 months) my parents miss me and wants to call them as often as i can and though they r not bothered even if my elder brother calls them once in a month or not....but again as u said tht depends on individual and on a lot other factors.Your parents are happy even when u dont call them often thts what u pressume(may be u r right also).But i am sure no parents will request kids to show them that they love them and care for them with certain gestures.Its our duty to do it.If we are not doing it regularly thats bad on our part and we shud start doing it instead of living with the assumption tht even if we are on moon still our parents will think that we are around and will not miss us much and will be happy.Please dont mind as i dont mean to pick up some fight or to get into some arguments
    When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

  14. #14
    Hi Deepika....... very good thread and excellent thoughts....

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    Most of us know what "Empty Nest Syndrome' is and those who dont know i will elaborate for them..."Empty Nest Syndrome"refers to the lonliness felt by the parents or guardians when their child or children leave home.Child or children can leave home because of various reasons like for job,studies or after marriage and parents who r left behind feel lonely and sometimes neglected as well.Parents spend their whole lives in bringing up child and then suddenly child leaves them for his/her own new life.It makes parents feel sad and lonely.Main reason behind it is also the increase in number of nuclear families and decline in the number of joint families.This syndrome hits females more as compared to males.We human beings are very emotional and we need someone to talk to and to share our feelings with thats the reason when are alone we are tend to feel depressed.If you are living away from your family then there are a few tips to make you to make your parents feel that you care for them and to keep them happy.I know its not possible for you to call them every now and then coz of busy schedules but still u can try and call them every evening(if thats not possible then may be on alternate days but atleast once a week).Call them in evening once you are done with your day to day routine work.Tell them what you did for the whole day,what you had in breakfast and lunch(you should do it coz it will make them feel as if you are still around and with them).If you have kids make them talk to their grandparents often because grandparents are normally attached to grandchildren.Once in a while intentionally disturb them in the middle of the night:D Call them at such time in the night when you are sure they are sleeping and once they take your call tell them you called them up because you were missing them alot.For you it will be mere words but for them it will be the best thing to hear in this whole damn world.For them it wont be a disturbance but will be the best possible plesant and beautiful surprise.When you go home to meet them take lot of gifts for them(dont just forget buying gifts coz u think its a show-off or u dont have time,these are all stupid excuses coz if u love someone show it openly).Pamper them hug them and make them feel that they are the best parents in this worldRemember what they are going through today,u too will go through tomorrow so imagine and do whatever you wish your kids to do for you when u are in that situation.Dont ever forget they have given their precious 2o+ years in bringing u up,they have always tried their level best to give you the best.

    P.S:These advices are for those people who are staying away from their folks so i expect people not to pass any sarcastic comments:o


    Good Thread Deepika, Keep it up.

    Yeah I am also far away from my parents from almost last 1 year. Lekin aajkal main bahoot hi jyada pareshan hoon unse door ho ke. pahle ki baat alag thi ki naya naya mahool tha to mujhe bhi lagta tha ki haan ab theek hai. Week me kam se kam 2 baar phone bhi karta tha ghar par. lekin meri vajah se wo dheere dheere kam ho gaya bcoz ab main jab bhi phone karta hoon to ve kahte hain ab tum phone kam karte ho, tumhe hamari yaad nahi aati. lekin main kya karu, main unse baat karte hi lagta hai ki main daud kar unke paas chala jaaun aur isiliye main ab month me 1-2 baar phone karta hoon. Vaapis jaana abhi sambhav nahi hai.

    Agar koi JL member is baare me mujhe apni sahi salaah de to main aabhari rahoonga.

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  16. #16

    Thumbs up

    Nice thread Deepika,

    I was the most laziest person to make a call back home and my parents always had complaints. According to me it seems a show off to make daily calls and tell them that I miss you. But, later i realized that i was wrong because I felt bad when someone expected didn’t called me. These small incidents teach us great things about life and that’s what we should learn and implement.


    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    Agreed Vikrant!Such an irony it is:eek:But i think thats not true in all cases:oyup right many girls or say ladies do it but them this quote is absolutely not my brainchild:oand one more thing if a wife tries to detract husband from family isn't that husbands duty to take a stand and maintain the balance?Why such husbands(who forget parents when they get wives) dont try to be responsible n caring towards their parents?So if u blame it all on ladies i will not agree and wud say men are equally responsible:D
    This is the most genuine reply. We see and analyze around us that every time a couple gets separated from the parents, the blame goes to the daughter-in-law. The Man is taken as ‘bechara’ who is just trying to balance the situation by choosing the middle way of separation. Nobody blame a man for this. Not even in those conditions where men are totally responsible for the separation.
    It's better to be alone than in a bad company.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    Thank you Anil jee for all the praises....i am honoured:pEspecially when its coming from one fellow member whose name is among the list of members i consider as assets to this site and my statement is absolutly not to flatter u but is an honest one:o As far as this thread of mine is concerned i just tried to make an effort to bring people close to our elders.If you care for them its not some favour from your side especially when they spent most of their lives bringing you up and keeping you happy.Its so unfortunate to see a few people ignoring their parents.Worst part is that some parents actually get maltreatment from their kid/kids who stay with themSome are abused verbally and infact some are even beaten by their kidsThere are so many so called moral police brigades like Shiv sena who can hit people when they are celebrating valentines day but they do nothing for such serious issues which are more important and is ruining our culture(if respecting elders is considered as a part of our culture at all)
    jee ke bina bhi kaam chal jaaga :D

    Thanks for your kind words! I am obliged.!

    I believe that parents are irrational many a times but the love , care and affection they present much more exceeds their irrationality! They have every right to be demanding to us! They have given us so much!

    I am happy that i witnessed a great transition in myself from a very quiet and introvert personality to now an active participator in talks within my family and an able expressor of my feelings and care for them.


    And i hope many more would learn/adapt from the thread!

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by deepika View Post
    if a wife tries to detract husband from family isn't that husbands duty to take a stand and maintain the balance?Why such husbands(who forget parents when they get wives) dont try to be responsible n caring towards their parents?So if u blame it all on ladies i will not agree and wud say men are equally responsible
    Quote Originally Posted by vijay View Post

    Nobody blame a man for this. Not even in those conditions where men are totally responsible for the separation.
    Can't agree with you guys more on this.

    Marriage to me in indian context is an confluence of a couple of families and specially for the females , its more of a change , infact its a total change. And it becomes the total responsibility of the men folks to make sure : 1) The transition is smooth ! 2) Make sure the ethics/processes/thoughts formed at the early stage are long lasting and are in sync with the happiness of the family at large.

    Not only a passive role , but i would advocate for an active role of men to make sure they convey their feelings and emotions and at tachment levels towards their parents/family members to their would be/wife properly so that she is getting the right vibes and ideas!

    I am sure in many cases , this does not happen! And in fact it happens the wrong way in many of the cases in which ultimately parents pay for it and big time as well!

  19. #19
    Good thread. It is heartening to see concern of the younger generation towards their parents back home.
    Keeping in touch regularly is very good. We fall in the category of parents described by Deepika
    but thankfully not suffering from the Empty Nest Syndrome.

    Thanks to ‘Skype’ it has reduced the distance. My daughter in law puts on the Skype
    almost every morning and after talking to my wife carries on with her routine around the house keeping it on.

    ‘Jab hum bachon ki kilkari sunte hain to aisa lagta hai ki hamare aas pas hi hain.’

    Their dadi tells stories and sometimes when the kids are alone, remote baby sitting is done.
    It is really a wonderful feeling.
    So my advice to the young couples with small kids is to try it out.
    If anyone’s parents can’t operate Computer/Laptop, make it a point to jot down
    the steps to connect through Skype with cam for them, when you visit them next on your vacations, and see the results.
    We were also computer illiterates, my son and daughter taught us when they left home.

    The parents back home, can create their podcast account, record and publish stories for their grand children, they would love to hear such bed time stories.My wife has podcasted about 200 such stories and our grand children are happy listening them.

    I again convey my appreciation to all of you for the love and concern you feel for your parents
    Last edited by Rmandaura; February 21st, 2009 at 09:34 PM. Reason: minor corrections
    Ranjit Dahiya.

    Think Positive-Everything is Possible.

  20. #20
    Great ideas sir.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rmandaura View Post
    Good thread. It is heartening to see concern of the younger generation towards their parents back home.
    Keeping in touch regularly is very good. We fall in the category of parents described by Deepika
    but thankfully not suffering from the Empty Nest Syndrome.

    Thanks to ‘Skype’ it has reduced the distance. My daughter in law puts on the Skype
    almost every morning and after talking to my wife carries on with her routine around the house keeping it on.

    ‘Jab hum bachon ki kilkari sunte hain to aisa lagta hai ki hamare aas pas hi hain.’

    Their dadi tells stories and sometimes when the kids are alone, remote baby sitting is done.
    It is really a wonderful feeling.
    So my advice to the young couples with small kids is to try it out.
    If anyone’s parents can’t operate Computer/Laptop, make it a point to jot down
    the steps to connect through Skype with cam for them, when you visit them next on your vacations, and see the results.
    We were also computer illiterates, my son and daughter taught us when they left home.

    The parents back home, can create their podcast account, record and publish stories for their grand children, they would love to hear such bed time stories.My wife has podcasted about 200 such stories and our grand children are happy listening them.

    I again convey my appreciation to all of you for the love and concern you feel for your parents

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