Dear Sonali,
Thanks for frank posting. Never mind about formalities. You are free to address me any way you like. Here you don't have to use legal language. Feel at home and express yourself as freely as you would at home with your family. In a way you can call it a big jat family.
The questions you have raised here are quite genuine and are not easy to answer. Some one had said educated people tend to make simple things more complicated. The same can be said here. Perhaps it is the very nature of education we receive that we try to analyse every thing too much. But if we stopped analysing and start observing instead probably life could be less complicated.
There are no legal definitions for Jats and if there is one it is highly unlikely that all of us will agree to that. Panchayats, khaps have their own place in society but they also need to change with time if they have to remain relevant. Remember the case in Haryana where Pachayat had asked wife to tie a Rakhi to her husband of few years. How much sense does it make?
If you accept the above statement then Jat is any one who is born in a Jat family or married in to it. If that person is Jat then his/her children automatically become Jat. However if the other parent is not a Jat and children decide to follow the other parent's culture or religion they are free to do so. After all ours is a very liberal culture. That I think is our strength i.e. tolerance and understanding which makes us good human beings. We can not treat our children as our possession. They are human beings and have a mind of their own. As a parent you can only teach them the best things you know about life. But you can not expect them to agree with every thing we say. They have to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Leave it to them what they want to be a Jat or otherwise. As long as they are responsible citizens and good human beings the label is not that important if you are liberal. Some of us may not be too liberal on this subject though.