How Jat girls think of Jat Boys?

[rkumar]

Hi friends,

Let me venture into posting something which will certainly have varying views. I wish to share my views with you all how I have come accross many educated jat girls who do not seem to like Jat boys. Most of them think that Jat boys are not polished enough and are very irresponsible and crude in their social behaviour even if they are highly educated.

Contrary to above, many non-Jat girls think otherwise and find Jat boys very protective and transparent in dealings.

I will invite members to put their views with some sound statistics and logics. I have my own statistics and as we go along, I will share with you.

Rajendra

[sansanwalamit]

Firstly thank you Mr.Kalkhunde for bringing such a nice topic.
Well my experience makes me feel a little less proud of our girls, although I know we cannot generalize all of the girls in my category, and I am sure we do lack data and information to carry out a systematic analysis on this issue.
So coming back to my experience well, I feel that there is some problem with educated Jat girls, they do find themselves unfit for Jat boys, as a matter of fact they consider themselves superior.
This could be due to many reasons, starting from limited number of educated girls, to double standards in our society, the previous one is self explanatory, but in latter I want to say that our society is still far behind when it comes to the proper exposure given to girls, I have seen many MBA girls getting married to 12th pass guys, I am sure this fact of ultimately getting married to someone chosen by their parents must be very frustrating on top of that getting married in same atmosphere makes it more difficult to cope with. Thus the only way out remains is getting married to some non Jat guy where there is a possibility of breaking away from such society.
I can also bring up the point that most of the Jat guys I have seen do not stand on much ground when it comes to make a woman feel special about being a woman, eg. displaying their emotions, being romantic, taking them out, and here I am talking about guys who are well educated and living in Delhi.
Whenever I think of men in Jat society, they remind of the Spartan society where women and men did not have much of interaction and thus men remained as simply men never women's men, which I feel should change coz Spartans lived thousands of years ago.
And not just an educated (exposed) Jat girl would not like such men; I would say any women would not be much happy with this thought.
And as far as women from other casts are considered I would say they would be interested coz firstly majority of Jats are good looking and from a distance one cannot know the true reality.

[chaudhary76]

I would like to thank Mr. Rajendra and Mr. Amit for their valuable views on this topic.
I too do feel the same in some prospects but we can not genralize the same. As i had been educated in different hostels of india. And at the later stage of my life i.e enginering and job i found that Jat girls are quite attracted towards non jat guys. whereas its quite opposite in the case of jat guys, they want their frnds and life partner should be a jat girl only.
These all views are based on my experience as i had seen a few live examples of the same in my life.
Now lets visualise why this happens? I do agree with Mr. Amit, who had already taken most of the points into consideration. Jat girls do feel they wana be free from any boundation, which happens in most of the jat families. They feel they should have own values in life and may not get the same with a jat boy. And contrary to that non jat girls feel that jat guys do have a strong heart to take care for their moral values.
Here i would like to call jat girls of our community to share their views so that we can discuss more on this topic. Thanx a lot.

[sonalisingh]

If I can speak for all girls (I prefer to use the word "Woman"/"Women".... but that aside) we tend to look at individuals rather than broadly categorizing everyone by the same brush.

Jats, just like non-jats, are individual human beings. Each individual is shaped by a lot of factors, primarily among them being the environment and their upbringing.

What is being asked for is what women think of the stereotypical Jat. The stereotypical Jat is the one that has a rural background. That of course is then not a fair question and probably not what was intended by this post.

Most women would want caring, intelligent, fun friends/partners. And there is no shortage of these amongst Jats. Any woman who says that she does not prefer Jats is probably one that has some sort of complex and has grown up amongst non-Jats and has been exposed to too much anti-Jat bias that prevails amongst non-Jats. Its like what happens in America. Second generation desis who have primarily grown up amongst white friends and have been exposed to their biases have complexes about being Indian: about their names, their food, their religion and so on.

But as far as my experience goes....

We love Jats and are proud of them. That is the bottom line.

[sonalisingh]

By the way, may I also add that too many guys seem to think that we are attracted to Jat guys because they are good looking. First of all, Jats do not have some monopply on good looks and secondaly, Jat guys seem to overrate themselves here.

Of course we like guys to look decent. But if you think we are focussed so much on this then you are completely off track. First impressions are nice but thats all they are.

If I can sum it up simply, then what any woman want is a guy who is a friend first and foremost. Someone who does not take us for granted and understands that we are not anyone's property. That is the key to all our locks.

[taruntokas]

thanx to sonali for comin forward with gurls views. i very much agree with the fact that it depends a lot on your upbringing. gurls who are exposed to non-jat environment tend to prefer non-jats to jats may be coz that they find them more carin n affectionate...as jats guys are known to be a bit rough. also educated gals find it difficult to run into marriage with a guy who is not intelluctually or rather i shud say not at par with her education. one of my cousin who is an irs cudnt find a guy of her match and ended up gettin engaged to a non-jat. however its true that a gud educated gal do get into an air n look down upon the lesser educated ones. this may not be universally true but its neither thier fault too....one always expects ones spouse to be atleast somewat compatible to him/her.
neways there is a sayin...."khuda husn deta hai to najaakat aa hi jaati hai"

[sonalisingh]

If there are girls who get airs because they are educated and look down upon anyone, maybe it is better they get married off outside the community. Lucky for the Jat guys ! Who in their right mind would want such a Jat girl anyways ? Education means a lot more then getting degrees. In my opinion such a woman isn't even educated.

Of course, don't blame a woman for seeking an equally qualified match. Doing so has nothing to do with airs...or being a Jat or non-Jat.

[mbamal]

Rajendra Jee,

I guess its time now for some statistics..

[rkumar]

Mandeep Bamal (Jul 12, 2004 12:57 a.m.):
Rajendra Jee,

I guess its time now for some statistics..

hahhaa...I am still waiting some more heated discussion and some more contribution from our lady members..Surely I will put my own views when I don't see much further coming up.

Rajendra

[jagmohan]

Rajendra Ji,

A very interesting and important topic indeed.

I don't claim any expertise in the subject matter being discussed but I was lucky to travel, observe, note and learn. I am also lucky to have been blessed with elder and younger sisters (they taught me to how to respect and be respected), a very understanding and versatile wife (who taught me that if you trust and give your life partner equal opportunity, nothing is impossible), a growing up son and my younger brother's daughter and son (they teach me everyday as to how times are changing and how they want to respected the way they are). I have also been extremely lucky to have had two or three good and understanding girl friends (they have taught me and still continue to lecture me on how crude a JAT I can be sometimes and need to learn to be correct, appropriate and pampering). Well, life dosen't stop teachng you, does it?

What do JAT Girls think of JAT boys? Well it depends on which socio economic group are you talking about. Since most of the boys and girls live in villages and small towns, their 'wants' and 'desires' are different from those who have had the benefit of education in better institutions. The effect of environment on the bringing up of an individual is a vast topic and outside the scope of this discussion. However, there are some universal truths about behavior and inter personal relationships that are time tested and applicable to human beings and animals alike. Without going into too many technicalities, not that I know too many of them, let me point out to few things that any individual would want:-

(a) Respect and recognition as an equal.
(b) The chance to be heard and understood. This is only possible if a girl is allowed to speak in the first place.
(c) Appreciation.
(d) Fair treatment. More applicable for the girl child.
(e) Equal Opportunity to pursue a career.
(f) Girls need to be given that extra bit of care, called 'pampering'.
(g) Equal share in the parental property.

There can be many more and I am sure other members would add to the list.

Now I come to what JAT girls think about JAT boys. Only a JAT girl can answer this. I can only guess:-

(a) If both are in the village: If the girl is found talking to a boy, the rebuke is immediate. And if she talks to a boy from other caste, the punishment depends on which part of the JATLAND is habited by you.

(b) If the girl is from a village and goes to a small or big town nearby to study: Most time is spent on travel and there is hardly any time to think. Girls are likely to be first impressed more by the girls from the town. They then try and ape them and try to feel being like them. They would only come in the contact of JAT boys in the buses or trains. And if anyone has seen the boys behaving in these modes of transport around Delhi, he/she would know what I mean. The boys behave in the most inappropriate manner and put off everyone by their vulgarity of speech and actions. No girl in her senses can like such boys.

(c) Girl and Boy both reside in a town: The girl is exposed to boys from a young age as most schools are co-educational. There is no big deal in talking to boys. But she would like only those who can treat her as an equal and respect her.

(d) Girl is from town and the boy is from a village: Advice to the boy is, don't go near her for she would not recognize you.

(e) Both the girl and boy have been brought up in a metropolis in India: How does it matter whether you are a JAT or not. 'Give me my space man' is the key.

(f) Boy from India and the Girl is an NRI or vice versa: I can't really comment, yet.

The fact of the matter is that a girls would like only those boys or individuals who can give them equal status, respect, care and love. The society today is so overcome by materialistic measures that simple things have lost their relevance. And it is these simple things that have stood the test of time.

A small comment on a point made by a member that "Girls want to be free from any boundation". Which boundation? The 'sanskars' taught by our forefathers and elders still hold value today more than before. There are certain things defined as right and wrong in families, homes, society and community. Is there any escape from those? No, there is none. I keep making this statement again and again: If one is broadminded, he/she should use it on his/her children and not on the parents.

I am sure I would be further educated by other members on this topic.

Regards,

Lt Col JS Malik (Retd)

[bnashier]

Ms. Sonali Singh has written in most clear and succinct sentences:

"Most women would want caring, intelligent, fun friends/partners.
-------what any woman want is a guy who is a friend first and foremost. Someone who does not take us for granted and understands that we are not anyone's property. That is the key to all our locks."

How nice is it to see that these principles are universally applicable to both genders. Hence it is simply befitting to say that

Most women/men would want caring, intelligent, fun friends/partners.
-------what any woman/man wants is a guy/girl who is a friend first and foremost. Someone who does not take the other for granted and understands that we are not anyone's property. That is the key to all our locks.

This is the best gospel folks!

[rksehrawat]

I am of the view that most of the jat girls like boys of their own community except a few who have airs about them. Actually it depends on the upbringing. Some semi-literate jats, especially those in middle-level government jobs and those who have acquired wealth due to sale of their land etc., think of others as 'not so-educated and well-to-do. They suffer from psychological vacuum as they are not accepted at the top and they themselves have left the base, thus hanging in the middle. Interaction with girls of such families must have instigated Rajendraji to start this thread. Anyway, the bottomline is that jat girls too are as good lovers of their culture as jat boys barring a few misguided and over-ambitious ones. Such girls "peehar chhod jati hain aur sasural pahuchati nahin. So let us not waste our time talking about them.

[rkumar]

Hi friends,

Let me add some of my input also now into this post. I will narate some real incidents with as much details as necessary to understand the issue and draw any pattern if possible. Hope you will bear with me if the post becomes somewhat lengthy.

1. In the Jat dominated areas most non jat girls think very poor of most of the Jat boys. The basic root cause as far I could understand for this is because of lack of exposure of Jat boys to mixing with girls and knowing how to behave with balanced head. 99% jat boys in rural India rarely talk to girls other than in their house and those talks are very limited. Result...most rural Jat boys develop many myths about girls and in particular about the educated ones...Outcome is that I have never come across of any non jat city girl from Jat dominated area marrying a Jat boy except one in Shamli. In this case the Jat boy was really handsome by all standards, though less educated than the girl.

2. I have come across the trend of intercaste marriage in some Jat familes who are otherwise very conservative. I know one family from Haryana and there have been incidences in two genrations. In older genration one of the sister married the son of his father's non jat friend and in the second generation the girl from the same married a non jat guy. This girl's father was an army officer at very senior rank. The boy by any standard is neither more educated than the girl nor he is from better family. He is even shorter in height.

3. In another ioncident two sisters of a wealthy farmer got married outside caste. This gentleman lives in a non Jat area and the girls were exposed only to their rural jat relatives and others who were definitely not polished jats by any standards. After marriege neither of these two sisters look so happy. However routine life is going on.I have heard them often regreting , though indirectly..

4. One girl who did her MBBS got married to a Hyderabadi Muslim boy and now finding very hard to manage ...because of social differences.

There are quite a few number of other instances I know og highly plaved women who got involved with their non jat married bosses and remained unmarried after that.

In most of the cases I have seen the girls are fairly sophisticated and rarely identify themselves with typical jats during their formative years. Their parents were mostly rural, except in few cases where they were officers. My reading is that because of our social background some of these girls try to present the typical jat image to jat boys and open up only to non jat boys. There is some hypocracy which finally leeds to this situation. I am not too sure if these relations are driven by true love as I know many of them fairly well and know how their married life is.

What analysis Sonali gave, fits fairly well with what I also think. Also I some how now very strongly beleive that genes have a major role in this. No wonder old people used to talk of Khandan..I am 100% sure it runs in blood to some extent. I am not trying to prove that the girls from other castes are from lower khandan or so..All I am talking is of a trait which some how I find is very much gene dependent..One can certainly trace the history of such behaviour in blood of such people....So to me its to a very large extent bilological in origin..and not just social. I know for sure that none of the jat parents like their daughters marrying non jats, but hardly have any choice when things go out of hands. Its a great loss to to the community loosing educated girls to outsiders...as most of the time its the educated ones who are lost....

Rajendra

[shobhitdeshwal]

Mr. rajendra ji i am also from shamli and probably i also know the couple from shamli u talked about.
(Outcome is that I have never come across of any non jat city girl from Jat dominated area marrying a Jat boy except one in Shamli. In this case the Jat boy was really handsome by all standards, though less educated than the girl.)
Looking forward to more information from you.

regards

Shobhit Deshwal

[singh1981]

Its not a good point that if a jat girl marrying a jat boy then the Jat boy are really handsome........

bahi jaaton mai bahar shadiaan bahut kam hoti hai......to aapas mai to shadi karenge hi...........

baniyon ki ladkiyan bhi baniyon mai shaadi karti hain.........to bhai baniye bhi handsome ho gaye.........

haan if any non-jaat girl marry with a jat boy.....then u can say............

and regarding intercast marriage failure the only reason is uncompatiblity b/w two person........so there is no point of narrating these stories.........

finally.....
I cann't say about the jat boys........but in my personal opinion i found that pandit girls are most beautifull........
Again my personal opinion only.................

shobhit deshwal (Jul 13, 2004 04:00 a.m.):
Mr. rajendra ji i am also from shamli and probably i also know the couple from shamli u talked about.
(Outcome is that I have never come across of any non jat city girl from Jat dominated area marrying a Jat boy except one in Shamli. In this case the Jat boy was really handsome by all standards, though less educated than the girl.)
Looking forward to more information from you.

regards

Shobhit Deshwal

[rkumar]

shobhit deshwal (Jul 13, 2004 04:00 a.m.):
Mr. rajendra ji i am also from shamli and probably i also know the couple from shamli u talked about.
(Outcome is that I have never come across of any non jat city girl from Jat dominated area marrying a Jat boy except one in Shamli. In this case the Jat boy was really handsome by all standards, though less educated than the girl.)
Looking forward to more information from you.

regards

Shobhit Deshwal

Ofcourse you would know as he is from same Gotra as you...hahaha

Rajendra

[jassyjat]

wel discussed topic and i should highly appreciate the efforts putin by members to explain the present situation and problem areas . i would like to add few more points being the most affected party like by other frds who are at the edge of getin married.This world has changed drastically in last two decades so do our community. But i have found out during my studies in pune and work in financial capital of india that jat girls are always on extreme ends either they are maliyka sherawat or goan ki chori. In both cases they dont like jats because of so many reasion explained earlier. There have been so many case of intercaste marriages specially frm educated jat girls side i fail to understand when there is a new trend like seting in our society and we need to take serious note .

with regards

[brainspeak]

the thread says- wht do jat gurls think of jat boys??.....and till now only one female member has come forward with her views and rest of the posts have been by the male members....other female members are also requested to put down sumthing!.......lets hear from the gurls themselves instead of posting our own experiences.....

[danarambeerda]

How Jat girls think of Jat Boys?

The answer is -

They think jat boys are LLB Degree holders.

(LLB Stands for LUCHE, LAFANGE & BEIMAAN)

With Regards

[anujkumar]

2 cent worth:

For those (Jats), for whom it matter how they think about each other, before say marriege, the whole Jat's and non Jat etc thing does not exist.

For those it does, there is no question of "thinking" about each other. It's all set up, ppl.